


Don't Assume

by Nataco



Category: Euphoria (TV 2019)
Genre: College, Cussing, Drug Addiction, F/F, Original Character(s), Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2020-07-19 20:40:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 95,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19980178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nataco/pseuds/Nataco
Summary: Rue's in college and clean and actually doing pretty well. Except for doubting herself, having a roommate from hell, and missing home.There are original characters in this and text threads throughout but yea.(Mature because cussing and eventual college like activities)





	1. Shit Day

Rue had been clean for 3 years 2 days 12 hours and 6 minutes. 3 years with one or two accidents but 3 years of forcing herself to stay clean. She had her 3 year chip tucked into her wallet from yesterday's NA meeting. When she first moved out to the college campus her mom and Ali drilled it into her head that she had to keep going to meetings. At first she was upset angry that they didn't trust her, but they ended up being right. It had been good for her. The small chips made of plastic had been good for her even if they were just that plastic. Plastic that was easy to lose and easy to break but a reminder that she could hold out. Hold out even on the really bad days. 

Rue laid out on the patch of freshly cut grass inhaling the smell of dirt and oxygen. The blades of grass under her hands felt like rubber as her fingertips brushed over them. Her phone rested on her stomach while echoing the sounds of some old timey rock and roll playlist. It had been a shit day as the warm California sun tanned her skin. It had been a bad night that turned into a shit day. 

After NA she came back to her dorm room to the smell of cheap alcohol and sex. It made her stomach want to flip over and end itself. Her roommate knew very little about her and she liked to keep it that way. So she hid her sobriety chips, hid the random care packages from her mom, and always chucked the free small narcan inhalers she kept sending. After febreezing the hell out of the room and opening the window Rue tried to read her literature class book. By tried that meant scrolling through her phone, watching netflix, and checking the time a million times over. She was curled up around her pillow watching some ocean documentary when the dorm room door swung open.

"Oh your here," she heard her less than friendly roommate snide.

"Yep," she stressed without turning her head to stare at the likely drunk af girl.

"Someone sounds judgemental and boring," the girl loudly said.

Rue sighed she just wanted to make it through the year so she could get a solo room and stop dealing with this girls bull shit.

"What a bitch," the girl muttered loud enough for Rue to hear.

That was it. Rue closed her laptop, pushed her phone in her jean pocket, and grabbed her bag sitting in the chair. She could deal without passive aggressive becky and her antics for the night.

"Did I say something wrong," the girl with her frizzy long straightened hair and drunken smile shrugged.

Rue rolled her eyes and walked out the room her id in her wallet and left the room until she knew her roommate would be gone or asleep.

That morning she'd failed an exam, been approached to do a drug and alcoholism survey twice, and the only friend she'd made on campus was "busy". Busy meant they had no intention of hitting her back for a few hours. It was days like this she missed jules. Missed her laugh, her rants, but mainly just her. Sometimes even though she doubted a god existed she prayed for Jules. Rue cut the volume on her phone and tried to steady her breath. In those moments she prayed that something would have her next to her again. Whether it was death, a stroke of luck, or good faith she'd prayed. She knew it was dumb and usually shut her brain off with numbers quickly after. This time though Rue covered her face and swallowed hard. The sun was too much but so were the tears trembling down the sides of her face. 

Rue wiped her tears and sat up there was no use in those tears. She was clean. 3 years. She should be happy, grateful even that she wasn't 6 feet under. Her phone in hand Rue unlocked it. The wallpaper unchanged from months ago when she took some photos at the coastline of the beach. It's a place she wishes she could take Jules or even drag Lexi to. Scrolling to her messages Rue opened up the latest from lexi. It was her holding an inflated 3 and a giant smile. The attached text was cheesy and heartfelt ending with for all the ups and downs. 

Lexi didn't go to school too far from her but it was far enough that they barely saw each other. It had been nice being in the same time zone and region as someone who cared. Lexi always followed up with her when she knew a big sober versary was approaching. Rue scrolled through text from her Mom and Gia's snap story. Gia sent her a snap looking apathetic to whatever class she was in with the caption missing you Rue. She sent back her sister a sad face and pay attention. Facebook notifications from kat and other people she forgot existed on social media were her next venture. God she hated social media. 

The sun beat down on Rues neck and her mother's voice echoed in her head a warning about sunscreen and cancer. Rue un-shrugged her shoulders and pulled her long dense curls into a weird pony bun. Standing up, she pushed a headphone in, slipped her backpack on, and started to look for a shadier spot to sit. After walking the green Rue found a spot tucked under a palm tree with drooping limbs and your basic deciduous tree. She made a note in her mind that she would have to come here more often after class. 45 concrete sidewalk squares from the spot she normally sat. Situating herself in the shade, she pulled her phone out from her oversized hoodie pocket. 

She opened facebook yet again and leaned back on the trunk of the tree. A few new notifications glowed at the top of her screen.

**_Jules Vaughn tagged you in a photo._ **

**_Jules Vaughn tagged you in a status update._ **

**_Jules Vaughn tagged you in a photo._ **

Rue tapped the oldest notification.

It was a photo of them at some highschool party leaning against each other oblivious to the fucked up shit they were both going through. The fucked up stuff they rarely talked about but still had happened to all of them. The caption was simple and caused her to smile. 

_ So proud of this one. _

Rue sighed relief and tapped the second notification.

Her eyes went wide.

_ Waiting for her 🙃. _

It was surely 6 oclock in New York and jules always had plans. Whether it was 8am or 12pm fashion school and new York in general kept her busy as fuck. Rue tried to remember if they'd made skype plans or even plans to call but nothing came up. She tapped her head because sometimes her stupid brain cells wouldn't work. Maybe it'd been all the molly or the drugs in general catching up. Switching off do not disturb her imessage notification started to blow up. *Ding ding ding ding* 

Rue groaned out loud fuck. For the past 15 minutes jules had been trying to get her. And trying to schedule a phone call with her best friend was damn near insulting these days. Instead of texting back she opted for the easiest and swiped facetime. She made sure both headphones were in while the screen chimed. After a few rings the phone answered into pitch blackness.

"Uh jules." Rue said with her brow raised.

A quiet Jules murmured, "Hi."

"You okay," the screen stays dark, it was silent again. Rue tapped her head back against the tree. How did she ever expect for this long distance friendship thing or whatever to work. It started last time Jules, Kat, and Lexi visited her. They went to some party at Lexi's sister sorority house because everyone wanted to and Rue still had that issue of saying no to her friends. It ended with a drunk Kat, a rare drunk Lexi, and a sober makeout session on a couch between her and Jules. That kiss started as a way to get some creep to stop hitting on Jules but lasted for a painstaking amount of time. With Rue gripping Jules thigh and Jules slipping her tongue over and over. That night they'd laid in Rue's bed all night trying to stay quiet with what was going on under the sheets while their friends slept a few feet away.

"Stop doing that Rue it's no big deal," Jules lamented. Jules sounded calm and not pissed off at all. Rue closed her eyes because it really wasn't "no big deal" that she'd kept her waiting or that her day had turned to hell. All she wanted to do was bribe some tequila off some frat bro and drink until she passed out in bed, but telling jules would only stress her out.

"I miss you," Rue bit the inside of her lip to stop the looming crack in her voice. She looked at the black screen and felt hopeless when nothing was said back. 

"Jules, you there." Silence. Fuck she whispered. Jules was likely asleep and Rue hung her head she'd wasted it wasted what little time they had. She felt her chest get tight and the voice in her throat trembled. Rue held the phone in one hand and flipped her hoodie up to sit in her sadness. If she couldn't have Jules virtually she could cry into the dark abyss while listening to her sleep. Which was not creepy at all she thought.

The screen suddenly got bright and Rue could see Jules clear as day. She was wearing a pink and white tiedye wrap dress with a matching beret. Hats had been her latest accessory jump from small backpacks. Rue was so excited all she could do was lean towards the screen and try not to burst into tears then. Jules was mouthing words,but Rue could not hear. She tried to read her lips and squinted further but she could not read lips. All she wanted to do was to hear Jules's voice and of course her phone decided to crap out she thought. She sighed heavily and slumped back, at least she could look at her in all wild fashion obsessed self.

"I said why the fuck are you sitting looking so sad Rue Bennett," Jules's voice came through clearly with an image of a pouting Jules.

Rue smiled at the screen. "Uh nothing," she shrugged. Jules grinned and then the frame froze with the words trying to reconnect. The screen flashed call dropped and Rue pulled her knees up to her head. Of course. She rested her head there accepting defeat for a bit before she would try to call her back later.

She felt fingers on her face and her right headphone is pulled out quickly with a pop. As she was about to swing and yell hey, a kiss stopped her. It took her a second to register the action, then the smell, the taste and her eyes finally put two and two together. Pulling back she yelled, "What the hell Jules." 

Her hands were holding Jules by the shoulders. Her eyes soaked in everything as they started to water. Her hair was longer than before, a small amount of pale pastel purple was fading from the tips, and large sunglasses framed her face but it was no mistake Jules. Jules smiled and took her sunnies off. "You looked sad," she said plainly as she pulled Rue back into her arms, letting her body wrap around Rue as she scooted into the hug further.

"I missed you too," she chuckled.

Rue let her head rest on Jules shoulder while her arms held her close. Was she dreaming she thought but breathing in she knew this was no dream. It was real and Jules was there with her almost halfway in her lap hugging her back.

"Before you ask I'm here for my internship, no i did not drop out to come save you, and no you can't hate me, jules exclaimed.

Rue smiled because Jules knew her like she knew every piece of Jeremy Scott's fall line. She knew rue was always worried about leaning too much or pulling jules from her normalcy to deal with her. Highschool made her realize that doing so would spell the end of their friendship. It almost had meant the end amongst other things. 

They were still wrapped in a hug when Rue pulled Jules back against the tree and let her relax without being completely restrained. They started talking about Jules internship, how long she'd be around (a week), and where she was staying. (After a nudge it was decided she'd sleep at Rue's dorm despite Jules school mates having a shared hotel room.)

Jules was texting on her phone leaned against Rue while she finished that book she was supposed to last night. 

Some time passes and Rues phone glows brightly on in her hand she only pulled it back out to dismiss the text messages and put it back down. A notification dropped from the top with  **Makenna G. "Ho call me back."** Rue laughed before flipping her phone back over. Jules looked at her and hummed a quiet uh huh.

"What," Rue said trying not to seem suspicious.

"Who is she," Jules's voice was normal but she kept typing on her phone. Rue glanced at the top of the screen and bit the inside of her lip. How was she going to explain this one.

"She's no one," Rue shrugged pretending to look at her book. Glancing again she saw the name at the top of the thread. Kat 🐱. Jules stayed relaxed into Rue's side and chuckled. It was low and sarcastic and Rue hated that small sense of irritation it sent to her core.

"Rue, don't lie to me," Jules rolled her eyes and texted Kat back. Rue looked at the screen again.

**(Typing bubble)**

**Kat: wait what does that mean?**

**Jules: my guess is as good as yours.**

**Kat: so she has a girlfriend.**

Rue bit her lip again and shrugged, "She's not my girlfriend or anything like that, she's just a friend." 

Jules was silently pulling the lint off of Rue's hoodie with her hand in her lap. She stopped and was typing with both hands now.

"So like a new friend or an old one? " Jules responds with a question. Shifting her weight away from Rue lightly while waiting for an answer. Rue felt the shift and started rubbing Jules's forearm hoping it would reassure her. She didn't pull away. Reassure her that she could handle the bit of weight on her side and that she was telling the truth. Reassure her that there was no one else in the world she looked at, touched, or thought of like she did Jules.

**Jules: she says she's just a friend.**

**Kat: wow.**

Rue sighed she really wished they could just drop the topic altogether. She whispers to Jules, "Jules you know I'd tell you if I was seeing someone right."

**Kat: you know what you gotta do.**

**Jules: here she goes with telling me it's nothing.**

**Jules: What?!?!?!**

"I'd never lie to you Jules i promise...and a newish friend," Rue says aimlessly. Trying not to sound too obvious that she was hiding something. Rue quickly diverts her eyes to her book as Jules moves to look her in the face. Rue flips a page that she wasn't reading anyway to not seem suspicious. She raises a brow and returns Jules gaze before she turns back around. Rue can practically feel the air in her chest leave her body. Jules tucks herself back into Rue's side and goes quiet again. Rue can see the color of the sun changing past her open book and looks back down to her right.

**Kat: you gotta pee on your territory.**

**Jules: ew I'm not an animal 😆**

**Jules: also i can't get jealous.**

**Jules: but, she is lying.**

Rues phone starts buzzing and some country melody starts blaring. Rue groans internally as she flips it over to see the screen. Makenna glows across the screen in green. A picture of Kenna with her curly locks covering her face takes up the full screen.

Fuck she thinks to herself, looking to her right Jules is now wrapped in whatever shes watching on her phone. Rue can swear Jules had caught a glimpse of the girl on her screen but she hadn't moved. What impeccable timing Kenna had. She taps the green accept icon and holds the phone to her ear opposite Jules.

"Hey," she hums into the phone trying to not sound hurt or pissed off.

"Sorry about earlier i was busy. You know how it is," Kenna's voice was out of breath but vibrant.

"Yea, it's cool i just got in my head is all. Today didn't start off that great," Rue shifted her jaw. She was trying not to sound like she was on cloud nine right now but it was hard. Jules was next to her, in her arm, and had made her day go from 0 to 1000 in a few seconds flat. Rue was damned if anyone was going to get in the way of that.

"So were you at the gym? I almost stopped past after class," Rue questioned and pretended to listen to the highly elaborate story. It was always stories with this girl Rue thought. Tuning out she gazed at Jules who was back to her imessage app.

**Kat: Is it a girl?**

**Jules:....yea**

**Kat: You think it's her.**

**Jules: She's pretty.**

Rue groaned into the phone quietly.

"What?," Makenna stopped her story to wonder the reaction. That was louder than she intended to be, she just knew this could be very bad even though Kat and Jules both had the wrong idea. Well kind of the wrong idea. Still it hurt to think that Jules was probably second guessing the trip now. Rue looked away from the screen feeling a warm stare to her side coming.

"Nothing Makenna, you can keep going," Rue glued her eyes to a blurry sign in the distance. 

Makenna went back to her story quickly ignoring or not caring about anything Rue could or could not interject into the conversation. It was always like this. Always her talking over Rue but, she was the only person who also attended anonymous meetings on that campus that she wasn't a fuckboy or a dick. So Rue let her talk, because she wasn't much of a talker anyhow. When she did need Kenna to be quiet though or to dump her own frustrations out into the world that was an easy fix. Rue had become quite dexterous with her talents since they first became friends. 

The first time was an honest accident loose lips equating to loose legs or thighs but it was good and as far as Rue knew she was single at that point. Rue was grateful to just have a friend who understood her addiction and didn't coddle her or ignore her behavior. The sex and the sometimes use of her car was an added bonus. Rue looked back at Jules who was completely engulfed in her conversation with Kat and from what Rue could see now Lexi. "Fuck," Rue thought trying to catch some of Kenna's voice warbling out. Jules fingers moved faster and more erratic across the screen. Fuck Rue thought again a sick feeling took over her stomach. She glanced at the screen that Jules was far from hiding at this point. 

**Lexi: Wait what?**

**Kat: Has Rue ever mentioned a Makenna or a Kenna to you?**

**Lexi: No. Shit Jules are you okay?**

**Jules: I don't care.**

**Kat: No she's not.**

**Jules: Shut up kat. Rue is not my girlfriend. Not even close.**

**Lexi: Okay so we all know that's a lie.**

**Lexi: Jules just talk to her. There's gotta be a reason she didn't say anything.**

**Kat: Maybe she's a professor.**

Rue laughed internally. Jules couldn't be jealous about this right.

**Jules: or a bitch.**

Rue kicked her internal self, corrected.

**Lexi: I might be crazy for saying this but, you gotta react Jules.**

**Kat: Yasss Lex. I said the SAME thing.**

**Jules: 😆 ok liar**

**Kat: I'm just blunt.**

**Lexi: Do i even want to ask what you suggested?**

**Jules: Nope.**

**Kat: I told her she needs to fuck R. And not some secret under the cover bs.**

**Lexi: Oh by the way that people could hear. No one snores like they are moaning. Rue never snored when she slept over as kids and it wasn't Kat.**

**Kat: wow shade**

Rue's face was warm and her entire body. It was one thing to be covered in a baggy warm hoodie in the middle of fall but this conversation was not meant for her ears. The one on the phone was just Kenna going on about the boy she deemed her latest gym toy. That was normal but then the one Jules was having was about her. That could have been good or bad. Her thoughts went to everything impure that night and she cleared her throat loudly. Jules ignored her and so did MaKenna. Thank God said to herself.

**Lexi: Like a tree 🌴**

**Kat: Do it for Rue, Jules. And by do i mean catch some.**

**Jules: Hunger games? Really?**

**Lexi: I agree with Kat.**

Rue was shocked her jaw almost hit the floor. These three were really conspiring against,well actually for, her benefit. She was even more shocked when the shifting daylight gave away that she was staring at the now reflective screen of glass. Jules saw her shocked reflection in the glass and squinted hard.

Jules turned to face Rue and she tried to turn her head quickly. Shit no, she just got here, Rue could only decide she already managed to fuck the week beforr it even.started. It really was only Monday. In her left ear MaKenna's voice asked a question which she picked up on. 

"So what did you do since you couldn't get to me?," she asked with a voice like an ashtray full of syrup. Rue went to answer but her jaw was caught in between Jules fingers. Her eyes went wide when she turned to look at her blonde best friend. She feared the rightful anger she would see from Jules for being so dumb for the past half an hour or so. Yet, when Jules turned her face to look at her she did the very opposite. Jules pushed their lips together and Rue lost her train of thought. Jules was kissing her hard and heavy before pulling away she moaned into Rues mouth with delight, "mmmm."

Rue felt her gums salivate as Jules went back to texting their friends. In her ear she heard Makenna calling her name. "Shit, sorry Kenna. Um so...." Rue stalled. Jules had straightened up and was tucking her head face onto Jules shoulder. Rue felt her breathing there steadily knowing Jules eyes were likely closed. 

"Nothing Kenna i just, I walked around campus. I didn't...yaknow, do anything else. Failed that exam and then tried to finish that Lit book we have to finish." Jules's hand started to push her phone into Rue's lap before resting there. Rue looks at the screen confused before hearing Jules get close to her and whisper, "read."

**Kat: I am your friend Jules so I'm just going to say it.**

**Lexi: Oh shit.**

**Jules: What now?**

**Kat: Stop dicking around with Rue.**

**Jules: I'm not**

**Lexi: 🤔.....🚶‍♀️🚶‍♀️🚶‍♀️**

**Kat: 😑🙄**

**Jules: whatever.**

**Lexi: Don't hurt her again.**

**Kat: Before this conversation goes down that road 🙄. I'm just saying. Look.**

Rue tapped the image that was a screen shot of Makenna's instagram profile. Damn these girls were fast, also a part of her always knew that Jules never made a big deal of them. It was fun and whatever happened happened, but she swore the girl had no clue how lovesick she’s always been for the past few years.

**Lexi: *a gif of katniss from hunger games***

Rue hears Kenna start to go off on a tangent about "taking time to find your true self and step 11 prayer and meditation". Rue rolls her eyes and starts reading again. Sometimes Kenna sounded like a sponsor and a bad influence at the same time.

**Lexi: She is gorgeous. Maybe i need to visit again soon.**

**Jules: Wow. Fuck.**

**Kat: Fuck who? Cause she's pretty but she's no Jules Vaughn.**

**Lexi: True, Jules you better do something to Rue before someone else does. 😂**

**Kat: 😝**

**Jules: wow i hate both of you.**

Jules had sent a picture of Rue on the phone looking annoyed and Jules rolling her eyes to the group chat.

**Lexi: Why does she look so annoyed.**

**Kat: Omg Rue's hair got so long. She never posts on instagram or anything really to be honest ever.**

**Lexi: She just values privacy unlike some people.**

**Kat: It was one time. Jules you better distract her.**

**Lexi: Uh oh she's dormant.**

**Kat: 🙏🙏👀**

Makenna is still going and the golden glow is turning into an orange and pink slowly. Rue moves to keep the sun from hitting her eyes. She leans her head to side slipping on Jules shades that are in her lap. Jules is silent, Rue wonders if she fell asleep because that flight is seriously no joke. She mumbles uh huh to keep Makenna going just so she can keep reading. She can feel the little beads of sweat on her brow and prays her neck isn't doing the same.

**Jules: I missed her.**

**Kat: Ew.**

**Lexi: Awwww #RULES**

**Jules: Sorry kissed her. #REXI**

**Kat: Yeow i see you but why are you still texting us.**

**Lexi: ❤**

**Jules: Kenna.**

Rue feels a warmth slide up the side of her neck and goosebumps follow. It happens again slower this time, and her heart is beating almost as fast as last week. Last week when she had a panic attack in the shower but this feels so much better. It's like fear and adrenaline mixed together. She leans a bit to give Jules more room and feels her tongue drag up and down once more before kissing the lobe of her ear.

Jules rasps, "Salty keep reading," before going back to kissing Jules neck lightly. All Rue can do is nod and scrolls back to the convo in her hand.

**Lexi: Damn**

**Kat: Do something?**

**Lexi: ^^^^^**

**Jules: I am but i bet you 5 bucks i can get her to text you back before i do.**

**Lexi: A gamble that i know you are going to win, I'm good.**

**Kat: We don't know that, she could chicken out again.**

Rue finally hears Kenna chuckle and respond back to the original conversation. Rue sighed relief audibly, " Figures you weren't listening." Makenna says while yawning, "What else did you do? Wait did you eat. Caf in 10."

Rue sighs again this time loudly as Jules is sucking and kissing on her pulse point. Gripping one phone to her ear and one in her lap she feels her breath hitch in her throat. Jules has her head tipped to the side and she can feel the tenderness of freshly bruised skin every time she moves her mouth. Rue groans into her phone when Jules sinks her teeth into the spot near her shoulder.

"Fuck," she moans quietly.

"Uh, Rue," Makenna sounds creeped out/turned on, and Rue is aware that she just moaned a bit too sexually into the ear of her NA buddy. 

Jules bites down again dragging her tongue across the spot when she's finished. "Juless," Rue whimpers hoping that Jules will shut her up with a kiss or something.

"Omg Rue are you masturbating while i called...and to Jules? Ew your gross." Makenna is half laughing and half yelling into the phone.

"Shit no Kenna. Fuck, she's here she suprised me and." Rue gets cut off by Jules lips and the light tug of her own tongue by Jules's teeth. She can't help but whimper at the loss of heat. 

"I am hanging up now, enjoyyyy that." Makenna whines byeeee and the call ends. Rue is trying to comprehend what had just happened but Jules is already standing and brushing the grass off of her dress. She's pulling her hair up into a ponytail while Rue gazes at her in awe.

"You gonna answer that text message," Jules asks nonchalantly as if she didn't just tease the hell out of Rue. Rue's brain is screaming sex and shes about to say fuck campus policy but, being reminded of the looming conversation she stands up. While shoving her book into her bag she pockets her own phone and finishes reading the convo on Jules's.

**Kat: Lexi she's been gone for a while. Thats not just my imagination.**

**Cassie: Wait, what did I miss?**

**Lexi: You are going to lose 5 bucks, i hope you have some nudes saved for selling. Cass call me I'll fill you in.**

**Kat: Ha shut up.**

**Lexi: Maybe the cat's got her tongue. 😉**

**Kat: Hopefully.**

Rue grins at the last message and starts walking with Jules towards the direction of her dorm building. She feels Jules fingers aimlessly find hers while she looks around as they walk. Her chest feels warm and she bites her lip looking over at her unsuspecting best friend. She responds back the group chat before pocketing the glitter galaxy encased phone.

**Jules: Don't worry it's about to be 😻 - Rue**

**Kat: Ohhhh shit**

**Lexi: *dead***

**Cassie: um, what.**


	2. Old Thang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slight smut in the beginning but the scene after the last and the beginning of the next day. Imma keep writing this till i run out of steam.

“Fuck,” Jules moaned as her hips rose off of the small mattress and her hands splayed against rues shoulders. A dull thud banged on the wall several times but she couldn’t stop mulling curse words and Rues name over and over in her mouth. It was obvious Rue didn’t care because she kept going until Jules legs started to shake and she only got louder. As she felt herself free fall over the edge she moaned loudly Rue's name over and over. There was a loud knock this time on the door and Rue rolls her eyes as she inches herself upward to kiss Jules. Jules sighs lightly as her moans are quieted by lips and her orgasm lulls. Her breathe still ragged as Rue kisses her lightly.

“I can taste me on you,” Rue hummed into a Jules’s mouth. She kisses her again and Jules wrapped her leg that was hanging off the bed around Rues waist. This bed was barely big enough for one of them let alone both of them. It was like having sex on some new drug that hadn’t been invented yet but, it actually felt good Rue thought. And it tasted good too. She wasn’t sure if it was because they both had just gone down on one another several times but they both couldn’t really stop kissing. Rue swallowed Jules lusty giggles and reveled in how perfect this felt. The room was a blue cast as the sun set into the coast. Everything felt right.

“We taste good baby,” Jules moaned into Rues kiss. Baby, Jules could swear she saw the hearts in Rue's eyes as the word sent jolts straight from Rue's heart to her mind. Jules felt the chemistry that was lingering start to bubble again and slid her hand from in between the two of them. Dragging a thumb across Rues stomach lightly before holding her face for another steady kiss. Rue laid flat on top of her but didn’t move her hips to push for any other friction. Rue lowered her gaze and Jules knew something was off. “Babe, what’s wrong,” she hummed kissing Rues cheek. 

Rue breathes out heavy. She wishes that the whole crying like a baby at the drop of a hat ended in high school. When she was sad, tears, and when she was happy, tears. Nothing but tears. She smiled and kissed Jules again this one soft and quick, “Nothing, just glad you’re here.” There is a knock on the door and the pin pad chimes causing them both to quickly pull the blankets falling off the bed up higher but the code fails and they wait in silence for a few seconds. Jules looks at Rue with a face that says  _ um what the fuck do we do because we are 5 centimeters from pushing past foreplay again and I have no intention of stopping. _ Rue has a menacing grin and Jules feels her heart skip. Rue kisses Jules collarbone all while pushing her sheet down enough just to keep their bottom halves and Jules dangling feet partially covered. 

“Maybe we should…,” Jules hears herself moan lightly before she can stop the movement of Rues hips. There’s no sign of anyone attempting to come in again so Jules let’s Rue continue. If she didn’t care why should she. Rue is panting and whimpering Jules’s name into her ear a strew of fuck don’t stop passing between them. Rue hears the door handle jiggle and the pin pad being pressed but has no intention of stopping. Was this wrong to have Jules in the middle of whatever pissing match that her roommate and her had, yes, but she also knew Jules was usually game for some revenge. As the code is finished and a buzz sounds, Rue feels Jules pull her closer and she lets out her own stifled moans. “Jules i’m so close,”she moans into her ear shakily.

Jules glances towards the door quickly but looks her in the eyes and says with a reassuring nod, “cum for me.” Rue feels her body course as she slowly collapses onto Jules her own voice sounds foreign to her. The last time she came like this had to be the first time she ever found her hands wandering in her own pants. Jules was trying but doing a terrible job of shutting her up with kisses as the door swung open and flooded the room with artificial light. 

“Oh wow, someone texted me saying someone was making a hell of a lot of noise in here. I thought it was an intruder.” Rues roommate strolls in the room flicking on the overhead light. Rue pulls the sheet back over them quickly and shields both of their vision. Jules looks up at Rue and mouths “what the fuck.” Rue just shakes her head and whispers, “don’t.” Rue knew Jules had a knack for pressing buttons at the wrong times especially with rude people who had no empathy. Jules gave her the look before clearing her throat. 

“Hey, you can come in and grab this binder, Rue is just in here with some chick.” There was and emphasis on chick that made it seem like Rue just had random women in and out of her bed. Which was a lie and luckily Jules knew that. Despite the thing with Kenna Rue was pretty open about not wanting to turn into Nomi from grownish. She only winced because of course there was someone else coming in her room while she was very naked on top of her very naked guest. “Just kidding I’m gone for the rest of the night.” Rue mentally flipped this girl the finger over and over again. She heard the girl stop at the door like she was thinking of something more fucked to say. “Oh make sure you hide your narcan better next time you leave,” her roommate snided before leaving the room without turning the light off. Rue felt Jules move to lunge off of the bed and likely beat the hell out of the demon she lived with. She laid on her until she was sure the girl was far gone. Her heart was somewhere else sinking to the bottom of her stomach.

“I’ll fight her if you want,” Jules said as Rue climbed off of her and walked over to a small sad dresser. God she needed to take her girl thrifting, she thought. Rue rifled through the folded stack of her shirts before passing Jules one and slipping one over her own head. Jules smiled as she pulled the oversized shirt that smelled like Rue over her head. That smile fell when Rue finally responded.

Rue shrugged, “Not worth it,” before pulling on a pair of loose gym shorts from off of her desk. “Shower?”

“What do you mean, “not worth it”,” Jules air quoted as she spoke and flicked on Rues desk lamp. She watched Rue shut off the giant light and move back to the bottom of the small dresser, her face obscured by the end of the bed. She didn’t say anything. “Uh, Rue, I asked you a question,” Jules said sternly before sliding out of the bed and looking for the underwear she’d discarded on Rues bed. She heard Rue mumble something to herself but kept looking until she found what she was looking for. 

Rue was pulling out an extra towel thinking of a way to answer this honestly without Jules giving her a look that said she was going to smack her. It was a look her mom, Ali, Gia, Lexi and practicality everyone gave her when she brought up not feeling like she’d done enough. She was still Rue who almost died that one summer, Rue who still owed Ashtray over 700 dollars, and she was still an addict. A recovering one, a clean one, but an addict. “Jules, I just wanna finish with this year, in this dorm, without my g..best friend killing my roommate,” she said. Rue watched a now semi nude Jules get off of her bed and take the towel from her hand. The RA on her floor knew about her issues and he never made a big deal of it so Rue was inclined to stay put, also the less of her people knew, the better and room changes were fast news around here.

“Okay,” Jules said kissing Rue's jaw, “Shower.” She watched Rue grab her things and internally had to stop herself from hugging her tightly from behind . Rue must forget she thought, she knew her well enough to know that Rue felt like a disappointment to everyone despite being anything but that. Sure people were worried, but they were all really proud of Rue. Jules started to follow Rue as she opened the door to the hallway. She just really hoped she’d be there the day that Rue finally realized that.

**********************************

The next morning Jules woke up to Rue's body nuzzled against hers and dense curls under her chin. She just laid there enjoying the warmth of everything, knowing it was far too early and the jet lag was what woke her. The sky was barely showing any signs of the sun rising from the cracked open window. Good, she thought, it meant she had a few hours before she’d have to leave Rue and join the rest of the group from FIT for the day. Rue was fast asleep and when Jules moved to grab her phone off of her charger, she felt Rue grasp a bit tighter to her before Jules relaxed back into the position she lied in before. “I’m not leaving you Rue”, Jules whispered under her breath and Rue must of heard because she settled back into her sleep again. Quietly Jules unlocked her phone and turned down the brightness before checking the time. 5:30 am PST, if only she could just get a few more hours of sleep she thought. She scrolled through all of her notifications quickly before tapping the imessage icon.

**NYC Gang**

**Olive: when is Jules coming back.**

**Jarl: when she feels like it.**

**Tom: she said she’d be back before we leave for the fitting.**

**Olive: what time is that again.**

**Jarl: well I texted her a few times but she didn’t respond.**

**Tom: yea she said something about staying with a friend.**

Jules exited the conversation, they would see her when they saw her. They all knew where to be and what time to be there and she would be there. She scrolled to text her dad back that she made it to Rues school safe and then to her flourishing group chat with Kat Lexi and Cassie. She sighed and rolled her eyes at the bright red 60+ next to the thread. She was curious but there was no way she was reading all of that in one sitting. She scrolled to the bottom hoping to pick up the conversation.

**Cassie: now that I know the anticipation is killing me**

**Lexi: -_- anyway**

**Kat: it's been so long i hope they haven’t died**

**Kat: who even goes dormant for over what 12 hours**

**Lexi: I mean at least she snapped her and Rue watching anime right so they can’t be dead**

**Cassie: what if it’s a serial killer**

**Kat: are you smoking crack?**

**Cassie: I’m just saying.**

Jules considered not saying anything but knew they'd all see that she'd read the messages. So she thought of something quick before setting an alarm for 7 and setting her phone down

**Jules: I’m alive.**

With her phone down she wrapped her arms around Rue and held her close,before closing her eyes. As she fell asleep she was internally hoping her or Rue's alarm would wake them both up in time.

******************************

Rue slid into their booth with her french toast sticks and juice in hand. She shrugged her bag into the seat and looked down at her food. She was hopelessly trying to avoid eye contact with Kenna who was reading their class Lit book and drinking whatever green smoothie she had in her travel mug. McKenna had her brow raised and dropped the book on the table resting her chin on her own fist. 

Rue noted she was dressed in some basic work out spandex and her curly hair pulled in a ponytail on her head. Her track jacket likely tucked under her to keep as she said "her ass from being so hot it'll melt the bench". When Rue walked into the dining hall she noticed Kenna sitting in their daily spot but figured it would be best to grab food before the imminent interrogation. She had left her on read the entirety of yesterday afternoon, night, and this morning.

Rue awkwardly placed a french toast stick globbed in syrup in her mouth and waved to Kenna from across the table. Kenna stayed silent and stared Rue down like she was looking for something. Her lips pursed into a smirk. 

"So how was your "gym" workout this morning," Rue asked. She knew if Kenna started talking about herself it would get her out of this conversation. 

"Not gonna work this time buddy," Kenna said calmly.

So much for that she thought, she watched McKenna's face go from annoyed to playful and her hand reached out to move Rue's hair. Her damn near perfect grin looked curious. She pulled the slightly matted curls to the side and looked at the multiple blotchy red marks that formed overnight on the side of her usually unblemished neck. Rue swatted Kenna's painted nails out her hair and pulled her hair back down.

"I think I should be asking you how your workout went," Kenna laughed way too loud for 9am and forked a piece of cantaloupe from her bowl in her mouth. How she could eat so healthily was a mystery to Rue and she finished another golden ooze covered french toast stick. She also rolled her eyes at the comment. Kenna sipped her drink before continuing. "So, she, the infamous Jules, exists and it seems she tore your neck apart like a kit kat bar. So spill or i get you to."

Kenna looked goofy but Rue watched her purse her lips as she sipped from her travel mug again. She swallowed some juice and let out a refreshing ahhh. Rue internally gagged, that green concoction tasted like ass, not that she'd ever done that. But, it tasted rancid and yet Kenna drank it every damn morning before her daily intake of

"Kenna who never wants to shut up, has an interest and its my sex life, wow." Rue joked.

"Spill the tea," Kenna said smiling because she knew it wasn't wrong.

Rue rolled her eyes and glanced at her phone on the table. She cracked a smile, "Jules is real I've said this a million times and," she exhaled, "well she is kind of perfect."

Kenna's jaw shifted but she kept grinning, “That's it, you must forget who your bestfriend is. I said details not omg im so in love tales. Was it good? I mean it must have been the way you dropped off the face of the planet and returned covered in hickies. Also your face looks like you are in utter bliss despite this little Lit exam in 20." Kenna fake gasped when Rue threw a balled up napkin at her.

Rue shrugged. Kenna was not budging not in the slightest with her body anticipating a response. Rue gave her a face that said, please don't overreact, she uncovered the side of her neck Kenna hadn't seen. The mark on that side was more deliberate and despite it being less than an hour fresh it had bruised immediately. Jules left it when Rue may or may not have mentioned she usually met for breakfast with Makenna earlier. Jules acted unbothered as usual but while they were both packing up and getting ready to head outside for the uber Jules held her throat and left the mark there. It made Rue warm as she rubbed the bruise but it also worried her. Even the sex before hand was a bit territorial which she actually liked more than she expected but it also meant Jules felt some type of way.

"Let's just say I'm gonna have my hair down for a while." She laughed and Kenna give her a proud head nod and a shoulder shimmy, before picking back up her book to finish the last page. 

Hopefully that would be the last of the questions for a little bit. Rue's phone glowed on the table and when she saw who it was she did her own shimmy, in her head.

**Jules: Made it. Had to get ready to go before we headed out 💘.**

**Rue: Cool. Have fun today, you coming over later 👿?**

**Jules : Duh, also thanks for hiding these.**

Rue tapped the first hidden picture attached to the message and bit her lip hard. It was a photo of Jules posing with her bare back turned in front of a foggy mirror with light blue sunlight filtering in from a hotel window. She swiped right and another photo but zoomed in on the light bite marks she'd left on Jules that couldn't ruin any of her outfits or her professionalism. The marks that she left when somewhere along the way that had a reddish tint to them now.

........

Jules glanced down at her phone while she sat next to Olive in the Uber XL they were all sharing. The California sun reflecting off her blue eyes as she watched cars zip past the van she was in on the freeway. People really did drive different out here, but there was no traffic which was a real miracle. Her phone buzzed twice lightly in her hand bringing her back from the outside.

**Rue: Did my heart love till now ? Forswear it sight! For I ne'er saw true beauty till this sight.**

Jules touched her fingers to her lips trying to think up an exact quote before typing. Olive gave her a look from the side and mouthed, blushing much, but bumped her shoulder jokingly. The words finally forming out she typed them and hit send.

**Jules: I gave thee mine before thou didst request it, And yet I would it were to give again.**

**Rue: Headed to class now with Kenna.**

**Rue: She says hi.**

Sigh Kenna, Jules rolled her eyes. It wasn’t like she was jealous or anything, well maybe a bit, but she was nervous. Nervous because she didn’t really trust anyone friend or “friend” to not fuck up Rue’s life or her heart. Not even herself, and Rue had been doing so well for so long. Well enough without her, or anyone else, around to police her or hold her back. And, her and Rue’s friendship, relationship, everything had always been complicated and she really wanted it to be good for a while. Good for both of them.

**Jules: Tell her I said hiii. I'll text you later romeo ❤.**

**Rue: Farewell thine juliet. ❤**

**Jules: minus poison and death**

**Rue: minus death**

Another message notification came across the front of her screen and she smiled before tapping it. The girls were back at it again and she had to respond to the tea they had been spilling since she’d been able to text without multi-tasking.

**Kat: 🏊♀️🏊♀️🏊♀️ someone was too busy swimming all night to let us know she hadn't died**

**Cassie: 👀**

**Lexi: I, for one, was never worried that she died.**

**Jules: All we did was watch Precure, cuddle, eat pizza, and kiss. A lot.**

**Lexi: That's sweet, even if it is a let down.**

**Kat: #dissapointed**

**Jules: I mean my tongue is tired as hell and I looked like a baby deer this morning hopping in the uber. If y’all really wanna know all thatt.**

**Kat: Sis.**

**Lexi: And i oop.**

**Jules: After several rounds and then one this morning. My body is sore.**

**Kat: *celebrate gif***

**Lexi: 👏👏👏👏**

**Cassie: 👏 also, that is completely normal when getting back into physical activity at your age.**

**Jules: 😑 it's not even been that long. Also Cassie aren't you a whole year older than me.**

**Cassie: And yet, i still workout twice sometimes 4 times a week.**

**Lexi: No wonder….**

**Jules: My cue to leave. Work time, bye love you guys.**

  
She quickly left before she was in the middle of that shit storm also the van was approaching their destination soon. When she thought about it, it had only been somewhere around two months since she'd done anything past third base. But, she had done some things, another reason she really couldn’t fault Rue for what she wasn’t telling her. Secrets weren’t always so bad right. So she wasn't unaware of what sex felt like any variant of it but, with Rue it felt different. Rue felt like her body was stitching itself back together after collapsing in on itself. That wasn’t just the sex though it was everything, being close and talking face to face. It was almost easy how they slipped right into a rhythm after months and months apart. Jules put her bag over her shoulder as the car rolled up to a large warehouse looking building. She gave Olive an  _ I'll fill you in later _ wink and the group of sophomores and juniors shuffled out of the car. Their professor was chatting with the who looked like the head of PR and one of the Head designers team members corralled the students. This was not new for any of them and they all filed into the areas they were needed and listened for what was being shot that day. Jules and the other FIT students were ready to assist whatever stylists or MUA they had been paired with for the day and Jules put her phone on silent for that exact reason.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wanted to upload this before the finale tomorrow. I hope you guys enjoy this and enjoy your watch of the final episode of the season. Also if you have any tips for what you wanna see next chapter (its already like a third done) let me know.


	3. Hate CD

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jules meets Kenna and Rue has competition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is mad long, i had to stop myself from writing because this could have gone on much longer

Rue walks to the front of the classroom and sets her test on the desk. Her professor nods at her and she beelines for the door. She pulls out her phone and text McKenna to find out where she went. Neither of them had class for the next half hour, so she figured she'd spend some time with her. Time that involved just the two of them and Kenna catching her up on whatever fuck boy she was with now. 

Despite not wanting anything past friends with benefits with Kenna, Rue didn't want her to think she'd abandoned the friend part of things. Tomorrow she'd be m.i.a or more so "busy" all day. She didn't have class and Jules only had a small mandatory class meeting thing in the morning. The plan was to spend the day doing whatever Jules wanted to. Kenna had texted her to meet her in the lobby and she was making her way there. While walking towards the crooked wooden door to the lobby she noticed a kid she kind of knew wave and she nodded slowly. By kind of, she only saw him around campus sometimes and he always looked slightly on edge. On edge like something was chasing him that he couldn't outrun. Rue thought maybe that was what made him stand out to her. They both were in a race against time and the seconds were never ending. A race from what or who she really didn't know, she had tried to find out a few times. Those were the times she slipped up but it always ended up with more NA and more questions so she gave up. Sometimes though she was so tired of running. She opened the door to the lobby to find McKenna chatting with her latest dudebro and she dropped her track and field dreams. Rue had to really withstand introducing herself by saying hi there toy of the week. She actually knew this ones name though, Josh and he always said it like Jash. He looked like if McKay crossed his genes with the Puerto Rican version of himself or if Ozuna was a daft football player with cornrows. He was annoying to Rue but Kenna turned into a giggly mess around him.

"Hey Josh," Rue said without enthusiasm. He flashed her a smile and a head nod before squeezing Kenna.

"Hey Rue, you coming to my football party tomorrow," he half whispered half announced. Kenna was still clinging to this boy mans side so Rue had not choice but to respond.

"Eh i don't really do parties."

"Come onnnn Rue, please and you can bring you know who," Kenna wiggled her eyebrows from Josh's arm. Rue sarcastically threw out a ha.

"I always have non alcoholic drinks and stuff at the house. Kenna said you aren't a drinker." Josh genuinely smiled at her and Rue didn't have the heart to be a complete asshole and reject him so she shrugged and mumbled fine. He fist bumped Kenna before letting her go and saying goodbye to them both before leaving the room.

Kenna clapped excitedly and looped Rue's arm before pulling her somewhere to talk. Rue thought about how sometimes especially right now Kenna resembled a hyper cocker spaniel.

*****************************************************************************************************************

Jules was eating her lunch at an empty-ish work table with Olive and Jarl. They were laughing probably too loudly for a workroom about one of Olive's wild almost theatrical stories. Olive went out into L.A last night with everyone else and apparently ended up dancing on a glowing table. Jules shook her head because it wasn't really uncommon behavior for her. Olive sipped her overpriced cup of tea and fixed her glasses and glanced at Jarl. Jarl gave her a look and then gave Jules the stare down.

"What," Jules laughed awkwardly and glanced at her reflection in the dark screen of her phone. She looked back at their matching looks of you aren't slick woman.

They both started to speak at the same time but, Jarl's Danish American accent beat Olive. "So a friend out here, that you tell us nothing about and then you just happen to spend the night at..." Olive cuts him off.

"And, you show up at the hotel room this morning in the same clothes you left in," Olive has fake shock written all over her face. Jules finds herself giggling and trying to look away.

"Oh shit someone is blushing," Jarl exclaims. Jules usually wasn't nervous about crushes or anything like that, it was always matter of fact or confusing as hell. With Rue though, things were always a mix of unsure, cautious, and so sickeningly sweet. Jules exhaled seriously which only caused all three of them to start laughing. 

"So who is she," he asked.

Jules smiled at both of them and thought about Rue, who was Rue. "She's actually one of my friends from like home ''home”. She's the one I sometimes face time, the one with the long curly hair on my Instagram, the one i lo...uh, her name is Rue."

"Oh ohhh," Olive nods her head. "You mean the one you face time every other night, sometimes even at the club. The one you most definitely hooked up with last winter break." Jarl clears his throat and pursed his lips to sip his coffee at that. All Jules could do was smile innocently. Olive continued, "The one you left on some sad ass train station in high school also known as the one you are still so into. Who is gonna be your “the one that got away” if..." Jules looked at the ceiling and nodded her head, agreeing with everything she said. The end part stung like a cut that was always itching and never healing, but it was all accurate. 

Jarl smiled devilishly, "So i'm guessing you guys weren't up all night telling campfire stories." Jules then sips her own tea avoiding answering. 

Olive snorted at that and responded to him, "or making friendship bracelets."

"Ugh just please say it was everything you ever hoped for," he exclaimed.

Jules finishes the last bite of her sandwich and shrugged, " I think i saw god last night."

Olive sighed relief and grabbed Jules's hand, "I am so proud of you, you are a reformed slut." Jules laughed out of shock because she wasn't entirely sure if that was a compliment or a critique.

"My friend TC always used to say i was a slut," Jules wiped her hands clean as the designer walked back into the room. Behind him the team that was not taking lunch with everyone else. Jarl slid his glasses back on a stood up even straighter than usual. 

He slid past her and whispered, "Doesn't mean it's a bad thing. It just means it's true, be liberated my friend."

Jules shrugged unsure because she wasn't sure if that was really her anymore. She went back to the task she was set to do with an assistant, but her brain was in motion before she shut it off to work. Hook ups and flings were still fun to her. They still gave her something besides waking up to a cold bed, but she stopped looking for validation in them. It was like she went out got what she was looking for and then woke up and that was it. She wasn't sure when but she kind of felt when she got to college that she did that whole thing. She experienced a lot of things too young, she knew that now, but it also meant she was less pressured now for it. 

Less pressure to be interested in waking up in stranger after hot strangers bed, being nervous to get tested, and definitely less interested in giving some cis hetero man brownie points for not making her cum. She also learned how to stop falling in "love" for every person who made a pass at her. Every person who helped her feel more and more like herself but who had no intentions of spending time with her. Monogamy was cool and so was non monogamy but, whatever she was doing just stopped being fun.

She wondered if that's why she more recently stuck to heavy make out sessions and almost everything else with people she actually enjoyed. They didn't have to be in love but she did have to like them to even want to have sex. She was just grateful that she had a lot of people around her, who were safe and who liked her too. And, then there was Rue, Rue who made even just kissing feel like riding a merry go round on molly. Rue who enjoyed holding her hand for hours even if that was all they did. Jules held the sheer fabric in her fingers and smiled before shutting her thoughts back off for a few hours.

***********************************************************************************************************

Rue is standing outside of the campus student center waiting for Jules to show up. She got a text that Jules was gonna be on her way to the dorm soon. Instead of meeting elsewhere she told Jules to meet her there. Her weekly study group was today and she actually needed to pass class and avoid her mom's disappoint. Unfortunately classwork and exams didn't stop for anyone not even for Jules. Only thing was, this did mean that she would be in the middle of both of Jules and Kenna for over an hour. She did not want them to meet like this but she had no choice and couldn't bail on either of them.

When Jules did stroll up to the large modern-esque metal and brick building she had the most fashion forward comfy clothes on Rue could imagine. A mix of over sized pants and tight fabric that she could tell was soft even from afar. A slightly deflated orange duffel book bag hung on her back. Rue quickly put out the cigarette she held in between her fingers on her sole. Damn last one, she thought, and held her arms out as Jules got closer.

She could see and hear that Jules was talking on the phone when the girl pulled her into a hug. She was mumbling that's crazy, mmhmm, and yeas. Her airpods sticking out of both ears. Jules draped her arms over Rue's shoulders while she finished up the conversation with someone who was obviously her dad. Rue smiled no one has a nuanced conversation like parents.

"I'm with Rue now so I've gotta go," Jules laughed. Rue felt her heart tighten a little. God she could listen to her laugh on repeat. Jules smiles at Rue before relaying, "He told me to say Hiiii."

Rue leans into Jules's ear, "Hi Mr.Vaughn," she rebuffs. Jules is giving her a look that's playful and warm and it's sending her to the moon. She could just skip out on this god awful group study thing McKenna planned, right. It wasn't like she had to go, but it was helping her stay on schedule.

"Okayyyy Dad, Love you too," Jules is smiling when she hangs up. She properly hugs Rue who looks like a happy kitten. "God, i fucking missed you," Jules says resting her head on Rue's shoulder. Today while fun and fast paced was stressful. Usually she was thrilled to end days like this in New York with her friends, drinking smoking, and clubbing. Knowing Rue was so close and she had the ability to see her, she really didn't want to go out. It made her shrug off the rest of the groups invite for the night. They did push her a bit about the rain check though. Olive distinctly cracking oh i'm sure you do, when she said she had other plans.

"You mentioned studying, what's that about," Jules questioned. Her brow raised.

"So I'm like kind of in a study group with some people on campus," Rue shifted awkwardly in Jules grasp. How was she supposed to say yea the girl i know you know about, that may or may not be a thing is one of my study partners. Oh and say hi. Rue looked back at the doors of the building, she really didn't need a laptop anymore and she had her wallet on her, so she could just leave.

"Am i meeting your friends Ruee," Jules chuckled. She could tell Rue was nervous. 

Rue bit her tongue, "kind of yea." She let go of Jules and held her hand. "Including Kenna." Rue started to walk towards the doors, feeling resistance on the other end. Jules was moving just very begrudgingly now. Then Rue heard a whined do i have to, which Rue just kept walking inside the student center.

When they were inside the usual study area mostly everyone was there, except Kenna and some other usual late stragglers. A few kids from her classes some from others all scattered in large weirdly shaped couches and chairs. Some using a table that creaked every time someone applied too much pressure. Rue introduced Jules to the people she was most friendly with who were also closest to her spot. She was posted up on a wide lounge couch with her laptop plugged into an outlet. She sat in her seat and Jules started to unpack her own work.

It wasn't silent in the area but it was quiet enough and loud enough that Rue could work without her thoughts swarming her. It also meant Jules and her could talk without anyone caring. They worked side by side, Jules showing her some dress sketches and Rue showing her the free writing she was working on. Rue ended up legs stretched out on the couch with her back against Jules's side. They shifted and somehow she ended up laying with her head in Jules's lap whilst she was wrapped up in a short reflection paragraph. Rue's spotify was playing in both their ears while they shared Jules's airpods. She was zoning out in Jules lap letting the music carry her. Carry her mind out of the building and off the campus and wherever it wanted to go.

Jules whispers to herself "how have you made this piece unique in conjunction with a modern trend." She sighs and types something that sounds organic. She taps her ear to skip to the next song it's Waitin 115 BPM by Kelela and it gets her back into a creative mood. When she's finished typing and checking it over for mistakes on her iPad Jules realizes that Rue is almost completely still in her lap. She looks down from her screen and smiles. Rue's chest is rising and falling slowly and her eyes are closed. Jules gently traces Rue's features and holds her breath, her tongue caught between her lips. She really missed her and she wasn't really sure if Rue knew the extent of that or what that meant. Even when she told Rue she knew it made in an impact, but she could never bring herself to tell her the details. 

How there would be times her heart would ask for Rue. Whether she was hanging out with her friends, girls who she liked enough to consider love, or alone sometimes her heart whispered Rue's name. There was a pull to accept that she was lonelier than she put on. It led to her zoning out with her eyes starting to tear up or she'd start to text Rue but back out and try to be a part of the moment. There was a real rough awakening in her body after she visited those months back. After Rue poured gasoline on whatever single match they both kept lit. She was in some Brooklyn sublet gripping the sheets of a certain enby that she'd had her eye on for a while. She was on the verge of an orgasm with cottonmouth and her muscles near giving out. Yet unfortunately instead of the person who was actually fucking her all her mind could think of was Rue. Her throat thankfully was too dry for them to hear but Jules knew exactly whose name she'd rasped out into those sheets. That wasn't the first time that happened and it wasn't the last.

The song long changed in her ear to Clock by Foodman. She knew this one too, the playlist was so chill and sleepy it was one of the ones Rue usually played while they were on face time. Sometimes they never were really doing anything besides catching up but sometimes they just laid in the dark together. Rue would pick a playlist and they'd just be there in the dark or wherever but, together. She watched as Rue's nose twitch as she started to come back to the present. Her fingers were still aimlessly rubbing circles on Rue's scalp just to let the girl know she was still there. Rue opened her eyes and blinked, Jules didn't look away despite this being likely weird. 

Rue grinned awkwardly and it made Jules smile. Fuck she was really cute. If they weren't in public she might even be pushed to kiss her. If they were around her friends she probably would. But, she didn't know any of these people and she wasn't sure if these people really were cool with that kind of stuff. The PDA not really the gay, she could really careless about that. Something about living in a giant city with people who had somewhere to go and really gave little fucks to who or what you were doing was eye opening.

"Rue wanna get some of this bio done," a warm and bubbly voice from across them made them both look in that direction. Jules eyes went slightly wide but she quickly fixed that and smiled awkwardly. Without asking her eyes to she checked out McKenna. Her Instagram was one thing and the selfie Rue showed her was one thing, but in person was insane. She looked like a short curvy athletic Victoria's Secret model. She was hot, Jules kept smiling waiting for an introduction or something.

"Hey Jules, i'm McKenna but just call me Kenna or Kay. You are wayyy prettier than Rue ever let me see." Kenna smiled and put her hand out.

Jules let go of Rue's jaw and stretched to shake her hand. They touched fingers across the small and crowded round end table that held everyone's snacks etc. Kenna's shake was light but it was friendly. Jules was relieved she seemed friendly at least from this impression. "Hey Kenna, it's nice to finally meet you," Jules grinned.

Rue couldn't really see what was happening and she was kinda still getting over trying to fall into baby blue eyes. She turned and sat up out of Jules's lap once she was done with introductions. She huffed and pushed the curls hanging over her sight back before sitting to look at Kenna. Kenna and Jules were talking now which was causing her stomach to flip flop. About what, she did not know and she paused Sampha's voice in her ear. They both knew about each other but she wasn't sure if her hints had been enough for Jules to pick up on. She pulled out her laptop and biology book to get ready for what she considered hell. No doubt Kenna had already made flash cards and was just waiting to grill her on the terms she half paid attention to.

Waiting to interject she noticed something was off and it wasn't just her social anxiety either. Kenna's usually goofy voice was soft which was weird. Jules also sounded a bit reserved, she looked back and forth and they were both nodding and trading small talk. When she actually listened they both were just talking majors and something that sounded like Moo Moo. 

Rue cleared her throat and signaled to Kenna, " I am ready for you to lobotomize me with your flash cards."

Kenna laughed and rolled her eyes at Jules. "Oh puh-lease these flashcards are helping your lazy ass pass Bio 101," Kenna sent her back. She was back to sounding normal again which was a relief. Jules smiled at both of them and pulled the airpod from Rue's ear.

"I'm gonna finish this up," Jules pointed to her open iPad which Rue nodded and watched her get back to her fashion work. Rue and McKenna started to set up for their study session with another kid there who took Bio with that same professor. She saw Kenna glance at Jules while she worked before tapping her knee.

"You sure you don't wanna go study that chemistry instead," Kenna said just loud enough for her to hear. Kenna was grinning like a cheshire cat and all Rue could do was roll her eyes.

"I'm just saying," Kenna shrugged, " I was prepared to get a show."

Rue groaned and rubbed the inner corners of her temples. Somehow after some banter they actually managed to start studying. After about 45 minutes of what made her want to roll her eyes into the back of her skull, they took a break. Kenna mentioned going outside to smoke and said Rue could bum one off of her. Rue internally groaned but said why not with a nod. Jules was deep into whatever anime she was watching. She was stretched across the small couch like a kid watching after school cartoons. 

Rue tapped her and let her know she'd be back. There was something in Jules eyes that looked sad but Rue knew now wasn't the time. Instead she chewed the inside of her cheek while putting her dad's hoodie on and watched Jules pout while watching her show and glancing at her. Rue stood up and trailed Kenna awkwardly back outside. The issue was Kenna didn't smoke. She quit a while ago. Kenna just always had cigarettes some weird leftover habit. So this meant she wanted to talk and a real talk. 

God did Rue hate talking. This was going to end up with her talking and Kenna asking questions. Questions she was pretty sure Kenna did not really want to hear. Whether she did not like Rue more than whatever they do or well did, Rue did not lose sleep over anymore. Kenna did have this habit of asking too many questions and it sometimes set Rue on edge. They walked to a smoking area not super far from the door and leaned against the brick wall. Rue smacked the fresh pack of shorts (they are just shorter cigs) on her palm that Kenna handed her. 

She was a little surprised when she opened the flap and there was one already missing. She was even more surprised when Kenna grabbed the pack before she closed it and took one out before pocketing the box. Her eyebrow was raised and Kenna shrugged. Rue flicked her lighter and let Kenna light her's first. The yellow flame showed the look in Kenna's greenish brown eyes when she looked up at Rue as the butt glowed red.

It made Rue swallow hard and the hairs on her neck stick up while she lit her own cigarette. She looked down and scratched her ankle with her heel. Kenna would be bold and she thought real bold to pull something now. But, Kenna just leaned against the wall staring at her. While dragging the cigarette in between her fingers with a knowing smile on her face. Rue looked back down and started smoking from her own.

"You have till the end of this," Rue exhaled and flicked the embers in the air. She looked over to Kenna who shifting nervously. It reminded her of the first time she asked her what her best high had been.

"Fine, I'll just say it. Since I know you aren't a talker." Kenna inhales and exhales as she paces closer to Rue, but she doesn't say anything.

Rue gives her a shrug to continue cigarette on her lips. To be honest she's keeping them distracted because she can see Kenna staring.

"You love her." Kenna's usual confident presence seems smaller and all Rue can do is look away. She really did not want to break anyone's heart, but it didn't even seem like that's what this was. 

They rehashed whatever they were and weren't earlier that week when Kenna told her about tweedle dumb, Josh. Kenna seemed more conscious about not hurting Rue just in case he actually stuck around unlike Nick, Tyshawn, Mark, or even Jane. She was gentle with it and it didn't actually hurt because Rue had other concerns to be fair. 

Rue is staring at the sky, watching the smoke fade into the blackness above her. Kenna cleared her throat,

"Don't you? And before you go thinking I am jealous," Kenna laughed but it didn't sound sure, "I'm not. I'm just worried about you Rue."

Rue looked her in the eyes and flicked the burning tobacco embers again. Her voice was so calm it didn't even sound like herself she thought. 

"I am in love with Jules and you should worry. Maybe i should too." Who said that her brain registers and her quiet conscience whispered back, you. Rue went back to smoking her cigarette and crossed her arms.

"I am gonna take a guess and say this means you have not told her that." Rue shrugged and looked away getting closer to the end of her cigarette. She never really said it out loud like some 90s movie but Jules knew. McKenna rolled her eyes put out of the cigarette out before flicking it in the butt area of a nearby trash can.

"Girllll. Jules is like a model, she is gorgeous. Hell I'm even intimidated." Kenna smiled crossing her own arms.

Rue felt herself blush and rubbed her face cigarette still in hand. She responded to Kenna through her hands, " Trust me I know and i thought you never got jealous."

Kenna rolled her eyes and stuffed her hands in her pockets, "Intimidation makes for some fun, but I'll sip my tea on who IS jealous."

Rue laughed awkwardly like she had no idea what Kenna meant.

"I mean she seems a bit," Kenna signaled something that meant flighty which made Rue bat at her hands. 

"And from what you told me about y'alls past i know she is impetuous as fuck. Which is kind of terrifying and exhilarating, but she," Kenna points towards the building where Jules was, "needs to know how you feel." 

The smoke from Rue's fingers is flowing in that direction as well. Rue licks her lips and looks elsewhere. Kenna was only this honest when she really cared about something or someone. Which meant Kenna did have feelings other than her own selfish desires and dreams, which was a relief. She was right about a lot though. Right about the things Rue had been honest with herself for months when Jules wasn't just feet away. If they were going to do whatever this was she was going to have to protect herself and be honest with Jules. 

She was cool with Jules loving whoever else was waiting for her in New York but she had no clue if Jules still thought about her like she did Jules. Honesty was hard for anyone let alone a recovering drug addict who had a habit for using crutches. Luckily she'd been leaning on her own two feet for a while now but Kenna was really really right. So right that it made her hands tremble a bit when she digested things. She was so scared.

Kenna noticed her body language change and took the small cigarette from her hands and put it out. Kenna held her by the shoulders and started to talk her down before she went into a full panic attack, "No need to panic Rue. I think this could be good for you and hey i don't know her, but her too.” 

Rue shrugged and mumbled, “ Whatever we are." 

Rue had a small smile. "You might even end up with continued orgasms for years to come." Now that made her laugh loudly, which was rare.

Kenna and her started walking back towards the building bumping elbows even though Kenna was several inches shorter than her. 

"Also," Kenna said cockily, "You better shoot your shot because I think Jules has a whole try out team for point guard. And if i shoot mine." She made a swoosh noise which warranted Rue fake chasing her back into the building.

When they get back inside what Rue sees makes her trip over her feet without falling. She looks at Kenna whose face even looks a bit shocked. Kenna whispers, "swoosh."

Jules is watching her show trying to read subtitles but she isn't really paying attention. She was really just waiting for Rue to come back. They couldn't be alone together but at least they were together. It was fun and more productive being out of that small room, but it also meant she had to restrain her hands to her sides. Which was hard when she was just used to being super affectionate with people in general. 

Some action scene was happening between Tanjiro and someone else but she really wasn't following along. A hand tapped her shoulder and she looked up. A person wearing an asymmetric leopard print sweatshirt and wide denim jeans was standing there. Jules noticed the backpack slung over their shoulder was littered with a ton of pins. She also noticed the little accessories they'd layered to pull the outfit together. Including a YSL bracelet and an old Gucci ring, noted. Their haircut was actually pretty cool and reminded her of an old Hollywood movie.

"Hi sorry if this is weird, i'm Andi. I just have never seen you around here," they smiled and Jules smiled back. Their brown eyes were kind and inviting so Jules paused Demon Slayer and introduced herself. 

"Hey I'm Jules," she cheesed and sat up. They did the major, school, and age spiel every college student perfects but kept talking beyond that. She explained how she was just visiting a friend and actually lived on the other side of the country. Andi asked where that friend was and looked around hands up. It was funny but it made Jules laugh awkwardly because she knew Rue was outside but she didn't know if the two knew each other. She knew Rue wasn't much of a talker. They kept talking with Andi asked about the trans pride sticker on her iPad case and the conversation sat there for a moment.

Andi was now sitting next to Jules and she found out Andi actually transferred from Pratt trying to expand their "worldview." She also found out they identified as amab gender fluid and they found out that she was trans feminine. It wasn't usually something she just told anyone right away but they were a part of the community too. That made the conversation feel far more familiar.

Quickly and easily they started to talk about fashion and Jules soaked all of it up. It was nice to talk about a passion with someone who understood who did not go to the same school as her. The occasional fashion talk via text with Maddy or Kat was as close as she got to fresh perspective. She loved all her friends from school but fresh hearing from someone different was nice. Especially in such a competitive environment.

"So I'm gonna be in New York for break if you need a model or an extra set of eyes hit me up," Andi was smiling and had their phone in hand following her on Instagram. They had nice hands Jules thought as her eyes traced down them. She felt them staring at her and she glanced in their direction. Their eyes met and they both looked away. It was real easy for her to flirt as long as the other person was doing the same. Sometimes she didn't even have to try, it just happened, those usually led to the best times. Unforced genuine mutual interest.

She looked down at her phone and followed them back. Looking back up she grinned wide seeing Rue and Kenna returning to the study spot. Her smile fell when she saw Rue looked annoyed and sat back on the floor. She had put her hood up and started shuffling through the notebook on the table quickly. Jules watched her confused, she was in such a good mood when she left. She looked up to Kenna who she swore gave her a bit of a stank eye. 

She wondered what kind of conversation they had outside that turned them into whatever this was. Turning to Andi she grinned and saw them tap on the most recent picture of Rue and her. It was one of her favorites from the small break Rue had after the visit. It was a few months old now but it was very much them. They were both flipping off the front of the highschool, tongues out on their bikes. Lexi took the picture and it was captioned something like suffocating hell hole. 

"Uh Rue this is Andi they are from New York actually," Jules said to Rue. Rue who was playing with the rings on her fingers. Twisting them around and slipping them on and off.

Rue looked over and nodded to Andi, "Sup." Her voice was distant and cold.

Rue cracked her knuckles loudly and started to make small talk. Jules watched Rue's hands fold into her lap making Rue look small again. There was actually another picture of them together, kind of, from that break on her Instagram. She posted it a few weeks ago when she was cleaning out her icloud. 

She took the photo while they laid on the bed in her dad's house. The sun was shining in from the window and Rue was counting the panels on her closet door. She knew it was just her brain being her brain so she didn't stop Rue. The room smelled like unsettled air and whatever soft scent clung to Rue's hair. Instead of bothering she laid there taking selfies. When she heard Rue reach the last panel she put her hand out to touch Rue's. She took a picture of that before she ended up balled up on Rue's chest. It was just her fingers resting on Rue's wrist while the sun reflected off of gold rings. She decided to post it because it was better than sitting on her phone or deleted into the cloud. 

_Romeo._

That was the caption and it had warranted some interesting comments. Some things stood out to her. A few people including Lexi had commented with various heart emojis. Both Olive and TC slid into her dms asking what that was or who that was. Kat of course dropped 👀 under the photo even though she knew full well who it was. There were a few people dropping that they could be her Romeo. But a rare comment from Rue was the only one she reacted to.

**rue.bennett miss you juliet**

Jules looked away from Rue's hands to hear her and Andi actually talking. The same college spiel this time with the bonus conversation of what professor i hate the most. Rue looked less annoyed and Jules checked her notifications. Nothing important, nothing important.

**3 messages from Kat.**

**Mckennaroni followed you back.**

**Dad: Have fun, stay safe.**

She opened Kat's text first and responded quickly

**Kat: Thought you'd find this cute.**

**Kat: (picture of a shirt she actually liked a lot)**

**Kat: Don't let those assholes stress you out too much.**

**Jules: That top is everything and i am trying but you know how it gets.**

**Kat: Yea i know. What are you doing tonight?**

**Jules: Well i met someone named Andi from Ny just now.**

**Kat: That's cool i guess, not tinder right?**

**Jules: Hell no, I'm with Rue and Kenna.**

**Kat: 👀 we are definitely moving this conversation to the group chat hold on.**

Jules chewed the inside of her cheek, of course that conversation was going to happen now even if she didn't want it to. Looking up she saw Rue and Andi were still chit chatting. Rue had her chin on her knees, hood up, and looked in deep thought. Andi was theorizing about from what they said, " dystopian economics." She had no clue what was going on but she paid attention to have a reason not check the group chat. Andi stood up after Rue's response and waved goodbye to everyone at the table. They lingered on Jules for a bit before turning and it made Jules smile a little too hard. People started to pack up and disperse from the table. When she saw Rue doing the same she put her stuff together.

Rue quickly hugged Kenna while throwing her bookbag on. Jules was waiting for her chatting with Kenna. Rue had her headphones in but it looked a bit like Jules was getting an infamous pep talk. Rue fidgeted in position and raised her brow watching the two of them hug before Kenna dipped with Josh. Rue nodded and hummed to whatever Jules was telling her. Something about the group chat, something about her internship, but she was only half listening. Kenna's advice swimming in her head along with images of Jules blushing over someone new. She didn't ever do that with her or did she and Rue just failed to notice. Failed to notice that like she failed at everything else.

Rue felt her heart beating in her ears and the blood rushing to her head. Her breath was getting shallow and her hands started to clam up. Rue started to walk faster hoping Jules would just keep up and not realize what was happening. Her brain started humming how she was just gonna end up overdosing again and how maybe everyone even Nate Jacobs was right about her. Right about her ruining her life and Jules only using her for momentary thrill. Her knees were feeling weak and all she wanted to do was lay in the dark and cry. She considered stopping and telling Jules to just go back to her friends and to forget about her.

Then something warm and soft was holding her wrists and then her hands. It took her a minute before she realized she was being forced to stop moving. Hands were on her face and then soft light kisses. One to her left cheek, then to her right, another to her forehead, and then a last to her chin. Her chest was still rising and falling quickly and tears were still spilling onto her cheeks. But her brain went quiet. She blinked a few times to look at Jules clearly. Her eyes looked slightly scared but her thumbs rubbed lightly the tears running down her cheeks. She was saying something and Rue couldn't hear but it looked like I love you. Rue felt her breath start to even out and she could finally hear Jules.

“Rue you have no clue how much i love you.” Jules whispered, Rue could hear the tears in her voice and it made her kick herself internally.

Rue put her head on Jules's shoulder and stayed there until she felt like she could walk back to the dorm. But, she didn't say anything back that sounded like an I love you too. She wasn't sure if she was just too scared or too exhausted to say it back. Jules didn't press her about it or ask her for anything. She just held Rue in a dark room and rubbed her back until they both passed out for the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the playlist is vanguard voices on spotify, as always comments are welcomed.


	4. Good Morning Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I love these next technically three chapters even though i am nervous about one. I made the smut that comes after this chapter in a separate skippable chapter for those who aren’t interested in that. I don’t know if I mentioned that all chapters are now names of songs.

Jules wrapped her arms around Rue's body loosely as she spooned her. The soft material of her patterned shirt rubbing against Jules's skin. The semi loose thrifted band shirt she borrowed from Rue was keeping her from feeling everything but it was enough. She slid her feet against Rue's legs before cuddling into her back. She rubbed her nose to the back of Rue’s shoulder sighing in relief. Rue was falling asleep but let Jules get comfortable while spooning her from behind. Jules rested her fingers on top of Rue's and yawned she was exhausted, but she couldn’t sleep. 

"What," Rue sleepily whispered. 

"Nothing," Jules hummed while pulling her body flush to Rue.

Rue exhaled, "Just say it Jules."

"Uh I don't know...." Jules let go of Rue and pulled back a bit. "We don't have to talk about it."

"Jules sorry, just tired," Rue sighed and pulled her arm back to where it was before. "Talk about what?"

Jules settled back and whispered, "I'm just.... Do you think about me?"

"All the time," Rue said without a second thought. Her body was feeling heavier and heavier as Jules rubbed her fingers under the covers.

Jules closed her eyes and hushed into Rue's shoulder, "I mean think think about me."

Rue was trying to fight the sleep to be aware but she really wanted to rest. For Jules though she would try to stay up as long as possible. She quietly sighed, "Like the future or like sex or whatever."

Jules arm was heavier on Rue's side and she stopped moving her thumb over Rue's fingers. "Both....is that what happened earlier?," her voice getting quieter. 

Rue almost didn't say anything since sleep was calling her but she murmured, "Yea and no.... wait Jules no."

Rue turned around under Jules arm and closed her eyes for a second. Opening them again Jules was staring back at her. Rue could feel Jules tense under her gaze but an arm was still wrapped around her side. Rue leaned in a pecked the tip Jules nose while she thought of what to say. Pulling back she chewed the inside of her cheek and laid on her back as comfortable as she could.

"Panic attack, not your fault. Thoughts, always and your fault." Rue felt her eyelids grow heavy and she let them shut. There was a small smile she felt on her face.

"I think about you too." Jules settled into Rue’s side and rested her head on her chest. Her eyes were closed but she listened to Rues breathing even out as she let her own body slip into a REM state. They didn't need to talk about it what she really wanted to know. The feelings that led to the panic attack she saw earlier, they didn’t need to talk not if Rue wasn't ready.

***********************

Rue woke up from her nap and checked her phone. It was only one in the afternoon and she was already bored. She rocked her legs back and forth under her blanket and gazed at the wallpaper on her screen. Jules only left an hour ago but it would be what felt like forever until she returned. She considered changing her background to the photo Kenna had sent her that morning. It was one Kenna took of them together on the couch lost to the world around them. She changed her mind after switching it for just a few minutes back to the one she was used to. Rue went straight to her Imessage while yawning the sleep from her body and messaged Jules.

**Rue: Come backkkkk**

**Jules: Why? You lonely without me already?**

**Rue: You did all that and just left me to figure it out.**

**Jules: That was kind of the point.**

**Rue: No fair.**

**Jules: 😊 Thanks for the shirt.**

**Rue: Fuck you.**

**Jules: I'd actually love that.**

Rue laid in her bed staring at the ceiling still bored. Her brain was stirring as she counted the squares on the ceiling above her. She threw the blanket to the bottom of the bed and swiped her screen. She ended up looking at the photo Jules sent her the other day, tracing over the lines of her body on the screen. Rue never really took nudes of herself, she barely indulged in selfies unprovoked. The occasional image of her posing awkwardly on campus or a class trip to send to her mom. Sometimes she’d take photos she thought she looked funny in but never deleted or posted. She was good at taking nudes though besides the ones of Jules she had taken a few of herself just to try it. They looked good, but she had no interest in sharing them with anyone. Rue got an idea, two could play at this game. Looking down she was wearing one of her patterned button ups that swallowed her and some sweatpants she threw on, to brush her teeth. Even though she wasn't working with a lot in her room it was enough. Rue chewed on her tongue nervously.

**Rue: You busy?**

**Jules: Just sitting with everyone. Spilling tea.**

**Rue: Fun, uh anything about me?**

For some reason asking Jules if she told other people about her made her nervous and hopeful. The idea of people that she didn't know using her name, talking about her, and about who she was scary. They could hate her before they knew her just because she had a problem.Judge her for all the things she spent years hating herself for over and over. Inhaling and exhaling she tried to let that feeling pass and the other happier side to this take heed. The feeling that Jules acknowledged that Rue was still someone important in her life was nice. 

She switched to her phone camera and switched it to the front facing one, at least this was one way to distract herself. Rue looked at the way the early afternoon sun was splayed in the room and laying over her bare stomach and hips. The sweatpants sitting low to expose just a bit of her midriff. Rue was relieved she really didn't need to do much work to make anything look better. Thankfully she was laying down so no need to clean the travesty she called a dorm completely. Rue started snapping images away while angling her body and letting her shirt hang open . Open enough that someone could get an idea of what they were working with without the possibility of blinding anyone. 

Except for the last one, the last one where her hand had wandered. The hand that wandered across her skin and was causing her other hand to slowly lose grip of her phone. She was holding the phone precariously but her mind was wandering even further than her hand could coordinate. Rue started thinking about Jules in a lot of ways and a lot of movements. Thoughts about what she would be doing if she was there, how her voice would sound in ear, and how her fingers would feel instead of Rue's own. Rue heard herself moan quietly after what felt like a few seconds and felt relief start to side her body but she pulled away. Her phone chimed but her eyes were lazy to open back up as she let go of her finger to the screen. When her eyes opened she realized she had taken a few photos by accident and even, well shit she thought, a video. A notification dropped from the top.

**Jules: .....maybe is that okay?**

Rue huffed and ignored the message because she cared but she was also curious what these photos looked like. She scrolled through the few images she took and bit her lip. For someone who liked sex but didn't love it all of this overflowing desire was newish. These nudes were actually good, really good for someone who barely worked out. Long walks and bike rides to forget everything around her didn't really count. At least she was working with something to be seen . Another notification popped up over top of the video before she was able to hit play. 

**Jules: I just like telling people about you.**

**Rue: It's fine. But um.**

**Jules: Um what?**

**Rue: Do they know that we yaknow.**

**Jules: Saying I got bit by a spider is really unbelievable when there's multiple bites**

**.**

**Rue: A very big daddy long legs. How can i get you back?**

**Jules: 🤷♀️ K daddy long legs**

Rue swallowed the nervous weird lump in her throat before hitting send on what was one of the first photos. Just one with her laying there shirt open and the sun making her skin glisten like the outside of a toasted walnut. She saw the picture in the Imessage thread and the small words saying sent and she physically squirmed. It was just Jules, someone she shared everything with, so this shouldn't be weird. It's definitely not weird Jules had seen her naked right, her heart was racing a little and she wondered why the hell she was so nervous. 

Trying to distract herself she scrolled away from Imessage and back to the video and her brow rose as she watched herself, it was under a minute but it was enough. Enough to even made her body warm up so she needed to adjust her hips and use both hands on her phone. She'd also managed to keep her face out of the camera too, Rue high fived herself mentally for that. It was just shaky breathing, a moving hand under her sweats, a glimpse of her biting her lip, and of course the sound of her breathing quietly until the end where her voice cracked into that quiet moan before the video ended. Another notification popped up before her mind could drag her fingers back into her pants.

**Jules: 💘💘💘**

**Jules: That is. Wow. Fuck Rue you're hot.**

**Rue: You okay?**

**Jules: I'm blushing even harder and everyone is laughing but yea I'm fine.**

Rue bit her tongue. They most likely didn't see anything because Jules knew how to sneak glances. But, Jules saw and that was...

**Jules: Are you okay?**

**Rue: I just miss you. Am I being weird.**

**Jules: Not weird, it's just new. How much? 😉**

Rue bites her lip, because of course this was something better shown than said. In the back of her head she went back and forth with if she was doing too much. She really wasn't sure even while she sending the second photo. The one with her hand planted firmly on her stomach her fingers flirting with her own waist band. Jules responded quicker than she had with the last photo.

**Rue: Enough.**

**Jules: Fuck…..**

**Jules: Enough for what?**

**Rue: You'd know if you were here. Roomies staying with her boyfriend for the time being.**

**Jules: Good. She's not nice like at all.**

**Rue: Yea i know. You like?**

**Jules: Is that you right now?**

**Rue: Yea.**

Rue smiled stupidly waiting for a response. A few minutes passed and nothing. "She's probably just socializing definitely not put off", Rue whispered to herself, "distract yourself." She tried to play some games on her phone that Gia made her download. They all got boring real quickly since they weren’t what she wanted. Rue flipped onto her stomach feet swinging her feet off the end of her bed. She attempted to watch a Youtube video of some new MTV reality show. It actually wasn't complete drivel, but the itch to send her friend another photo was itching at her fingers more and more.

The difference in this photo from the last being that her neck was elongated and her fingers now under her waist band. The fading bruises on her collar bone were somewhat seen through the screen because of the shifting sunlight. She let out a breath she was holding, selected the picture, and hit send. Her stomach flipped thinking maybe she went too far . Her mind screamed you are just horny stop it and then she saw the typing cloud pop up on the screen.

**Jules: 💞💗💌💗❤💝💘**

**Jules: 😩😩😩**

**Rue : You okay?**

**Jules: 😭**

**Rue: Babe?**

**Jules: I need to make love to you.**

Love? Rue thought it made her grin. They weren't just having fun to Jules. They were making love.

**Rue: That is what we've been doing though?**

**Jules: Omg, shut up. I mean now.**

**Rue: Right now? I thought you were busy.**

**Jules: Ugh I'm horny and i can't leave, sorry. That would make me a shitty friend.**

**Rue: Yea, i would know.**

**Jules: I am still sorry about that.**

**Rue: I know.**

**Jules: Fuck. I** **really went from thirsty to sad and then scrolled up and now I'm horny.**

**Rue: Good.**

Rue thought about what she could propose with the simple ability, thanks to modern technology, to arrive at her destination via rideshare. Her rationale kicked in, she shouldn't do that, especially when she really had never met Jules's college friends yet. She didn't want their first impression to be she was too horny to wait a few more hours for Jules to finish hanging out with them to pounce her like some national geographic animals. There was something else though she could do while retaining her dignity to a real introduction.

**Rue: This is probably dumb, but i have a thing if you have headphones.**

**Jules: Fuck me.**

**Rue: I would if I could.**

**Jules: Rue you are killing me. 😍**

**Rue: Headphones Jules?**

**Jules didn't take long to respond.**

**Jules: Did you one better headphones and I'm in the bathroom.**

Rue watched the video one more time and heard her own quiet breaths speed up. The voice in her head screamed you reckless idiot but she could only imagine the way Jules was anticipating something in a warm hotel bathroom. Waiting for her. I'm coming, she whispered to herself.

**Jules: It's okay, you don't have to send me anything.**

**I think about you in my head all the time anyway.**

Rue hit send.

**Rue: I want to.**

It took a minute for a response and Rue tapped the video to watch it again. It made her think maybe she and Jules were watching it together. Or just her watching Jules watch her in that bathroom. It made her gasp as she slid her hand back under her pants. In the words of Aubrey Plaza all she could think was “it is so wet in here.” Her hand stilled with the typing cloud disappeared and a blue bubble appeared.

**Jules: You are so beautiful Rue.**

**Jules: Fuck Rue.**

**Jules: I don't know what to say.**

**Rue: *a gif of rain***

**Jules: Is it raining or ???**

**Rue: 😌**

**Jules: I want you so fucking bad.**

**Rue: I want you too. Fuck.**

**Jules: Stop.**

**Rue: Stop what?**

**Jules: I know what you’re doing.**

Rue sighed and pulled her hand from her pants.

**Jules: Can you come here?**

**Rue: Now?**

**Jules: Please.**

Rue started quickly packing her backpack while trying to throw on an actual tank top on. Jules friends were artists right and fashion people this was gonna be fine. Right? She sat down on the edge of the bed while putting the button up back on over the tank top. Her cursor was still blinking and she typed a response before looking for her shoes.

**Rue: Now? Now? What about your friends.**

Jules sent her the address.

**Jules: They'll be fine.**

**Rue: You sure?**

**Jules: I'm gonna take a minute but i'll tell everyone you're coming. You don't have to stay long if you don't want to.**

**Rue: I'll bring my meds and stuff just in case. Ubers almost here.**

**Jules: I watched the video again 😩**

Rue was a little shocked while waiting for the Uber to get closer before heading out, Jules was needy no matter how much she said she wasn't. It was kind of hilarious, she checked the pockets of her shorts for her wallet, looked over her book bag with a change of clothes. She even threw in a shirt that Jules had been eyeing, chargers, laptop, etc. It was a full overnight overprepared bag even though she knew she wasn't gonna really need it. The uber was close and she grabbed a hoodie before slinging the bag over her shoulder and leaving her room.

**Jules: Fingers crossed no traffic. Everyone's cool with you coming.**

**Rue: You are needy and I'm definitely coming.**

**Jules: No I'm not 😯**

**Rue: I meant I'm in the uber now.**

**Jules: Yay and uh huh sure you did.**

**Rue: Needy**

**Jules: You are not funny**

Rue then remembered what she'd agreed to yesterday and muttered to herself thank god she packed her black jeans.

**Rue: uh i forgot something**

**Jules: ?**

**Rue: We have a party to go to tonight.**

**Jules: Oh fuck yes.**

Jules walked out the bathroom and checked the room she was sharing to make sure it wasn't a mess. The bed she was supposed to be sleeping in was almost untouched except for a few missing or strewn out pillows. When she returned to the common area she laid face first on the couch and sighed happily. It was soft velvet, pleated, and green. Ironically it matched the cropped adidas shirt she was wearing. She was grateful her professor was close with whomever designed the decor for this hotel. It meant her and the rest of her classmates got to share a multi-roomed suite. She turned her head to the seven other students on the trip who were chatting away. Some she was closer to like Jarl, Tom, and of course Olive. Olive who was sharing a room with her and who she had whispered through the door to grab what she needed out of the room. Olive had a strong guess as to why but was carrying her things out when Jules laid on the couch. The sting of a hard slap to her ass came with a loud clap. She only turned her head and winked at Olive who was standing there.

"Ooo kinky, Again tell me why I have to leave the room for an extended period of time," Olive hushed to her.

Jules grinned and cleared her throat before addressing the room. "So, you guys." 

Everyone turned stopped their convos and turned to her. Olive had taken a spot on the blue carpeted floor in front of the couch. Jules smiled at everyone.

"I was wondering if it's okay if my friend comes to visit for like an hour or whatever." Jarl perked up from the chair he was in and smiled wide. Olive had a shocked look and everyone else was shrugging confused and then it clicked.

"Ah shit is this the friend you've been ditching us for, all week," Tom loudly said.

"Maybe," Jules shrugged and checked her phone to see how close Rue was. Not close enough she thought.

Jarl clapped his hands and did a shoulder shimmy. "Does this mean i can grill this Rue."

Jules shook her head because that most definitely wasn't going to happen. "She's shy so I'd rather you not." Jules looked down at Olive who gave her a cheeky look before adding to the conversation.

"Also i got a college party we can go to if you all want," Jules smiled at everyone before sitting up and pulling her hair into a ponytail.

"Is that to make up for leaving me without a dance partner last night," Jarl sighed sadly and quivered his bottom lip.

Tom scoffed and the only other guy besides Jarl, on the trip chuckled, " You seemed to be doing fine out there all on your own." Jules shook her head at the banter, it was always like this even in New York even when they had friend drama it was always chill.

"Oh so you just kicking me out so you can add to your collection of bite marks huh." Olive was nodding her head like she was fake offended. Jules moved to dramatically hold her hand like she was a dying opera lead.

"Wait she's on her way now? And you kicked Liv out of the room." Someone else said as Jules covered her face in Liv's shoulder, she could feel herself blushing.

Tom fake moaned and she wanted to lock herself in the room until Rue said she was at the hotel. Someone else joined in on the moan and she shook her head before laying on the carpet with both hands covering her face.

Olive stood up and started making a stupid chant, "somebodies fucking tonight, i said somebodies fucking tonight." Jules peaked through her fingers and started laughing.

Jarl was squatting in front of the chair he no longer sat in. He started horribly twerking while someone else made a beat on the wooden coffee table. Eventually everyone joined in and they were all jamming to the song when Jules got a text.

**Rue: Shit this place is nice.**

**Jules: Want me to come down.**

**Rue: Just tell me the floor, I'd rather you go down on something else.**

**Jules: 4, room 402**

**Rue: Ayyy 420**

Jules bit her lip and ran her tongue against the inside of her lip. It was weird that the lip tattoo was almost completely gone but she swore it still hurt sometimes. Some kind of phantom memory attached to her skin. She thought about watching the video one more time discretely as everyone started to meld back into their conversations of whatever. Rue never sent her anything like that, she smiled, she pushed herself out of her comfort zone for her. A light knock on the door stopped her and she checked her phone.

**Rue: I think I'm here**

Jules smiled and started to stand up because she saw someone else go for the door. Jarl stood up quickly dropping his glasses on the table and sprinted for the door before she could get there. She heard Tom say, i wanna see her too but she ignored him. Jarl didn't open the door though he just was bending to look through the peephole. Jules nudged him out of the way and he whispered, "she's a cutie."

When Jules opened the door there was Rue with her hair down shifting her weight from side to side. She was wearing the same clothes from the pictures with the addition of an extremely baggy yellow hoodie. 

"Hi," Rue quietly said and Jules had to lean against the door. 

"Hi," she smiled and looked down why the hell was she acting like a shy middle schooler she did not know. That was more of Rue's thing well it was because Rue leaned in and pecked her lips. Jules almost didn't register the kiss but leaned back in to give her an actual kiss which briefly pushed them both slightly into the hallway. Gripping Rue's hand Jules whispered, "Do you wanna say hi? Because we can easily just slip right past them if you don't."

Rue shrugged, better do this now than later. They walked into the common area and a few heads turned. Jules was rubbing her thumb over Rues knuckle and smiled, "you guys this is Rue, Rue this is Olive, Jarl, Tom,....." When she stopped saying names everyone waved or nodded. Olive grinned and gave Jules a wink which Rue awkwardly darted her eyes between them.

This was nice and all but the confidence she had so boldly acquired was starting to drain. Too many people to entertain and she only had but so much fake enthusiasm to share. 

Jules looked over and Rue's eyes went from her eyes to her lips and then back up. Without sharing any other words Jules lightly pulled Rue to the room with the door still open. Thank god Olive always kept the damn blinds cracked just enough to have some daylight. Behind her Jules heard Olive yell out to someone, turn the movie up please. Rue stepped into the afternoon cast room and dropped her bag on the floor. It wasn't huge but there were two beds and it wasn't hard to guess which one was Jules's. She heard the door click behind her but she didn't move. Her hair was pushed to the side and she turned into the kiss. Jules gripped the buckle of her belt with one hand and Rue held Jules's face as they deepened the kiss. 

Pulling back she sighed into a nervous whisper, "told you," as she felt Jules fingers slide into her underwear. There was a mix of a whimper and a moan from Jules who kissed her again. In between the kiss she could hear Jules breath out, "You're so wet." Rue felt to the side of her before she tipped them both onto the waiting bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title by.common


	5. Nobody Else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Be patient with me on this y’all i only have written this kind of thing a handful of times before. I write smut like i’m posing two blank drawing figures because I just can’t envision the characters/actors in that way. I hope i put justice to who they might be intimately in a few years time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again warning this is smut and yes they are both 20.

Rue was pretty sure her nudes unlocked whatever pent up frustration Jules had built. Which she thought couldn't be much with how regular things had been. Yet, usually when they'd been having sex or making love or whatever they'd been doing for the past few days Jules would hold back. She'd stave off trying something different or something she wasn't sure Rue wanted and Rue could tell. She always asked if Rue was okay and if she could do anything different. 

Rue liked that because she had some experience but not as much as Jules. Her friend had told her stories and she had done some things. Things Rue could never really see herself doing. Rue was usually cool with whatever Jules wanted to try because the request weren't wild. Just a new position or guiding her but when she was in control of things she didn't switch routines.

She just did went with what felt right to her in the moment or what she knew worked. Whatever she'd done in those photos though had left Jules straddling her hips and kissing her as much as she possibly could. Rue was leaning out of the kiss to pull off the button up that Jules had quickly unbuttoned minutes ago. Laying back down she felt Jules grind into her lap and sigh. It caught her off guard and her fingers slid off of Jules waist to the tops of her thighs. Her eyebrow rose while looking up at Jules but she felt the tension in her brows settle. Jules was slightly red and looking down at her like she knew what to do.

Rue shrugged and watched Jules sigh as she pulled her tank top over her head. Oh, she thought to herself and stared up in awe. She gripped Jules's thighs lightly and nodded. Jules exhaled and bent over kissing the center of her chest. Rue felt a bit catatonic sitting there doing nothing so she pulled on the waistband of Jules pants lightly.

"Hmm, " Jules hummed against the fabric over Rue's breast. Rue shook her head, she didn't want her to stop she just wanted to touch her too.

Jules started back with her kisses inching her hips down for more clearance. Rue moaned feeling teeth and tongue dance over her clothed skin. Jules was pushing up the bottom of her tank top further and further. Hands over her ribs as Jules exposed more and more of her skin. Rue felt her lungs inflate and skin tingle as Jules pulled her upwards and lifted the shirt over her head. Lips were back all over her and Rue whimpered at the feeling. When Jules swirled her tongue around her flesh Rue bucked her hips slightly causing a gasp from Jules. Jules seated her weight back onto Rue and Rue couldn't help but think she was a human mechanical bull. She slid her hands back up around Jules waist and hooked her thumbs into the top of the waistband.

"Can I take these off?" 

"Sure," Jules breathed out with a coy grin. 

Jules moved off the bed facing Rue and started to slip the track pants down. Rue sat up and helped undo the knot tied at the front and then slid her hands down Jules bare legs. Leaning in she kissed Jules thighs while the girl took her feet out of the pant cuff. Pulling back she watched Jules throw the pair of pants away from the bed. Her skin was so soft Rue thought over in her mind. She rested her cheek against Jules stomach just to slow down the moment. 

Fast was nice but they actually had time and space for this to go slow. Instead of being crammed together like sardines on roughly the size of a door they could stretch around if they wanted to. Not that she didn't enjoy spending time with Jules at all this week. It was just this was nice and she didn't have to worry about a knot in her spine. Her lips twitched against bare stomach feeling Jules threaded her fingers in her hair. This felt … incredible. Fucking amazing. Those were the only words that came to mind while getting lost in the feeling of Jules fingers tangling in between her curls.

Rue leant in and kissed down Jules stomach lightly. Trailing further down while holding Jules back so she had room. Moving down to her inner thigh Rue kept kissing both the left and the right. She wanted to do something but she needed to work up the nerve to ask. She started leaving small bites where she knew no one else could see. She suctioned lightly in one spot and heard Jules gasp quietly before placing a kiss over the spot. Her tongue dragged against Jules through her underwear and she wondered if she was doing this okay. But she didn't hear any protest from Jules. Doing it again she felt Jules grip her hair tighter and a quiet gasp. At least she was on the right path it seemed.

"Can I ? ," Rue asked looking up at Jules while .

"Mmmhm," Jules looked down and nodded her head.

She watched as Rue inched further off the bed and slid her underwear down. Without waiting for them to be kicked off completely Rue dragged her tongue across the tip and looked up. Jules felt her breath hitch in her chest and nodded. They never did this like this in the few days before. Things were sometimes rushed, always relaxed, but they kept things consistent. So this was new for Rue and for her. But, this was most definitely okay whatever was going to happen next. She bit her lip harder and harder as a few minutes passed and Rue found out what she liked before she couldn't anymore. Being loud is not something she'd cared about in Rue's dorm room but here was different. They still had to leave this room at some point and see these people as soon as they did. As low as she could she moaned and spoke at the same time.

"Fuck.." Rue kept teasing and then let go. Her hands resting on the side of Jules thighs.

"Is this okay?," Rue leaned back in and continued. 

"Babe," Jules heard her moans getting breathier and her voice crack higher. Her heart started beating faster and she could feel her cheeks flush when she covered her mouth for a minute with her free hand.

"Rue," she gasped loudly and had to pull her hips back. "One minute," she whispered.

Rue looked up at her confused her pupils wide but her face scrunched. Rue wiped her bottom lip off and shrugged sitting back. Jules laughed and pulled on the fabric of Rue's pants. Rue laid back and propped her hips up so Jules could do the rest. Jules laughed to herself but went back straddling Rue's lap again. She pulled her friend back up to a seated position and scrunched her cheeks together.

"Rue I want to enjoy this." She let go of her face and rubbed the back of Rue's neck and leaned in for a slow kiss.

At first the kiss was soft but Rue felt it change to something more. She felt her eyes start to water but didn't stop the kiss from deepening. Hands were touching all over her arms, her neck, and in her hair. Her hands were running the length of Jules neck at one point and at another gripping her neck and hips. She wasn't overwhelmed, it was just the feeling of being so close to someone who she'd thought about for so long. Someone she didn't want to be over 1000 miles from her but she knew had to leave at some point. There were gasps for air but she kept her eyes closed. This felt neverending and Jules locked her legs around her stomach keeping her in a place she never really wanted to leave. Rue just kept kissing Jules hoping her thoughts would shut off soon. Jules pulled back and Rue could feel her breath hot against her lips. Keeping her lids shut she tried to regain her breathing. She didn't want to open them and then be forced to remember she’d soon be letting go of this reality.

Jules opened her eyes to wipe the tears she could feel. It took her a second seeing that she wasn't the only one who was emotional. For whatever reason she started to cry feeling Rue pull her body closer as they kissed. She knew there were things they would have to work out later but she really wanted this. Wanted the feeling of Rue’s needy curious hands all over her body, wanted the way her body careened into Rue’s without her telling it. Whatever this currently uncomplicated and complicated situation was. She wanted this so fucking bad in any way or fashion she could have it. It was so bad she almost worried her body was a mix of love sick and addicted to Rue’s touch. She watched Rue wipe her own cheeks and exhale trying to stop the tears. Her eyes were still closed and Jules wanted to tell her to look but she also wanted her to know they didn’t have to keep going. Jules wiped her own cheeks with the back of her hand pulled Rue's hands to hers interlacing their fingers.

“We can stop if you want,” Jules said hoping her voice didn’t sound too lackluster.

Rue shook her head finally opened her eyes to look at her and Jules batted her eyes unintentionally. She watched Rue straighten her hunched position and felt fingers clench at hers. Rue shook her head no while looking her up body up and down. Her gaze was low and inviting. Jules couldn’t help but be slightly even more turned on. Which she didn’t know could be possible with how much heat she was pretty sure her body was already producing. Grasping Rue's hands in her own Jules leaned back in and kissed her pushing them both back onto the bed.

*************

Rue held the pillow in her arms tighter and tighter. Jules had thrown it to her playfully when it was obvious she was gonna have a hard time keeping quiet. Rue dug her heel into Jules thigh as her hips rocked back and forth. A moan was pulling at her teeth and she gritted them while grasping the pillow. She wrapped both legs around Jules waist loosely while a hand palmed from above at her chest. Another arm kept her leg from dropping while her thighs trembled lightly. Jules was particularly quiet which Rue hadn’t expected and she really wanted to find out why. She couldn’t really push her embarrassment aside to look because she knew if she did she’d end up blushing bright red. A blush she couldn’t hide to the girl who conveniently was looking down at her. Peeking just a bit she saw Jules staring at the ceiling her tongue in between her teeth. Her hair looked insane but she was so fucking spectacular that Rue wanted to look away but she couldn’t. Seventeen year old her could have never imagined that at twenty this was how she would be spending her Friday afternoon at all, but she sure would have been grateful. Even she couldn’t in her wildest dreams have made up the image she was looking at. Gazing up and down at Jules she felt the pillow shifted in her arms and so did Jules movements. Incoherent words escaped under her breath while she gritted her nails into the pillow and she locked eyes with Jules. 

Jules pushed the hair out of her face and gasped at Rue who had her eyes fixed on her. Rue was usually the one telling her how beautiful she was and how amazing everything she wore was. Still Jules found it insane the way Rue could look so insanely turned on while gazing at her like she was a work of art. She felt Rue start to buck her hips into the thrust but Jules didn’t move her gaze she only shifted further towards Rue. Jules swallowed whatever moans or illicit comments would have came out of her mouth and listened as Rue struggled to keep herself quiet.They honestly needed to stop soon before her wreckless brain forgot what caution and who could hear what. She knew Rue would kill her if she pulled what she was considering in her mind. 

You okay?” Jules struggled to ask in between breaths.

There was a sigh as Rue let the pillow she’d thrown her earlier loose. Rue’s head tipped back and her hair was spread out around her face. Jules realized she could have had something like this everyday for months maybe even years before, if her teenage self wasn’t such a mess. She always knew Rue was a mess but, she was also a chaotic anime ending herself. She watched as Rue’s back arched slightly off of the bed sending vibrations to her spine. At least she could forgive younger invincible Jules because now this is where all that led her. Rue stared up at her and let out a groan into the pillow she clutched back to her mouth.  _ Caution who  _ Jules thought and pulled back and laid herself on the bed in front of Rue’s open legs.

  
  


Rue felt like her body was leaving itself or floating or whatever other words defined an outer body experience. She felt every inch of excitement as Jules dragged her tongue down against her. The movement made her hips rise off the bed lightly and Jules held her firmly back in place. No one not even Kenna really let her let go of control the way Jules did. The pace of Jules tongue made Rue shiver, she pulled the pillow closer to muffle the screams she really wanted to let out. She actually wasn't really loud compared to what they’d sounded like in the college coffin but she did have to moan into the pillow. They did have to be mindful of the people so graciously making a ton of noise in the connected room. She was grateful none of them seemed to mind that they were holed away for well over an hour now. The sounds in the other room sounded like an action movie for a while and it was turned up loudly. Breaking glass, skidding tires, and fight noises for a while. It was loud enough she could even hear as the movie ended and everyone started to argue over what to watch next.

The other room buzzed with suggestion and then Rue hear someone yell muffled to Jules and her. "Y'all are quiet as hell don't worry about us, we aren't listening!" Rue couldn’t help but laugh through her nose and heard Jules sigh stopping the movement against her clit. Another movie was starting and laughs heard from afar died out. Jules chuckled and kissed up Rue's thighs leaving wet kisses there. She licked her lips and grinned.

"I wanna hear you," she bit Rue's thigh and kissed back down holding her leg where it was.

"But......," Rue laid her head back and gasped into her arm. Jules was doing something new with her tongue as she locked Rue's thighs in place with her arms. Rue felt shivers down her spine as Jules delved into her further. Looking down she couldn't contain a small moan that came out watching the Jules head bob in between her legs. She couldn’t reach down to touch Jules so she clung to the pillow with one hand. The other held onto the fabric that was surrounding her body trying to find something to tether her body to reality. Rue dropped the pillow on the bed crying out quietly hearing Jules moaning in between her legs ever so quietly.

"You taste...," Jules tried to say something but lost it as the taste of Rue settled on her tongue. Yea she could just show her how good she tasted.

"Fuck," she said outloud and Rue watched her head go back down before finishing the thought. She wasn't sure if she could face a large group of people who heard them making love but she would hide behind her calm front for as long as she needed to. Rue felt Jules move her tongue and suck at the same time and she hissed sharply. There was a throaty moan from Jules, a drag of tongue and then a motion that made Rue moan loudly without intention. It was loud enough that she felt Jules tap her hip to quiet her a little. She covered her mouth with her hand and felt everything below her waist clench with her stomach. 

"Ohhh shit y'all ARE having sex in there."

Jules moved her tongue faster and couldn't help but moan even louder into Rue feeling the girl in front of her getting more and more turned on. They were both choosing to ignore whoever was yelling in the other room. Jules kept her focus on Rue's whimpers as they built just waiting to hear loudness in the other room to do more. There was a loud crash from the movie in the other room and Jules started testing a finger along with her mouth. She felt Rue's legs clench again and added more pressure with her tongue. There was a fuck that sounded like a moan and she heard something pop like the elastic from the sheet being pulled off the bed. Jules could feel her own climax getting closer as she ground her hips into the mattress underneath her body. 

Looking up she could see Rue lickingt her lips as her chest rose and fell faster. Her hips rolled against the sheets with every twitch of Rue against her tongue. If she really wanted to she could stay like this and freefall while taking Rue with her. From the trembling thighs and the loud whimpers into the sound proofing pillow she knew Rue was close. It wasn't the first within the hour but it definitely was the biggest she could tell. She wanted to ease Rue through this because it seemed like the kind that makes you fall asleep soon after. Slowing her pace until she stopped Jules moved her face away from in between Rue's legs. Jules tried to switch position quickly, yet there was a sad look on Rue’s face when she laid next to her. 

Jules kissed her lightly when they were face to face while she slid her hand back in between Rue’s legs. She felt her girl's jaw open widely when her fingers slid inside and there was a relieved sigh against her lips. Rue kissed her as the pace of her hand sped up again. A leg was straddling her thigh and she felt Rue’s hand slide in between the two of them. Rue was whimpering into the kisses and Jules could feel her getting closer and closer as her wrist moved. She nodded into the kiss as she felt Rue's fingers glide across her. They both gasped for air but didn't let go of one another. Opening her eyes Jules saw Rue was barely holding on but staring right at her. God she was so damn close. Close enough she just wanted her to let go for her. 

Rue shifted her hand and she watched Jules jaw drop slightly. Rue kept moving her hand faster until it matched Jules pace. Her muscles feel tight in her stomach but her body like fresh pudding. They were both right there and if only they could just make it there together, she thought. But, she wasn’t sure she could hold on for much longer than she already was. Leaning into Jules exposed shoulder and bit her. She bit her and groaned this was all she could do in hoped that Jules would finally let them both cum. Rue felt a warmth wash over her body and she was lost in the orgasm that finally hit her. Jules toes curled against Rue’s foot and she moaned. Rue immediately attached her lips awkwardly to Jules trying to keep them both close. It was an attempt to muffle the noise that came out of her throat. Jules wasn't really helping muffle the sound as a quiet line of holy shits left her. As they both rode out the wave Rue tucked her head into Jules neck and sighed.

"Sleep," she hummed out loud until Jules was breathing evenly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title by.ncredible gang


	6. My Bad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The coveted college party and a discussion that needs to happen that they won't finish just yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took so long because it is honestly the longest chapter i think i have written for this so far. Enjoy and as always let me know your thoughts. I am glad you are all enjoying this labor of love.
> 
> Also thankyou aximeidk on Tumblr for saying something about us not getting to see Rue's birthday happen. Song title is by Khalid.

They were laying on the bed listening to low music from Jules's iPad. Jules was wearing Rue's discarded hoodie over her own underwear. She kicked her legs in the air while mouthing lyrics and typing away on her phone. Rue laid next to her in a purple tank crop top and a pair of borrowed biker shorts that she thought looked like over priced boxers. The room door was cracked open but the suite was empty except for them.

Everyone else had left to grab food and give them some "time". That's what woke them up actually. Olive knocking at the door asking them if they wanted anything to eat. Jules ordered food for both of them without leaving the bed. Rue nodded and shrugged what she wanted still wrapped around Jules. By the time they were somewhat awake they were completely alone. Free to be as loud as they wanted uninterrupted, Jules had mentioned while kissing down Rue's throat. The shower ended up muffling some of the noises escaping Jules mouth but Rue had the evidence all over her skin. 

Jules was rubbing the outlines of marks on her shoulder over and over which caused Rue to fall into a daydream. The light sting on her skin dulling as she slipped into a daydream about her birthday. It came and went most years without too much fuss and that was perfectly fine with her. Leslie always forced her to celebrate whether it was waking her up by song or this time making her go home. She was home with take home assignments and a bedroom that felt like a skeleton. Sitting on the fresh sheets felt foreign. It looked like her room but it felt distant. It felt like someone elses and she swore she could see the ghost of herself hunched over a line inches from where she sat. She'd only been at school for a month, how could so much change in such a short time she thought.

Her birthday was nice though. Quiet and small with just Gia and her mom but nice. She drove over to Fez's and hung out with him for a bit. They talked shit about nothing and everything while he played 2k. No one else was in town that she wanted or cared to see. She ended up facetiming Jules at the end of the night. Blanket over her head while eating a piece of frosted vanilla cake. Jules kept commenting on how unfair it was Rue was eating in front of her. Rue vaguely remembers Jules mentioning making up the missed cake and birthday to her. She sure had. They stayed on the call for a long time until she was falling asleep to Jules fashion lecture in the background. The sound had transported her mind to whatever glassy building in new york city. Sitting next to Jules seeing her focused deep into notes. When she told Jules later on that night what she had dreamed of Jules laughed. Then she showed her the school did not look anything like what she thought it would.

Rue sighed and closed her eyes from staring blankly at her screen. Her toes wiggling against the soft layer of a cotton sheet. Slowly bringing her body back to reality Jules yawned into her shoulder and nudged her with her nose. Rue turned and was pecked on her cheek. She made a small noise of happy when Jules kissed the other cheek before going back to what she was doing. Rue listened to the clamoring of baking dishes and laughter in one ear as bakers tried to bake bread. The sound of Jules typing away in the other muffled by the weight of her hair. When she opened her eyes and looked she saw Jules gnawing at her inner lip.

She looked like she was dying to ask her something. She hoped like really fucking hoped it had nothing to do with her panicking the other night. It freaked her out too but she didn't wanna burden Jules or anything like that. Burden her with the excess weight that was her and her addiction to drugs and people. On the other hand she really didn't want to face that even though she was for sure in love with Jules, the idea of telling her again was messing with her. Messing with the fact that she wasn't a perfect being and Jules despite all of her wrongs could be. Then again Rue knew perfect beings never made mistakes and Jules always did.

"You look like an interrogator," Rue asked trying to keep her face from contorting into whatever was in her brain. Maybe the joke would soften her features a bit.

Jules stared at Rue and thought how to ask this. There were things she wanted to know that Rue would no doubt tell her. Yet, she didn't want to push and then cause Rue to careen off insanity. They didn't have time for that, but they also didn't have time to eggshells. If their friendship could survive a manipulative blackmailing narcissistic prick it could survive her questions and their feelings. The feelings of insecurity she had about their friendship. Maybe.

"Why do you always keep the poison part of the whole Romeo thing ?" Jules asked propping her chin on her hand. Her fingers drumming on the side of her own chin. She watched as Rue looked up at the ceiling thinking and then watched her turn away. There was a chuckle from Rue and then silence. Rue held her phone to the side and rolled over to start back watching the episode of Great British Bake Off. 

Rue shrugged and mumbled, "I don't know Jules i just do."

She waited for a continuation of words from Rue but there was nothing. What the fuck, Jules couldn't help thinking. Rue was back to being absorbed into her show and blocking out whatever conversation they might have. Jules sighs there is nothing she can really do except lay back down on the queen sized bed. Turning the opposite direction she opened her phone. They had a while before the party and eventually her friends would be back with food. She opened instagram and scrolled a bit before dm-ing Andi.

When Jules turned back around Rue was typing on her phone. She leaned in to see if she was playing the game with all the pretty colors. Instead she saw something she wasn't supposed to. Her eyes went wide and an uncommon feeling of jealousy bubbled up in her stomach for a moment. She wanted to nuzzle into Rue and distract her but instead watched what she did. She grinned until she saw Rue switch to a conversation with Lexi that wasn't at all met for her. 

.....

Rue rolled her eyes at the picture on her screen. She wanted to bleach her eyes and throw up at the same time. It was a nude from some guy she had briefly, very briefly, made out with months and months ago. He had an okay dick but he really decided taking a nude in a dinghy locker room was cute. It wasn't it was just weird and probably very uncomfortable for the other people around him. Who just whips their dick out for a photo anyway. He still had her number for some reason even though she mentioned she wasn't interested. 

**Rue: Not interested.**

**Unknown: Why?**

**Rue:**

She thought about what to say, how to properly cuss him out and make him feel small. She even considered using one of her usual two worded responses instead. But, he wasn't anyone who deserved any explanation other than the truth really.

**Rue: I'm seeing someone.**

**Unknown: Oh, sorry.**

Rue had other shit on her mind to worry about being nice to him. So instead she deleted the text thread and went back to her conversation with Lexi. The conversation that was making her want to throw her phone and herself out of a 4th floor window. Lexi was right and she knew she was and that was annoying. 

**Rue: She wants to know about the poison thing.**

**Lexi: So tell her ?**

**Rue: Can't she'll get mad.**

**Rue: Also i think she's talking to that kid.**

**Lexi: She's right too. It's not true. I highly doubt Jules is capable of hating you.**

**Rue: I wish that were true. I just can't tell her Lex because what if it's true.**

**Lexi: Andi?**

**Lexi: It's not.**

**Rue: I'm gonna go so you don't hate me too and yea, Andi.**

**Lexi: I don't hate you Rue. I could never. Andi is probably just a distraction also weren't you cool with the "seeing other people".**

**Rue: What if I say it and I break her heart. A distraction from what? Me?**

**Rue: I am cool with it, or I will be when....yaknow.**

**Lexi: Not you, but maybe her feelings about you. I know you are cool with it but, When what? When you finally what exactly Rue. Say how you feel. Tell her the truth. Get impromptu tattoos. Have sex for the first time, oh wait.**

**Rue: Fuck you Lexi.**

Jules felt a little sick to her stomach and laid back down. What could Rue not tell her that would break her heart. Was she the poison was that why Rue always left that part in. Did Rue think she was still messing with her. A distraction, what the hell. Jules felt her chest get tighter and tighter. She never meant to break Rue's heart. It hurt like hell coming home to funny as hell Rue walking around the highschool hallways like a zombie. She'd seen Rue high before then but that morning was different. Rue smiled at her while drooping against her locker, the glazed over look she had was not masking any hurt. 

That look, the way the next time they slept next to one another Rue fought her touch in her sleep, seeing Rue ready to shrivel up and die somehow never left her memory. Just like the look of regret and betrayal Rue had as the train pulled away from the station. Cutting Rue off that year even though it didn't last long made her feel like shit. Rue would have never did that to her, let her face all that alone. She texted Lexi quickly.

**Jules: What's wrong with Rue.**

**Lexi: Huh. You okay Jules?**

**Jules: Yea why wouldn't I be.**

**Lexi: Right.**

**Jules: Just tell me did i fuck this up again. I know she's texting you.**

**Lexi: Shit Jules no. Also snooping?**

Jules felt like the walls were about to swallow her whole. She looked at the ceiling trying not to get lost in the feeling but the pit in her stomach was planted long ago. Every exhale felt further and further away from her soul. She could feel the voice scratching from deep deep inside her medicated and deeply analyzed brain. The voice that was her conscious but the nonsensical part. The part that made her drink way too much in her dorm. Fuck. The part that said one time wouldn't hurt when she was doing lines of coke in some wet nightclub bathroom. That was one night she was actually glad she remembered.

**Jules: Accident. Are you sure, is she mad at me? She kinda tuned me out.**

**Lexi: Right now, she's irritated by the truth. You both need to talk like adults. I know for a fact that you're right next to her.**

**Lexi: But are you okay?**

**Jules: 🙂 Totally**

**Lexi: You two are going to be the end of me or your relationship i swear. If you are going to have a panic attack can you at least tell me?**

......

Rue was watching someone bake biscuits with serious intensity. It reminded her of how deep into her fixations she got sometimes. The meticulous nature that came with making food that is. Usually she had most of her thoughts under control but sometimes she'd be walking and have to look up. Have to look up and trace the outlines of the clouds in the sky or walk backwards just to avoid stepping on specific cracks. The bakers timer dinged and they prayed quickly before pulling out a perfect looking array of baked goods on a metal tray. A message notification dropped over the face of Paul Hollywood. It was from Lexi and she sighed until she read what it said.

**Lexi: Jules just texted me that you're acting weird. She's having a panic attack.Tell her, please** .

Rue turned to see Jules facing the opposite direction so she couldn't see her face. She looked fine and wanted to text Lexi that she was okay but, she heard a quiet sniffle. Was this girl really hiding her crying face from her, like she hadn’t seen it a million times before. Pulling out one of her head phones and pausing the show she turned over. She put a hand on Jules shoulder light but her friends didn't turn to face her.

"Jules, you okay." Rue mumbled. She watched Jules shake her head no and scooted closer. Her arm draped over Jules arm and she whispered in her ear. "You can talk to me Jules."

"No I can't, go text Lexi." 

Rue bit her tongue from saying something sarcastic because she wasn't completely wrong. Spooning Jules instead she rubbed her lips together holding back her words. She started coxing Jules out of her worry by saying, "I'm sorry Jules, please just tell me what's wrong." 

After what felt like an eternity Jules started wiping her face with the sleeve of the hoodie. She turned to face Rue and their eyes met. Rue felt her lips pull into a grin but Jules just nuzzled into her neck starting to cry again. What the fuck did i do, Rue thought. There was a quiet whisper against her skin and she inhaled deeply registering, It was kind of inaudible but, it made perfect sense to Rue.

"I am so sorry Rue." 

Jules felt her voice trembling while her fingers clung to Rue"s sides. "I don't want you to fuck your life up because of me. I know I love you but i couldn't ask you to.....fuck. Please don't hate me."

"You were young Jules and you know that i....i could never hate you. I was too young and shit was a mess. Wait you love me." Jules listened while trying to stop her sobbing as Rue wrapped her arms around her tighter. Wait didn't i make that obvious like 4 years ago, Jules thought.

Jules started pulling away from Rue and shaking her head in disbelief. "We were young Rue but we still are young. I can't hurt you again. There's still time to pretend this didn't happen. If you want." 

"You won't," Rue sighed clenching her jaw.

She didn't fully believe that nor did she think she wouldn't hurt Jules. They'd try to stay unscathed but it was bound to happen. Whether it was forgetting something important or saying something hurtful they didn't mean. It was normal to cause and to feel pain Rue had learned. Normal to fuck up as long as you didn't ruin yourself or others in the process. It was normal to understand when something wasn't good for you. But she refused to believe Jules wasn't good for her, at least not now when they had shit together kind of. She reached out holding Jules wrist before she could completely pull away. She hoped the sad puppy eyes she had were enough and pulled Jules back onto her.

"If i could go back Rue...," Jules started to say against Rue's shoulder. Jules breathed in the scent of her clinging to Rue's skin. Even if she couldn't go back and make everything better they had time to figure this out. Time to know what worked best for them with so much space in between and so much.....

" I know," Rue closed her eyes holding Jules close, " I know."

They were glued together until Jules snapped out of her post sad daze. Her phone was buzzing like crazy for a second time. She sighed as she watched Rue grab and stare at the phone. Her eyes were red slightly red and Jules moved her hand to rub lightly across Rue's sharp jawline.

"It's Olive," Rue shrugged and hit answer with a go ahead look from Jules. She nodded along with the conversation a few mmhms. Jules one hand was tracing the edge of her bottom lip while she talked. The other hand was lingering at the bottom of the shorts that had ridden up on her thigh. She looked down and whispered 15 minutes. 

Jules rose her brow and called out to her friend on the other end, "I'm hungry hurry up." She fake fainted pulling her hands away from Rue's face which caused a laugh trembling against her own face as she slid down Rue's torso.

"She said can't you just eat your whatever i am," Rue chuckled into the phone before kissing her teeth as Jules whispered good idea and bit her thigh. There was a lighter bite and then a kiss. She was listening to Olive read back their order and mumbled, yea. There was the sound of friction with Jules pulling her hips towards the edge of the bed. Rue cracked her thumb feeling Jules lips kissing against her open thighs.

Jules slid her hands up Rue's thighs and hooked her fingers into the waist of the shorts. She knew she was quietly moaning but she couldn't help it okay. She was like a gay cat in heat and all she wanted was to rub her tongue against another cat. She felt fingers thread into her scalp and she pulled down the shorts slowly while kissing inti Rue. The shorts rested in between her fingers once they were off, she could have thrown them but she got distracted by Rue's grip on her hair keeping her face from moving. Jules heard Rue start to stutter, "Cool Olive see you soon."

*********

When she texted Kenna that she invited some people to go with to the party the girl was so excited she facetimed her just to introduce herself to everyone. Rue laughed at the immediate facetime call but ran and passed her phone around. Out of the group Olive and Jarl were the main ones trying to get to know Rue, but everyone was still pretty cool. It made sense because they were actually Jules's friends and wanted to know who the hell she was. Olive and Jarl asked her things about her and about home. 

Jarl even let her borrow a button up for the party. He said he was glad someone liked because he didn't and only brought it in hopes he could swap it. Added to the fact that when she walked out of the bathroom in a plain purple crop top and black jeans everyone just said no. It wasn't even a disapproving no it was a what basic ass outfit are you wearing no. Gia had started to give her that no whenever she attempted to spend time with her little sister during senior year in highschool.

Rue was somewhat shocked when he handed the shirt to her because it was expensive, super soft, and brand fucking new. Despite it being a simple burgundy striped button up it was nicer than a lot of her shirts. The buttons matched the tan lines on the shirt and the collar had no lapels unlike the shirts she was used to. The bottom of the shirt was long on her which was somewhat rare with men's tops. Jarl had insisted she kept in untucked and she pulled the hem of the shirt. Her height usually gives her a bit of an advantage lengthwise but Jarl was tall as hell even compared to her. He was really nice for this.

She stood in the mirror and rolled up the sleeves to her elbows. She leaned in to look at herself. She blew away some fall out from some random shimmery eyeshadow she had rubbed on her lids. Rue shifted her weight in her all black converse and stepped back. The front of her hair was still wet and clung to her forehead. Grabbing her towel she squeezed it again hoping it would dry it out even more. It sort of helped and she sighed, looking at the door then back at herself. This was fine she thought turning on her heels and leaving the bathroom.

When she walked out Jarl was sitting on the couch in his extremely simple outfit of a matching white top and jeans and shoes. He stared at her and smiled, "Damn okay then daddy Rue."

She awkwardly grinned before sitting back where she had before. Still playing with the hem of her "new" shirt. She got more comfortable as they sat and waited for everyone else to finish getting ready. Jarl was asking her about school and how exactly she met Jules. While they kept talking about college and Jules some things accidently came out and Rue let some truths slip. Without thinking, she said, "I came home from rehab for the first time, she was at the same party."

It was really plainly said almost coldly and that's probably what made him choke on the drink he was drinking. Definately not the just getting home from rehab and clearly saying fuck being sober. When he finally stopped sputtering he shook his head taking in what she said. " Wait WHAT.The first time, Shit. Jules never said...."

"It's whatever not really her place i guess," Rue shrugged and sipped the juice in her cup. They kept talking, she avoided the subject of her drug abuse and he was polite enough not to ask. She ended up pushing her hair into a messy bun on top of her head. The shirt and the waiting was making her clammier than usual. Eventually almost everyone was ready, drinking, and waiting in the common space. Music was playing from a small speaker as Jarl swayed around in front of her trying to get her to dance. Olive walked out of the bathroom with Jules following and someone yelled out fucking finally.

Another girl said, “ You can't rush perfection” and Olive mouthed thankyou before grabbing a brown bottle from someone's hand. Rue smiled at her but looked up past her at Jules and bit her bottom lip non discreetly. Jules was in a high waisted sparkling reflective blueish skirt and a tank crop top. Her hair was half up half down and her makeup matched the tones in the skirt that reflected the light everytime she moved. Rue knew she looked like a nervous excited puppy fidgeting with her thumbs as she stood up.

Olive whistled and Rue heard someone else said well damn then. Olive rose her eyebrow toward Jules, "Damn Rue i see you or should i say Jules I see you. A whole snack."

Rue awkwardly covered her face and Jules smiled at Olive with a face that said i know right. Jules sat next to Rue and pulled her phone out. She was coordinating the lyft while everyone drank until they had to leave. She asked Rue for the address and Rue just stared at her.

"Uh Rue, the address," she smiled because she knew Rue was just stuck. Stuck staring at her and she looked cute as hell doing it. Once Rue gave her the address she ordered the lyft and leaned against Rue's shoulder. Rue smelled good, she smelled like hotel body wash but she still smelled good. Jules turned her face and pushed the almost dry curls behind Rue's ear. She felt Rue’s shoulder's tense up and grinned. Leaning in she hummed into Rue's ear quietly, "That shirt looks nice on you."

Jules felt Rue shrug and mumble thanks like she wasn't so sure herself. Jules poked her cheek, " I fucking mean it."

She heard Rue hum i know while she slid some colored blocks around on her phone. Jules played with a stray curl in front of Rue's eye and watched Rue watch her fingers twirl the strand of hair. Rues breath was shallow against her fingers and Jules moved them closer to brush her fingers just against Rue's lips. Her phone buzzed and Jules stopped to look down at the app open on her phone. The closest lyft large enough from the group was 15 minutes away. Jules leaned away from Rue and yelled at everyone,

"Let's go downstairs he'll be here soon."

She grabbed her packed orange bag and Rue had her book bag over her shoulder. Everyone filed out of the room, Tom holding a bottle of tequila under his windbreaker, and someone ran to hit the elevator button. Olive and everyone else pushed into the elevator when it finally dinged on their floor. Jules looked at how packed it was and waved them away. They all shrugged except for Jarl who gave her a wink. When the elevator doors closed Jules tapped the back of Rue's hand that hung on her side with her own. Rue slid their hands together and rocked back and forth on her heels. Jules turned her head and smiled at Rue who looked at her with a confused look.

"What," Rue awkwardly grinned.

Jules batted her eyelashes and leaned in quickly kissing Rue's face all over. 

"You are just really cute and it's making my cheeks hurt."

The elevator dung and they both slipped inside.

******************

Rue was leaning her head against the window of the van. She was glad most of Jules college friends decided an actual non city campus party was the move for the night. They were all packed into a willing Lyft headed to the big ass house half the football players stayed in. Mostly everyone in the van was tipsy off of whatever they'd pregamed with at the hotel. It also meant she would not be forced to dance most of the night if she could help it.

Jules wasn't drunk but the way she was yelling "why men great til they gotta be great" could have fooled anyone. Rue looked at everyone in the van and even though her expression didn't change she was happy they were all okay people. Rue looked out the window again thinking about earlier watching as the neighborhood changed into one she recognized. 

When they got out in front of the house Rue texted Kenna that they were down the block. Kenna quickly texted her back to walk down and she'd meet them out back. Rue led them all to the house staying out of the street lights and trying to be as quiet as possible in a group of 9. She heard Olive telling Jules not to worry about all of them she could leave whenever because she knew she had plans. Rue felt her cheeks get warm and kept walking because plans meant her.

When they showed up a large house that only had one porch light on Rue led them all to the back deck. You could see flashing lights through the blacked out glass doors and when the door opened loud music escaped the confines of the house. Kenna was standing there and ushered them into the kitchen. Inside the house the party was in full motion. Loud bassy music, strobe lights, and a hell of a lot of people. It looked like almost all of campus was packed into the living room. Rue heard everyone's excited giggles and Kenna grabbed her and Jules bags.

"I'm gonna put these in John's car I'll be back tell them to go have fun," Kenna yelled to Rue over the music. Rue nodded and looked back at everyone. Some were already making there way to the open coolers in the kitchen and others were heading to the large area of dancing people. Rue turned to Jules who was typing on her phone with Olive draped over her shoulder whispering in her ear. Jarl nodded at her and gave her the thumbs up, she nodded back and grabbed one of the unopened cans laying on the granite counter. 

She popped the tab and chugged it quickly, she heard a loud whoop and felt a heavy clasp on her shoulder. She only intended on drinking half but really couldn't stop with a giant man shaking her shoulders. Rue sat the empty can down and looked to her left. 

"Hi Josh," she smiled.

"Rue! You came," Josh yelled happily and shook her.

"Yea, yes i did," Rue glanced to where Jules was and winced. Of course the new tamagotchi Jules had acquired was at this party too. Josh was telling her how glad he was the party hadn't failed. He asked where her friends were and she pointed to Jules poking Andi's shoulder while Olive and Jarl talked with their hands.

"Woah the blondes your girlfriend," Josh's jaw went wide a little matching the expression of the rest of his face.

"Not my girlfriend, just my friend," Rue half smiled and looked down.

"Yea that's what I meant. She's hot." Josh looked over at Jules and smiled before Rue saw him remember that she was right there. He looked back and laughed awkwardly before coughing trying to save himself.

Rue tried to keep up with the conversation with Josh but her eyes kept shifting to everyone else. Well mostly her eyes kept glancing to Jules hoping the girl would see her eyes pleading save me. Rue kept glancing until eventually Jules disappeared behind Olive and Jarl into the dancing crowd, Andi leading her by the hand. At least she’s having fun.

When Kenna came back Josh was still talking her ear off and Rue had a can of some seltzer he insisted she drink instead of beer. She said she was fine but he really did not want her to have to drink the beer that she was more than happy to drink. In fact she really wished she was drunk more than anything. That would help the fact that she was at a party at her own school but not having anywhere near as much fun as everyone else. Jules was somewhere in the crowd enjoying her best life and here was Rue stuck in the mind of a football player. A nice one but still. 

Kenna told Josh to go find his friends or play beer pong while her and Rue talked. He looked sad but he soon disappeared carrying a 6 pack with him wherever he went. Kenna pulled Rue to a different part of the house into a hallway that had regular lighting. Some kids were cycling out of someone's room that had light music playing in contrast with the bass you could hear coming from down the hall. They both sat down in the hallway against the wall. A dank smell following each person who left the room passing by them in a coughing fit.

"You look like you are so fucking uncomfortable. But I dig the eyes." Kenna pointed to the sparkles and laughed while sipping the cranberry juice in her cup.

Rue shrugged, "Did it myself." Rue unbuttoned the shirt and let it hang open while Kenna started to talk her ear off. She sipped her drink and rubbed her neck waiting for the story about some guy trying to jump onto the pool table downstairs and almost breaking his shoulder to end.

"So you weren't in your room like all day and then you text me that you made friends. I am proud but really?" Kenna sipped her drink through pursed lips.

Rue smiled and looked away while she answered, " I needed someone to touch me who wasn't me."

"Oh, really and you didn't think to call me. I wonder where you were hmmmm." Kenna nudged her side. Another kid came tumbling out of the room and down the hallway passed them. Rue chuckled watching him make his extremely uncoordinated way back into what Kenna had referred to as the lion's den aka the dance floor.

"You were okay," Rue says and Kenna gasps seriously. "Okay you were great, but Jules is..." Rue leans her head back against the wall. "Fucking incredible." Rue sees Kenna roll her eyes but chooses to ignore it.

"I am sure little miss sailor scout is just a dream in between your thighs." Rue almost spits out the water in her mouth while sipping from the cool can in her hand. Kenna shakes her head and looks away. "So why are you not dancing with her and Andi is out there getting ground on like fresh pepper." Kenna glared towards the end of the hallway. 

Rue made a worried face because that same glare was how she ended up having to watch several guys pull Kenna off of some JV cheerleader.

"It's all good no need for you to snap. And because I barely asked Jules to dance at all in highschool." Rue pulled the lace of her shoe out of its semi perfect bow before re-tying it. When she looked up Kenna was giving her a face that said i know you have anxiety but really. Rue just pulled Kenna into an awkward half hug groaning, "I know, I know."

Kenna leaned into Rues shoulder, "Hey, date how you want but what you're saying is you need my help to get Jules away from a certain person. Also it’s not like you don’t know how to dance Rue."

"Yea no, but I do need someone who is "good" company." Rue shrugged and Kenna smiled at her knowingly. "Wait can you do that?"

"Only if you want and so we aren't snorting a bunch of percs and chugging a handle of Fireball. Damn i was really hoping to make a bad impression to half of the campus." Kenna and Rue both laughed.

"Not unless you wanna see Jules quite literally kill me." Rue chuckled.

"What do you mean," Kenna says while she pulls the snap from the elastic band in her hair. Her vision is cut off by all the curls that were toppled above and she huffs hoping to move the hair. 

Pushing her hair back there's a flash and she groans and covers her eyes. Another one and then Kenna is pushing her to get up and pose. Rue groans but complies as Kenna tells her to pose and to look like she’s not dead. They take some photos together and then Rue tries to get Kenna's good side for quite a few. Later on, still in the same hallway Kenna is posting one of the few selfies they took in the hallway on instagram. Rue's phone vibrates her hand while she text Lexi back. 

**Lexi: I mean I'm not crazy right.**

**Rue: I am certified crazy and Lex you are fine.**

She looks over at the pictures Kenna is posting and grins. Kenna swipes and then edits the caption "tryna be in that new saint records video". Honestly in that photo both of their curls hanging in front of their faces, they looked like they could be in the next Solange music video. 

Rue checks the time 1am, she groans because this party really is only getting started. If they were lucky this thing was going on until 3am without police intervention. Internally she fake yayed. Knowing who was on the team and who their dad was, that was probably not going to happen. The cops weren't coming and Rue was stuck with drunken bass music until 3am. She tapped the imessage icon to text Jules back.

**Jules: where are you**

**Rue: with kenna**

**Jules: ☹**

**Jules: you left me?**

**Rue: I'm still here, thought you were having fun.**

**Jules: I am but i wanted to have fun with you too.**

**Jules: Come dance with me.**

**Rue: Are you drunk?**

**Jules: Does it matter?**

Rue rubbed her forehead because yea it mattered. It really did fucking mattered but she really did not want to crap on Jules's night. Jules just couldn't hold her liquor for anything. She turned into the typical drunk white girl who called at weird hours and told everyone they looked pretty. Kenna shook her knee and Rue just ignored it.

**Jules: No I'm not dad.**

**Rue: I just get worried.**

**Jules: I know. I'm tipsy but i put the bottle down.**

**Rue: Great.**

**Jules: Rue this party is lit. Pleaseee come dance with me.**

**Rue: Andi?**

**Jules: I honestly don't know and I want to dance with you.**

**Rue: You know I hate dancing. You really aren't drunk.**

**Jules: Lies you're just shy. Come on Rue. Pinky promise.**

**Rue: Fine. If you can find me.**

**Jules: Ha easy**

Kenna poked and prodded her side until she looked at her. Rue knew her face must look like she was constipated. Kenna sat back and cocked a fake gun in the distance down the hall.

"She wants me to dance," Rue winced at Kenna. Kenna smiled and stood up to wind her hips side to side. Rue shook her head, "no."

"You tell her where you're at."

Rue shook her head no. Kenna leaned back and yelled out selfie before snapping one of the both of them. Kenna smiled and slid back down next to Rue.

"Well now she does," Kenna laughed at Rue's mumble of i could kill you.

************************

Olive and Jarl were still dancing in the crowd when Jules moved away from them. She'd been looking for Rue for a while now, it had been one of the reasons she stopped dancing and leaned against the wall. Besides the fact that some guy kept trying to pull her into a slow grind and her friends kept asking where Rue was. Now she was peering into the kitchen and other rooms trying to find her. When she saw the selfie Kenna sent her she smiled. Kenna really wasn't so bad. 

Eventually she found them sitting in the middle of a hallway. Rue looked up at her as she walked up to them and she bit her lip. Rue was trying to shield herself with her hair and Kennas body. When Kenna finally pushed her away into sight Jules had to look down face Rue. Something trembled in her stomach seeing Rue from that angle. It wasn't new but it was....new. 

"Come dance with me," she put her hands out to pull Rue up. Rue feebly pulled herself up and glared at Kenna. Kenna smiled.

"Thanks Ken," Jules yelled while she started to drag Rue back into the living room. She pushed Rue past the people twerking to My type by Saweetie to the side of the floor. Close enough to the middle but far enough away just in case Rue needed to escape the chaos or her. Then she started moving to the song.

**********

Someone was watching her and she knew it was probably Kenna, the human version of a Tamagotchi known as Andi, or one of Jules's friends. Usually it would make her run in the other direction. Run until her out of sharpness caught up and she had to take a minute to catch her breath. They were staring and she just really couldn't find a reason to care. She was more focused on the way Jules was holding her hands and attempting to swing her to the beat. Rue fell into the bassy rhythm as she milly rocked to the beat.

Rue tried to suppress the smile and staring dancing on her own. Eventually she just started to let herself enjoy the music. She felt someone loop an arm around her and her breathing slow down despite continuing to yell the lyrics to Suge with some random kid next to her. Her anxiety peaking just for a moment at some stranger being so close to her. The song was switching and the kid went back to harlem shaking his shoulder and whoever was leaning against her moved too. Her body relaxed back into the rhythm of the beat.

Rue turned and smiled at Jules who was now mouthing along with the newest Rico Nasty song that was playing. Jules grinned back and rested her arms on Rue's shoulders. Guiding them both to the heavy thumping bass while remaining hype as ever.  _ It's her _ , Rue thought to herself. I gotta be on something and it's definitely not just adrenaline and fun. Jules leaned in as someone pressed past them in the crowd and Rue had to hold her breath at the closeness.  _ Yea its her _ . 

Even though the person had passed Jules was still really close to her and moving her body against Rue's in a way that made her body scream, you’re gay. Rue felt her anxiety start knocking at her heart but she somehow managed to stay loose enough to match Jules. She hoped the rotating party lights were hiding that the only place she really kept looking was Jules's lips while her hands rested on her hips. It wasn't that she had many options when they were so close. That's what she was rationalizing at least. Jules spoke to her directly but she couldn't really hear.

"What?" Rue yelled feeling the energy around her shifting.

"See something you like," Jules yelled a bit louder this time.

Rue nervously grinned and looked away from the smirk on Jules's lips. Of course these lights weren't doing shit. Jules got closer and her hips swayed in Rue's hands. Rue stared at her with a bit of awe but her movements were relaxed and fluid. While the beat of DnF played Jules was mouthing the lyrics at Rue, "You love me? I said maybe she said boy don't keep me waiting." 

Rue moved her hands from Jules's sides to mouth and motion along with Drake before the chorus dropped. She saw how much Jules was enjoying this and realized she was actually enjoying herself. Maybe she could enjoy parties soberish, just maybe with incentive of course. The adrenaline was racing through Rue her from the contact of Jules skin and the music around them. Her heartbeat was thumping in tune with the bass as everyone around them moved to the music too. Rue didn’t fully pay any attention to anyone else, her vision stuck was stuck on one person and her lips suddenly needed that person more than anything.

Rue pulled Jules back towards the wall she knew was close behind her. Luckily no one was behind them and she felt the wall against her back. Jules looked at her confused but followed her until they were against the wall. Feeding off of the communal adrenaline Rue leaned into Jules's space while the chorus was transitioning into Ty Dolla Sign's voice. She could hear the beat all around her but she was more focused on girl whose lips were pressed against hers and the sound started to fade out. 

She pulled Jules closer to her until her arms were wrapped around the other girl's waist. Her body let go of whatever anxious guilt was in her and the kiss felt like floating. Jules felt light in Rue's arms as she gripped lightly at the open edges of her shirt. The kiss was what she had wanted but it was not enough. As Rue felt Jules open her mouth she slipped her the tip of her own tongue. They were close enough that Rue heard Jules gasp but felt her reciprocate the action. Rue did it again and heard a quiet moan from Jules even though they were in a loud crowded room.

Jules glides her hands across Rue's bare stomach and then up across her chest. Rue is worried about the kiss and not getting too lost because they are still in public. She can even feel the people still bumping into them dancing but her brain short circuits with Jules's touch. Hands inch up further until they rest on the sides of Rue's face hooking hair behind her ears. 

Jules presses her weight against Rue's body and the wall behind them. She let's Rue lead the kiss because why not. If it wasn't for the lack of oxygen she likely would have never stopped kissing Rue if she could. She rested her forehead against Rue's as her ears and body settled to a dull buzz. 

"What is that about," Jules smiled against Rue's lips pecking them lightly. She feels Rue push lightly into the kiss but pulls back. Her hands keeping Rue from moving from where she was on the wall. She heard a low sigh from Rue and felt hands lightly ghosting against her back. Rue's shoulders shrugged and Jules leaned in to hear her.

"You didn't like it?" Rue said in her ear.

It was quiet and nervous and everything that Jules did not want to stir up. Jules shook her head to let Rue know it was all good, let her know that it was more than good. Her hands found Rue's and she interlocked their fingers. She looked at Rue's face while a combination of colors lit up the wall for a short while. Goosebumps went up her shoulder as a shiver went across her body. 

Rue looked different, a good different. She swore it looked like confidence and not manic confident. Rue stood up straighter and instead of being a few centimeters hunched away she was now eye to eye. Jules watched Rue look down at her lips and it made her body shudder. She really didn't want to leave the party yet and they were supposed to leave with Kenna and her boyfriend anyway. Her friends had long said they'd just uber to the hotel. Jules didn't even know where they were.

Olive even whispered in her ear that she better go find Rue before Andi started getting the wrong impression that this was going anywhere tonight. They were nice, cute, and she did like them for conversation, but they weren't who she really came to be around. Even if they were, Andi was new and it's not like she knew them like that, yet. Jarl even had pushed for her to go find Rue for this exact reason. 

She also really needed to find out what this version of her Rue had in mind that was obvious on her face. She pulled Rue by the hand in search of an unlocked closet or bathroom. When she found the latter she slipped inside with a puppy eyed looking Rue. Rue leaned against the linoleum sink as Jules twisted the lock on the door handle. She felt a hand lightly pull her by the back of her shirt and she got closer to a waiting Rue. Rue rested her head on Jules's shoulder before moving her hair to the side and exposing her neck.

"Can I kiss you again," Rue hummed against her ear. The bass of Sicko Mode was vibrating through the tiled bathroom wall. It echoed all around them oddly. Travis Scott's voice was warping and bending against the cold lit room. Jules rose her tipsy ass eyebrow but smiled because no matter how many times she told Rue not to ask. Rue was always going to be polite sometimes too polite and ask. 

She bites the corner of her lip and then looks up at the single track light making the room harshly bright. Too damn bright she thought, much too bright. "Hold on," she leans over and grins looking at big brown eyes one last time. Jules hits the lightswitch without leaving Rue's hold on her hips. 

"Out like a light, like a light." Rue mumbles along with Drake in Jules's ear. Her voice is raspy like she’d been holding her words for a long time. Like words couldn’t express what she wanted while her breath slowed against the pulse point of Jules's neck. Fuck, Jules thinks letting her arms hang to her side. Rue slowly flips their position and pushes back Jules against the sink. Jules feels lips dragging against her neck while she swallows a whimper. Lips meet her own and she let’s Rue kiss her nice and slow. Hands finding her waist and trading of quieted but it doesn't last long. Lips move from kissing her lips back to the expanse of her neck. Jules feels teeth pull against the side of her neck and she wraps her fingers to Rue's wrist. 

"Not so hard." She gasps. It felt good as hell but, that was one way to get her to not stop herself.

Her head tips to the side and Rue bites down again lighter this time. Then there is suction and Jules sighs because Rue knows just how much that drives her up a wall too. This girl was honestly trying to push her to her limits. Jules finds her hand holding Rue's head loosely. Her fingers wrapped lightly into Rue's curls guiding the girl's head. Soft lips map kisses down her neck and against her collarbone slowly. Rue's hands are dragging light lines alongside her thighs and Jules swallows for air. Rue is always slow and methodical and careful. Doing everything she likes and letting her control the pace. But the difference is that Rue is setting everything and everything is so thoughtfully slow. Rue stops nipping at the top of Jules's chest and curiously goes in for a kiss more heated than the last. Jules whimpers against Rue as their hips grind into one another against the bathroom sink. 

Someone jiggles the door handle but Jules is far too busy with her tongue to yell, hey someone is in here. She can feel Rue's hands sliding up the back of her thighs. Fingers gripping the skin while she cups Rue's jaw and tries to match the kiss to everything she's feeling. Jules can hardly think about anything other than the feeling of Rue's mouth against her own. The rest of her brain’s energy is focused on what she can hear. Rue's gasp of breath against her lips when she lets go for just a second. A whimper when their lips attach again. The sound of her heart beating in her ears. The clicking of Rue's rings hitting the sinktop everytime her hands shift against her legs. A vibrating rhythm and bass flowing all around them. 20 percent of her brain that isn't focused on the moment is focused on the sound.

When Jules pulls back they are both panting lightly. Rue smiles against Jules's cheek and lets out a shaky sigh. Rue knows her hand is moving from the sink with a mind of its own, but her brain feels like soup. Usually she'd be second guessing herself and any of her actions. She'd be careful to ask what was okay but she knows that this is okay. It's an unspoken don't stop from her friend that has her ignoring all logic. They could honestly do this everyday forever and Jules would not care. So she lets her palm roam up against warm thighs until....

Jules moans quietly, "Fuck," while dropping her forehead into Rue's neck.

Rue's hand is pressing lightly up the bottom of Jules's pushed up skirt. Slowly making its way to give her the relief. Rue knows she really wants more than anything but she was not tryna do anything past 3rd base here. Rue lets out a quiet moan into her neck as Jules teases through her unbuttoned jeans and boyshorts. Jules can feel all of the goosebumps on Rue's stomach brushing against her wrist as she slides her hand down. 

She hears herself chuckle into Rue's neck in a way that almost makes her pull away quickly. It's the kind of thing where you know you could push past certain boundaries of being in someone else's bathroom. This was intoxicating, more intoxicating than anything she'd been drinking all night. The hairs on her neck go up feeling just how turned on Rue is with her hand. There's a mumble from Rue but she can't really work it out while trying to focus. 

She turns her face to look Rue in the eyes and whispers out, "Just one?". 

Even though its almost pitch black in the bathroom, her eyes are adjusting quickly. She can just make out the way Rue is biting down on her own lip while her thumb starts rotating small circles. The warm hand under her skirt is still making her knee feel like it could buckle at any moment. Half lidded eyes meet her own and Jules feels the urge to sink down to her knees right there on the shagged rug in front of the sink.

Rue licks her lips and thinks about it. Thinks about how obvious it will be if she walks out of this bathroom and sits in Kenna's car with Jules smelling like her on more than just her fingers. Then she remembers the sink does exist for a reason. Still she shakes her head no despite her brain screaming yes. She wants the head bad but she also wants to make Jules feel good while she isn't second guessing things. As she is about to ask Jules what she can do for her, her phone starts to glow brightly and rings from inside her back pocket.

The same ringtone Jules heard days before blares out, it's McKenna. She thinks to herself hopefully Josh and Kenna were ready to go. There was no way she intended on staying at this party any longer anymore. She takes her fingers out of the slacks from against Rue. There is a sad quiet sigh and she watches as Rue leans back. Her back is against the small shower wall and she pulls her phone out.

Rue hears Kenna shouting to someone before she shouts into her ear, "Rue!" Rue almost laughs out loud at the audible slurring of Josh in the background. Rue watches as Jules hoist herself up onto the sink counter her legs swinging with a little clearance from the ground. looks at Jules as she stares at her from atop the sink counter. The glow from her own phone giving the room just enough light to see. To see her practically being eyed up and down by her friend.

"Hey Kenna," she looks away and zips her jeans back up. Then there are hands that aren't hers fastening the button.

"Bitchhh where the hell are you?" Kenna yells over loud music. Rue doesn't respond because she's kissing Jules again and it's intoxicating. Jules pulls at her lip before letting it go. Rue clears her throat and is about to say something but she hears Kenna repeat herself. Instead of just hearing her through the phone she hears her near the other side of the door. Jules grins and pulls open the door.

"Hey Ken," Rue says to a wide eyed Kenna when the door swings open. Kenna looks at both Rue and Jules who are now hazily lit up by the dim hallway light. They both are fidgeting and Rue feels Jules lace their fingers together. Kenna leans her head like a curious puppy and Rue ends the phone call. Kenna squints her eyes and sniffs the air.

"Oooo y'all are definitely ready to go home," Kenna smiles and does a seductive dance. Rue covered her face while Jules laughed knowingly next to her. "We saw y'all in that corner so don't even front." Josh has his hands up like he was staying out of the conversation. 

Rue groans and follows Kenna who is yelling at Josh to give her his keys back. 

Eventually they are outside of the dorms and Kenna drops Rue and Jules off at the front of Rue's building. She throws them a lewd tip about soundproofing the door with a towel before peeling off with a wide smiling and heckling Josh. Rue has to practically chase Jules back to her room two steps at a time. She fumbles with the door with Jules teasing her from behind, whispering why are you so nervous Rue. Once inside she shoves a random towel at the bottom of the door as soon as he closes it behind her. Just to see if it works.


	7. Gum Body

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another Long chapter. I was in walgreens, a pharmacy, getting some allergy meds and the first scene of this came to mind. It's a bit more cinematic in my head like i can see it and I apologize if that messes with the groove of things. This chapter is text message and social media heavy. I needed some change for fear of burn out. Trigger warning for the end of this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know your thoughts.

Jules looked at the cigarette cartons lining the wall behind the cash register. So many different white boxes and colorful ones too. Advertisements for Juuls and cartridges hung from the ceiling attached by thin almost translucent string. She read and reread the names over in her head as she glanced at the assorted boxes and prices. The air smelled like unopened cardboard boxes, lingering weed, and faint tree air fresheners. Interesting how all corner stores whether they were on the corner or in a different state they all smelled the same past two am.

Parliament.

Virginia Slims.

Newport.

American Spirit.

Pall Mall.

Pyramid.

Doral.

Carlton.

Camel.

L&M.

She was listing them all in her mind while she waited for Rue. Rue who was grabbing snacks from around the small convenience store. They both had worked up a bit of an appetite and planned on continuing that trend. It was just super late, barely anything close was opened. They ended up here after stopping at what Rue said was Kenna's car. Clarifying she was not practicing carjacking skills at 4am. For some reason Rue had an extra key too which she didn't question but it did feel weird. Rue just never mentioned it she guessed but she was realizing Rue didn't mention a lot of things. Either that or she was intentionally leaving out details. Jules could see that the cashier was reading some book flat on the counter but she could tell he was watching her. Not in a weird way. Not in that way either. Just the suspicious likely relative of the owner wondering if she was about to steal, way. 

Jules slid her hands out of the front pocket of her brightly marbled hoodie. She was clutching her wallet inside but didn't want him to assume it was anything else. No matter how naive she could be, she wasn't that naive. Not anymore at least. Neither dumb enough to leave him suspicious. She heard jingling keys and Rue talking next to her and turned to look not actually hearing a word. Rue's hood was up and she looked small even though she was taller than the lottery case on the front counter. She was coming to the register with chips, sweets, and drinks almost spilling over. All of the snacks balancing in her arms like a seasoned athlete. Jules half grinned, she could have asked for her help. Then again she was still somewhat out of it.

Her body was stuck in some extreme post orgasm haze. It was strong enough Rue just laid next to her for a while nuzzled into her neck whispering you are so amazing. Her mind was still glassy but the slight breeze outside helped with that. The haze and the wind made her cling to Rue's free hand in the car that rested on her knee. Watching Rue drive was new and kind of hot. Back home when they hung out it was usually Lexi driving if they weren't pedaling around town. Rue just looked relaxed and focused in the driver's seat. Even while tapping her non steering hand on Jules hand. It felt like was already in a hazy crystal looking dream staring at Rue as they slipped to the illuminated plaza. 

Jules inhaled and watched the cashier manually enter every item's price on the outdated system. She noticed Rue kept glancing at the many packs of cigarettes.

"You want a pack."

Rue shrugged and mumbled to her, "Not enough, should probably quit anyway."

She watched as the cashier handed Rue back her change and nodded, it looked like he said see you next time. Yawning into her hoodie Jules looked back at the prices. Rue was just smoking outside the hotel with Olive before the shared ride. Jules started to slide her wallet of the front pouch all the while thinking if she really should. She really shouldn't be supporting Rue's bad habits but it wasn't like she was doing any better in New York with a certain medicinal plant. Jules also really didn't want Rue bumming cigarettes off of Kenna. 

Continuing pulling out her wallet she moved closer to Rue taking out some of her cash. Her dad's concerned voice in her head "Always carry some cash kid," he must have sensed from birth she was a bit wild. She barely heard Rue whisper in her ear you don't have to. It wasn't about having to or not, she wanted to. Jules knew whenever Rue was manic or even super stressed she turned into a chimney stack. Something was chewing at Rue from the inside Jules could tell. She'd noticed the roughened edges of her lips when they kissed. The torn skin around Rue's finger tips when her thumb stroked over them. The way Rue sighed like she was being inflated with air when Jules squeezed her in the middle of the night. Something was up. She just wasn't sure if it was because she was here.

"What was it again Reds or Camels or Spirits?" Jules asked.

*********

Cold was traveling up Jules spine and she shivered while it slowly woke her. She'd been warm all night wrapped in Rue's blanket and body heat, so for her to be shivering was not normal. She knew she was still in Rue's bed from the metal post her leg was resting against. Yawning, she felt the emptiness around her body. Before opening her eyes she patted the space next to her. Empty, she sighed. Rue must have left to go smoke she thought. It was a habit but she was glad that Rue's ocd meant despite looking like a "Neighbors" extra she always smelled like detergent with the lingering scent of tobacco. It was uniquely Rue making her press her nose further into the pillow next to her. 

A breeze blew over her bare shoulder and across the top of the blanket she was under. She shivered again and pulled the blanket up to cover her shoulder. Opening her eyes she yawned and turned over to look for the source. Blinking in the dark room she saw the outline of random furniture and the glowing green alarm clock of Rue's roommate. Squinting she could read 3:00am thursday. Three more days and then back to reality. Well back to a different reality, one with Rue but with 2,863 miles in between them. Almost 6 hours on a plane or a 2 day bus or car ride, she only googled it a few times. Not that she cared or whatever.

Today she had work and then a mandatory lunch with some friends until Rue was free and then they could hang out before the exhibition. Rue had class, a presentation, and something she called alone time. Rue said it was something her therapist suggested she do to get used to being bored without a distraction. That distraction involved other people especially Jules who had been a big distraction for the past week. Rue surprisingly told Jules that openly and she took that for what it was and wasn't upset, Rue had a life and shit to figure out. A life outside of drugs, thankfully, and everyone else and Jules didn't need her to explain.

Rue planned on meeting her once dinner was over at the hotel. They both figured it was easier if Rue stayed with Jules for the next 72 or so hours until Sunday morning when she checked out. It also meant Rue could go to a fashion exhibition her professor invited everyone to later on that night maybe even the Saturday dinner if she wanted. They might just have to borrow something from someone or run to a store for Rue to wear. Rue mentioned wanting to spend Saturday with just Jules showing her things and Jules was excited for that. Excited to see a small piece of this place Rue called home away from the home they both knew, and to take her shopping and thrifting of course.

A big pile moved on the bed next to the alarm clock and Jules held her breath. She looked up at the window that was clearly letting in all the cold air and saw the multiple feet hanging off the bed. Groaning to herself she covered her head with the blanket. Reaching from under the blankets her hand grazed the close desk for her phone and charging airpod case. If she was stuck waiting she might as well check things.

She checked her notifications:

**Text from Olive : We made it back safe, stretch ho.**

**A snap from Rue 15 minutes ago.**

**Katthecat commented on a post you are tagged in.**

**30 people have liked your post.**

**Andeek: Well i see why you left the party, been busy then?**

**Rue.bennett posted for the first time in a....**

There were texts spilling over in the NYC group chat and the chat with Kat/everyone else from home. It was a lot to catch up on but she figured she had time. She wasn't super exhausted and Rue still wasn't back yet. Lowering the volume on her phone and putting in one ear bud she played the snaps from Rue first. 

Rue was in Jules's multicolored hoodie, a cigarette in mouth as she glared at the camera. She looked tired but her eyes looked happy and Jules felt her cheeks blush a bit. Rue was actually happy and they were good whatever they were and she was content as hell. The caption on the picture was  _ "Ignore the bitch and her boyfriend she said they'll be gone by like 8, come downstairs if you want."  _

Jules tapped to the next message to see Rue was awkwardly staring at the camera while she whispered with sleep still clinging to her voice. It always had a hint of sarcasm usually but with Jules it was always lighter she noticed.

"Babe It's chilly, so wear my yellow hoodie if you come down." Rue said.

Jules replayed the snap and pressed her head into her arm to hide a small amount of embarrassment that clearly no one else would have seen. She just wanted to listen to her say it again real quick. It was cute the way it rolled from Rue like she was even surprised she said it herself. Jules held her tongue in between her back teeth as she quickly responded back to Rue. 

**Jules: Babe?? That's new.**

**Rue: Talking to Fez.**

**Jules: Everything good, tell him I said hey ❤.**

**Rue: I will and yea just stupid cops and Ash. Is babe okay?**

**Jules: It's fine baby.**

**Rue: Wait baby?**

**Jules: Baby 💘**

**Rue: Wait are you just saying baby or are you calling me baby?**

**Jules: 🙄 Baby go talk to Fez**

**Rue: 😳**

Jules left the chat to let Rue talk with Fez undistracted. She stretched around to grab the shirt that was somewhere on the bed. It was a tshirt Rue had handed her before they curled up but she slept without it. That lead to Rue being cautiously handsy until she wasn't. She really did not want to flash a stranger if she had to leave this dome. Especially a stranger who she did not like with one ounce of her anime collaged heart. She poked her head through the neck of the shirt and then picked her phone up again. Swiping to Instagram she checked her messages first. Andi was the first one she decided to respond to and saw they were reacting to her story.

**_Andeek: Well i see why you left the party, been busy then?_ **

The post they were referring to was just a short video of her in the back of John's car from what she could remember. As it kept playing she realized that even though the video was super contrasty you could make out some things. Like the moving street lights as they rolled through the neighborhood of homes. The light music playing in the background that Kenna was humming to, it sounded like "Sunflower". Another thing was the wide tipsy grin plastered on Jules face. You could also see that someone's head was moving into the crook of her neck. Moving in the motion that would make sense why her neck felt so tender everytime she adjusted. 

That was going to be fun to color correct in the morning along with the headache she was going to have. It was most definitely going to keep her chugging coffee like a sleep deprived student. Fucking thirsty Thursday's were bad every college campus it seems. At least she had fun even if she forgot that it wasn't Friday a few times and she had more time with Rue than she thought. Rolling her eyes at the more inebriated past her she hoped Rue was as lax as she was.

She scrolled through her story reactions. Besides the one from Andi everything was focused on the last three additions to her story. She knew those videos were going to be interesting just based on the responses. Of all things they could be she had a feeling these were taken while Rue and her took a break from their "other" activities.

The first was a photo of the cheaply stuccoed dorm ceiling taken with flash. It was just what she saw from her perspective that she could share. The next was a bit more straightforward with a black and white boomerang of Rue's unknown ring and thumb grazing her lips over and over. A slight glisten of what could have been honestly one of two body fluids. Or both. Jules chewed her inner cheek nervously while watching the last video. The video that confirmed what most likely no one knew that she wasn't just in California sewing clothes and running coffee orders.

It was a short video of them midst deep kiss. Only illuminated by the bright ass flash on her phone and focused in on the dust particles in the air instead of their faces. You could still hear their wet lips connecting and disconnecting with a quiet fuck from Jules before it cut out at Rue pulling at her bottom lip. Both of their faces were mostly covered by their hair but if you knew Rue you'd know who that was. 

That video actually wasn't meant to be a kiss or to be uploaded. It was an accident that made Jules cringe a bit now seeing it. Rue had been checking how she looked in her IG camera and she couldn't take the waiting any longer. She just wanted to kiss her quickly and be done, something cute and discreet but Rue kissing her back kind of forfeited that plan.

Jules just cared about if Rue didn't want certain things on the internet. Especially things regarding her personal life which she was crazy hush hush about. Mainly as Jules got the hint that Rue still felt like shit for being an addict. That was the only reason she cared, because she was usually discreet but open about her ventures on social media. 

You'd think the whole thing with "Tyler" would make her distance herself completely from the entire internet. Which it did to some extent, for a few months but eventually one day she realized she had no one to gush about Madouka with and found the world wide web fascinating yet again. She was active on the usual platforms everyone else was even with her busy college schedule. It actually helped at times with her major and networking as long as she was careful. The only other things she used were apps for hookups. Which was really dumb when she thought about it. Yet they served their purpose as long as she was safe with who she met up with.

She knew that someone was going to be upset seeing her story. Someone was going to get their feelings hurt even though nothing was happening between them. There was also bound to be someone pissed off that Jules left their bed in some dingy room for someone else's but oh well. Jules just didn't know if the same went for Rue and her own boundaries. Rue might be freaked out by it so she made a mental note to ask her if she wanted it gone or what. 

**_Goannago Interesting._ **

Jules ignored that, she did not have the energy for that conversation, and dm’ed TC back.

**_Tcthetiger 👀 is that a Bennett i see?_ **

**_Julesvaughngo: 🤷🏽♂️_ **

**_Tcthetiger: 🥵 dangerous_ **

**_Julesvaughngo: 😊😊😊_ **

Going to the post she actually shared she smiled it was a group shot of her with everyone from Fit and Rue. The caption was "Almost all my best friends in one place." Thinking of Kat she went to the next notification. Kat's comment popped up first and it made her raise her brow because she had no idea what she'd been tagged in. It could be a meme or a random scammer.

_ Katthecat God damn 😝 _

She scrolled down to see other familiar people’s comments not bothering to scroll up. Definitely something someone she knew posted. The responses though she wasn't really sure.

_ Lordco I see you young blood. I see you. _

_ TCthetiger 👀👀👀 _

_ Queenperez @casshoward what did i miss because 😮 _

_ Of course Maddy was using her finsta. _

_ casshoward Wait so we are all commenting on the same thing right. _

_ Mckennaroni no bite where? 🔥 _

_ casshoward @Queenperez 🤐 let me slide in your dms _

_ det.howard Rue I am sweating. You know I hate sweating. _

_ gggiab Oop I'm telling mom. _

_ rue.bennett @gggiab 🙂 u suck. _

_ gggiab @rue.bennett not as much as whoever 🤫 is on your neck. _

Scrolling past the flurry of comments she got to the top. It was selfies of and photos from Rue during the night they just had. The first one just of Rue in front of the mirror in the hotel bathroom. She had a middle finger up but looked innocent like an angry lap dog. The next was her and Kenna looking like feral beast. The next of Kenna posing sprawled out in the hallway. Jules scrolled to the next, a photo of Olive, Jarl, and her dancing.

She scrolled to the next and smiled. It was one of her and Rue before they'd left the hotel. Jarl snapped the photo before they'd all went downstairs. Tapping the tagged icon her handle didn't pop up and she shrugged, maybe Rue had cropped them in the group selfie in the next.

It was pretty cute to be honest just her head on Rue's shoulder. Their shoulders and hands touching except for the one giving him a peace sign. Rue was smiling goofily next to her. She bit her lip, if only he knew what she'd really been to whisper in Rue's ear. While scrolling to the next photo Jules started thinking about what would she do. What would the fallout be if the recently public profile of Rue had posted one of them together that was less, safe. Or if she posted one that she'd taken while curled up in bed with Rue. Solidifying to everyone that this was indeed fun but also it was happening. What was the worst that could happen if her and her best friend were more than best friends where other people could see.

The last picture Jules swiped and her brain stopped moving. She felt herself drool a bit. Rue was in the hotel bathroom mirror. It looked like it was taken while she was getting ready to go out. Jules noticed all the water droplets on the mirrors reflection and the wet waves that hung in place of the usual curls . The burgundy button up was open wide. Wide enough to see the solid crop top visible underneath exposing Rue's entire stomach. Jules held her breath catching that jawline that could cut glass in the reflected selfie. 

Rue had her chin shifted exposing her neck proudly. The multiple light fresh bruises and marks all up and down Rues pulse point. The most obvious hickey was super new and carefully placed so no one would see. But, in this photo there it was starring Jules in the face reminding her she was doing the most. It looked like Rue had been hit by a golf ball. There was even the faintest nail marks peeking out from the top of her jeans. Well damn Jules thought. All these marks she left just trying to leave traces of herself to be remembered.

It wasn't a possession thing to Jules at least. It was more of an I want you to know that I was here. I want you to know that I'm still here. Jules clicked her tongue, okay maybe she was a tiny marking her territory. Rue wasn't really trying to hide any of the marks at all. Also the look on her face was a knowing smirk of yea i know im fine. Fine she was, Jules thought while shifting her eyes to read the caption.

_ All cap no bite. 🖤 _

This photo was tagged unlike the others minus Kenna so Jules tapped the tag icon to see who was tagged in this. Oh. Of course her handle was tagged on top of all the bruises on Rue's neck. Of course would choose to be reckless out of the blue . Jules smiled wide and scrolled through a few more comments. Some from a few random girls with the drool icon. Why did she beg Rue to make her profile public again. She commented on the post herself.

_ julesvaughngo Oops 😌 _

Opening the group chat she had a lot to catch up on. texted Kat, Lexi, and Cassie she passed time. Awaiting Rue's return to come back and will her back to sleep.

**Lexi: Rue looking like a whole snack in this Kenna's ig story**

**Kat: Oooo i wanna see, also how rude is it that she accepted your follow request and not mine.**

**Lexi: Because i'm Rue’s best friend thought that was obvious.**

_ Screenshot of a picture from Kenna's ig story. Rue had hair in front of her face while she was posing like a rock star. _

**Cassie: Damn daddy 😮**

**Kat: Chill girls that's not even the best one. Lex, you missed this one on our friend Jarl's story.**

_ Screen recorded video of Rue awkwardly spinning to show the full outfit she wore while it was still buttoned up and pristine. Rue smiles at the end like an uncomfortable turtle but she still is looking fly. The caption overtop said look at my work @rue.bennett  _

**Cassie: Damn where is Jules in all this?**

**Kat: Apparently from her story or everyone else's they went to the party together but she is not with her.**

**Cassie: What!**

**Lexi: Oh fuck did i break them up?**

**Kat: Lexi you better explain**

**Lexi: 😖**

Jules really wants to laugh reading through Lexi explaining the talk they initiated earlier. She knows she can't with the roommate less than 5 feet away. But she wants to because this is hilariously dumb.

**Kat: Nooo**

**Cassie: Maybe we can just wait and see. Everyone shouldn't assume about something they don't know the facts about.**

**Maddy: Damn Rue looks good**

**Maddy: Am i not straight? I don't like 🐱 but if Jules doesn't want her...**

**Cassie: Maddy no. Also i thought i was the person you'd be gay for.**

**Maddy: Omg Cassie really! I told you to keep that shit between us.**

**Lexi: Cassie stfu even though 👀**

**Cassie: 🤷🏽♂️**

**Kat: Oh shit**

**Cassie: What**

**Kat: Look at what's on Jarl story**

_ Another screen recorded video from his story. This one was of Jarl and Olive dancing laughing and making lewd dance moves. Jules and Rue are in the strobe lit background against the wall making out unaware of the world.  _

Jules goes to Jarl's Instagram and watches his story for a clearer view. He actually had been capturing snippets of the night on Instagram. Some videos with the NYC crew, some with just Olive or Tom. A lot of dancing and shots of clear alcohol. He even had a selfie with her and then one with just Rue. That photo was captioned go follow my new friend and Rue was genuinely smiling. Getting to the clearer version of the video that was in the group chat, Rue and her definitely were caught having their moment. She went back to the message thread and continued reading.

**Lexi: I don't see anything.**

**Cassie: Me either.**

**Kat: Howard's look in the background to the right.**

**Lexi: Oh. Well don't they look cozy.**

**Kat: Wait for the next clip**

**Cassie: 👀**

**Maddy: Nah they look like they been fuckin. Ooo y'all see Jules with the body stroke.**

**Lexi: Is she choking her 👀👀👀**

**Kat: See they are fine and 😝 Maddy you saw that too right.**

**Lexi: So thats why they both went ghost.**

**Maddy: I mean at least we are all getting some.**

**Lexi: Ha right.**

**Kat: Awww Lexi**

**Cassie: Speak for yourself I have gotten 0 action so far and I can legally drink now.**

.....Jules kept reading and scrolling chuckling to herself at all of her friend's antics. She read quickly until she or Rue was a topic of conversation again...

**Maddy: Whew Rue's insta post 🥵**

**Kat: It was cute but that last photo 😮**

**Cassie: Ooo let me go look they must have left that party by now right. It's like 3 am there right.**

**Maddy: That last photo she uploaded is sending me.**

**Kat: Jules is working overtime.**

**Maddy: Is this bisexuality?**

**Kat: 🙄😒**

**Lexi: Her neck omg**

**Cassie: *gif of James McAvoy sweating profusely***

**Kat: Jules updated her story**

**Kat: *gif of wills smith's oh shit face***

**Cassie: Is it hot in here or am i high on molly?**

**Maddy: Even i am shook because they both keep things low key.**

**Kat: Damn now I wish ethan was here.**

**Maddy: 🤢**

**Kat: 🖕🖕🖕**

**Lexi: Who has that much sex?**

**Kat: They are making up for a year of child's play let them live**

**Lexi: Rue kinda looks like a fuckboy in that photo a good way and how????**

**Cassie: Lex your jealousy is showing**

**Lexi: I'm not jealous just sexless and i said in a good way.**

**Maddy: But that's really casper 👻 that's wild.**

**Casper, Jules chuckled under her breath.**

**Cassie: Those kisses look dangerous 😍.**

**Maddy: Easy Lexi it's called staying hydrated. Right Cass 😩.**

**Lexi: She's too good to be a player we all know that.**

**Maddy: Is she tho? Doesn't she have some other girl out there?**

**Cassie: Maddddyyyyy**

**Lexi: Kenna isn't like a "thing"**

**Kat: I heard the same from Jules.**

**Maddy: I'm just saying I heard she was robotripping in the middle of your gym one year Lexi. So at that point its like ehhhh what is she capable of that we don't know? Jules reliability is 🤔.**

**Kat: Rue just dgaf okay but she cares about people when she's sober. She cares about Jules. Also half of those rumors aren't completely true.**

**Maddy: Like your sex tape?**

**Kat: 🔪🔪🔪**

**Maddy: ☕**

**Lexi: Please do not fight eachother here.**

**Cassie: How about instead of fighting we all agree it's daddy Rue.**

**Lexi: Why are you guys like this.**

**Kat: Yassss**

**Kat: Oh come on Lexi put that crush to use. Say daddy Rue.**

**Maddy: Ha im sure she has many times**

**Lexi: Wow 🖕 u all.**

**Maddy: I'm sure Daddy Rue could 😂😂😂**

**Lexi: I seriously am questioning our friendships.**

**Cassie: I'm your sister Lexi.**

**Lexi: Yet we are nothing alike.**

**Kat: Maybe we ARE all gay. Just a little bit.**

Jules did not realize she was caught up with all the messages reading and everything ticked read. The last message was actually just sent in the midst of her catching up the conversation.

**Kat: Oh look who is alive you guys**

**Lexi: Oh snap, Hi Jules**

**Maddy: 🤸♂️🤸♂️🤸♂️**

**Jules: Sorry you guys, been busy.**

**Kat: Busy aka 🥴**

**Cassie: Oh we saw but I'm glad you are busy getting your spine realigned or realigning spines.**

**Lexi: and turning Rue into a billboard ad for some concealer. Are you guys ok?**

**Jules: Yea we are, we talked a bit because of your help, thankyou for that. Both Cass both.**

**Maddy: How's daddy?**

**Jules: 😂😂**

**Lexi: 😒**

**Jules: She's out smoking right now but she's good 🤤.**

**Jules: I have a confession for you guys and i need your help.**

**Kat: 👀👀👀**

**Maddy: We are listening.**

**Jules: I have never called Rue "that" before and I think I'm jealous.**

**Cassie: Of us? and start i wanna know what happens.**

**Lexi: Have that convo elsewhere please.**

**Kat: And you guys call me a freak.**

**Jules: 😆 maybe. But, really, though I feel weird about Rue's new found popularity on IG.**

While Jules scrolled past Rue's latest instagram post she landed on an old and one of the only selfies Rue had on her page. It was taken during summer. There were a ton of new comments from the influx of followers Rue must have gained. Jarl really had a high ass follower count from all his many fashion and nyc and europe content. There was no caption but the new comments involved shock faces, omg @jarlmø who is this?, or the one making Jules gnaw her molars together "please tell me you're single".

One of the IG handles looked vaguely familiar of one of her ex hook up buddies which was a huge line for her at least. Maybe not for Rue but then again she didn't even know how Rue felt about the attention. Jules knew it wasn't really the flirting so much getting to her, a part of it yes, but it was the fact that she had no right to be as annoyed by it as she was. They weren't exactly anything and for all she knew they weren't dating to Rue. It did feel that they were moving towards something even if it was just dating. Even if this wasn't an exclusive thing she still wanted it to be a thing with Rue.

  
  


**Jules: Pretty sure one of my flings commented on that hoodie post.**

**Kat: Oooo yea as soon as Jarl posted and tagged her i knew a bunch of these new york folk hit follow quickly.**

**Lexi: But y'all arent exclusive.**

**Jules: 😒**

**Jules: Not the point**

**Kat: Lexi she is working on it chill out.**

**Jules: We aren't even "official", yet. Which i don't care we can keep doing this but it's normal right to feel a bit like...**

**Jules: *gif of seagulls from nemo yelling mine***

**Maddy: I think it is.**

**Kat: Of course you do.**

**Lexi: Is that why you uploaded that on your story.**

**Jules: That was the alcohol and distracted posting.**

**Maddy: Accident or not bitch you better let these bitches know who you are.**

**Cassie: If it was me i would feel the same way.**

**Lexi: Looking at some of these comments now 🤬**

**Kat: Um Anna commented. 🙃**

**Jules: Fml**

**Lexi: What did she say 🔪**

**Kat: "I honestly can't see what she does"**

**Jules: 😒🖕**

A notification popped up on her screen: text from Rue 😍. Jules quickly left the group chat she would talk to them later.

**Rue: Can you come downstairs?**

**Jules: Kind of half naked, unless you wanna try something new 👀**

**Rue: Nah, I can just come up.**

**Jules: Are you okay?**

**Rue: Yea.**

**Jules: Rue.**

**Rue: Fine, promise.**

**Jules: It's Anna isn't it?**

**Rue: Anna? I just wanted to talk to you.**

**Jules: Don't check your Instagram and i can just come down.**

**Rue: Is it about that last photo? I can take it down if you want, i don't wanna cause problems for you.**

**Jules: It's fine, i like it. Actually check my story and let me know if i should take that down.**

**Rue: I saw it, it's whatever.**

**Jules: um?**

**Rue: I probably shouldn't say this but fuck it. I don't care what people think right now, maybe in the morning when I'm not like this. Right now though I'd post it too cause these comments are 😂.**

**Jules: Oh you like the attention.**

**Rue: No not really**

**Jules: Okay then.**

**Rue: Are you jealous.**

**Jules: 😒 No.**

**Rue: 😂😂😂**

**Jules: 🤣 Hilarious right.**

**Rue: Babe it's okay if you are even.**

**Jules: I shouldn't be. You aren't mine.**

**Rue: You can be jealous though.**

**Jules: This might sound crazy but do you want to be?**

**Rue: 😳**

**Jules: That isn't a yes or no. I didn't even mean right now i just meant is that what you want.**

**Rue: You have your life in New York though.**

**Jules: And?**

**Rue: I'm here. Isn't that going to be an issue.**

**Jules: Can't we just say fuck it and try.**

**Rue: You know i can't just be reckless.**

**Jules: 🙄 come to bed.**

**Rue: Are you mad?**

**Jules: Is my name Utena Tenjou?**

**Rue: Who? And No?**

**Jules: There's your answer.**

**Rue: You seem mad.**

**Jules: I'm not, can we stop talking and you just come be next to me please.**

**Rue: K. Gonna smoke another one, be up soon.**

Jules thought about how long that was going to take. She didn't even want to sleep she just wanted to curl up next to rue. It was gonna be so long after sunday before the could do that again. Did I just get rejected she questioned while locking her phone. Doubt popped in her stomach, how could she really expect Rue to be her girlfriend with that much distance. It was unrealistic right. Jules got out of bed quietly looking for a pair of Rue's sweatpants. I love her, she thought. She spotted some hanging out of a drawer and pulled them up. They were scratchy and stiff but warmed her bare legs instantly. Jules texted Rue before padding out the door wearing slides and a blanket over her head. 

**I'm coming down, where are you?**

*************

Rue was still facetiming with fez waiting for Jules comes down. Why couldn't they have just both shut up and gone to bed. She flicked the cigarette on the metal door frame to outside. Technically she shouldn't be doing this but the lead RA lets her slide on this from time to time. So she is smoking out of the open fire escape door in the study lounge of her building comfortably. The door is propped open with a chair opposite the big comfy one she is sprawled out on. Rue rotates the now opened box of camel blues in her hand with the phone in the other before setting it on the small coffee table.

“Yea man stay safe out there and tell Ash i said to stop being a dick.” Rue laughed.

Fez chuckled low, “You already know and i can't control that fucker he crazy. Rue said stop being an asshole.”

“Imma give it like another year before ya ass gets kicked out,” Rue hears Ash yell loudly to her.

“I give you 6 months till you go to Juvie,” Rue says loud enough for the boy in the background to hear while flipping him off.

Fez starts laughing, "Shut the hell up both of you."

"Fez I'm serious you're one of my bestfriends be safe. Both of you," Rue responds. It sounds way more depressing than its supposed to. She knew that even if he was to get put away he'd be okay. That just would mean Ash would be free to do whatever or end up in Juvie and they world didn't need either of those things. What normal non street pharmacist sixteen year old has a neck tattoo. None and that was exactly her point. At least with Fez around Ash actually had good grades and stayed out of the physical business as much as possible.

"Rue how about this imma just stay in my house or the shop and be like you. You know how I do I'm always ready. I'll tell him to lay low but who knows if he'll listen, only God right." Fez shook the playstation controller in his hands and looked back at her.

Rue was smirking and finger quoted,"Only god." Whoever that sick fuck was.

"Anyways you better go get chya lil girlfriend," Fez nodded, staring at the screen still.

"Fez you know she isn't my girlfriend and she's coming down now. Gotta talk." Rue yawned loudly, man was she tired.

He rose his brow and gave her the you are bullshitting me look. “Yea, but you looked mad aggravated over that little conversation you just read back to me,” he said.

“Cause i don't wanna stress her out man highschool was a burden enough. I was a fucking wreck. She won’t get it,” Rue shrugged and looked away.

“Okay and that was mad long ago. No lie i think your girl will understand more than you think. You're still sober right?” Fez held the controller in his hand but he wasn’t playing anything.

“I'm clean Fez not exactly sober and i am still a fucking wreck.” Rue looked back at him trying to judge his reaction.

“Yo that medicinal ain't nothing neither was that little thing. Also shut the hell up. If she aint love you she wouldn't be there and you clearly love her so lock it down kid.” 

Rue groaned and made an annoyed face. He was right, even if she saw other people and so did Jules she needed to put Jules at ease. She needed to be honest.

“I’m just saying Rue. Also she dead bought you two fresh ass packs. Spirits high as hell already but ya ass likes them limes. Then she hit you with the pack blue camel's on top of that, just because. What you been doing to get that type of love.” He laughed out loud.

"After she bought them, she told me I need to quit. But yea i know and nothing," Rue smiled and looked away. She wasn't actually doing much just trying to make her friend comfortable. Her friend that she couldn't stop thinking about, touching, or kissing. Everytime she said friend it felt wrong but honestly any other words felt wrong. She wasn't ready for that word. To be someone's something when she still felt less than a ten. Progress was still progress she had to remind herself. The thought of stressing Jules out though that stressed her out more than the lingering words in her heart and the ache for something more. 

Fez started yelling to his TV and she saw Ash wave in the background. He was even taller now it looked like as he held a controller in his hands. Rue heard the sound of flip flops coming down the linoleum stairs that led to the lounge. Breathing out loud she wished she could disappear. They were going to talk even if they didn't talk about everything. They needed to just lay things out for her dwindling sanity, she needed it. If Jules couldn't give her than she guessed she would have to not need Jules. That possibility sent pangs up her arm and as the door to the lounge creaked open she wondered if she stressed her heart to far and she was having a heart attack.

“Here she comes now. You wanna say hi before I do this,” Rue sat up.

“Sure let me say hi to my favorite anime character.”

Rue watched Jules walk into the lounge typing on her phone and grinning not at her but who she saw was on Rue’s phone.

“Wuss good Jules.” His voice crackled a bit with the connection.

“Ayyy nothing at all Fez, chillin with Rue,” Jules fake smiled at Rue.

“Uhhuh nothing, well take care of yourselves, don't kill my friend.” Jules laughed awkwardly because she honestly might.

“We will Fez, stay out of trouble.” Jules gave him a peace sign.

“Text me later Rue,” He gave Rue a knowing nod.

“For sure man,” Rue said as Fez ended the call and her screen went back to her lock screen

Jules awkwardly stood in front of her and shivered. Rue smiled up at her friend and put the butt out on the ledge outside the door before unproping the door. Rue sat back into the the squeaky cushioned chair. With the door closed started playing with her box of cigarettes in hand. 

"You can sit down if you want to,” Rue gestured to the arm of the chair she at in and her lap with a grin. They could do this.

“Can I sit wherever or should i just stand up so i can leave,” that came out of Jules mouth harsher than intended.

“Jules can you sit without an attitude so we can talk. I just don't want you to go to sleep angry at me.” Rue keeps avoiding Jules eyes and playing with the cuff of her sleeve.

Jules looked down at her feet and crossed her arms before walking toward Rue and positioning herself on the arm of the chair. Why was this so uncomfortable she did not know but she was worried about rue.

“I'm not mad I promise.” Jules swallows her words.

"So you gonna post that video?” Rue watches as she questions her.

“I want to,” Jules really wanted to post that stupid video on her feed. Even if she would regret it later.

“Then do it,” Rue tried to say playfully but she felt the tension growing. They needed to just talk. It couldn't be that hard.

“Why should i though, when in a few weeks it wont even matter,” Jules felt her aggression slip out and she sucked her bottom lip in quickly but she could not control her eyes.

“Stop looking at me like that and What are you saying Jules,” Rue was caught off guard by that but rolled with the punches. 

“You don't want to be my girlfriend,” Jules couldn’t look at Rue she just looked away and kept her arms folded.

“Jules….Babe that is not what I meant,” Rue internally wanted to scream here came the assumptions.

“Yes it is Rue you look fucking terrified,” Jules said as sarcasticlaly as she could.

Rue could tell by all the tension in her face yea she probably looked freaked out, but she was. She wasn’t going to deny that, “I didn't mean never just not right now.

“Did I do something wrong?” Is it someone else?” Jules just wanted an answer because Rue honestly seemed so ready to go at any moment with them.

“Babe no it's not you,” Rue bit her tongue from continuing because that already sounded cliche. And bad just very bad when you want to convince someone they aren’t the issue.

Jules scoffed and Rue put a hand over the knees next to her.

“We dont even have to be closed Rue i just want people to know I I I....fuck. I don't even want to say it, why am I doing this to myself.” Jules sounds over the conversation already.

The same pain from before goes up rues arm a heart attack would be better than this.

“Fuck it, i love you Rue. You are my best friend and I am in love with you.” Jules would say that over and over again even if it never changed Rue’s mind.

“I love you too Jules like so fucking much. So much i cant breath when you are around. It hurts because i know i'm so far from you but sometimes all i fucking want it you.” Rue couldn’t stop herself before that came out in response.

Did I move too fast, Jules thought before speaking with a nervous, shaky voice. "Am i suffocating you ?" Jules asked trying to clear her throat.

"No Jules," Rue put her face in her hands and groaned, why was this so hard.

"We can slow down Rue or we can just stop whatever this is if you want. You're my best friend Rue," Jules pulled back a sob to finish her words. Like hell she wanted to stop seeing Rue but distance was a bitch and apparently so was whatever else Rue was wrestling. "Even though I am going to need some time to stop thinking about kissing you."

"No shit, not like that Jules."

Fuck how could she say things without making Jules so so pissed off.

"Like a good cant breath like you are fresh fucking air. But, i cant breath because i am so used to breathing in shitty junkie air. This feels too good to be true because happiness doesn't last forever. I feel like i am going to lose you if we go too fast or if we go too slow. What if I relapse, what then Jules. Are you gonna leave me. Fuck what if i do stupid shit out here and someone treats you better. It's just a lot. It's really confusing right now with everything else thinking about only being....." Rue rattles out. She realizes her hands are shaking and she starts to hyperventilate but holds her breath. The last thing she needed right now was to have a panic attack, for Jules to see her like that. Like this.

Jules is quiet now but her hand is holding Rues tight while she tries to even herself out. Rue squeezes her hand up and looks up and sees the tears pouring down Jules face. Fuck. Jules looks distant like really distant. 

"Babe i’m sorry." Rue shakes her knee but all Jules does is let out more tears and shake her head no. Trying to read emotions is one of Rue's worst traits but she has no clue what is going through Jules head. Just say it Bennett, just fucking say it, her head is throbbing and she feels like she's going to throw up. Is this what it looks like to break the heart of someone you love so much. Her dread yelled don't you dare say it, not yet, not here.

"I don't want to stop dating you Jules."

Nothing.

"Babe let's just go to bed."

Jules didn't pull away hearing Rue try to bring her from where her brain was. If this was years ago she would've said something hushed and walked off. She might even do that now but she had nowhere to go. Nowhere to run and why the hell should she. She was upset and trying to make sense of things. No one could replace Rue for her even if she did have someone else. When she needed Rue that is who she would need not anyone else she was dating. Rue just didn’t get that. At least she understood that Rue needed time. That was obvious and she needed time too, just to figure out how the hell she was going to visit often enough but not so much she failed out of school. Maybe Rue could visit her instead just maybe. Tickets weren't that bad from JetBlue.

It wasn't like Rue had 0 cash flow. She just was always sending Gia money or saving it for something "more important" she always said. Which Jules was pretty sure her planning to visit her anyway. She wasn't one hundred percent sure but it was a possibility. Rue was a tutor for an English class and she dog walked when she could for a rich old woman who thought Rue had "character". Jules agreed, her friend was so much more amazing than she knew. That is why she was stuck between being upset, understanding, and pissed off. Rue was still not telling her the full truth and her patience was wearing thin. She needed to go to bed but not yet.

Her eyes shifted and staring at Rue, she saw the concern there and it almost made her agree and say yea bed sounds nice. They were both tired but Jules really wanted them to enjoy the time they had left. Even if it was as just friends. She also knew the girl and well. Every time they used to argue they'd push it aside if it wasn't big and go to bed. Pulling her arm back she wiped away the tears now not falling anymore and tucked her arms under one another. This was going to fucking hurt

"I can't do this," she pointed between them, "until you tell me the truth." Ultimatums never worked well for them but this was one of them just keeping things as clear as possible. This didn't just mean the sex it meant them. Before they could even begin to call whatever they had, whatever they wanted a relationship she just needed to know. Even if it was another girl or Rues mental health she wanted to know the truth. So she could be there for there for her friend.She couldn't be anywhere if she did not know what apparently Lexi and likely Fez knew. Jules kept watching as Rue's eyes get sadder and sadder while she let the thought sink in. Rue hung her head and nodded before moving over in the chair so Jules could occupy the space if she wanted to. Jules did just that because Rue was already choking back tears. She slid her arm around Rue's back and rested her head on her shoulder.

Through an almost guttural but quiet exhale Rue finally could talk. 

"I fucked up Jules." 

Jules squeezed Rue lightly just giving her some comfort. "Relapse?," she breathed out.

"No....Yes...Kind of. I'm so fucking sorry." Rue wanted to curl into a ball. She kept hiding her face and the tears that she just couldn't stop.

"Tell me Rue," Jules voice was oddly calm. Her arms were wrapped around Rue holding her close. Rue just decided opening up was the best decision right now before that changed and changed quickly.

"Please don't tell my mom. Fuck. It was a few months ago remember when i was kinda distant." Rue couldn't get her voice or her hands to stop shaking. Her head was so fucking dizzy.

"Weren't you manic? Are you using?" Jules held her breath waiting for the answer. If it was no thank god, but then she had to ask why Rue still felt so guilty. If it was yes she was going to have to leave after they finished talking. Probably call Leslie maybe Lexi and figure out what to do from there. All she could do right now was to stay as calm as possible.

"I was like really fucking off Jules. Usually it's not that bad, especially with my meds, I am still on my meds. That time though I don't know, I just couldn't stop everything from happening at once and i wanted to shut everything off." Rue swallowed hard and tried to breath. "No I'm not using." 

Jules watched Rue fiddle with her ring and tap her feet. 

"But...." Jules was still nervous knowing there was always a but.

"I had a real shitty moment and i found a guy. He was someone i used to go to NA with." Rue heard Jules go huh and continued. "I go to a different group now. It's nice. He stopped going when I did. I only bought a little bit but I couldn't do it. I was outside on a bench and I had it on my textbook. And I just couldn't do it." Jules held Rue stead while her shoulders shook and her body swayed from discomfort. She listened while Rue kept talking.

"I saw the look on my mom's face when she'd get the call. I was going to die and i wanted to. Usually I'm just running from whatever but i wanted to die Jules. Fucking Gia would be alone, you would hate me, and I'd be rotting in my own vomit on some fucking park bench.Maybe someone would have found me and the narcan in my bag...but." Rue's voice trailed off at the end of that sentence. Her own mortality was a rough topic.

Jules ran her fingers across Rue's scalp lightly.

Rue knew she was rambling but, she really did not care. It was secretly nice finally telling Jules all of this. Even if it meant Jules would leave her anyway at least she told her the truth.

"Lexi wanted to come up and be with me after but I told her no. Fez was gonna come too but he was gonna end up killing dude. Why am i weak as fuck Jules. I can't even throw it out by myself. Everytime i go to flush it i wanna throw up." Rue stuffed her fingers into her hair and shrugged away from Jules hands.

Jules exhaled she was actually relieved but she didn't want to go back in to holding Rue if she didn't want it. She wasn't really sure what to do to help Rue but at least she knew. Rue was still clean, that was wonderful she was actually proud of her. She stopped herself before she did something that could have ended so awfully. Rue just couldn't see how strong she really was. 

"Rue look at me," Jules cupped Rue's chin and had her look up even if she didn't want to. She looked into the teary big brown eyes and wanted to take all of Rue's sadness and guilt away. Just so she could see what she saw even like this. The girl who made her feel like she'd spent too many rotations in a Ferris wheel but one that finally was stopping at the top so they could look out over everyone. "I am not mad at you, you stopped, that is a good thing Rue."

Rue wiped her tears away and looked confused.

" You are amazing Rue. A mess but, amazing. Three years is wild right," Jules looped her fingers with Rue's. Rue looked down at their hands and put a kiss to Jules's finger tops. She swore she didn't deserve this, to have her, but if she said that she was gonna end up in an empty bed or on a cold floor tonight.

"Can you help me with something?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song title is from Burna Boy ft. Jorja Smith and the hoodie is crooked tongue marble hoodie via google search. May re edit this chapter later for grammar.


	8. Golden Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy Kwanzaa. Here's almost 19,000 words.
> 
> SW- There are possible trigger words and slurs in a part of this it is in the section after Jules looking at the ceiling if anyone would like to skip that part. Some background on that Rue and Victoria, Rue's roommate, come to a head. I've had arguments with ex-roommates so I figured I'd include that. 
> 
> title based off of Golden Thing by Cody Simpson.

"Don’t open it, " Rue pulls Jules hand away from the crinkled sealed top.

"What is it?," Jules whispers to Rue while staring at the small baggie in her palm. The fluorescent led glowing over the stall flickers slightly. She could see three small round pink pills freckled with white. They looked familiar but also looked like they could be growing mold on them with white fuzzy spores. Maybe Rue was just doing hallucinogens again and got spooked, she wondered. That would actually not be as awful as the other things she could be on. She also knew that one thing her best friend knew very well was drugs.

"It was supposed to be pinks," Jules saw Rue shrug and squinted her eyes for a better look at the pills. 

"Okay oxy, but why does it look like that." Jules raised her brow and clears her throat. "Oxy doesn't look like this Rue." Jules thought to herself, Rue knows she's not stupid right.

"I don't know babe it's probably laced. I kind of just chop and snort, yaknow ask questions maybe OD later." Rue started rubbing up and down her own wrist shrugging at Jules dumbfounded expression. A mix of I could kill you right now and stop lying to me. It wasn't like Jules hadn't dabbled in some things so it wasn't her judging her per se. Rue knew that, it was just Jules trying to wrap her head around Rue's really dumb logic.

"That's not funny Rue. Laced with what?" Jules still gripped the baggie in her fist. Not too tight just letting the round impression of plastic sit in her palm. She could feel the crumbs of whatever had fallen in that drawer sticking to her skin. It felt like sand when you first walked off the beach that got stuck everywhere. This moment with Rue is oddly intimate, it reminds her of highschool . It was weird, it gave her the feelings that come with nostalgia but none of the comfort that usually brings. Jules feels her brain trying to pull away while her conscience was telling her it was different. Rue was different than her mom. Rue actually gave a fuck about her.

"Fentanyl," Rue looked up away from Jules gazing at her like she was a pane of glass. f

From the short distance that was the other side of the grey stall Rue felt Jules body language change. The lights were back on somewhere in her pretty head.

"Did you know ?" Jules asked matter of factly but Rue watched Jules press her back against the stall. She did not know if that was just from discomfort or wanting space. This stall was cramped, it didn't seem that way when it was just one person usually. Even then it was starting to feel smaller.

Rue shrugged slowly her fingers tugging lightly at the end of the hoodie sleeve," Yea." She could hear Jules sigh in irritation and looks at the lines in between the tile of the floor. With her eyes she was tracing each square around her feet trying to find some source of comfort.

"Well deep down in the toilet this shit goes." Jules says and drops the baggie in the toilet with a small plop following.

Rue watches the bag fall like it's in slow motion, she considers swiping it before it hits the toilet. Sometimes her life felt like a movie or a TV show gone horribly wrong. When the baggie hits the water exhales the breath she held and pushes the lever quickly. Let it go she tells herself and then laughs inside because this was definitely not fucking Frozen.

Jules almost didn't have enough time to pull back to give her the space to. She leans back and unlocks the stall door. She can hear the toilet flushing behind her as the black slides on her feet slap against the tile floor. Turning the handle on the sink Jules quickly washes her hands of anything that was probably stuck to her hand. She had dug into the bottom of Rue's least used drawer to fish out the baggie as quietly as possible, the flashlight from Rue's phone was the only light guiding her hands. Besides the baggie she ended up finding an old fraying shoestring being used as a keychain it was carrying Rue’s NA sobriety keytags. She knew Rue kept the more recent less official less bulky coins in her wallet. Jules pocketed the makeshift keychain and slowly pushed the drawer shut. They were trying desperately to not wake up the bitch and her boyfriend. If the situation wasn’t involving drugs and Rue's sobriety she gladly would not have cared. Gladly would have made even more noise. Jules shuts the water off from the sink and yawns quietly. She realizes slowly that Rue is not next to her and the bathroom was silent almost too quiet. When she finally turns back around Rue is still standing in the stall looming over the toilet. Head down and fist clenched to her sides.

"Hey Rue," Jules hushes towards Rue while leaning back on the sink counter. Jules bites her lip waiting for Rue to say anything, but there is nothing in return except for a slight sway of Rue’s body. Jules could see Rue's hands gripping and un-gripping the fabric of her sweatpants . Her arms finally moved to where they were hugging her body but she didn't make a noise. Jules didn't hear any curse words or counting and didn't see her bestfriend shaking. So she wasn’t having a panic attack or maybe she was hiding it really well, Jules thought to herself.

"Rueeee," Jules sang quietly while slowly walking up behind Rue. She wiped her hand on the sides of the sweatpants and rested her chin on her friends shoulder and slid her arms around Rue's waist. From what she could see Rue wasn't crying or visibly upset, she was just staring into the empty toilet bowl. I swear to sailor saturn, if she shoves her hands into that dirty toilet bowl for those pills I am going to kill her, Jules thinks to herself.

"Baby." Jules whispered in Rue's ear, kissing her ear lobe lightly.

Rue slid one of her hands from around herself and held Jules forearm. It was weird the feeling she felt but she was okay. She was only holding herself close just in case she did fall apart. She was worried about her knees buckling, that everything would go dark, and she would start crying. God she really hated crying especially in front of Jules. Jules was always good with her when she cried. It was just not the most attractive thing snot running down her face and blubbering to Jules about her struggles. They were gone the last remnants of an easy escape, floating into the greater Stockton sewer system. It felt so fucking weird. Yea she could always buy more. She could always say fuck it again and run away from it all. Float on a cloud make of prescription pills and alcohol that would quiet the noise. Drugs made everything feel super far away even if she was right against it. Pressing her face onto some strangers car hood smiling in pure bliss. Right now though, she didn't want to and that felt weird because usually that was all she wanted to do. 

Rue felt herself dissolving into tunnel focus. Not only was she reminiscing on the high she didn't want to chase but she couldn't shut her voice off. The voice in her head was super focused on the thought that no one was there to hold her together. The words swarming in her head,No one will care if you just say fuck it and die. Rue swallowed hard trying to quiet her thoughts, You’ll never stay clean. Her conscience wasn’t super loud but it almost scrubbed the traces of Jules being the actual one to drop the baggie for her. Jules who she could feel kissing the side of her head. Kisses that were distracting enough the thoughts shut off until she could think for herself. This was never going to get old, Jules being affectionate with her. You are loved, Rue forced her brain to say.

"Hmm," Rue heard herself hum to Jules.

"Let's go to bed baby," Jules chuckles and pulls Rue with her out of the stall.

Rue looks around the empty bathroom and stretches in front of the sink. She is washing her hands and looks in the mirror. She is telling Jules how she can keep the key tags if she wants to, telling her they might make a good art material or something. When she looks into the mirror’s reflection, Jules is standing there looking at her with a small smile. Rue can see blue eyes shimmering with something enamoured and Jules cheeks are oddly red.

"What?" Rue draws out awkwardly, shaking her hands before grabbing a paper towel. Rue turns to see Jules roll her eyes and bounce nervously.

"I'm just really proud of you Rue." Jules says getting closer and looping an arm around her friends shoulder.

"Really?" Rue whispers quietly as they inch toward the metal door. Her heart swells a bit, people are proud of her. She’s doing good. 

"Mmhm," Jules smiles and stares at Rue. She really is so fucking proud. Rue could have lied to her and hell she could have reached the point of fuck it soon. College was a shit show and at any moment anything could set someone over the edge. Especially Rue. Jules caught Rue's toothy grin in the corner of her eye and felt her cheeks warm up. She couldn't help falling for her if she even tried to, and she wasn't trying not to. Not anymore.

**********

**Gia: I'm happy you're happy.**

**Rue: 😊**

**Gia: Enjoy it Rue. I mean it and not just sex.**

**Rue: 👌 also what do you know about sex????**

**Gia: Sex ed sis**

**Rue: Todd better keep his hands to himself or else i will break his fingers.**

**Gia: 🙄 it's Troy**

**Rue: Tell him i said Omar is still my good friend.**

**Gia: Who the fuck is Omar ? And weren't you out here 👅🍆 at like 13.**

**Rue: None of that is important but consent....is. Use a condom if you do it though.**

**Rue: Please.**

**Gia: *the wellll guy at a party gif***

**Rue: Gia I fucking swear.**

Rue looks at her message being read as seen with no response from Gia. Gia is a fast responder so 6 seconds seen is 6 seconds too long. Her ass was definitely not in class yet because it was just that early. The sun was barely crawling up the sky outside. Rue felt Jules clench an arm around her waist and heard quiet dream mumbling to her side. Rue would gladly almost fall off her own bed several times for the rest of her college experience if it meant sleeping next to Jules every night. Shit maybe she could at least for a semester, her school did offer studying abroad nationally and internationally. She slipped the idea away for another time and widened her gaze at her phone. Still no response from her sweet smart baby sister who was probably out here getting.....by some....Rue cringed at the thought.

**Rue: 🔪🔪🔪**

**Read...**

There was no chat bubbles and Rue checked the time again. Nope, no way this girl was getting ready for school or eating breakfast. Gia was one of those kids who was ready for school the night before. She usually was just up early watching some video or some show she was too young to experience on TV. It was even too early for that. Recently though from Rue's conversations with her mom she knew her little sister had been picking up some of her partying habits. Which she already knew, not the drugs thank God, but Gia was a social butterfly. She was pretty popular, got invited to all the parties, had a lot of friends and kept her grades up. Whereas in highschool Rue disliked people but loved parties because people usually meant drugs and alcohol. This meant consistent invites to every part for all four years of highschool. 

It was kind of crazy how opposite and alike they were. Despite that Gia had made a path for herself most of the time. Rue knew that Gia sometimes still got shit for being her sister. Some older kids would whisper things, younger kids too, some truths and a lot of rumors. Gia had a sharp ass tongue and they usually got shut down real fast. It didn't mean that she didn't call worried in the bathroom between periods. Her voice shaking but trying to keep up the "everything is fine act" with Rue. 

One rumour was about Rue not actually being stuck in an academic loop but instead being cracked out near death or just dead. That one she heard via Fez who'd heard it from Ash. It was the rumour that sent Gia into a several week habit of calling her every night. Almost always at the same time right before or right after dinner. Until one Friday night when Rue really had to "study" with Kenna she ignored the phone call from Gia hoping that am “I'm busy” text would be enough. An hour later Kenna was turned all the way off by her phones constant buzzing and begged her to answer it. She had over 50 missed texts and 10 missed calls. When she answered the phone she was getting cussed out by Leslie. 

Gia was having a severe panic attack and was curled up in her bed with their mom sobbing her eyes out. She hadn't eaten dinner, couldn't stomach sitting at the table with two empty chairs, and all she kept saying over and over was, "she's dead mom i know it". Later Rue found out her sister was having nightmares reliving the worst of things. Images of Rue's grey lifeless body next to their dad's gravesite. The air smelled like rain, Gia mentioned, and the dream sounded like white noise. Rue felt sorry she couldn't relate to the panic Gia felt with that dream. She somehow forced herself to daydream something similar. Instead of fear she could see and feel her dad holding her hand. He made her feel so safe no matter what he was or where she was. It was fucked up that Gia had only gotten such little time with him. He was the best. At least Rue would have their dad if she died that night. Gia would just be even more alone on the other hand. 

The panic attack was so bad Leslie even tried to give Gia a valium but Gia wouldn't touch it. It just made her cry harder from what Rue could hear over the speaker. She stayed on hearing her mom coo to Gia Eventually after talking to Gia over the speaker she finally calmed down and passed out. Leslie didn't yell over the phone but she was livid, almost as angry as the first time she caught Rue getting high. She told Rue if she hadn't picked up she was gonna "call the fucking cops on your black ass."

Once she heard what was going on Kenna made Rue shower quickly and pack her book bag. Kenna then drove the almost 8 hours home in less than that in the middle of the night. Rue made sure to kiss her before she checked into wherever. Kenna was a real one. Rue realized waking up her mom who'd likely only been asleep for so long was dumb. She had her keys but the front door was so loud. Thankfully her bedroom window was opened slightly and she could shimmy it open. That was probably not the safest thing but eh. 

When she was finally inside she saw Gia wrapped around her pillow under a light blanket rising and falling. She shimmied the window shut and dropped her bag. Surprisingly enough she pulled off her converse almost silently to crawl next to her sister. Gia looked so scared even in her sleep. Rue wrapped her arm around her sister and pulled her close. She'd closed her eyes tight feeling Gia wake up, panic, and then relax. It didn't take long for both of them to start crying. Rue just wanted Gia to be safe and happy and Gia just begged her to stay alive. 

Gia was a good kid though despite everything and it was kind of her job or whatever to make sure Gia stayed that way. She put her little sister through too much shit already. Sober and not sober. Right now though Rue couldn't help but think her sister had her all the way fucked up.

**Rue: Little girl what are you doing???**

**Read.**

**Rue: 🔫🔫🔫**

**Gia: You don't own a gun and trying to go back to sleep.**

**Rue: Doesn't mean i can't shoot one.**

**Gia: Okay let me just tell mom you are a thug now.**

**Rue: 😂 I love you G. Just be safe.**

**Gia: I love you too and just so you know i am not yaknow what yet. Things, yes. That hell no.**

**Rue: 😭**

**Gia: You can't be dramatic ms. neck looks like a batting cage.**

**Rue: *you got me there gif***

**Rue: Go to bed G. I'll ttyl.**

**Gia: ❤ oh and mom wanted me to tell you be careful.**

Rue rolled her eyes, of course someone couldn't just let her live. More so her mom probably kept scrolling on her instagram post even though Gia said not to.

**Rue: ❤**

Rue put her phone down and wiggled free from Jules arm. She needed comfort to be a better little spoon. She stretched and looked around the room. Her roommate was still there and still knocked out with her boyfriend. At least she wouldn't have to deal with them for the next 2 nights. Slipping back into Jules grasp she shimmied back into her hips. Rue felt her friend nuzzle into the back of her neck and mumble incoherently. Jules settled back and Rue could hear the subtle hum of her falling back asleep. Rue felt so warm and safe and she really didn't see herself being anywhere else. Not even class.

********

Jules stares at the ceiling pulling at the skin of her bottom lip. The stuccoed ceiling was cast in a warm light from the window reflecting off of something orange. It was probably a leaf or a sugary drink in a clear cup. It was pretty. It reminded her of the trees in New York. There were the ones in central park and the ones firmly planted in the actual wooded areas outside of the city. They always changed colors around this time of year. Her sketchbook had a few of them pressed and dried inside. Taped in with stickers she found or peeled off of oranges at the local grocer. The light was warm like Rue's cheeks after being outside all summer. From a sandy brown to a warm toffee Rue shifted as the days went by. She missed New York city but she would have to exchange her losses soon. 

Soon the girl nuzzled into her neck and laying on top of her would be who she missed. Who she missed in her arms, in her ear, on her tongue, and Jules really did not want to let go for a minute. She wasn't ready to trade New York City for the world, but she still did not want to think of Rue not being a part of her everyday. Even though she had to go to work and Rue had class, she wanted to stay here with Rue avoiding the world. The truth was she was getting a spoiled dose of her friend and it was ending too soon.

Jules slides her hand over the back of Rue's thigh that is hitched on her stomach. Rue doesn't flinch or move at her touch she just stays settled in her spot. Jules palm settles under Rue's knee, Rue is a human furnace right now. From the quiet steady breathing on Jules shoulder to the heat radiating from her body. Despite knowing she probably should get ready to let Rue go to class. She just wanted to stay here for just a few more minutes. She closed her eyes while her fingers silently drawing out i love you on Rue's skin.

*******

........sw.........

Rue was getting her bookbag together as an overnight bag. Packing an extra shirt she could let go since she was going shopping. Yayy she thought sarcastically. The shirt wasn't getting thrown out or anything, Jules just wanted to pair it with the other shirt she kept saying was hers. Rue thought it was kind of weird that Jules wanted her old holey worn in shirts but shrug maybe she planned on using it for some fancy assignment. Which she guessed would be kind of cool, a piece of her on display somewhere in the world.

Rather than the stares she got at highschool when she was clearly super high but the only people who really ever said anything were other kids. Or when she was fresh out of rehab and she walked through the halls getting stared at like she was a ghost. Maybe she was a ghost then, shit maybe she still was a ghost. Instead of a see through friendly neighborhood Casper she was a ghost that could touch and feel things again. Maybe Beetlejuice with a little less crack.

"Yea so like we have this trip to a museum. Who thought yea let's bring a bunch of 16 year olds what a great idea," Gia groaned. 

Rue started laughing at Gia's commentary she really had to learn to deal with the stupidity that was highschool. It was shitty but it sucked a lot less than college at least. Gia was probably going to love college though, end up going to some fancy school with her good grades. Her sister continued telling her how no one was going to pay attention, not even her on this "stupid" trip. 

The dorm door swung open and Rue sighed into the mic cutting her sister off. She really was trying yo pack and get out of here before the demon next door returned. Turning around Rue tries focusing on packing so she can actually enjoy her weekend. She tuned out the loud annoying laugh with her sister's voice and folding the rest of her things in her bag. Which she was realizing was actually pretty big once she emptied her books. She actually finished up most of her work so she'd have all the time she had with Jules. All she needed to bring semi classwork related more movie related was her laptop.

Gia asks if the kraken hath returned which Rue grunts out yea. She glances over to her roommate while dropping her laptop charger in the bag. 

"Guests' great," she whispered in annoyance. Apparently her voice was a bit too loud because she felt the icy glare from a few feet away. There was some girl who looked like she was made in the vsco sorority factory. Overpriced water bottle aka a hydro flask included. Her roommate's boyfriend and the bitch herself sprawled out making themselves real comfortable. They most definitely had entered the room to stay and not leave. Thank god she didn't have to stay here in the room this weekend. She'd rather be waterboarded with tequila, salt, over multiple open wounds. Rue drops Jules things she left in the bag and zips it closed; ignoring the whispers and comments she can hear vaguely. They were whispering behind her back and pointing at the small printed out photos from her hikes on the walls. She thought maybe they were being nice until she heard Victoria snicker something about her hair actually looking done for once.

"Is she fucking talking about you while you're right there ?" Gia asks sounding annoyed as hell.

"Mmmhmm," Rue nibbles on her tongue into the mic on her headphones. She pulls out one headphone to clean the rubber bit. The other reason was to hear what they are saying better. Not for her own amusement but she was getting tired of being treated like a doormat by Victoria and her friends. The entire semester was spent walking on eggshells or getting kicked out for one reason or another. Sometimes eggshells involved sitting on her side tuning out every snide comment or avoiding the room altogether. Sleeping in the library could be quite comfortable some nights until she got kicked out at closing time. God did she hate random roommate pairing.

"Aw guys someone's going to spend time with their boyfriend." Rue stills her movements, here she goes, the sarcasm feels like a poison. Poison that slowly creeps up and then hits you with all it has at once. Rue keeps listening knowing there has to be more just like when she came in the dorm on addy wired as fuck talking Rue’s ear off. With Victoria there is always more, even if it is her being a transphobic homophobic racist evil piece of shit. Rue bites her tongue and exhales going back to trying to make sure she has everything. She wanted to leave as quickly as possible to avoid dropping Victoria like a rock.

"But, there was a girl here last night??" The bitch's man boy says sounding honestly confused.

Deodorant check, cigs check, lighter check, lotion check, wallet check, dress shoes check, comfy shoes....hm. She wiggles her toes in her mismatched star socks covered by her unlaced converse. Check. She is mentally checking off everything while Gia is quiet. Her baby sister is listening waiting just like Rue for the shoe that is bound to drop. Gia is one of the few people whose heard the fucked up shit Victoria says about her. Usually they are on skype catching up and Victoria will mumble what a shame or I wonder who raised them. Gia has threatened unbeknownst to Victoria to hop through that screen way too many times.

"Ohhhh you couldn't tell it's a  _ girl _ ".” Rue feels her stomach churn and she grips the edge of her bed quickly. Just something to stop her fists from making any sudden decisions.Talking about her was on thing but Jules was another. Victoria didn’t even know her best friend at all. "Ya'know one of those boys that calls himself a girl because HE wears makeup," Rue grits her teeth and exhaled all the calm air in her lungs. The vision playing in her now is not the quiet trails she hiked earlier or of the blue irises that sparkled in the sun. It was of her turning around and ripping the hair out of this girl's scalp but she couldn't do that. She had the rest of the semester left until she could apply for a room change or the entire year if she wanted a single dorm. Which she really really wanted. Suspension or even expulsion would fuck up the chance of that ever happening. She could hear Vic’s friend whisper weird and wanted to smack her book bag across both their faces.

“Wait i think the word is a  _ tranny _ .” Victoria mumbled to her friend and boyfriend, but both Rue and Gia heard it.

"Rue please beat her ass, please. I'll back you up with mom if you get kicked out." Gia pleads in her ears but honestly Rue isn't that far off. She avoids conflict not because she can't handle herself, but because it makes her anxiety scream. She is small, she knows that but she is also the height of a small tree. A small tree that can hit an unsuspecting sorority girl with a very heavy book bag or her foot. 

"Tell him we said hi Rue." Rue knows this girl is grinning and hears the sorority girl laugh. The boyfriend is silent like in a way Rue has never heard. He barely says five words to her usually but he always says hi, maybe he's seeing the light. Or maybe he's in shock because there is not as much as a grunt. Rue flattens out the sheet shes been gripping into and turns around. She knows she looks pissed because her roommate's friend completely stops laughing and looks away, quickly. She is pissed and it is taking everything to not pummel Victoria into the ground.

"Is this really happening right now!," Gia yells from afar. “ Please let me call Kenna or Jules so you can all take turns beating her ass for me.”

"Yo G let me call you right back," Rue is about to hang up.

"Nah Rue i wanna hear her get what she deserves. I got snacks." Rue doesn't hit the end call but instead take her headphones out and sets the phone on her desk. 

Rue's voice trembles as she speaks, "Her name is Jules not whatever disrespectful ass comment you have about her. Say what you want about me but if I hear you say some transphobic homophobic or general bullshit about my friend, I swear Victoria." 

"Wow she remembers I have a name," Victoria scoffs and flips her hair over her shoulder.

"Oh trust me,I never forgot but call HER out of HER name again and I will beat your ass." Rue knows she's standing straighter, her voice unwary, and her eyes are narrowed.

Rue could hear Gia clapping from her phone. Fezco might have actually rubbed off on her a bit and it was turning out to be a good thing. Sometimes. At least if he was here he'd be lookout for an RA or anyone while she went off.

Victoria smirked and stood up, "Oh is the junkie threatening me."

"Yes i am you insensitive asshole," Rue eyed her up and down all 5'3 inches of her.

"I should snitch on you and your stash of god knows what." Victoria pointed at her like that was an accusation. Rue didn't have anything, not anymore at least.

"Please do it so they can find the 40 bottles of alcohol under your bed. You alcoholic." Rue points to the very obvious stack of alcohol under the bed. Victoria quickly pulled down her sheet to hang over the liquor. 

"Who gives a fuck at least it's not heroin and i just am tired of your girlfriend boyfriend whatever it is being around !" Victoria tries to recover whatever fight she thought she had.

"Jokes on you I've been clean. For a long time, but can you even tell how many times i helped your friends drop you passed out in your bed. Oh wait you can't because you've been too blacked out drunk fucking every weekend. You have your bf over every day and you met HER twice!" Rue knows she's being really loud but she just couldn't hold this in anymore. She feels pretty calm despite this it scares her a bit how calm she feels when she is this upset. It is a satisfying numb versus the way all of these words will hurt her later.

The roommate agreement they both had signed was already broken with no apology over and over. It was a way the RA’s tried to enforce civility but the last straw was pulled. Pulled like a table cloth during a magic trick. She might have no dorm to sleep in after all this but crashing at Kenna's house or someone else's there were options until the semester is over. She never asked before because she didn’t want to burden anyone, but weeks of library and student center surfing would look suspicious. Based on the look on Victoria's boyfriend's face though that girl was going to be alone in the room a lot more often, and single.

"I can get you kicked the fuck out for having paraphanelia. I was doing you a favor by living with you. You can't even afford to live her or go here." Victoria's friend was pulling her to sit back on the bed and Rue laughed. Rue steps back, puts on her bag, and grabs everything else she needs. 

"I know I'm poor so that isn't an insult," Rue grabs her phone off the desk and pops in an ear bud, Gia is still there because she hears the crunch of some trail mix being chewed. "At least I'm not an insecure bitch with no real friends who couldn’t get into USC, but treats everyone like shit because she has severe mommy issues." Rue flips Victoria and everyone else in the room off before she takes her dad's hoodie out of the closet. She drowns out Victoria’s yapping threats by saying, “ do whatever the hell you want at this point,” before she walks out the door. She made sure she had what she needed and cared about just in case Victoria tried to destroy her stuff like a three year old throwing a tantrum. All of the stuff she really cared about were in her bag or on her body. Rue was grateful she didn’t have more things that had value to her but it was a little sad. A photo of her mom and sister, her laptop, and her dad’s hoodie. She hears Victoria yell some insults including slut through the door but she ignores it because honestly that might as well have been a compliment. That would mean she had been getting more action than she actually was. Rue just went on a lot of dates that never lasted into anything more. Sometimes one night stands but she was not a huge fan.

Fuck her, fuck them, and fuck anyone who was that ignorant. Rue was already walking on her way to Kenna's while Gia rooted her on. Gia stayed on the phone the whole time apparently recording everything just in case. Her little sister sounded like the coach from Rocky keeping her spirits up. But, honestly though Rue felt fan-fucking-tastic from the rush of adrenalin so she didn't need it. Her shoulders feel so much lighter now she feels like 80 pounds were shaved off.

"Rue 1. Bitch 0." Gia laughs and Rue chuckles with her. She really loved this strong ass kid who happened to be her sister. This entire afternoon was going to be a fun story to tell McKenna. Not Jules though because Rue did not want to get kicked out of college.

*************

"You always can come live with me Rue Rue," Kenna said tapping the wooden floor with her new acrylics.

"Uhhhh so before that, Jules wants to talk to you ya know like a talk talk." Rue tapped Kenna's butt with her foot.

Kenna rolled over onto her back rolling her eyes, "Why what did i do now." She brushed her hand over the white rug under her.

"Nothing," Rue shrugged looking at the pictures she took earlier on her phone. The new trail she took today did offer an amazing view if she got high enough on the incline.

"Then why does she want to talk to me aren't yall open or whatever." Kenna snided out while grabbing Rue's big toe through her sock.

Rue wiggled her toes away from the long glitter speckled nails that Kenna was going to be sporting for the past few days. Rolling onto her side she looked at Kenna and told her plainly. "She wants to make sure she's leaving me in good hands." Kenna winked while flexing her fingers before walking them across the back of Rue's leg. 

"NON-sexually, you walking sex machine and yes we are." Rue smiled and went back to looking at her pictures from the hike walk thing she'd been doing since the start of the year. They helped force that no distraction self care her therapist pushed down her throat every other week. Usually she just walked the trail attached to the campus but sometimes she veered off of that. Using suggestions from reddit or the replies on the campus instagram. Was that unsafe and was she at a risk to be murdered, kidnapped, or assaulted...Yes. Still to be fair though she'd done a lot worse shit. It doesn't really get much worse than trying fentanyl, overdosing more than once, et cetera.

Kenna groaned and laid back down on the floor in slight protest. "Wow, it's not like I haven't been here for a year or so, unlike some people. Also we aren't even doing anything right now Rue."

" You realize you just said right now? and Well she only found out about you being my other other best friend less than a week ago so give her a break." Rue said ignoring Kenna's face and that sneaky ass remark. Kenna got kind of feisty when she was jealous Rue was beginning to notice that trend recently. It didn’t bother her but she knew it might be an issue one day just not today. Kenna was pouting, she was always pouting and Rue had a habit of making fun of her for it. So she chose not to look and to keep her eyes planted on her phone.

"Ughhh shouldn't I be giving the lecture not getting one," Kenna asked annoyed. Rue could hear her nails tapping on her phone screen. She was probably texting Josh or ghosting his emotions more than likely.

"I guess. Actually I think Lexi already has that covered though." Rue hummed looking at the notification from youtube. "Lexi put us in a separate group chat to make sure she has somewhere to yell at us both."

Kenna chuckled, "Still can't believe that she's your friend." There was an emphasis on your that rubbed Rue the wrong way but she let it go. Kenna just meant because well they were so....and Lexi was so....

"Yea, she's a lifesaver," Rue smiled thinking about Lexi, " like no cap."

Kenna stood up and Rue watched her feet as she walked over to her standing mirror. Rue heard her say over her shoulder, "Any tips for talking to your not official girlfriend?"

Rue thought about that and sat up pushing her hair away from her eyes, "Be yourself. Honestly i don't know what to tell you and we are just seeing how things go."

"Oh come on Rue that is no help." Kenna said while spritzing her curls with water. "Do you want me to call her your unsigned co-captain because i will?"

Rue sighs because Kenna honestly would call Jules that until she told her they were in a relationship. Not dating not newly dating but together for at least a few months. "No really just be you and be honest. Jules isn't huge on liars in serious conversation."

Kenna laughed out loud and whispered figures. "Okay then. Whats the deal with this ex fuck buddy of hers flirting with you." Kenna flopped on her bed. 

Rue pulled the colorful hood of Jules hoodie over head and attempted to cover her face. Through the fabric she mumbled, "Don't bring it up please any of it. The comments are kinda stressing me."

"Okay then so are having this talk after you pick her up from work or do i just text her." Rue peaked and Kenna was smiling from the spot above her. 

"Uh, I don't know, and also thank you for the car this weekend," Rue grinned.

"I honestly don't care but your welcome. Perks of having a rich ass distant gm daddy is a free car whenever. Just put gas in the beast." Kenna says smiling and averting her eyes. That topic was something Kenna kept to a minimum, Rue was sure none of Kenna's boy toys even knew about her issues with her dad. Rue really only knew because of those few NA meetings they all had to share a family story and pray about their relationships improving.

"Still no call?" Rue asked.

Kenna looks at the wall and Rue hopes she hasn't overstepped, "Oh he called but its always brief yaknow."

"I hope he comes around." Rue genuinely wishes for her friend.

"I just wish he could trust me more." Kenna breaths out and wipes away a tear before it falls. Rue gets up and sits next to her friend hugging her from the side.

"You stole over 1000 dollars out of his account for a bender. Give him time," Rue tried to joke. It works because Kenna checkles.

"I mean one day not today." Kenna exhales, "Maybe I can go with you on your thrift adventure." It sounded like she was asking not suggesting her company.

Rue looks at Kenna making weird shapes with her hands. Was this girl randomly throwing up fucking gang signs? Maybe a gun was closer than calling Fez than she realized. "Actually I think she wants you to go to be honest. But why do i even need clothes." 

Kenna slaps Rues knee and scoffs "Because you can't dress like Bam Margera or old Post Malone on a red carpet Rue."

Rue lays back on the white sheepskin ugg comforter, "I have clothes and there is no red carpet."

"Eh do you? There is a press junket, i checked." Kenna lays next to her and pokes her cheek.

Rue mumbled, “stalker,” while checking her phone and goes to the message from Jules. She did ask Jules if Kenna could go earlier because it made sense.

**Jules: Thankyou for sticking up for me, Gia mentioned the bitch.**

**Rue: Anytime.**

Rue doubted Gia repeated anything Victoria said and Rue didn’t think she needed to know the details. The gist was enough and she wanted to wash her ears of that girl’s voice.

**Jules: Please bring kenna with you please.**

**I need someone who understands clothes.**

**Rue: okay fuck you too**

**Jules: Baby you are cute but this is an actual exhibit showcase thing. I can't have you looking like all you do is watch Pineapple Express.**

**Rue: Fine I'll let you both do whatever to me for the little toasted bread and some shrimp cocktail.**

**Jules: My mind went elsewhere with that one sorry. Also we are probably ordering in before we head out tonight. Anything you want?**

Rue racked her brain, she wasn't picky but she did have her own spot.

**Rue: Not really maybe chinese but whatever is cool. After the showthing i can take everyone to this late taco spot if y'all are still hungry.**

**Jules: They don't need to go.**

**Rue: I am trying to make a good impression but it can just be an US thing if you want.**

**Jules: Fine but i need you to myself after that.**

**Rue: 🤔**

**Jules: 😈**

**Rue: Noted. They don't have to go.**

**Jules: Just making the most of our time.**

"Ew your face right now, you're blushing Rue awwww." Kenna interrupts Rue's thought.

Rue rolls her eyes hard, "Kenna just shut the fuck up."

"Aww baby Rue you're so cute." Kenna keeps teasing and poking her barely visibly blushed cheeks.

Rue covers her face and groans, " I am regretting inviting you already. Which she said yes by the way."

Rue hears Kenna laugh and feels the bed wiggle from Kenna's excited shimmy. She was honestly the best part of going to those NA sessions. Even if that group almost made her make one of the worst decisions in her life it gave her Kenna. Well worth the 100 bucks and a blowjob.

********

Jules feels her phone vibrate in her pocket. She was staring at the clock waiting for lunch to be over. Jarl and her had finished their work early and helped where they could with everyone as usual. It wasn't a flex or anything they both had just done this exact thing several weeks prior albeit in NYC but similar work. They actually worked well with others and following details as close as possible on others projects. On their own personal class projects though they both looked at each other every time and shrugged. Neither of them had no clue how the other actually created full concept clothing sketches and ideas on time.

Jules doodles in the corner of her sketchbook even though she knows she should be getting work done. She was supposed to be outlining a board of things that inspired her on the trip so she could answer an outloud prompt. Their professor snuck in an assignment at the end of the trip because in his words everyone seemed to lose sight of the reason for they were in California. The internship. He quickly made that decision when he walked into the suite that morning apparently. Several people were hung tf over late for work and well Jules she wasn't there to get dug into. She was far too busy digging into Rue and Rue's dresser.

It was supposed to be a quick and easy assignment but she had other shit on her mind. She was going to help Rue shop later with Kenna. She also needed to desperately appease the mental breakdown gods with some sacrifice of hair or piercing. Something anything to change up her look ever so slightly because she was plateauing. Maybe a new haircut, some color, or even another ear piercing. She could go for her cartilage on the opposite side. Lost in what she could change next she didn’t notice right away Jarl tapping her finger and mouthing aww.

“What?” Jules asked, she really had to stop zoning out so often. Her mind was just elsewhere usually trying to chase the clouds before she fell the fuck off them. It was nice until it wasn't or until she ran her bike into a pole or a bush.

“You see what you drew?” Jarl asked and wrinkled his brows past his black thick rimmed glasses. He swore they'd never go out of style, those frames. He honestly was right, his look was modern but very timeless. Jules glances down at her sketch and sighs. Mindlessly she'd drawn hearts over the edge of a shaded sketch of Rue sleeping that she drew earlier. She was just so cute how could she not capture the moment.

She grinned at Jarl and whispered, “ I'm a mess. I want her to be my girlfriend so bad ugh.”

"That's true but I think she is lucky to have you," he hummed. "Take it slow though you tend to move too fast and if she's special she deserves more of your time. Not all of yours but definitely the mess you call dating. Sorry i meant schedule."

Jarl drops his head back into his notes and Jules stares at him blankly. That was an honest read but he wasn't wrong. She did move super fast usually and things ended messy or never really ended. Rue deserved better than that but was she any better than that. All of her exes started and ended at lightning speed, some felt even faster. One night stands who kept inviting her out lasted longer than most of her situationships. It was just what she was used to.

Jules opened her sketchbook to a blank page and felt lost in the white space. She steadied her breath and dug her pencil tip into the paper. She really should just focus on her work. Her brain went blank and the tip snapped on the graphite.

"Fuck," she hushed to herself. 

Fuck because she couldn't think of anything to say and fuck because she was definitely somewhere between falling and already in love. It was good and she hadn't screwed it up ... yet. Hopefully she wouldn’t but for a while she thought maybe she was destined to ruin everything. Maybe that was her inspiration to run off of, love, or maybe it was the idea of memories. Recollections of love. She grabbed a stray pen from Jarl, he didn't notice, and started jotting ideas down. One of these had to work it would better than bs-ing her way through it last minute. Of course what was supposed to be a fun group lunch ended up with all of them having to do homework while eating instead.

*******

Rue stared at herself in the flimsy walmart mirror hooked into the wall. She dropped the pile of clothes in her hands on the small plastic bench. There were the tshirts she liked under the pants and tops Kenna and Jules insisted she at least try on. Specifically though there was the outfit they'd been murmuring and putting together while Rue looked at the tarnished jewelry in the thrift/consignment shop.

She saw a few rings she was going to consider once she knew how much this would all cost. Her only input for the gallery outfit was a silk button up shirt she actually liked. Kenna said it was much but held onto it anyway. The all black leather converse she was wearing were Kenna's version of an AA/NA chip a while ago. They were honestly the dressiest shoes she had. Rue was supposed to wear them later and tomorrow but Jules said she really "needed to see the entire outfit". Jules even had the full professional fashion expert face on when she insisted Rue bring the shoes with. Rue cracked her knuckles looking at a pair of pants and different tops. She winced, she might as well get this over with. At least while she did this they could have their talk.

First she tried on all the baggy slightly worn shirts she picked out. She threw them on with a pair of weird striped pants Jules gave her and a pair of jeans Kenna practically growled at her to sit her ass in. Of course almost everything she picked out, besides a few shirts, felt comfortable. The pants Jules picked out were actually kind of "chic" or whatever that meant. They made her look less like a homeless distressed college student. The jeans were awful and she folded them as perfectly as possible under everything else. Swimming in her clothes was like laying in bed all day while getting work done.

"Found another pair of those pants Jules grabbed and these ones are tan." Kenna yelled loudly through the curtain acting as a door. Rue jumped while reaching for the mismatched suit combination the girls created. She slipped on the tan pants instead of the stripped ones. They were similar and high waisted but less casual. 

"Great." Rue tried to keep the sarcasm in her voice down. She actually liked these pants and the other ones, she just hated shopping. It was something that took so much effort for so little return. Even watching paint dry was more interesting to her than this.

Buttoning the last button on the shirt Rue tucked in the shirt to the pants. Rue looked in the mirror and scrunched her face. It was so simple, nothing like what Kenna or Jules would have worn. It honestly was nothing she would have worn either. Fashion wasn't really her thing but she did like a pattern here and there. 

"Uh baby you okay," Jules hummed through the curtain. It shifted slightly and Rue saw light pink nails on her side of the weird tent curtain of a changing area. Rue smiled a bit hearing Jules call her baby. It was like a wire pull to make the serotonin in her brain sing. 

"Yea I'm good just one sec." Jules hand disappeared and Rue went back to changing. Rue brushed her hands down the front of the dark blue shirt she quickly switched into. It was soft under her rings but had some shine to it. It looked like a ringer t-shirt but a bit baggy but it fit her frame really well. Maybe Kenna did know her style just a bit. Rue shrugged playing with her hair, which there was no point she didn't actually have a scrunchie or tie.

"Okay I'm coming out," Rue sighed tapping her sides. Rue heard Jules snort a laugh and Kenna giggle. That did not come out the way that she meant it to. She actually wasn't technically "out" to her mom or Gia,they never asked if she was straight or gay or anything. They just knew it wasn't anything to talk about, Leslie mentioned her dating girls like it was a favorite color. Gia just wanted to make sure whoever she was dating wasn't a complete piece of shit. "Ha ha," Rue stepped outside the curtain and stared at both of her bestfriends.

Jules scans Rue up and down, her eyelids lowering but stopping herself. She knew the outfit they put together for Rue was going to look nice but damn she didn't know it would be this nice. She also wanted to pat herself and Kenna on the back because they worked well together. Rue also took the initiative and switched the pants. It was missing something though and she couldn't tell what. Rue was turning around awkwardly in front of the triple directional mirror.

Kenna tapped Jules shoulder and whispered, "It needs something, right? Cardigan? Jacket?"

"Hmm jacket, I think that's it and ooo maybe I can shorten the hem or the pants," Jules hummed pinching her own jaw. She was trying to piece the look together in her head while she watched Rue roll her eyes. Rue looked bored as Kenna helped her cuff the bottoms of each led inwards. Then Jules handed Kenna the final piece it was a tan jacket button up thing that Jules found in a large 5 dollar rack. It looked like it should belong to an old 6 foot tall man who worked as an architect or in a factory. It was too thick to be an actual shirt and too thin to be a coat. A perfect fall jacket that a hoodie or a suit could fit under. It was honestly one of those finds that in New York she'd have to grab fast because once you don't it will be gone forever. She also had a plan to make it slightly more unique to Rue. 

Kenna stepped back from helping style the jacket on Rue and nodded her head, "Oh this is it."

Rue turned back around to face Jules and watched her friends eyes light up. Yea this was the outfit, she even felt really comfortable in these clothes. Jules held her phone out taking a video and signaling for Rue to rotate. Rue kept a straight face the entire time but had a hard time not smiling. It was nice seeing Jules bite her bottom lip looking at her and Kenna eye her up and down. 

"Friend you have to change now because the eye sex you guys are having is too much." Kenna cleared her throat and lightly shoved Rue's shoulder. 

Jules laughed and winked at Kenna. "I can give you these eyes too if you want."

"You already know you can get it too Jules, don't play with my emotions." Kenna smiled innocently at Jules while Rue just groaned and walked back into the dressing room. Why did they have to put that image in her mind. 

"Wait Rue," Jules said popping her head in the curtain. "Next outfit."

Rue groaned loudly grabbing the clothes from Kenna who had pushed into the fitting room. What did she get herself into, luckily they only forced her into one more outfit that made her look like a penguin. She thought it was great, Kenna looked annoyed while she made a comparison to Mumble from Happy Feet. This was nice though her closest friends minus Lexi helping her do something she hated. She was going to have to start getting outside of her dorm more like this when she could stomach people.

Kenna was looking for her own things and Jules was waiting for Rue to finish changing so they could check out. Rue was poking her head into one of the "new" cropped shirts she was already buying. It was super comfortable and had way more room than the t-shirt she had worn to the store. Someone literally just cut the bottom of a long sleeve off and gave it away. What was that saying one man's trash or whatever Rue thought to herself.

"I'm coming in." Jules said before popping in behind Rue.

"Heyy," Rue quickly shoved the rest of the shirt on.

"I have seen you in a lot less than that Rue." Jules smiled as an image flashed in her mind of a completely bare Rue stretching soaking in the streams of sunlight in the dorm bed that morning. She was going to have to draw her like that one day. One day when Rue was comfortable with all eyes on her and they had the space for it. Jules watched Rue awkwardly twiddle her thumbs.

"Thankyou for this. How was your "talk"?" Rue shifted in front of the mirror squinting her eyes just a bit. Jules bit her inner cheek lightly. The talk was actually easy, Kenna and her started the conversation while picking out things for Rue.

"Soooo are you giving me the concerned friend speech or the concerned girlfriend speech." Kenna said while she filed through the hangers on the rack.

"Both i guess," Jules responded looking at the fabric tags of some pants she already found. Dry cleaning only was not going to work for Rue at least not in this city. "I know you and her aren't completely just friends."

"I have a boyfriend." Kenna stared at Jules dead panned receiving a raised brow. "Okay fair, we have something when i have nothing. What about it?"

"I just want you to know that I know. I'm okay with it as long as Rue is, but you care about her right?" Jules asked going to the rack opposite Kenna. There was a promising fabric poking out.

"I will answer that if you answer me this." Kenna met Jules on the side she was on and looked up at her. "Are you going to fucking abandon her again?"

Jules swallowed the snarky comment she could have made, "No I am not. And you?"

"I think Rue is amazing. She is the coolest person I've met her so far and she actually is really smart and funny. So yes i care and yes i will kick your ass if you break her fucking heart." Kenna's body language relaxed and Jules nodded to what she said. They had a common understanding and a common interest in giving Rue as much support as she needed. That was all Jules wanted to be sure of, because even if her and Rue didn't become anything more she would do almost anything for her best friend.

"Come here," Jules says tapping her fingertips against Rue's hand.

"You come here," Rue pulls her finger lightly and Jules dramatically falls forward. Catching herself on Rue's shoulders. Jules licks her lips and drops her hands to the bare sides of Rues midriff. Rue smiles and whispers, "Your hands are cold."

"Oops sorry," Jules leans in pressing her lips against Rues. Rue opens her lips slightly to get a better lock on her girls lips. Jules feels goosebumps under her fingertips as she slides her hands up Rue's sides. Her skin is warm but Jules can feel the air leaving Rue's nose.She cups her thumbs under Rue's bra and holds her by the sides. 

Rue leans into her girl's arms and locks her wrist around her neck. Kissing Jules was probably number 2 on her favorite things to do list. The first was most definitely riding her bike just before the sun set with the warm air hitting her skin. She can feel Jules eyelashes flutter against her eyes. Rue exhaled pulling back slightly pecking Jules lips quickly.

"Hey y'all stop making out, we got clothes to buy," Kenna yells out making them both laugh and open the curtain.

*****

Jules hummed to the soundtrack of Carole and Tuesday coming from the laptop next to her. Olive was finishing the newest season since she had finished all her work while Jules ran a blowdryer over painted lines on Rue's new jacket. Jules hand painted thin white outlines of stars over the hand embroidered blue rain drops on the back of the jacket. The lines were shaky and incomplete but that was on purpose. It was supposed to look like one of the doodles on the side of her notes. She was just hoping this would be finished drying by the time Rue was finished with her homework. 

Rue was currently trying to finish some analysis of Jane Austin with Kenna before coming back to the room for dinner. Jules was shooed away with Rue's bags in a Lyft by Kenna. Kenna who was making it very obvious that they weren't going to do homework. Jules doubted they were doing "that", which would be fine Kenna seemed like someone who was tested often or at least took precautions. The large break of time did give Jules a chance to spend more time with Olive. She hadn't spent too much time just hanging out on this trip with her friend which wasn't on purpose. They were in the sunshine state together and should have had a whole day and night. Olive understood that Jules needed to figure things out with Rue. When Jules showed Olive what she bought for herself and what Rue got Olive had the same idea she had earlier. They both grabbed what sewing materials they had in their bags to start decorating Rue's new jacket. Olive was the one who suggested she add the drawn stars so the raindrops didn't resemble tears. Olive helped stitch some of the raindrops on by hand while they caught up. They worked side by side while Jules learned more stories and more reasons to keep her distance from some people. Including people who would not stop hitting up Rue.

Olive showed Jules the new tattoo she acquired while Jules was out shopping with Kenna and Rue. Apparently they really spent almost 3 hours in and out of thrift stores and small shops. Her and Kenna had a great time but, that is probably why Rue looked like she was being tortured. The tattoo was of a sewing needle with thread hanging out of the eye. Liv was attempting to give Jules some inspiration for her latest change in exterior. 

Jules blew heat over the tightly embroidered white and grey clouds stitched above the blue rain. They were so perfect they obviously weren't done by her or Olive. That was entirely Jarl's venture and his connections. When Jules told Jarl of her idea he practically dragged her and Olive out of the hotel and quickly back to the Atelier. He was becoming friends with one of the assistants who let them into the sewing room. She just advised them not to break anything expensive. They spent the next hour stitching into the jacket, laughing, and teasing each other on their love lives.

Olive sighs from above staring at Jules testing the white lines with her finger. 

"I wish Ben made me cute things. This is so cute." Olive laments and Jules can hear the sound of Liv taking a photo but turns the blow dryer back on. Jules was glad to hear her friend has seemingly resolved whatever messy situation she had. Liv was almost as wild as she was but Liv looked extremely unassuming. Most people figured she was "a prude" but that was so far from the case. Liv was quick to befriend her and Jules could not complain. They were a lot alike while still being different. Olive also was much more organized than she was with her projects. Jules' walls were filled with collages of inspirations ripped from magazines and photos of friends. Images held together with a cute Washi tape one of her distant distant relative's on her mom's side sent her in the mail. Olive has a cork board with pinned images neatly displayed next an erasable calendar with color coded party planning. Just so she could balance her hangovers with her work time, meaning she could be as drunk as possible to function and still be efficient during the week. Olive managed herself and that was sometimes enough to keep everyone in their group on schedule. Minus Jules.

"They are studying law not fashion merchandising. I don't think they are going to paint on your $2,500 YSL trench even if you ask," Jules shakes her head. "And, you would kill them if they even mentioned the idea." Olive would murder anyon

"Yea true, but it's the thought that counts," Liv mumbles quietly.

"I get that," Jules stares at the drying paint hoping Rue would like what she'd done and didn't think it was too flashy. She never asked if it was okay but Rue would like it no matter what because it was made by her best friend. Still Jules was concerned it was possibly too flashy and while she wanted to push Rue out of her fashion comfort zone she was learning to respect her limits. All this time and all this work, at least if Rue didn't like it she could always turn it into a piece for a class. Jules stands up and grabs a hanger to set the jacket up.

"Wait one last idea," Olive says, "well two things." Jules turns around and raises her brows. "You should write something on it and we should take pictures of it. Maybe you can get some extra points or something on your paragraph."

Jules shrugged because that is not a bad idea. But what should she write on a jacket, any form of anime reference or Dutch impressionist quotes were out. Jules sits back down and searches through the pile of fabric markers and paint markers. She finds the metallic marker she is looking for and the one. On the back of the jacket on the edge under the last small raindrops she writes out in thin letters, "you're just one click away." It dries quickly and the metallic sheen of the marker reflects off the sunlight as she flips the jacket over. On the cuffs of the jacket she scribbles out words with a fine fabric marker and doubles over them hoping they will stay once she irons it in. She wrote the words in a way so no one would see them if the cuffs were folded up. A little hidden message on either wrist. The only person who would know they were there, was whoever had it on. 

Once she is sure everything is dry Jules shrugs the jacket on. She washes the wet paint off her hands first but some is caked to her fingers. It works with how she currently looks though. Relaxed and creative. The jacket fits her almost as well as it did Rue earlier. She walks over to the mirror and parts her hair to the sides of her face. Looking in the mirror she watches her reflection. Even though her makeup has gotten better and there are bags forming under her eyes she still looks like she did in highschool. She definitely did not peak in highschool even though she thought she had. Sure she was leagues above most kid's experience then, but she was still so far from who she was now. Or who she was starting to be. Standing looking at her reflection without makeup, wearing the freshly thrifted pair of pink paint speckled jeans, and her white crop top; she feels like she should be walking in her dad's kitchen for "family dinner." She touches the wrist of the jacket. The only thing missing is the tips of her hair being dyed a random color.

Wearing Rue's new jacket though is sending her. It's different than all of her other clothes that feel loosely tied together. Clothes that felt like other people's things and nothing like Rue. All of Rue's hoodies felt like a second skin without a soul. Except for Rue's dad's hoodie that always felt special. No one wore that ever except Rue and occasionally Gia. This jacket though is something her and Rue would get to share. Almost like a pair of traveling pants or a matching tattoo. Liv stands in the door with her camera and a pair of glasses to complete the look. At least she could utilize some poses from the modeling she was doing on the side in NYC for cash.

A half an hour passed of taking photos, ironing clothes, and ordering group Chinese. Now Jules was staring at the pictures with Jarl and Liv. Rue was already back she actually had taken the spot next to Jules on the couch. She showed up with her hair looking shiny and even curlier than usual. It also smelled like honey and some other scents Jules knew but couldn't name. Rue offered to go down and grab the food from the delivery person. The trio decided they better look at the photos Liv took earlier while she was out. They looked almost professional which shocked Jules but Liv seemed unphased as she scrolled through each photo. Jarl was quite impressed with Liv's camera skills but had one question. 

"What do the sleeve's say?"

Jules bit her inner lip and thought about both sleeves and the girl who made heart swim. The lyrics in her head forming as the songs played in her head.

"Baby stay here.

The whispers in the trees are getting near.

You're everything I need

To bare this fear."

"After you fall asleep, I'll kiss both your eyes and cheeks...You're an angel.

In my eyes."

****

Rue traced her fingers over the stitching on the jacket. She didn't know how Jules did this but she loved it. She was suprised with it in the hotel room by Jules. They were alone already dressed for the night but finishing makeup. It reminded Rue of highschool dances, glitter in her hair, and the smell of Ariana Grande's cloud perfume and weed flooding her nostrils. Jules was on top of her like always applying mascara or something else on her eyes. Rue kept adjusting the loose curls over her face to see her clearly. Her hands resting on Jules thighs waiting for the girl to be over so she could see and cringe. At least Jules promised to keep it simple this time, and when she finally rolled off her Rue was impressed she kept her word. That was when Jules made Rue close her eyes before thrusting the jacket in her folded arms.

Rue teared up seeing the work on the back of the jacket. It was really different but subtle which meant she could wear it more than once. Also her bestfriend made her something special to show her she meant something to her. Rue even read the messages on the cuffs before kissing Jules cheek and trudging to the bathroom to slip it on. Wearing the jacket all night gave her a bit of confidence and made her stand to her full height, instead of slouching to 5'9. Olive, Jarl, and Jules really had outdone themselves and the new addition to her closet was really her's to keep. She had to show it off right, they worked too hard to not get that.

The night was going really well, she enjoyed being a part of this side of Jules life. She didn't have that much of a clue what everything was where she saw a nice dress everyone else saw colors and odd fabric names. It was nice seeing Jules and her friends so into everything, she could tell they worked hard in general not only on her jacket. Even their professor had been really nice to her after giving her the oh face when she was introduced by Jules. Introduced as the friend she'd been staying with instead of at the hotel the school was being comped for. He offered Rue a light while they both stood outside as taking a small smoke break from all the chaos. He left her with the words, "nice jacket."

Rue smiles pulling the jacket back around her bare arms. She leans against the railing of the gallery thinking about what they could do tomorrow. Cigarette in between her fingers she wondered if she was trying to fit too much into one day. She also wanted Jules to do and see as much as possible into the 16 hours they had together. Jules might come back to visit her but she didn't want to get any hopes up. Her friend had better more interesting things on the east coast so there was no reason to come out this way again. Maybe the weather or the views would give her something to come back to. She felt arms wrap around her waist and a head resting on her shoulder.

"Ready to go?," Jules hummed next to her face. She smells like citrus and champagne Rue thinks to herself. 

"If you are?" Rue says before taking a drag from her whittled down cigarette. She holds it out for Jules to take if she wants and she does. She can see the fuzzy pink wrist of Jules sweater reach out. In her ear she hears Jules inhaling and exhaling before passing her the very small cigarette butt. "I will show you one of my favorite places." 

Rue puts the butt out on the railing and looks around for an outdoor trash can. Jules let's go of her and swivels Rue in the right direction.

"Are you taking me on an adventure Rue?" She asks the girl shuffling to the can in front of her. When Rue is finish Jules sways over to the glass door and leans holds it open.

"Adventure tomorrow, tonight tacos." Rue smiles and walks through the entryway.

"Oh thank god, I am starving," Jules responds and almost runs to tell everyone they were leaving. They had to stop at the hotel first to change but that wasn't important for everyone to know. The only one who did was Olive who forced her to activate find my phone before she left. All of the finger food at the opening was nice but she was craving actual food. Real food like tacos.

It took them longer than expected to leave the presentation. The sun was already set after taking group photos by the photographer. Then Jules insisted the group take their own in the bathroom so that it could look less uncomfortable. When the two of them did get back to the hotel Jules took a few selfies of them together in their outfits. 

She swore that even though Rue did not enjoy her picture being taken she worked the camera well. Rue knew her face and how to angle it without really trying. Jules just gave her a little direction so she did not look so stiff. Jules managed to sneak a few of Rue untucking her shirt and getting comfortable. Those were her favorite especially the one of Rue in the background of her selfies looking half done up half dressed down. 

Rue took very little time getting out of her outfit and into a pair of gym shorts and one of the new long sleeved t-shirts. Jules changed her sweatshirt but grabbed some sweatpants in case she needed to change. The skirt she was in was actually pretty comfortable. Jules didn't really know where Rue was taking her but she was okay with that. Rue wasn't an axe murderer and was actually a good driver. It was also not a bad view to have watching Rue drive. One hand on the steering wheel and the other resting on Jules's leg. Rue tried to be smooth with it but Jules caught her smiling with the corner of her mouth. 

They were cruising through the city, the windows rolled up with "iridescence" playing through the speakers. Street lights lighting up all of Rue's features that the night was hiding. Jules was mouthing along with her as she said simmer down simmer down to "District". They were turning into a random grocery store parking lot. Most stores were closed but Jules eyed the large food truck with a bit of a line and several cars parked close by. A large lit up sign read street tacos from the side of the truck. Rue pulls into an empty spot and parks while pulling off her hoodie, tossing it in the back. Jules watches the slightly toned thin arms stretch all the way out almost smacking her in the face.

"Haha you're an asshole," Jules says while grinning and lowering the music.

"Am I ?," Rue fake asks and nods towards the truck. Jules gets out of the car slipping her crossbody over her shoulder. The speakers from the SUV are still thumping from the inside until Rue shuts the car off. Jules meets Rue on the other side and they tease each other until they reach the window of the truck. In between the silly banter they both managed to decide what they both wanted. 

Jules watched Rue ordering their food which was normal. What wasn't normal was how comfortable the woman taking the order was with Rue. The woman reminded her of a cross between Maddy and Selma Hayek, the attitude with all of the latter's assets. Jules watches her touch Rue's wrist while saying, "oh another one Benito." Another one? Jules pieces together and tries to justify what that could mean. The only logical reason she could hear in her head sounded like Kat's voice, you are getting played. Rue was introducing her which made her feel a bit better but she still was looking for red flags. 

She could tell Rue was going to be catching up with her friend so she went to fill up some sriracha containers. She watched the way the girl took her break and came out of the truck to talk to Rue. Rue looked oblivious as the girl poked and winked at her. Jules watched how her hair seemed to flow in the breeze as she laughed at whatever Rue was saying. Laughed in the over the top flirting loud so that everyone could hear it way. Jules then notices what she really hoped wasn't what she thought it was. She grabs a fist full of napkins and widens her eyes Rue is blushing. Rue's body language is relaxed flirty and it is sending knots straight to Jules stomach. 

Jules starts to beeline for the car two little white containers of sriracha in each hand. She could hear Rue calling for her but kept walking. If she could just get further away then maybe she wouldn't feel this way. Feel so so...jealous. She was jealous and she rarely felt this way about anyone. Sure it did happen small amounts of jealousy were normal. Even dating as openly as she did there were times she would see someone she was dating all over someone else and it would last for a minute, maybe two. Then a feeling and urge to say aww came over her, this jealousy though it felt different. 

It felt like when she would watch other girls playing with hannah montana dolls and she was never allowed to get one. Jules was also trying to swallow her pride because she was jealous over Rue who technically she shouldn't be. They weren't a couple they were just seeing where this week led them. Why was she looking for red flags in someone who did not want a relationship with her. Not as in ever just for now, which wasn't that big of a deal. Was it because they were already so close or because it stung more than she let on. Jules really did not know which of the two it was right now and that's why she was frustrated.

In a relationship or not that did not stop Jules from marching in her low platforms. She held the paper cups of hot sauce in her palms while hustling towards the oversized gas monster. She was trying hard to pretend not to hear the rapid footsteps behind her. Nor the voice following them.

"Hey Jules wait up," Rue strains her voice to the girl speed walking in front of her. She was When she does catch up they are at the door but Jules turns around too quick and…

Jules hears the paper cup crunch into Rues abdomen and the keys in her hand clatter on the asphalt.

The sriracha dribbles all down the front of the fading black shirt. Rue can smell the red sauce seeping into the fabric. It isn't sticking to her stomach so that is good, but she knows it will soon.

"Shit! Rue." Jules gasps. Jules lightly dabs the spill on Rue's shirt with the napkins that didn't fly out of her hand. Rue shakes her head at her and mumbles what are you doing. Jules is chill while frantic and how that is possible Rue does not know, but she can tell something isn't right. Jules is always vibing on her own wavelength. Always aware now but still pretty carefree.

"Its fine, Juliet," Rue shrugs her friends hands off of her. She's actually pressing the sriracha further onto Rue's skin and it feels weird. She is making things worse not better. Rue leans down and picks up the keys off the ground and unlocks the car door.

"Fuck I'm sorry," Jules keeps dabbing away the red sauce while apologizing.

"No it's really okay, it's just a shirt." Rue steps back to force Jules to stop and opens the back door to shield herself. Jules bends down and picks up the napkins at her feet and wipes off the top sole of both of their shoes. Sriracha had splattered there as the cups hit the asphalt. When she stands up she turns to Rue and notices what is happening. 

Rue pulls off her t-shirt now stained with sriracha and shudders. How was it this cold without her noticing anything earlier. The cool northern California air was sending chills down her spine. November was not playing this season. At least it didn't snow here and it meant all her hoodies would get put to good use. One of which was in the backseat. She pulls on the door handle and opens the door. 

"But its new Romeo," she heard Jules sigh quietly to herself.

Rue laughs while putting the shirt on the floor in the backseat. She had school access to washers and dryers so the shirt would be fine. Jules is quiet though to her laughter and Rue turns to see Jules staring. Staring at her like she was a shiny new penny or a new toy. Even though her voice sounded worried her cheeks were flushed and eyes wide. She smirks at Jules and leans against the inside of the door.

"You are a perv and upset," Rue smiles and closes the passenger door. "Upset about what I don't know."

Jules grins small. She wasn't a perv she just felt like kissing Rue would make time move faster. But, she was still upset at just being another person that Rue brought to the same place. Of all the places Rue could have probably brought her to, this is the place she chose. The place where the cashier practically threw herself onto Rue and Rue's hookups got a taste of too. She just wanted things to stay special between them.

"Why do i get the feeling that you are acting like a complete jealous girlfriend because we haven't had sex in like 24 hours." Rue leans back against the cold metal and winces. She forgot just how cold it really was and really needed to grab her hoodie. At the same time she wanted to actually get this conversation over with.

"It's not just sex. Also sex isn't everything to me despite what everyone thinks about me. Not with us." She paused and added the rest of her thought. "Also what is wrong with liking sex and remember I'm not your girlfriend." Jules rolls her eyes and crosses her arms.

Rue rolls her eyes, everyone and their semantics on what they were. Everyone always questioning things and getting in both of their heads. Sometimes it was even just their own selves, "Then what is it since youre "not my girlfriend" Jules and it isn't just sex with me either." Rue shakes her hands as she talks. 

"Can we pleaseee go somewhere else?" Jules says while really digging her heels into the gravel. She did not want to do this here, spill her own shitty thoughts in front of a taco truck in a walmart parking lot.

"Not without our tacos." Rue reminds her looking as confused as she felt. Why were women like this. Why was Jules like this. Confusing. She was not a fucking mind reader despite all of the Lamictal and twitching eyebrow.

"Oh right those." Jules says sarcastically.

"Did you not want tacos? Is that it?" Rue seriously asks with goosebumps covering her shoulders.

"You are oblivious how ridiculously attractive you are and it is frustrating. People literally get off their shift just to flirt with you and you have no clue." Jules says while staring at Rue and shaking her head waiting for a response.

"Umm...wait was i flirting back." Rue says and is even more confused when Jules groans at her answer. Of course she knew the girl was flirting, they were kind of friends so Rue just took it as a friendly gesture. Harmless and fun but not serious at all.

"So you Knew she was hitting on you and pretending like it wasn't obvious you were on a date." Jules feels all her red flag sensors going off in her head.

"Uh wait what." Rue scrunched her forehead.

"She thinks i'm your booty call Rue.... wait do you bring other people here?" Jules looks slightly hurt with her arms crossed but Rue still sees the softness in her face. Rue thought about it. She brought Fez when he visited and Lexi too. Some group session kids and that random cheerleader one time. And....oh shit that girl probably thought Rue was being a thot, this place just has really great tacos. This was her taco place so she brought her friend's here and sometimes one of her late night dates. Rendezvous or whatever Jules would consider her trist usually ended in taco bell or mcdonalds. Sometimes the person would suggest a nice restaurant if they actually had a good convo and could end up friend material. Rue didn't think it look like that from an outsider's perspective. She just really liked their burritos and everyone loves tacos.

"Bennyyy!" A loud voice came from the taco truck. 

Oh shit that's us Rue thought. Rue almost darts around Jules to grab their food but Jules holds her by her shoulders. Rue goes wide eyed for a second but rests her forehead against Jules. Jules stares her in the eyes for a bit before speaking while Rue grins at her.

"You are cute but please put your hoodie on Rue. Pleaasseee especially if you aren't going to answer me." Jules pouts.

Rue brushes her nose against Jules,

"No, this is just my go to place for everyone for tacos. I'm sorry for her okay." Rue leans into the car to pull her hoodie out of the back seat and zips it up. "I'll be right back," she says before pecking Jules on the lips, grabbing the dirty napkins from her hands, and running off in the direction of the taco truck.

Jules sighs at the sky and closes the door. She hated feeling this way and of course she only felt this way with Rue. Rue who lived on the other side of the country from her. Rue who wouldn't actually be deceptive and lie to her. Of course the person least likely to break her heart she was most worried about, or maybe she was projecting. Projecting her past onto her friend, but she was still annoyed by it all. 

******

They were sitting in the back seat eating tacos mainly in silence. Filling the quiet was a show Jules was watching on her iPad and Rue was trying to watch over her shoulder. Rue parked them at a small marina she found one day exploring with some people from campus Freshman year. Normally it was a great spot to catch the sunset or chill while the sun was out while small boats floated past the edge. It was dark now, though no one was there but the two of them, their snacks, and tacos. Looking over the water the moon's reflection rippled beneath extremely far tree limbs rustling in the distance.

The interior light of the car was switched on so they could see the food. Rue finished the last bite of her second taco and put the container holding the last one in the front seat. She pulled the other spare blanket around her shoulders while Jules ate her last taco extremely slow. Jules was really savoring the taste.

"So they are good?" Rue asks.

"These are the best tacos I've had in my life. I'm still mad at you though," Jules yawns.

"I told you babe i didn't know that's how it looked. Also you literally bought 6 tacos for later." Rue grins widely stuffing her face with loose chips.

Jules squints her eyes. "Kay," she looks back at the screen biting into the last taco again to savor the taste that was definitely no where in NYC. She could feel Rue rolling her eyes from next to her but ignored her. A message popped up on her phone as she wiped her fingers clean with a wet wipe. Reading the name she quickly grabbed the phone from the pocket of the chair. Glancing to her left she saw Rue wasn't even paying attention to the TV show anymore. She was leaned back against the seat hood up glaring at her phone. Jules paused the show on the iPad sitting on the center console and swept to her imessage.

**Kat: your green eyed envy is coming out**

**Jules: *ariana grande what about it" gif**

**Kat: you have a hot girlfriend think of it as a perk**

**Maddy: They are just dating you guys no labels remember. 🙄**

**Kat: Okay so as i said her girlfriend.**

**Lexi: Jules if you don't just tell that ex or whatever is in your comments to fuck off.**

**Jules: What comments?**

**Kat: Woah there Lex**

**Lexi: Tell them all to just fuck off.**

**Jules: Omg are you drunk Lexi?**

**Cassie: She is trashed.**

**Kat: Awwww**

**Lexi: Shut up kat I'm not a baby**

**Jules: This is just precious.**

**Cassie: Seriously check your outfit photo.**

**Lexi: Oh shit Rue is about to act up.**

**Kat: 👀**

**Jules: But she took the photo?**

**Kat: The comments though.**

**Maddy: Rue is about to be real tired of Anna and whoever this bitch is in her comments.**

**Cassie: Activate bitchy sex repressed angry Rules in 5..**

**Kat: 4**

A notification pops up and Jules sees that her IG handle is being tagged by Izzy her ex fling and cringes. Of course some shit was going on. Instead of checking that right away she turned to check on Rue. She had the look on her face that was reserved for the one and only Nate Jacobs or Daniel. Jules swallows the jealous pit in her throat for a second and turns toward Rue. 

"Babe you okay," Jules stares at her friend concerned. Rue looks like she's questioning if she should or should not do something dangerous. 

"Uh huh," Rue mumbles. Jules watches Rue's jaw clench and her jawline sharpen further. Kinda hot, she thinks and almost pushes herself to kiss it. Kiss the sharp angle of Rue's jaw until she smiled or….

"Baby?" Jules nibbles on her cheek.

"Check your friends before I do Jules," Rue cuts her eyes at Jules and looks back at her phone. Jules feels her throat dry up a bit and turns the other way. Rue never spoke like that to her. Which was kind of a turn on, especially with how non possessive Rue was. Rue was always relaxed and oblivious but this voice was toned different. Was Jules also concerned by the difference, yes.

"They aren't my..." Jules started to say but felt Rue move her leg away from hers and stopped. Jules could press the comment but that was a risk of Rue driving them back to the room or getting pinned against the carside. Which she was not really opposed to the latter but went back to the group chat. Rue wasn't the type to do that, they'd just end up going to bed pissed off at one another.

**Jules: Rue is mad.**

**Maddy: Like in a hot way or ????**

**Kat: 🤐 i won't touch that one.**

**Maddy: 🖕🖕🖕**

**Cassie: uh as she should be.**

**Kat: Maddy I know we have to tread carefully when Patrick Bateman is in town.**

**Jules: I don't even wanna check now. She's never yelled at me like....that.**

**Kat: uh oh 🥺**

**Lexi: She yelled???**

**Maddy: 🤔 also Kat you are a wh**

**Maddy: Cassie here, ignore that Kat.**

**Jules: Her voice is angry. I felt my entire soul throb.**

**Kat: 😂😂😂 I hate all three of you.**

**Maddy: 😒 anyway Jules You have a daddy kink sis.**

**Cassie: Please record that voice so we can all indulge.**

**Jules: 😂😂 I know ...I know**

**Lexi: I will pay you to do it.**

**Maddy: ayyyy drunk Lexi is on board.**

**Jules: you have my cash app**

Jules quickly hit record on her camera and leaned her front camera to the side. She zoomed in and out on Rue's annoyed jaw. She saw Rue glance and notice what she was doing. 

"Not right now," Rue said quiet but her face gave away that she was upset.

Jules kept recording, "hmmm ?"

"Go deal with your Instagram, Please," Rue was back to sounding aggravated and hot. She didn't move despite glaring at the camera. Jules stopped recording and sent the video to her friends.

**Jules: Alright let me check and prepare to 😡**

**Lexi: Had to sober up kind of. Rue texted me, i will kill Anna.**

Jules sees the comments in her activity page. She rolls her eyes seeing Anna and Izzy being pretty disrespectful even though they both knew she wasn't monogamous. They were both acting like jealous assholes, man did she wish Anna had stayed in LA sometimes. Anna could be a great person but she was an honest asshole sometimes not only to Jules. Jules picked up on the irony of her obvious current attitude but she wasn't seeing either of them currently anyway. She actually was seeing Rue seriously this time. If Lexi was that upset by their words she could only imagine what Rue was feeling. Jules wonders if cutting off Izzy from her life was still an option. Maybe then Anna could visit LA during the winter again and their toxic friendship would die. Then she could have her friend back.

_ IZzzz Guess it wasn't serious? More for me. _

_ Reply to IZzzz Goannago: 😂 _

_ Reply to Goannago IZzzz: I call dibs on the brunette in the video. You can have your girl back. _

_ Reply to IZzzz Goannago: Trust me you don't want that. Mine more like 😏. _

Jules felt her stomach knot but smirked at the notifications coming from the group chat. No matter how upset she was, their reactions to the video were making her laugh to herself. These girls were doing too much.

**Maddy: 💦💦💦 your girlfriend can take me if she wants**

**Cassie: This girl is practically my little sister's best friend i can't be thinking these things I'm thinking.**

**Lexi: PRACTICALLY? WE ARE BESTFRIENDS.**

**Kat: 🥵**

**Maddy: Her jaw went 🔪**

**Lexi: #daddyrue**

**Cassie: Yasss Lex is really on the wave now**

**Lexi: I built the wave. I am the wave.**

**Maddy: 😂😂😂**

**Jules: saw the comments and Lexi you are the wave**

**Maddy: 5**

**Cassie: 4**

**Lexi changed her name to 🌊**

**🌊: 3 which you can just ignore them you know.**

**Maddy: boring**

**Kat: 2**

**Kat: I will support you even if you decide to be the bigger person.**

One, Jules whispers to herself and starts typing. 

Rue felt her body seething, she was about to go off on Anna. She didn't have any right to talk about or suggest anything about her. Anna didn't even fucking know her or probably anything besides what Jules let her know. It would look bad if she got an infraction on her record for attempted homicide. She texted Lexi back who was attempting to calm her down. 

She didn't mean to raise her voice at Jules, it just happened. Rue was just frustrated and even if Jules was into it she wanted to apologize. Lexi was kind of sharing more than she should about the group convo to her. It made her relax and stopped her from reacting because reading drunk Lexi was a comedy show. Lexi was already the mom friend of the group but drunk mom Lexi was another level. The conversation went from her oversharing to her telling Rue "not" to taunt Jules exes with more photos from the week so far. If she wasn't so shy she honestly might but for now she sighs and rests her chin on Jules shoulder. She can see the comment that Jules is typing and her eyes go wide.

"I've never brought anyone here before. Also don't post that," she whispered tucking Jules hair behind her ear. Kissing Jules' earlobe lightly she hits enter on her own keyboard.

_ rue.bennett: I dare you to say one more thing about her. _

"I'm sorry," Rue rasps in her girl's ear. "Don't be jealous okay, it was just tacos with the few friends I have. Well most of the time just tacos."

Jules feels a large amount of sadness in her throat but swallows it. Rue deserved to have friends she was nice and listened really well. But, of course she had to add the most of the time so Jules shrugged her shoulders to get Rue out of her ear. Not because she did not believe Rue but mainly because the rasp in her voice was doing a lot of things to her body internally and she was still upset. A small bit of jealous, still hurt by Anna's comments, and just tacos was the completely wrong response at the moment. Also why was staying friends with exes all of the sudden the worst decision she made in weeks.

"I fucking ha...," Jules started to say but was caught off guard by Rue's thumb softly caressing her cheek. She stopped talking and closed her mouth. Rue's fingers slid from under her jaw and then lightly touching her neck. Jules swallowed a whimper and kept the pout on her face. Rue was not getting out of this by being cute or turning her on. "I am still mad at you." 

"I didn't even do anything. Also I brought Lexi to the taco truck not some hook up. Which by the way she said something about a "Daddy Rue", Rue feels awkward saying that but she thinks she might be okay with it. Even though the nickname makes her want to laugh because she wonders who came up with it. Probably Kat or Maddy but it could have been Jules. The girl wasn't exactly as subtle as she thought she was about not being in her words "vanilla". Even though she kept things tamed for Rue's sake Rue did actually want to know things. This was probably a joke but whatever her hand just did was most definitely not. Under the cover of the dark Rue didn't have to be as obviously nervous if she did try anything. Whatever she attempted in this car based on Lexi's drunk hints might be embarrassing but at least Jules wouldn't see the awkwardness of it all. 

Time is ticking past and it is getting late, from the tone they could be here for a while so she clicks the overhead lights off. She felt her cheeks getting warmer and wanted to hide that as quickly as she could. It was also a good idea not to kill Kenna's new battery and she loved seeing Jules eyes in the dark was becoming a new favorite. Especially here where the moon was high beaming in through the open sun roof reflected off of them like two large round glaciers. Her fingers slid away from Jules pulse point and she shuddered while pupils swelled in contrast with the blue. Glancing up and down Jules face Rue could tell she was annoyed with her but maybe also turned on.

"Are you shitting me." Jules groans clenching her jaw and shock being the only thing her brain registered. She heard Rue swallow a chuckle and wants to tape Lexi's hands to her sides. 

It was almost pitch black with the only light being cutting off abruptly Jules eyes adjusted but Jules was still shocked and had no clue what to say. If she knew Rue already knew about the inside joke she wouldn't have hid it from her at all. She would have told her the other day, she just really loved sweet soft nervous Rue. Not whatever corny jokes Rue was going to tease her with from not on. But Rue didn't look amused from what Jules could see she looked curious. She was still irritated but she was wondering if she was overreacting. Rue was here in a car in the middle of no man's land with her. Not taco woman, not Kenna, just Jules.  They could talk about it tomorrow whatever she was feeling. Tomorrow for sure.

"You can do it again, Rue. If you want," Jules sighs giving up her anger and whispers to her.

"Have you called me that?" Rue hummed sitting back and checking the comments ignoring Jules moment of consent. She was aware of it but it made her nerves buzz and she had to think about if she really wanted to do it again. Sure she was curious but she was afraid it would hurt Jules. Even though Jules probably had experience and would let her know.

_ gggiab I have a permit, I will drive to wherever on behalf of my sister to beat your ass. _

Jules doesn't push Rue but sighs because she wanted Rue to do it again. Instead she is back to checking the comments and laughs out loud reading both Rue and Gia's replies to Anna and Iz. Gia was actually kind of terrifying if you messed with Rue in anyway. She knew first hand how protective the 16 almost 17 year old was over Rue. Jules kept reading and realized she didn't even have to get involved yet, tomorrow though she would clear the air. Hopefully Anna would apologize, they had been on okay terms.

_ mckennaroni I am of age, with priors, so i can and will beat both y'all asses whenever. _

_ Lordandco kenz with the assist. _

_ jarlmø sigh _

"Called you what?," Jules plays dumb while looking at her phone and responding to the group chat. Rue was naive but not an idiot so she waited to see how long until the nervous vibes in the seat caught on. Of course she called Rue that in the group chat, never in her mind though. It crossed a few times but most of the time she just daydreamed about doing things to Rue. She just never really thought Rue would be up to trying things on her.

**Jules: Lexi told Rue about daddy rue.**

**Kat: wowww Cass get ya sister.**

**Lexi: Oops did i? It wasn't me, it was my alter ego.**

**Cassie: I'm telling your sorotit big to take your phone.**

**Lexi: haha sororit and noo i love you cass**

**Cassie: sorority**

**Maddy: 😂 i need more drunk lexi in my life, but does she like it jules?**

**Jules: she's asking me about it and she just turned off the lights**

**Kat: 😏**

**Kat: get it get it**

**Jules: which did you mention something about choking too Lex?**

**Lexi: maybe**

**Cassie: 👀👀**

**Jules: I am never telling you any kinky stories ever again.**

**Lexi: 😢**

**Kat: I am actually crying this is funny af**

"Just say it," Rue snickered looking at her phone and earlier messages from Lexi. Lexi was still drunk texting and it was honestly funny. She wanted to hear the name come from Jules because why not. Even if it did nothing for her at least they tried it, at least she tried something instead of the same thing.

**Lexi: Shewith all that freak behavior**

**Rue: I know.**

**Lexi: okay so d0 it.**

**Rue: It won't be weird???**

**Lexi: just choke her find out yourself.**

**Rue: idk lex**

**Lexi: jus do ut**

**Lexi: *just do it gif***

**Lexi: ✊her**

**Rue: punch her?**

**Lexi: nooo silly**

**Rue: ur so drunk**

**Lexi: I knowwwww ☺️**

**Lexi: you got me in trouble 😩**

**Rue: you told me to choke her tho**

**Lexi: but did she complain**

**Rue: *you got me there gif***

**Lexi: tolddd you and you liked it**

**Rue: 😳 I think I did**

**Rue: drink some water imma try again**

**Lexi: 👏👏👏 ttul ❤**

**Rue: u too drunkie**

Rue leans over and drops her phone in front cupholder. She smiles because she can see a little bit of blush on Jules face. Even though it's dark the moon is mainly shining in between them and on Jules. She was just gonna see where all of this went especially because Jules was holding onto whatever pent up frustration from earlier. Also it was a blessing Kenna had tinted windows in both this car and her brand new one.

"Make me," Jules says grinning as Rue pulls off the hoodie she is unzipping. Jules knows those could be fighting words for the right kind of person, but she has no clue what kind of person Rue is. She kind of doubts Rue knows either or if she even has a type. But, based on the way Rue is fidgeting, adjusting the seats, and looking at her they might be about to find out. The look when Rue registers what she just said is a mix of shock and a mix of oh really which makes the blood rush to Jules's head a bit.

Rue feels kind of dumb knowing what she is about to do but fuck it. She tosses the hoodie behind her and slides her hand back to press the sides of Jules throat. She at least learned that with a quick Google search while Jules was busy texting their friends. She was terrified of hurting Jules but she was eager to learn. She heard Jules gasp lightly before whispering is this okay? Questions might kill the moment but she had to be sure it was okay. Jules gave her some consent but she had to ask for her own peace of mind.

Jules nodded to assure her whatever Rue was at this point because holy fuck. She holds her phone up to show she was just letting them know she was going MIA. Because her friends tended to worry they didn't start off being anxious because they masked it with jokes everytime she ghosted them. A few mornings though after a night out of a busy week Jules had woken up to a few actually concerned texts from not just Kat or Lexi but Cassie. Cassie who she was sure was more of a friend of a friend but who was genuinely worried. Honestly she sometimes felt they should be used to her disappearing act on them, but she understood why they were concerned. The world was kind of shitty especially towards women. Kat also highlighted here and there how careful Jules should be with her reckless partying as a transfem woman. Which she already knew from experience. It was just her freshman year was filled with forgetting her phone in someone's house she knew or blacking out. That year dedicated to trying to erase highschool and Nate from her subconscious like an infection. The more alcohol the more bacteria she could kill off. Feeling Rue loosen her grip Jules started to focus on texting the girls back.

**Jules: nvm I'm happy**

**Lexi: I wonder why lol**

**Cassie: 👀**

**Maddy: What is happening?**

**Jules: 🥴**

Jules felt Rue let go of her neck which helped because she was kind of focusing on something else. Staring at her phone she felt Rue pull her to sit on her. Jules ended up straddling Rue's lap with ease. This position was pretty natural to them they would cuddle like this from time to time. It was something about Rue listening to her heart beat while she watched whatever was on her phone. This time in the back of this SUV Rue started kissing her neck while one hand rested on her thigh. Jules gasped as Rue's other hand gripped her boob and she bucked forward slightly. It caught her off guard.

**Kat: why do I feel like drunk Lexi is a sex guru**

**Lexi: 😇**

**Jules: imma be seeing heaven tonight**

**Maddy: 😂 bitch put the phone down and levitate**

Jules gasped hearing Rue in her ear, "Should I say thank you to Lexi or is that weird?" Rue bit lightly on Jules earlobe and grabbed at her roughly through her shirt. Rue can hear Jules breathing start to speed up and let's go of her lobe. "This okay?" She asks.

"You're doing good babe," Jules exhales and tries not to drop her phone, " just go slow, we can go slow." Rue's voice was raspy, dripping with sex, and if she didn't stop talking soon in Jules ear they would have issues. Jules was going to try as hard as she could to not lose herself in anything. Just so she could keep some control to not push Rue faster than Rue was prepared for. Slow and steady, there would be more opportunities for more one day. 

"Tell her thank you for me please," Rue sounded nervous and shy against Jules. She knew she was turned on but she genuinely did want to thank Lexi. Her timing was terrible she knew that as she pulled away. Yet when her hand gripped Jules throat again she liked it more than she thought she would. The other hand stroked the exposed skin on Jules back. She wanted to be as gentle as possible while satisfying her girl's interest.

Jules moaned out quietly as Rue squeezed lightly, "fuck," she was trying to text them back quickly. Rue was only teasing her because she still had not said the name. To be honest it was probably going to be as weird for Rue as Jules realized it was going to be for her. It was a bit over a line she drew for herself usually. 

**Kat: yes friend**

**Cassie: they grow up so fast**

**Jules: From Rue, Thankyou Lrci**

Jules felt more pressure on her throat and moaned quietly. She heard a low chuckle from Rue and then a raspy do it again. Yea she would have to catch up to the group chat later much much later. She quickly re-sent Lexi's name before dropping the phone somewhere in a seat.

**Jules: Lexi. shit i gtg.**

Jules rolls her hips into Rue's abdomen. The soft blanket under them brushing her knees while she straddles Rue. This was always something she was into with other people, so it wasn't that this was new. But, Jules was caught all the way off guard. She knew she sent the devil emoji earlier something might happen, but never this. The floor, the bathroom, a bed, yes, but in the back of a car on semi public semi private property, never.

"I fucking love you so much but," Jules heard Rue half speak half breath out loud against her skin. The girl was pushing her clothes up and to the side while leaving kisses everywhere she could. "You have too many fucking clothes on," Rue hummed against her throat.

"Then take them off," Jules teases and starts to laugh but hisses when she feels kisses on her ear as Rue grips her shirt with one hand. She can feel the fabric on top of her stomach being stretched. Thank god she switched into a sweatshirt that was not important. Also it could shrink in the washer. 

"Just say it," Rue let's go off Jules shirt and sits back against the seat. She watches Jules roll her eyes and sit up straight.

"I love you too," Jules smiles pulling the sweater up and off her quickly. She hears Rue chuckle but doesn't feel hands on her anymore and pulls Rue's hands back on her stomach.

Rue doesn't move her hand but she does poke her friends belly button. She just wants to hear it once since apparently that's her nickname now. 

Jules sighs pulling her hair out of the now loose ponytail on her head. It was not her first time saying this to anyone but it might kill the mood for Rue. She cleared her throat and looked down at her friend, "Okay then Daddy." 

Rue squints and then and nods before moving her grip and causing a godly sound to come from Jules mouth. "I think I like it." Rue smiles and hears Jules chuckle.

"Oh really." Jules laughs because she already knew Rue was about to likely hear it more than once and very non jokingly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song lyrics on Rue's jacket are from Hello by Clairo, Only In My Dreams by the Maria's, and Angel by Finneas. 
> 
> 1 more chapter left then a one chapter epilogue. As always critiques and comments are welcome. 
> 
> What do you want to see in the next chapter and maybe the epilogue?


	9. Geneva in November

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here it is the last chapter…...before the epilogue chapter. I got a couple messages and comments asking for more spicy time. I tried my best here and in the epilogue but I'm sorry in advance if I'm too mushy. Also i apologize for missing my upload deadline for last weekend, work and depression happen.
> 
> This chapter title includes 2 songs;  
> Summer in November by Sir (Saturday) and Geneva by Kindness  
> (sunday).

Rue gazed at the rosy freshly woken cheeks, soft grin, and tired eyes in front of her. Jules kind of looked like an old Polaroid or film picture where the lens had a blurry filter on it. Rue wanted to capture as much of this as she could in her mind. Because honestly a picture would be nice too but she would never be able to get how crazy beautiful Jules was this morning. Really any morning even the ones spent sleeping over a trash can whichRue was always a little shocked by.

This though, this felt unreal. From the warmth of the blankets and limbs entangled with hers to the fact that they were sleeping in the trunk of an suv. A groggy morning voice asking her how she slept. Spending her morning cuddling in the back of an suv trunk wasn't glamorous or colorful like Jules was. That was what worried Rue about planning the romantic cliche car date, let alone the entire day. Would it even be up to Jules usual date standards, people had probably done far better. Yet Jules still seemed excited and the way her eyes glimmered Rue could guess that this was more than okay.

Rue leaned into the sunlight nuzzling her nose against the warm tip of her boo's nose. She looked at the blue eyes staring down at her and swallowed thickly. They were even brighter than usual thanks to a bright patch of sun coming in through the skylight. The tint along with the sun shades blocked most of the light from the other windows. Warm fingers gently stayed under her hoodie tracing up and down her rib cage. Her heart was thumping steadily in her ears not from anxiety. She actually felt fine because everything outside of this moment did not matter to her. At least not right now. Right now felt like everything she could ever want.

"Rue." Jules said quietly.

"Hmm," Rue relaxed against the makeshift spare shirt they crafted into a pillow.

"I...i...you...,"Jules whispered 

“What,” Rue mumbled quietly. Her fingers rested alongside Jule’s face, she felt like she was floating staring into her friends eyes. Rue blinked and cleared her throat, if she wasn’t careful she might blurt out something she meant. Something that she knew completely that she was not ready for.

"Your eyes are really cool in the sun." Jules swallowed the words she really wanted to say down. Sure they'd said it before, but how she was about to use it was not like before. It would open the flood gates of expectations on both sides. She really did not want that for either of them. Not yet she says in her head. Jules also was not lying. Rue's brown eyes in this light were crazy. They killed any urge she had to move away and distract from this angle. Not that there was an urge at all before.

Jules rested her nose back against rues and sighed quietly. This was just too good to be true all of the fucked up circumstances somehow landed them right here. Yet it was extremely true; she was in love with her best friend and she could swear she heard her homphobic ancestors rolling in their graves. Hell this girl was doing a number on her and it crept up slowly until there was no denying how she felt on the inside. Sure she'd been in love a few times but it always smacked her in the face. With Rue she just knew, hell everyone in a 6 foot radius could tell. Except for Rue that was who she had a feeling still had some reservations about her being a bit of a “slut” in Kat’s words. She just moved really fast perhaps too fast for most people. It made things interesting and when she got bored she learned to move the hell on.

Rue leaned up slowly letting her eyes close and whispered, "but you're one to talk." She felt the strain in her neck but it faded as Jule’s guided her body back to the seat.

All Jules could do was sigh in relief and nod into the feeling of Rue's lips flush against her own. She could give her pinky finger about what her own eyes looked like. Her eyes closed and she let the soft, warm, slow kisses take over her. All of this felt like she was living in her own 90s tv show. Rue's hand gently rested on her bare hip under the thick blanket they'd slept under. Jules felt her waist being gripped and pulled closer to Rue. While she got lost in the moment she thought about the morning so far.

Rue woke up super early to move the car somewhere else. Jules had no clue what was happening but woke up to her friend slipping back under the blanket in almost just a hoodie. Kisses on her shoulder and neck put her back to sleep before she could question Rue. She explained not wanting a trespassing charge later on when Jules asked. They both woke up groggily to the sound of Rues alarm buzzing, just in time to catch a glimpse of the sunrise before eventually passing out again. 

Jules took a picture of them together while they watched the horizon blend together. Oranges, pinks, and blues melting like a sundae in the sky. A sherbert colored sky to wake her up just enough to enjoy it. Her arms were draped over Rue's shoulders from behind and she rested her chin on Rue’s neck. The thinner blanket Rue had stored in the car was wrapped around them both. Rue kept blissfully ignoring the camera while thumbing Jules palm. Jules could have taken a million photos and she didn't have to pose that was the deal. It'd been a super late night for a lot of reasons... but they did manage to sleep at some point. Jules even got a few new nicknames by the time their bodies wound all the way down. Waking up early was well worth the view and the yawns before they convinced each other to go back to sleep.

Jules hums into Rue's mouth as her friends hands slightly grab and cling to her body even more. A hand rests on her lower back while the other lightly scratches up her spine. Rue got plenty comfortable last night taking more control and Jules was not complaining. She could tell that Rue was not at the point of knowing what to do without guidance but Jules enjoyed that. Shed enjoyed the clumsiness of soft yet slightly calloused hands on her body all night. Learning hands slowly becoming more learned. The way Rue's breath trembled against her neck while Jules thighs spasmed under her. Concerned dirty talk that matched Rue's eyes shifting from curious passion to soft concern. There had been times Jules even indulged in the option to be as clumsy and unforgiving in vocals until sounds were the only thing she could repeat. Letting the gentle being who took her somewhere else mentally bring her back down slowly. Jules was in no way complaining about any of that.

"Fuck, " Rue giggled against Jules lips. If she didn't stop kissing this woman soon they would never get to the plans she had for today. Or she was going to rip up the plane ticket to devise a plan super soon to kidnap her so she never left California again. Jules groaned in dissapoint and Rue felt the hands on her back press her closer. Rue didn't budge and laughed to herself hearing Jules whisper really bitch. Rue opened her eyes and grinned at the wide eyed look she was getting. Just one more won't hurt she sighs and pecks Jules a few times before pulling back smiling.

"You know I love this. Just being with you." Jules hums while nuzzling Rue's nose.

"You are a laid up, not doing anything all day kind of person," Rue says.

"And you know what that means," Jules got quieter tucking a curl behind Rue's ear.

"No actually um I don't," Rue blinks staring Jules eyes up and down. She had a feeling but she didn't want to force Jules to say anything she wasn't ready to.

Jules rolls her eyes and sighs. Rue looked like the shy emoji too easily and it was extremely hard not to say because i'm in love with you. She wishes Rue would say it first to alleviate the pressure of those words. But, she knew if she never said it first that it would start to feel disingenuous. She watches Rue smile clearly playing dumb. She slides her fingers over Rue's chin and pulls her face lightly back to hers. Her breath hitched seeing Rue's eyes get heavier as they got closer until she was kissing her again without trying. 

She could feel Rue trying to hold back because they did have to get back to reality soon. Go get food, go back to the hotel, shower, and actually get the day officially started. Jules really was not that hungry. Damn, Jules sighed feeling Rue's ab muscles flex against her stomach as she touched the back of Rue’s neck. She was hungry but not for just breakfast entirely at the moment. She wanted to hold back to let Rue give her access but she could not help falling subject to her friends lips. She wanted every inch of this woman on her own lips. Every inch.

Rue gasps as Jules deepens the kiss and slides her hands down Rue's body cradling her hips. She knew she should probably move Jules hands that were very close to cupping her thighs. They did need to get to the plans for the day and Jules had to pack at some point. Pack her duffel bag so she could eventually hop on a plane back across the country. Fuck, she really did have to leave. The little bandaid inside that was covering that wound a little bit and Rue stiffened. Not now. She did not need to open that can of tears now. Rue felt her grip loosening on Jules shoulders. Fuck, she was really going to be gone. She could feel her own breath rattling in her lungs and pushed into the eager kisses. 

The feeling coating her stomach settled a bit and the bandaid stopped lifting. Her finger tips lifted off of the soft indented skin. Maybe letting Jules indulge was what she really needed right now. Letting her body belong to someone else for a moment to keep her thoughts from unraveling. Rue sucked in air clutching Jules cheek as the other woman sunk kisses into her neck. Fuck, she never wanted to let her go. She slid her arms around Jules neck as best they could in this side position. It was still early, realistically they still had a lot of time. Even if it meant listening to the sounds of the ocean mixed with her own gasps.

Jules managed to slide herself on top of Rue in the collapsed seat. Half climbing on top, half dangling over her. Her eyes open to catch Rue's reaction after rolling her body flush against her. The sun glimmered off of the metal details in the car leaving a glisten on Rue's lips. Jules stroked the side of Rues temple lightly with her thumb. She really did not know how she managed to overlook this goddess of a human being who treated her like a precious gemstone. Oh wait she did, addiction kind of puts a damper on any relationship. Her thumb slid across Rue's lips, at least that was one thing she indulged in often. She stayed propped up in case the vibe she was putting out was not what Rue wanted.

"Um babe," Rue said. She knew her gaze was hazy and her skin sensitive.

"Yea," Jules slid her hand up and down Rue's body under the hoodie. Teasing Rue's skin, tracing and drifting over nipples that screamed she was doing entirely too much. She really should hold back but the way Rue sighed under her hands her hormones screamed she wasn't doing enough. She leaned in and kissed the side of Rue's face. Nipping at her earlobe lightly trying to get some other reaction

Rue groaned quietly, "touch me."

"Um what ?" Jules let go of her friends ear to be sure she heard that correct. Her hands though they were on their own quest to conquer.

"I want you to....can you....um..," Rue half spoke half moaned into Jules ear.

Jules slid her hand back down Rues torso and straight down the middle of the short basketball shorts Rue wore. She rose her brow watching Rue slightly arch and gasp. How delicate she thought. Of course they are on the same page but she was gonna need more from Rue. Jules pulled back and smiled down at her friend. 

"I need you to tell me what you want." Jules exhaled biting her lip and applying more pressure through the mesh wicking material.

Rue let out a whimper. Jules knew how she was with words. She was fucking horrible and now was really the time Jules was playing speech therapist. She felt circles being rubbed against her as she shook her head into her elbow. It was just a few words. A hand pulled her arm from in front of her face and she was met with raised brows and a "oh are you shy now."

Rue rolled her eyes and bit her tongue, "canyoueameout ?" 

"Huh ?" Jules asked laying down on her stomach soles to the air trying to make the best of the little bit of room they did have. It was a bit like stuffing two tall sardines in a can. Jules knew already that she was not going to leave her friend hanging but come on it was just good manners to say please. She didn't always use them in situations like this but it wasn't like she didn't know how to. The added bonus was watching Rue roll her eyes and get more frustrated while she made her wait. Rue always called her a bottom as a joke but the way Rue sighed and whined those jokes felt like more of a self callout. 

Jules kissed her girls inner thigh pulling the thin fabric to the side, "Come on, I'll even pay for breakfast."

Rue ran a hand through the platinum ash mixed with natural blonde hair. Her mouth sucked in air to stop her from bucking her hips. This girl had a way of drawing out the inevitable. It wasn't just pushing her to talk more. It was Jules letting her sit in whatever she was feeling or whatever they were both feeling at the same time, alone. It was something that kind of annoyed Rue but it did mean that Jules had grown up. They would be on skype or facetime or some other video chat and Jules would make sure she was alone. Alone in her room or in a corner of the library and Jules would get her to open up just a little or use her words. This would be a great distraction from her feelings about things if Jules wasn't using it to be a tease. She quickly whispered, " Babe. Please ju..."

A deep sigh of, “Jules,” left her and relief settled into Rue's body. She relaxed into the dense backing of the seats cushions and let her body enjoy whatever it was. The quiet noises coming out of her didn't really register at all.

It sounded almost like a quiet cry from above which was catching Jules off guard. Was Rue crying or moaning. She wanted to stop but she also wanted to wait. So she kept her lips where Rue wanted them most and heard the sound again. She slowed down to listen out in case they really did need to stop. Maybe Rue wasn't into this right now. As she did slow to an almost stop Rue's fingers were tightening on her hair. She felt a slight grip guiding her back by her scalp. She let out something between a gasp and a moan which she heard Rue moan at.

There was a sigh and then please and that was really all she needed to continue. She was going to make this quicker than usual but she just thoroughly enjoyed being in this car. No matter what they were doing it was just nice to have alone time without the world. The world that spun chaos every second whether it was wars, disease, or hate. Here in this car they just could be with each other and that's all she really wanted. Jules reveled in Rue for a bit while her brain turned into sap nation. She repeated her actions whenever Rue quietly mumbled mmhm, gripped her shoulders, or shuddered. Jules started to get dizzy in the feeling of Rue's body arching and let herself start to get carried away. The sound of a hand slapped against the car interior and a whimper followed. Even if they didn't have time to get breakfast she would make sure Rue ate but right now she was content.

×××××××××××

Rue gazed at Jules from the passenger seat, she let Jules drive because she did have a license and she was actually a good driver. Which Rue felt was probably a shock to everyone that Jules met. Sure she prefers public transportation but Jules drove and drove well. If anyone saw her do this they might think she was a top. Jules even had her own mirror charms in her dad's car. Rue only knew because she would pick her up sometimes their senior year. Kenna also would give zero fucks who was driving as long as they both did not die or get arrested in the process.

Rue asked Jules if she could drive back to the hotel because she physically couldn't. It was already too much energy just to put her shorts back on and when she sat in the driver seat her muscles were still spasming. Jules gladly swapped spots with her in the car and asked if she could drive to breakfast too. Rue was fine with that too even though she considered the smog was getting to her friends head. When Rue turned her head she rolled her eyes jokingly at the smug grin on her friends face the entire ride back to the hotel. 

Rue looks back at her phone while Jules paid more attention to the road and the gps which was smart. For them both. Because despite being crazy suicidal at times Rue really did not want to die. Not now at least.

**Kenna: so is that jealous ex bs dealt with?**

**Rue: I guess. Jules said she’d deal with it**

**Kenna: K, you still jealous?**

**Rue: I’m not.**

She honestly was not jealous of Anna she just was not about to be disrespected by anyone like that. Not some giant asshole from highschool, not her mom’s boyfriend, and definitely not Jules’ sometimes friends with benefits. It made her feel some type of way that other people would be with Jules when she could not. That felt more like envy though envy that they could have what she couldn’t. Before that was because of her own anxiety and not wanting to be too forward and scare Jules off. Now though it was miles of land that plagued her envy. 

**Kenna: Don’t text and drive.**

**Rue: I’m not even driving**

**Kenna: She’s driving?**

**Rue: Do you care?**

**Kenna: Care about what? That a perfectly legal driver is driving my old car?**

**Rue: Yea?**

**Kenna: Bitch idgaf.**

**Kenna: I'll say it a million times. I will gladly give you the truck or my dads old Jetta.**

**Kenna: Cars are his apology for being a shitty dad.**

**Rue: true. Thankyou**

**Kenna: *shrug gif* ....but why is she driving, did you break your leg or something?**

**Rue: Nah 🙄**

**Kenna: a bear attacked you in the woods**

**Rue: We aren't even going hiking like that.**

**Kenna: A junkie attack you?**

**Rue: really?**

**Kenna: 🤭 wait**

**Rue:......**

**Kenna: You shit yourself after those nasty street tacos?**

**Rue: Nah those tacos are amazing you just have bad taste buds.**

**Rue: And No, if I did I'd be getting your car detailed.**

**Kenna: 🤔🤔🤔**

**Rue: Fine......My thighs won't stop shaking and I feel kind of dizzy. There you happy.**

**Kenna: well excuse me, if I had known she had those type of skills…...jk**

**Rue: 😐**

**Kenna: how long? And I promise I'm just kidding for our friendship's sake.**

**Rue: how long what? And.....you're a ho.**

**Kenna: how long has your body been on some *woman praise dancing gif***

**Kenna: if I'm a ho what's that make her?**

**Rue: a sexually liberated woman**

**Rue: well it stopped now. I'm just dizzy but we are almost at the hotel so i’ll ttyl**

**Kenna: Rue! and wow**

**Rue: 5.**

**No 10 minutes tops. But god i still feel dizzy af. She's making me drink water and rubbing my knee while she drives, its cute.**

**Kenna: Awww that is cute also stay hydrated. Also tell my girl Jules i said get it get it get it 🥵🥵🥵**

**Rue: never anyways we are here ttyl**

**Kenna: for sure and make sure you get them seats cleaned before yaknow....**

**Rue: omg we used a blanket calm down**

Jules pulled into the parking lot of the hotel and parked. She looked over at Rue and smiled. Wow, did she feel special, how in the world did this girl even pick her. She was pretty great but still. Jules realizes she is staring too long and right now they desperately needed to shower, change, and hurry before they missed breakfast. The menu at this place that Rue found seemed pretty good and she was excited to try something other than bagels from the hotel. Jules unplugged her phone from the aux cord and texted Olive.

**Jules: Coming up.**

**Liv: oh should I roll out the red carpet, also its just me and that one kid with the hair. Everyone else is getting "coffee".**

**Jules: great so I can shower and damn maybe they can grab me some.**

Jules heard Rue open the door and turned to see what was happening. Rue waved her off and mouthed just grabbing our stuff. Jules nodded and looked at the new message from Olive.

**Liv: I'll ask Jarl for some tiva for you and while your girl showers we can talk.**

**Jules: about?**

**Liv: your romantic rendezvous**

**Jules: 😂 I don't kiss and tell**

There was tapping on her window and she turned to see Rue with her book bag and a large ball of blankets.

"Babe we should probably go get ready now," Rue tried to yell past the pile in her arms hearing Jules open the door.

Jules pockets the phone and keys in her hand before helping Rue carry things. It was their luck the hotel actually had laundry services, but it was kind of hard to explain why they were coming into the hotel with laundry. But, Jules was good at small talk to divert the weird stare from the head housekeeper. She tipped her in advance because it was only right. When she was finished she caught Rue staring up at a large plant in front of the elevators. Rue looked like a kid at a museum exhibit seeing a new animal for the first time. She quickly pulled out her phone to snap the photo.

Rue looked at the leaves of the plant trying to decide if it was fake. She really wanted to touch it to see if that was natural wax or plastic. There were a lot of plants on her little mental break walks. Nothing like this though and she did not trust herself not to pull it off the table completely. It was very tall though and probably still taller than her even if it was on the floor. She turns her head as Jules walks up to her.

"You think it's real," She asked her best friend.

Rue watched Jules lean into the plant and sniff the air. "Maybe," Jules shrugged.

Rue taps the elevator button on the wall in front of them, " A fancy place like this, it should be right."

"Maybe," Jules shrugs again waiting for the ding and the elevator doors to open. She looks down and grins at Rue aimlessly reaching for her hand. Rue is still trying to decide if the plant is fake or real. Jules interlaces their fingers when the doors open and they are met by a vague but familiar face that causes them both to grit their jaws. Rue steps back and glares up and down at the man who looks at her like a ghost. Aaron Jacobs, Nate's older brother, is standing there looking rougher and less refined. Jules eyes go wide and feels her hands clam up. 

"Honey aren't you coming," a woman that vaguely resembles Nate's emotionally absent mother but much much younger calls for him. Of course they all have serious mommy issues Jules thinks. She looks at Aaron and can see the traces of Cal in his features. The same features that the guy who somehow fucked her up in more ways than one shared. She looks back at the ground and away from him. Well this shit could not get any more awkward.

Aaron steps out of the elevator slowly stopping the doors from closing shut. Rue lightly holds Jules hand tighter and walks into the elevator. "Thanks," she says under her breath hoping he doesn't hear her. For all she cares their entire family could rot. They all protected Nate every chance they could even when all signs showed he was a fucking weirdo. A manipulative piece of shit monster that she dreamed about lighting on fire for weeks after homecoming. He had this thing for getting in peoples heads and running the best moments.

Jules looks up and nods lightly at the eldest Jacobs brother before he walks away. He looks guilty she thinks and oddly sorry. Maybe time had changed their minds. Maybe people finally saw that the light did not shine out of Nate Jacobs ass. The doors slid closed but she did not stop them. She did not care enough to ask him the truth or find out from her closest source. Maddy. 

Maddy who was really honestly truly over Nate but sometimes got really drunk and sad. That resulted in a group call while she used social media to check on her ex who still followed her main account for reasons. Reasons that whenever Jules confronted her about Maddy would storm away or hang up. Jules just hoped that whatever therapy that girl was getting would get her to block and delete him for good. But she could not make that decision for her friend, none of them really could. Even Cassie would just end up getting called a slew of insults if she tried. The lift ride up is quiet while she thinks and stops holding her breath.

"Well that was awkward." Rue says as they reach the floor.

Jules just smirks and follows her girl....her friend out of the elevator.

********

**Cassie: i miss my bestfriend**

**Lexi: Not it**

**Kat: I know she doesn't mean me**

**Jules: 😒**

**Kat: Where tf is Maddy? I am not dealing with drunk emotional cassie.**

**Cassie: i am sober why do you guys always think I'm drunk when I'm sad. Its way to early.**

**Lexi: we are sappy drunks just like our mom Cass**

**Kat: its after 1 pm where you are**

**Cassie: speak for yourself ms.cries over nature videos**

**Lexi: I'm stealing your shoes.**

**Maddy: omg bitch if you don't stop crying.**

**Maddy: He isn't even that cute he looks like walking sleep deprivation**

**Cassie: he's a medical student 😭**

**Lexi: 🙄**

**Kat: wait I thought you were single forever**

**Cassie: I am but what if he's my soulmate**

**Kat: rmfe everytime**

**Cassie: he treats me so good and he invited me to aspen**

**Maddy: wait what**

**Cassie: he even said I could bring friends**

**Kat: *drake hold up gif***

**Jules: 👀👀👀**

**Cassie: they have a yacht 😭😭😭**

**Lexi: and you broke up with him cause he doesn't like fucking ice shoes**

**Cassie: its figure skating**

**Lexi: i hate you**

**Maddy: i will fly to you and get y'all back together in less than a week**

**Cassie: i love you but FT me before you start booking a flight**

**Maddy: fine**

Jules puts her phone down while she dries the ends of her hair. Hopefully Cassie got her life figured out by the time she checked the group chat again. She was laying on the couch across from Olive in the common space. Rue is still in the shower so they did have time to talk, and talk was all Liv wanted sipping her tea in a starbucks cup. Jarl had returned from his coffee run with it and several more cups in hand. Apparently in his words he did not want to hang out with everyone else more than he had to. Jules already knew he was coming back for a different kind of tea when Olive asked her through the bathroom door what she wanted from Starbucks. 

He was laying on an ottoman that was too long in all of their opinion to be for one person. Rue invited them both to get breakfast with the Jules and her when she heard of their plans. It worked out well because their plans were in the same area Rue was taking Jules to get breakfast. It would save them a Lyft fare and they could catch up a bit. She wasn’t avoiding them she was just busy. Jarl kept assuring Jules that Olive and him would be leaving after they ate. She was half listening to him and half focused on her hair. She really did not mind if they wanted to hang out with Rue and her. Sure they saw Jules all the time but they did find Rue interesting, not like a science project they just thought she was cool.

"So now that you know we aren't double dating," Olive cut off Jarl's rant, "how was it?"

Jules rolled her eyes and exaggerated her shock, " I told you I don't kiss and tell." 

Honestly though she did not want to tell them about last night. Last night was new and was special and just ugh. She felt her cheeks warm up though as she started to reminisce. Skyline by Brent Faiyaz started playing in the background faintly in her memories. The runs of "do you know what makes this world go round" melting with her own whispers of oh fuck and whatever else Rue was making her say. The scratchiness of the blanket disappearing with each and every kiss. Coldness of metal rings touching and holding her everywhere and the faint thought of her nails digging into Rue's back. 

"Earth to Vaughn, Earth to Vaughn," Jarl repeated until Jules blinked back into reality. 

"Hmm," Jules hummed trying to play off the vivid images that had flooded her brain. Images that honest pales in comparison to most of her partners up to that point. Seeing Rue underneath the moonlight like that knowing it was because of her nearly took her out last night. She also realized that Rue was in the shower probably cursing her out for the not so faint lines on her back.

"You keep zoning in and out like that I'm gonna start thinking we're all gonna need to vacate the premises tonight." Liv took a sip from her tea while Jarl chuckled at her remark.

Jarl points at both of his friends, "Liv I'm pretty sure you are going to want to share my bed tonight." Olive laughs and rolls her eyes. Jules cringes slightly at the idea that she'd kick her friends out. She most would, just not that harshly nor would she invade her friends personal space like that. 

"You know you don't have to do that Liv." Jules quickly reassured her, "We aren't doing anything especially with you there."

"That's nice and all but you should get to spend your last night alone without me on facetime all night." Liv says, "Also, how are you taking that?"

Jules looks away from them both, she really was not ready to open that can of worms.

"You are coming back to New York, right?" Jarl asks with a strong sense of concern that Jules can hear.

She is

She is sure she is.

She has not had a single thought about staying an extra week and asking her dad to send her back after the fact.

But she knows she can't.

She sighs and pouts. That was not anything she wanted to think about right now. If only they had more time in person. Timing was never on their side.

"Yes. I'm not really thinking about it, but Rue is." Jules was okay leaving on unknown territory but she could tell Rue was not. For her it was no big deal to be in the dark she was somewhat used to it. Yes, it would be great to know what direction they were heading in but the uncertainty was fun too. That was not going to work for her friend at all though and Jules knew that. Rue would just sit here scratching the inside of her skull waiting for answers until she started being a ghost. But, Jules decided the choice was in Rue's hands where they went. Not just with todays plans but in general.

"Wait why aren't you sad? If I had to leave the best person I've ever been with I'd be freaking tf out." Jarl raised his brow.

"Oh if I think about it for too long I won't get on that plane." Olive and Jarl both give her a girl please slow down, expression.

"Guys....?" Jules starts to ask, she actually had a serious question to ask them. She just wasn't sure if they'd listen or care or believe her. They both sip their drinks and stare at her.

"What if I'm in love with her?," Jules covers her face to avoid the well duh responses.

"Um you tell her," Olive said while giving her a face that read ``please just use your common sense.

"You are going to hate me for this but are you sure it's love or is it just lust," Jarl shrugs shaking the remnants of ice in his cup. Jules's jaw drops as he pops whatever bubble she was in immediately. He continued, " I'm just saying because you fall in love with the newest guy at Woody's coat check every other week." Jules felt her entire body wince. 

Liv covered her face, " You did not need to read her like that Jarl."

" If I don't your ass won't, so who will," Jarl rolled his eyes matter of factly. Jules could not say he wasn't right, she did throw the word love around a lot. He then raised a brow and looked at Liv before they both said in unison "Kat."

She had said she loved polish cinema just to humor some film major who she gave head to in a projector room. Love also slipped into conversations with people who she had no intention of being around for more than a night. That guy was a year ago and she was real tired of using lust as a bandaid long before that. With Rue love was honest and comfortable, saying I love you didn't feel forced with any of her close friends. Saying she was IN love was very different though. In love meant putting her heart in front of someone and praying they didn't stomp on it with their diamond patterned soles until it gave out. If Rue broke her heart she knew visiting "home" would be impossible without having a breakdown. 

"Well I think she is in love," Olive got up and sat next to Jules hugging her. "You seem so happy Jules. I just wanna see you happy."

Jules hugs her friend tightly and shrugs at Jarl who still has his judgey face on. Olive was right though she was happy. Happier than she had been in a while, happier than she let everyone else know, but couldn't hide from her roommate. Liv would crawl into her bed some nights and hold her as she tried to cry quietly. Cry from homesick or missing Rue and her other friends or just being down in general. Jarl did not know that side of her well though. He usually only saw her in her most wild and most creative moments. The ones with her hands dangling out of a cab window to high five a messenger or playing with sparklers on top of a rooftop. Everyone at F.I.T. got to see that side of her unless they were looking at her designs, but no one really got to see the rest of her outside of those clothes.

“So how did the conversation with Izzy and Anna go?” Jarl asked switching the conversation to something else. Jules was grateful because he could honestly shade people for hours if he had the energy and the time. Currently he had both and she was not prepared to deal with that. Honestly she would have just made an excuse to check on Rue and stayed in the room while Rue got ready. The situation with Anna and Iz pissed her off last night but she woke up less ready to curse them both out. Iz was just mad they weren’t getting what they wanted from her and Anna was still hung up that she was a distraction at one point. A welcome distraction but still not exactly who she wanted. Anna was who she needed at that moment though and did help her grow in a lot of ways that she never thought she could. When she did message Anna an hour ago Anna seemed to realize she fucked up big time, because she quickly apologized and said something about getting caught up in her feelings. Izzy on the other hand left her message about how rude they’d been, on a read. It was whatever she was just going to enjoy her day with Rue fuck anyone who did not approve. They weren’t her dad.

“It’s fine,” Jules shrugged and sipped on her drink.

********

Rue could smell the scent of syrup that was left on her upper lip. Breakfast was actually really nice. It was at some restaurant she found from some Youtuber. She wrote it down to check it out for herself but it was even better getting to share it with friends. Well her friend and their friends. It looked like a regular diner inside but 80s and 90s inspired. Jules and her left Liv and Jarl after finishing off breakfast. They all walked together before Jules started giving her the okay time to go eyes. Jules's friends heckled them with coos and awws as they walked off hand in hand.

At breakfast she ate more than she intended to but they worked up a hell of an appetite. Jules who'd cut back on certain foods ordered the eggy avocado toast first to be modest and then said fuck it before digging into a plate pancakes. She kept politely lamenting how she was starving to Jarl who kept teasing her for trying to be cute in front of them.

Rue had been less quiet about her hunger she even ignored her mom's facetime call just to eat. She was damn near inhaling bits of french toast, which Olive made several comments about. Rue didn't care but the redness on Jules cheeks as she hid her face was obviously not blush. Some of Rue's favorites were "You need to be in a eatting contest", " I wonder what else you eat like that", and " What did y'all do have a sex marathon." The quiet comment that made juice come out of Jarl's nose and caused Jules to choke on her water was "Oh so she does swallow."

Rue just laughed at everything it was funny. Jules' friends, well these friends were funny. She really hoped Jules had more good people like these two back in New York city. People that kept her laughing and actually gave a fuck about her. Jules had a type when it came to people and those people weren't always the most mature or self aware. Rue was always wary of hanging out with Jules' friends in LA because they usually ended up trying to offer her something that she'd already told them no to. Olive and Jarl seemed different, just as adventurous and colorful as Jules, but not reckless enough to leave Jules stranded. Leaving Rue to pick up the broken angry distrustfyl fucking pieces....not that that ever happened before. Those friends weren't all bad people though, Rue knew that they just were all stuck in their own vision.

She watched Jules rifle through the records in the record store. She took the time not searching for more old soul records to give to her mom,to take photos of the shop and of Jules. Jules was wearing sneakers that reminded Rue of large clouds on her feet, a white skirt, and "borrowing" the thrifted polo long sleeve Kenna bought her. Jules cropped it a bit so that Rue would actually wear it after seeing her cringe in the mirror. It just looked way too close to a dress. Rue thought it fit Kenna or Jules more but they both wanted her to at least try it. If it landed in Jules’ duffle bag back in NYC she would not be upset though.

The nice thing about not using social media as much as most of her friends was she had no pressures to connect with the digital world. She could take a million photos, climb the tallest hiking point, and felt no obligation to post anything about it at all. She simply enjoyed the things she was doing without wanting to post. Watching how her friends used the app did give her ideas though and she was being more strategic with the photos she took. She wasn't trying to fit in with anyone because she knew she never fit in anywhere. But, she was going to let herself be extremely corny on purpose for once in her life. Then she'd go back to posting pictures from her walks when she wanted....with the occasional selfie.

"I found it," Jules cheered in front of Rue. In her hands was a mint Allie X vinyl she grabbed earlier and a newer album. This one has a glacier in the background with a person in a red coat in front, it looked somewhat dangerous. Glancing up and down at her friend she said one sec. She snapped a picture of her friend who softened her face at the obvious photo stance. Jules fit right in with the records, the dusty lighting, and the Tame Impala playing throughout the store.

"Who is it," Rue scratches the inside of her arm 6 times against the baggy Hendrix t shirt. It's half tucked into her 8th grade light blue Dickies. It was a nice but casual outfit she actually put effort into picking. Not like she was trying to impress anyone who did not know her, with her no sense of style. She pockets her phone and moves toward her friend. The weird patterned button up that Gia gave her last year for her birthday hung open against the record as Jules passed it to her. "Sasami ?", she read out loud.

"She's good, she was in a band called Cherry Glazerr. You might like her and them." Jules says moving past Rue grazing her shoulder with hers.

"Oh really," Rue studies the back cover of the album and the songs. "Where should I start then?" She turns around to face Jules and is met with a quick peck. Her face automatically turns into a grin.

"Slow or fast?" Jules pulls the record from Rue's hands and slips it into her shopping tote. She waits for Rue to answer while fixing the stray hair on her friends face.

"Slow," Rue hums. Jules drops her hand and starts to drift away from the experimental albums. Rue follows popping in one ear bud and opening spotify.

"Start with Free....it's sad but it's good," Jules stopped at a stack of old magazines and sat on one of the makeshift chairs to flip through them. Rue sat in one of the other chairs and turned the volume down as a whining amp turned into a shaking tambourine. An airy voice mumbled along with a single electric guitar...

_ I'm sure this happens all the time _

_ I know I'm not the only one _

_ I'm sure this happens all the time _

_ There's nothing wrong when we both play along... _ .

Rue closes her eyes but keeps an ear out for anything. She finds herself lost in the music. Lost in it's weird sense of relief, loss, and sadness.

_.... I don't know what you're thinking _

_ We both know what you're drinking _

_ And my smokes are running out _

_ I don't care what tomorrow brings _

_ Dreaming of some awful things _

_ 'Cause our time is running out _

_ And you don't know _

_ And you don't know  _

_ what you mean to free. _

Rue feels her hand being tapped and opens her eyes as the song ends and her ears quiet minus the chatter in the store. Jules has a recyclable bag in her hand and pulls her finger lightly. She blinks a few times at the woman who looks super dreamy with the bright fluorescent white light behind her. Rue tugs at the skin inside her cheek, she really did not want to lose her.

Jules reaches out to pull Rue by the hand. The way her friend stared at her like that made her feel giggly all over. Rue's eyes made her stomach flutter with butterflies even when they made her own heart hurt. She sure was falling hard and fast, if she hadn't already and it still was leaving her uneasy. She's been loved, fallen in love, been in love with love, but she was almost certain she'd never stayed in love. She makes sure to smile at Rue's flustered face as she starts to shake her daze. "Didn't you want to show me something," Jules says holding Rue's hand.

**********

"This is where i came after yaknow," Rue had her eyes closed but the smell of ocean was filling her nose. They'd made it to her spot with plenty of time to spare in the day. The sun was still high above them but the clouds covered the day in a light grayish blue. Which was nothing like the morning they shared but did not dampen the mood. The waves were still a deep rich blue and birds still flew in the distance.

"Huh," Jules yawns out with her arm draped over Rue. Her head on the top sheet that was half under them and half over them. When Rue said to chase her past several fences and down stairs she did so very carefully. The bag on her back jostled behind her as she ran and chasing Rue felt like highschool again. In a good way. When they reached the bottom of the stairs she slowed to appreciate it. It was a small patch of beach with a lifeguard tower but it was empty minus a few people and someone fishing. The cove was carved into the land and it was beautiful. She followed Rue, quietly taking a photo or two, while she searched for a spot.

"After the almost relapse thing. I uh..." Rue hesitates. It's just Jules she thinks to herself and continues, " this is where i came afterwards. I just sat in the sand and watched the waves. It was nice." 

"Hmm...it's really calm so I get it." Jules traces lines in the air beneath her finger and the earth. This place was about as tranquil as you could find. Especially when most beaches were over crowded with people or outside noise. Here though it felt like the edge of something else. She didn't have the words for what that was but she knew it was something. She glances at the waves in the distance as they foam and lap against themselves. Jules says, "It reminds me of you."

"Ha i am totally calm," Rue retorts sarcastically. Her, Calm, When? The statement could have been a joke from anyone else but Jules was serious.

"You are though," Jules starts to say glancing up and down at Rue. "And you are unpredictable and beautiful and filled with shit you never asked for." Jules rubs her finger over tshirt material lightly. She means it, Rue does remind her of the fickle and serene Pacific Ocean.

"Who would've thought. Me. Rue Bennett is actually the ocean." Rue laughs. She doesn't see it but she can respect that it could be true. At least for Jules it was and who was she to tell her otherwise.

"You should have wrote that on your college submission essay." Jules starts talking in her most dramatic voice, "I am an ocean. Calm. And chaotic." They both started laughing until it died down. The waves taking over the silence yet again.

"What did you write about for that, like your admissions essay." Rues asks yawning.

"Um Fashion Rue. It's a fashion school," Jules chuckles out loud.

"Oh true." Rue sighs to herself what a smartass.

Jules rests her chin on Rues shoulder, 

"And how fashion was a stepping stone through my transition." She rolls her eyes even though Rue can't see.

"I knew it, I was waiting for the emotional appeal. They love the tears. " Rue's voice vibrates in her head and she knows she's falling asleep. She really should move and shake the sleep but she feels safe.

"Yea they do except I think mine just made them go oh that's why her portfolio looks like this, um and yours?" Jules stares at the side of Rue's half awake face with the background of a very grayish-blue midday sky.

"My dad." Rue opens her eyes to look into the sky and then closes them. He was probably looking down at her scratching his head at her. If he even was looking down at all.

"Right. Wait, didn't we read each other's essays?" Jules honestly had a vague memory of laying on Rue's bed their senior year right before graduation swapping sob stories. Windows open, the smell of summer, and Rue's door cracked. Leslie was less cool with them having a completely closed door those days unless they needed complete privacy. So when they weren't watching a movie, talking trash about their school, or sleeping the door was cracked. It was fine except for the time she opened the cracked door unannounced and they quickly "took a nap" until she closed the door back.

"I am pretty sure i blacked out while sober that entire summer." Rue gnaws on her inner lip.

"What do you remember ?", Jules raised her head and raised her eyebrows up. She did have that thing happen between them that summer and with someone else.

Rue opens her eyes and ignores that story seeing Jules look away, ".....anyways."

Jules giggles and lays her head on Rue's arm. This was quiet and different she'd never been on a beach date like this. Rue finds her friend's hand without opening her eyes, she is listening to the quietness on the coast. It is kind of chilly but she feels warm all over her with Jules against her. The spare sheet they grabbed from the hotel room was only adding to that. 

*************

Jules stares at Rue who is flipping through some mandatory book. Jules digs her toes into the warm sand and listens to the waves lap against the shore. Thankfully the clouds were starting to move away and it still felt nice out for fall. The sun just helped warm the ground and her skin just enough. It was nothing like this out

East. She wiggles her feet and watches the sand fall through her toes. California was a different kind of special.

"I don't want you to leave," Jules hears quietly from next to her. 

"I don't want to go but....,"Jules sighs to herself. She really did not want to kill the vibes of the beach and them spending time together. They couldn't stay in la la land forever unfortunately, and she knew that. Even Rue knew that.

"But what," Rue asks looking at the back of Jules' head. She could feel a subtle bit of paranoia settle into her body. It always feels different depending on what's happening. But whenever her mom sent her a "we need to talk '' text she would think about it until they did finally talk. It was usually about if she wanted to come home for the weekend or something simple but it still freaked her out. Like she was getting caught sneaking her hands inside of a cookie jar or something. The feeling when her stomach dropped hearing her mom say her full middle name out loud. But, it doesn't go away it just sits there nagging.

Jules feels uncomfortable and she knows she shouldn't. She should just tell Rue that she is just as nervous as her, she also knows she should tell her she's in love with her. But what Jarl said wasn't wrong, maybe she was jumping the gun by telling Rue how she felt. They weren't even one full week into an official whatever the fuck. Yet somehow she was already imagining the rest of their lives together. This has gotta be some gay curse, she mumbles to herself. She already saw her life with Rue and loving her but this was loving her and all of her. 

"What?" Rue puts her book down and sits up. If they were going to talk about the giant rainbow colored elephant in the room then she was ready for it. She was not exactly sure what she would say, but she knew it needed to be said. Even though it did worry her that "this" could push them further away from one another than making them a thing. Not just a fling thing but a real thing. She could just tell Jules was still thinking while she did that Rue tries to get her own thoughts together. 

Jules knew that loving Rue meant not just the parts of Rue that everyone deemed positive qualities, but the bad too. The bad that would have her really distant grandparents rolling their eyes further into their heads. Just those things that made Rue self conscious about everything she might do when they were apart. Ironically that scared her in some ways more, their shared anxiety and the scenarios their imaginations would make, than the drugs. The addiction was a hard part of Rue but Jules never saw it as "bad" in the way everyone including Rue did. Yes it could kill her love but it also did not inherently make Rue a bad person.

There would be times when she could not physically be with Rue when Rue needed her most. Times when Rue would be curled under a blanket, fighting her own demons, not responding to any of Jules text, and she would still have to love her. Maybe she was afraid that she was not good enough for it. Good enough for Rue for still being slightly selfish and still being a bit all over the place. Or maybe she was afraid Rue would see she wasn't "good" because they had different goals for how they wanted to end up. Jules really did not know where everything was coming from because she's just so sure this is what she wants. 

She wants Rue that's it no matter if they have a title or not. But she desperately needed something more than "oh we "talk" from time to time". Rue said they were dating but unfortunately she knew all too well that dating meant jack shit to most Gen Z people. Rue meant more to her than her limited edition animal crossing switch. Also Rue was not most people and neither was she but she needed boundaries because her feelings were getting hard to contain. Jules turns and says words that make even her own stomach churn. But, because she'd heard it from other people way too often, " What are we, like What do you want to be?"

"Um I want this...I thought we....," Rue sighs and turns a ring on her finger. "Don't you want this? I think you know how I feel Jules."

"Do I know what I want, I thought I did, also I'm not a fucking mind reader Rue. I don't know what you want Rue." Jules lets out a small chuckle and looks away, tucking her arms around herself.

"I want to be with you, but I don't know if I should expect anything from you....especially since you don't even know if you want me again." Rue hears her voice trembling and clears it. What the fuck did Jules mean she thought she knew what she wanted. As if two days ago she wasn't practically fawning to be her girlfriend. As if they hadn't tiptoed around whatever this ‘will they or won't they’ relationship for years now. Rue bites the inside of her jaw was she really going to get pulled around by this girl yet again. 

"Yaknow wha..." Rue hears the anger in her voice no matter how low she is or is not speaking. Rue was actually enjoying sitting in this and letting her feelings grow for real but not at the expense of her sanity. She was vulnerable for Jules without any boundaries but it led to her heart being torn out in secret. They tried that game and it never worked for either of them. Jules cuts her off turning back around and Rue sees the tears pooling in her eyes.

"Wow Rue you know exactly how to fuck up a time." Jules swallows back her tears even though that's a lost cause because they are going to roll down her face any minute. She didn't mean that she did not want Rue. She was just scared that it would be too much or too little because of distance. Fuck Jarl for getting in her head, she thought. "And for the record I always fucking wanted you no matter who else was around." 

Rue glances down, then towards the waves, and then at Jules, "I didn't mean that." Parts of her did though.

"Yes you did. If you just want to break my heart just do it, get it over with I fucking swear." Jules sniffles as she talks, feeling tears rolling down her face. Her vision is blurry as she stares at Rue who looks embarrassed. Which Jules knows she shouldn't, Rue has every right to be upset. Every right to hate her and yet she never does. But, that doesn't mean Rue would want to be with her. "I'm gonna go," Jules wipes her cheeks and starts looking for her phone.

"Jules can I just fucking talk, shit just sit down." Rue rubs her temples and exhales. Jules sits in front of her with her face in her hands. They were both too worked up over this to actually say things right. Or at least in a better way, "I meant that I shouldn't expect you to be exclusive with me just because you love me. I'm still figuring out how to do this and I just, I wanna enjoy fall I mean being with you." 

Rue rests her chin on her knees and sighs. That's all she meant even if Jules wasn't happy with it. She wanted Jules to have her current freedom and for Rue to have her own. Until they figured out what worked for them as friends or as a couple.

Jules turned her head and gritted her jaw. She got scared and jumped the gun on whatever she let slip out. Wait, was Rue asking her to be her girlfriend? No it definitely wasn't that. Rue could be forward, right. Fuck. Jules was scared because yes she'd say fuck yes if Rue was but was fuck yea enough to be in a long term long distance relationship. Could she actually handle not seeing Rue for most months out of the year. Missing anniversaries, date nights, and big moments. Yes it was what she wanted but she wasn't sure if they were ready. They'd only officially started talking in this way a couple days ago. Also, Rue knew she wasn't exactly monogamous but Rue never gave her a hint that she was anything but. Then again Rue wasn't asking that.

Rue saw Jules zoning out and tapped her hand with a finger. "Hey don't freak out I'm not proposing to you or telling you I've got gonorrhea, I just want you to know I like being with you. Here, there, through a screen. Seeing other people or not..." She watched the anxiety relax from Jules's face and body a bit.

"Huh you know? And other people?" Jules was a bit caught off guard with everything. When did her Rue get so different but still her shy, secretly short tempered friend.

"Um yea I'm still oblivious but not as naive. Also I heard you at the hotel.," Rue tucks a stray blonde strand of hair behind Jules ear.

"Oh." Jules wishes she did not kiss and tell at all now. She wasn't embarrassed but she did wish she'd been the one to tell Rue. Not for Rue to hear her confessions through a closed room door. "Are you in love with me?" 

Rue felt her pupils widen. She'd been infatuated, heartbroken, and in love with this girl for years. Hell yes she was in love, hopelessly. She was pretty sure if she ever got drunk again in her life she'd call Jules on the phone or lean against her yelling I love you at least 14 times. Not caring who heard or who told her to shut the fuck up. Now though she just blushes and ignores the question but from the small smile on Jules's face she already knew that answer.

"I just want to keep dating, call me your um.... your Rue. Is that weird to just use my name?" Jules chuckles, feeling the last bit of her tears drying as she pulls the fabric on her legs. "I like this so can we not stop ?" Rue feels her natural demeanor settling in and stops tugging at the corners of her mouth. Her hands relax from their grasp around her legs. 

Jules nods. She usually would have words but what is she supposed to say. Is she supposed to pull out a boombox and sing in front of Rue in the rain.

"Then maybe you can tell me you're in love with me when you're ready no pressure." Rue says it jokingly and seriously.

Jules sighs and rolls her eyes dramatically, "But you already know and shit Rue you just scared me."

Rue chuckles, " I'm sorry and know what?"

"Um the whole in love thing?" Jules rubs the side of her ear as her own nerves disappear. She wasn't ready to say the full I'm in love with you yet. It was going to come and she knew that. Right now after a series conversation did not seem right. She also just was not ready and that was okay. Rue got it.

"Dont know what you are talking about," Rue closes her eyes laying back on the blanket. That went far better than she actually thought it would. Her jaw actually ached from the amount of grinding her teeth she'd done just to stay calm.

Jules leans down and kisses Rue softly feeling the urge to run fade. In their own time they'd figure their relationship out. For now though they could enjoy this bliss and it was relieving to know the person she was in love with felt the same. Even if they both were too nervous to actually say it.

*************

"So you've had a dead Juul in your bag this entire week?" Jules asks holding Rue's arm. They were walking back to the car to put the blanket back before they spent the rest of the day together.

"Yea? I don't like them." Rue hummed walking alongside her sweetheart. They went over a few nicknames jokingly but did not settle on any. Sailor scout was a serious contender for Jules in her opinion. 

"You literally smoke cigarettes." Jules laughs.

"Okay and so do you." They give me migraines though it's like there is just too much nicotine. Rue shrugs.

"I've seen you drain a whole box of cigarettes in less than 24 hours. Also I'm just a social smoker." Jules squeezes Rue's arm a little as she side steps a cone on the sidewalk. Splitting the pole was not ideal for their day.

"I'm just saying I'm not the one who bummed two loosies off me because they were "freaking out". Also that's like a manic thing not an everyday thing." Rue shrugs again.

"I'm sorry I get anxious and smoke tobacco once or twice or three times a month." Jules sticks her tongue out at her friend.

Rue shakes her head and says, "I'm getting you a stress ball then just tell me what color. Only one of us is allowed to get cancer and I'm already genetically half fucked." She smirks, "These," Rue taps the box in her jacket pocket, "are going to get me completely fucked." Dark jokes helped cope with the inevitable but almost completely preventable reality of her life. If she stopped chain smoking everytime she was on day 2 of blasting through her mania.

"Oh wow, fuck you for fighting dirty." Jules laughs out while watching Rue shrug."If I didn't care about your current sanity I would throw them in the trash."

"Good luck catching me." Rue fake jogs around Jules getting out of breath by accident. The rubber soles flexing under her feet kicking up sand as she skipped in a circle.

"You are kind of insane," Jules stops Rue's momentum by wrapping her arms around her waist. She feels Rue pull away from her slightly, "not yet," she whispers to Rue.

"Only for you," Rue grins and drapes her arms over her friends and relaxed into her as they walk down the street. They were headed back to the car with their food and then some in hand. Rue hears a familiar buzzing ahead of them and slows. She reads a sign and beams at the girl holding her by the waist, "Wanna do something crazy?."

An hour later Rue was hearing;"Why do I keep letting you do this shit to me," Jules whines into the passenger mirror while looking at her inner lip. The faded rules that used to be there was now darkened and a little sore. Not sore enough to cry over but sore enough to question what type of magic dust Rue was slipping her. Who does this once let alone twice.

"Hey I said oh let's get a matching star which we did and then you saw the sign that said small 10 dollar lip tattoos. You could have just not told me.", Rue put the car in park.

Instead of making Jules walk up to the next spot she drove up. The spot was closer to the hotel and civilization but it was still a really pretty spot. Eating in the car was starting to become their thing and if she could make it more interesting why not. Jules had ordered them each some kind of vegetarian burritos and they had other snacks. Burritos worked well even before they, well she, decided to be spontaneous because at least they were soft. 

"Oh fuck. That is gorgeous." Jules was kind of shocked where Rue had taken her because she had been so busy looking at the inside of her lio. Surprisingly it did not hurt that bad, Rue did not flinch at all. Which was slightly concerning. Rue was just really good at managing her pain but it did make her senses tingle. It just stung rinsing with mouthwash. The artist was pretty surprised their tattoos hadn't faded completely so maybe Ashtray was better than she gave him credit for. The drive and Rue staring at ice cream in the convenience store gave them enough time that they could actually eat. 

They were in a conversation while filling their faces when the music cut out through the speakers. A jingling ringtone replaces the music and Rue glances at her phone.

"Oh shit I forgot," Rue answers the facetime call while sipping from her drink. There is a crackle of connection and pixels until finally a picture appears.

"Hey Rue can you see me?" Her mom is smiling into the camera and waving. She looks like she just got off from work.

"Heyyyyy Rue!" Jules hears Gia yell while smiling at her friend. She was glad Rue and her mom were close after everything. Also Leslie did not hate her so that was a win.

Rue sits her phone in the clip on her radio so she can still eat while nodding and answering her mom's everyday rambles. It was more than most kids who put their parents through this hell got. No matter how little or how much her mom nagged she was so grateful for her. Her mom carried more weight than most people could. Rue was just glad her mom never gave up on her, trust lost or not. 

" Wait honey is that someone elses arm? Omg are you not alone and I'm just running on," Leslie stops her story about work abruptly. Rue watches Gia lean over to catch a look at the screen. Gia has a smirk on her face which Rue would have given her a face back if it wasn't for their mom sitting right there.

"It's ok mom," Rue shrugs because honestly she doesn't mind and it wouldn't be unordinary if they weren't on facetime. Jules was a regular in their house and had actually said more that two words to her mom. 

"No I didn't know you were busy I'm sorry," Leslie starts to wave bye.

"Mom seriously don't hang up, she doesn't mind, right ?"

Leslie shakes her head and Gia grins even harder. It wasn't like her mom didn't know Jules was visiting so Rue didn't get the shit eating grin. Rue motions to Jules to say something.

"Hey Ms.Leslie seriously it's fine," Jules leans into frame and waves at Rue's little family.

"Oh Hi Jules you are still in the state that's nice. I didn't know you guys were still hanging out." Rue could hear the awkwardness in her mom's tone of fucking course. Leslie knew they weren't just friends but Gia probably let it slip that they weren't just hanging out either.

"Yea until tomorrow morning. I mean I leave tomorrow morning." Jules says not wanting Leslie to get the wrong or right impression.

"Hi Jules," Gia waves.

"Hey Gia," Jules smiles, holding in the nerves at the face Leslie is giving them both. When she starts talking they both listen. She doesn't say anything bad really she just gives them a quick, I hope you aren't rushing into this, lip tattoos or not they weren't. Leslie still looked slightly concerned before she told Rue that she loved her before hanging up. Rue just knew she would have to get her mom semi on board with them before she possibly booked a plane ticket in a couple months. Sure, she could say fuck it and do it anyway without telling anyone but that would only give her mom ammo. Ammo for a 5150 before she even stepped foot on the plane or for the news getting to Lexi. Lexi who would show up in front of Jules's door with company to scold her on "how unsafe it is to run away." Rue bit into her bean burrito and chased away her thoughts with her hunger.

The sun was starting to set while they sat outside. They were taking photos while they walked along the trail a bit. Rue found a place for them to sit that gave them a view. The skyline was in view along with the city beneath them and the coast. Rue could see the waves of the ocean and lights in windows slowly starting to glow as the sky turned orange. Jules snaps a selfie of her when she rests her head on Rue's shoulder. They both get pulled into the moment in their own ways staring at the sunset.

**Jules: so Leslie knows like knows knows I guess**

**Kat: Did she flip?**

**Lexi: i doubt that**

**Jules: nah she just seems worried**

**Maddy: I wonder why...😒**

**Cassie: Maddy! Stop.**

**Maddy: what y'all just hate me because I'm telling the truth**

**Kat: ☕**

**Jules: I never said you were wrong. I'm worried too but I love her.**

**Lexi: 😭💕**

**Kat: okay maybe I officially ship this**

**Lexi: as long as they are both healthy and happy**

**Maddy: I am disgusted but good for you.**

**Cassie: 😂😂 y'all are so cute.**

**Jules: thanks, y'all she is really really sweet 😭**

**Kat: u better not fuck it up**

**Lexi: 🙃**

**Maddy: This time**

**Jules: No need to sharpen your knives Lexi also we are taking it slow**

**Kat: you both don't know the concept of slow so I doubt that**

**Jules: no like fr she wants us to take our time**

**Cassie; and you?**

**Maddy: 👀👀👀**

**Jules: slow might be for the best, I am just happy to be with her**

**Lexi: 🥺 don't run this time Jules, for the love of anything**

**Maddy: oop**

**Jules: no more running**

Rue glances over at Jules who is lost in her phone again. Ugh this girl was too fucking cute and made her cheeks hurt. It made her stomach sick how sore her own sweet tooth was. Jules was the equivalent of a giant sour patch kid. Sour and sweet at the same exact time.

Jules turns to meet Rue's gaze, she can feel her staring from a mile away. Rue feels her smile getting wider as Jules rubs their noses together. 

"You staring at me Rue?" Jules teases her friend.

"Maybe," Rue sighs leaning in for a quick kiss.

Jules smiles and rests her head back on Rue's shoulder as they watch the end of the sunset, "thankyou for today."

Rue sighs out an mmmhm holding Jules hand today really was almost over.

**************

Jules lays still while Rue clings to her in the middle of the night. Thankfully Olive was okay with letting her take the room for the night again. Rue is nuzzled into her neck while they hold each other close. They were supposed to be asleep but neither of them really wanted to wake up and have to leave the other. They did sleep a little but woke up without wanting to fall back.

Dinner was a loud event of everyone in the suite around the tv. They watched horror movies and ate whatever food they ordered from room service or a restaurant. Jarl told the both of them how crazy they were for getting multiple matching tattoos. It was nice though, Rue thought because it made her wish for more times like these. With her own group of friends that she would eventually make or find.

Jules listens to the way Rue sniffles her thoughts out and lets her shirt get wet with tears. Her heart feels like it could break if they let go and its terrifying. These feelings honestly were the rush she enjoyed but it was never this far. The people she fell in and out of love with were usually a few stops on the subway or she could walk if she wanted. This was 2,863 miles of stops and waiting. She squeezes Rue tighter and whispers in her ear, i don't want to leave you.

Rue nuzzles closer and Jules kisses her exposed shoulder lightly feeling her own tears roll down her nose. She wanted to be strong for Rue let her know everything would be okay. Assure her their happy ending was going to be easy, but it fucking wasn't. Not being able to talk to Rue in person or hold her hand in the middle of the night was going to suck. Yes they would be able to handle it, but that didn't mean Jules wasn't already hating it. 

It wasn't like they'd never see eachother again. Rue even mentioned visiting New York during her upcoming holiday break. Jules wasn't going home the same time she was so she figured she could go see her some of that time. It just would be so long before they could lay around on a couch acting like idiots again. Jules practically sitting on Rue to get her to finish a season of Food Wars in one go. She was going to miss everything about Rue and spending time with her. Even when she was the person to calm her down when she was having a panic attack.

"I'm gonna fucking miss you," Jules whispers.

Rue sighs in her ear, " I love you so much Jules." Her legs tangle with Jules hips as she lets Jules slide down to nuzzle onto her chest. When Rue heard a quiet gasp and felt Jules clench her arms around her she just ran her fingers through her hair. Jules always hid when she was crying and this wasn't any different. They'd be okay, they'd get through this, it was just distance right.

"We're gonna be okay," she whispers, wiping her own tears away. Distance wasn't that scary but it meant so much more than just distance. Rue leans in kissing the top of Jules head while her girl held her shirt close. "We are going to be okay babe."

The next morning involved a few tears while Rue tucked her head into Jules neck. Multiple I miss you's between them after they swapped hoodies. Jules kissed Rue north east west and south twice before she had to hold back her own tears. Rue fist bumped Jarl and Liv who wished her the best and told her to keep in touch. Jules kissed her quickly before hopping into the van and Rue waited until it pulled off to hop in her car and leave. The freshly washed and dried blankets sat folded in the trunk of the car. Her bag filled with a few baggy shirts from Jules and some of her own clothes missing. She put the car in drive pulling out the lot and held onto the steering wheel while wiping her tears away. 

Hitting the play button on her phone she turned up the volume letting S.i.r's Summer in November tug on her heartstrings….

_ Doesn't matter where you are _

_ When's it good to tame your heart? _

_ You're summer in November, darlin' _

_ You're somethin' to remember, darlin' _

_ Oh I love the look in your eyes _

_ As the temperature rises and rises and rises and rises _

_ My Sahara in the snow, singin' softer than the wind _

_ I don't know how far we go, I don't know where we begin _

******

**Maddy: We're going to Aspen in a few months so travel safe.**

**Kat: have a safe flight ❤**

**Lexi: next time visit meeee ❤❤❤**

**Jules: I love you guys**

**Cassie: Aww Jules your pics are so sentimental**

Jules looks at the photos she'd posted earlier while sitting in her plane seat. They still have some time before lift off while others board. She made two posts the main one with her "experience" and then one of extra photos. The first post included the group photos from the other night, one with her professor, a few of her in the workroom, some sketches, and a photo of the horizon from the top of a hill. The caption was long and cheesy but it pulled all of her feelings about the things she learned on the trip well.

The second post was getting more likes than the first and a hell of a lot of comments. Choosing the photos and caption was so damn hard. She had to balance oversharing, gloating, and being just enough. Would people think she was being extra or take the opportunity to come for her best friend. But she was just really happy and these decisions were easier made when drunk. Rue had some input and that was, "don't put my bare ass on the internet." She did have photos of that but that was just for her eyes only. 

The second post started with a photo of the sunrise that morning, then the one of her and Rue watching it. The smirk light on Rues lips, her own face peeking out from behind her girl's shoulder. The next few were from the night of the exhibition including one with Rue pulling Jules heel off with much effort. A pout of relief and hard work. Jules grinned watching Rue bounce in her head. One from the record store, a photo Liv took of them walking down the street, and the last one of her squishing Rue's face during the sunset. 

_ Julesvaughngo Rue-meo 🥰 _

The comments under this photo were an array of things Anna even liked the post. Which Jules knew was probably genuine after she explained that she had no problems cutting off anyone who endangered her happiness. That included old friends alike.

_ Lordco: das my friends  _

_ Andeek: 👏 _

_ Mckennaroni: 💟💟💟 _

_ Tcthetiger: you look so happy 😵 _

_ Katthecat: bad bitches link up _

Olive looks over at her phone and taps her hand said, " Those are so fucking cute I meant to tell you earlier."

Jules got a notification above her friend's freshly manicured hand:

_**Rue.bennett tagged you in a photo.** _

She taps it and it opens up to a photo that Rue took of her laughing on the beach. The caption made her smile and blush.

_ Rue.bennett talkin bout…… _

"My girlllll," Liv sings off key to Jules which makes her rub her brow.

She typed out her comment before hitting enter.

_ Julesvaughngo Your girl 😬 _

Jules and her class were waiting for everyone else to be seated on the plane. That included a staff member who was running behind schedule apparently. It didn't bother Jules because it meant she could get her ipad ready for the flight and text Rue. She was going to miss everything about her friend but she was excited for what could happen. 

**Rue: fly safe**

**Jules: I'll text you when I land**

**Rue: ok**

**Rue: I love you.**

**Jules: 💖 I love you too.**

Rue looks up from her phone at the door to the YMCA. Jules' plane was taking off and she also had her own things to do. She glances at the clear blue sky and back at the grey gymnasium doors. Her teeth grazed over the inside of her lip ready to pull at her anxiety. She felt the sting of her lip as she attempted to bite it.

"Shit," she spat out, she really forgot that there was a healing tattoo inside there. 

Pulling on the bottom of Jules's hoodie she shifted her weight. There were kids on the steps finishing cigarettes and talking. Some looked even younger than her, they looked like they were even younger than her sister. She shook her nerves and climbed the stairs. She had a schedule to stick too, no matter how heavy her feet felt. Pushing the door it opened and she stepped inside.

"So would anyone like to share today," the head counselor looks around at everyone sitting in the circle. Some kids had candy, others had brown paper cups they sipped from, while Rue just nervously chewed on a piece of gum. No one is raising a hand or standing, they all just glance at the clock on the wall. Rue sighs, fuck it she mumbles under her breath as she stands up. She awkwardly grins at everyone.

"Hi um my name is Rue and I'm an addict." She hears some quiet hellos and grunts that mean hello. "I've been clean for three years and I started taking risks this weekend . My best friend visited me this week. She lives in New York she's fucking amazing." Rue hears the moderator clear their throat and she whispers sorry, scratching her forehead. "Anyway, she used to feel like a drug to me. But not now,I um, I'm on my meds so I think maybe I'm just in love with her. That scares the shit out of me. But, yea."

Rue sits back in her chair grinning to herself. She pulls her hoodie over her head and puts her hands in her pocket. Three years was a long time but she made with help of course. She did not really see herself making it this far, see herself actually sober for more than a few weeks, but in the end here she was three fucking years later. Sober.......ish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always feel free to leave comments. I want to thank you all so much for reading this story and all the feedback. It means so much to me and thank you for your patience. 
> 
> I do have a question though what song title do you think the epilogue is:  
> * Yo Love by Vince Staples  
> * Sunday Night by Jack Harlow  
> * Hope by Blood Orange   
> * The Body Is a Blade by Japanese Breakfast  
> * Callous by Sasami  
> * Peaches by Miynt


	10. Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the end of sorts (:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much. Writing this has been a real help with my anxiety over our current new reality. When I have good days the ideas flow. This has given me something to not give up for because oh boy. If y'all have suggestions for one shots based off of this story or just Euphoria or Rules in general feel free to comment them or message me.
> 
> Title is from Hope by Blood Orange.

Rue brushed her lips against Jules's, her nose bumped against her friends and two hands held her jaw. The dim yellow glow of the dying bulb in the lamp lighting up her girl's face. She traced her nose down Jules's and held her hips. Jules stopped her nuzzling and kissed her lightly. She could smell the faintly sweet scent of Jules perfume as the kisses persisted. The quiet hum of a moan passed both of their lips. 

The kiss, that felt like the notes of pianos on old jazz records. She pulled Jules closer and tighter hoping the feeling of bliss would never end. Her friend was so warm beneath her hands. Fingers gripped her neck pulling her further and further into the breathlessness. Jules panted against her lips as her hands inched up Jules's sides. Rue could hear her name whispered out as her hands mapped out a direction on her friend's skin. Fingers traced under her jaw as she kissed her....friend relentlessly and It felt like a dream.

Soft hands gripped her shoulders and she whispered, “ What are you doing.” A soft shove sent her tumbling backwards and she anticipated the semi hard feeling of a mattress. But, instead she kept tumbling and tumbling in soft sheets. She searched for her lover's hand but saw none, she whimpered Jules's name but she did not see her. Nothing. She closed her eyes and hoped opening them she would see a familiar face and bright blue eyes. A soft hand cupped her chin and turned her face and when she opened her eyes....

She sat up out of her sleep. She blinked a few times and exhaled. Looking around it took a minute to remember where she was. She wasn't in her dorm room but she was in a room. She was on a mattress on the floor and as she looked around she could see the shapes of objects forming. As her eyes adjusted to the lack of light. The objects were a pile of clothes in a chair and a small table near a closet filled with what looked like books. She moved the hair out of her face. Her clothes, her books, her mess. The room was somewhat lit up by the faint glow from a diy night light Lexi had sent her. This was her room, well her new room, she thought. She'd effectively "moved out" of her dorm room and was staying in a spare at Kenna's house with Kenna's friends. Laying back down she sighs. 

It was just a dream, she pulls closer to her the pillow that has one of the shirts Jules left months ago on it. Feeling out she checks her phone screen that is entirely too bright. It's 4am on her coast so that means it's....7am for Jules. She yawns and unlocks her lock screen, there is no way Jules is up that early at all. Not on a Thursday that she has no class but Rue goes to messenger anyway and starts typing.

**I miss you.**

She looks it over and stares at it not expecting anything but 3 dots start chasing themselves under her message.

**Jules: I just woke up lol. was dreaming about you.**

**Rue: weird.....I was dreaming of you too.**

**Jules: super weird**

Rue stares at the screen not knowing exactly what to type or if to roll over and fall back asleep. Back asleep pressing her nose into the sweet smelling shirt that relaxed all nerves in her body.

**Jules: were we about to...**

Rue felt her cheeks warm and sighed into the air.

**Rue: I think so....**

Rue bit her bottom lip and waited for a reply.

**Jules: I miss you too.**

**Rue: I love you.**

**Jules: I know, I love you too.**

**Rue: you going back to sleep?**

**Jules: after.**

**Rue: after??**

**Jules: after I convince myself not to call you.**

**Rue: call me please**

**Jules: You have class, go to bed.**

**Rue: we can sleep on the phone....ew did I just say that.**

**Jules: lmao yes you did**

**Jules: okay**

Rue set the phone next to her on the pillow and yawned waiting for a familiar face to pop up on the screen. When it did she propped up a little, hit answer and smiled. 

"Hi," a sleepy sounding and tired looking Jules said.

"Hi," Rue laid her head back down and gazed at the person through the screen who was miles and miles away.

_ *weeks later* _

Jules was sitting on a small ledge out front of her complex/dorm building. The sun had barely come up and she wrapped her arms around her frame tightly. It was chilly but the heavily worn yellow hoodie that swallowed her whole was still so warm. It felt like a comfort blanket on top of the sweatpants she threw on over her shorts. She didn't bother checking her phone; she was enjoying the weird stillness of her block. It was too early for kids to be making noise outside of the building and she could see people walking likely on their way to work. Scarves bundled around them and gloved hands jammed into pockets. The glowing green store from the papi store on the corner bounced off the iron fence around the building.

She looks up at the darker blue sky that was behind old somewhat run down apartment buildings and brick walls. Lights were on in some windows and others were dark or shuddered. She wonders if they are sleeping or just not there anymore. Quite a few people had moved out recently. Her eyes squint to see black shadowy figures flying through the sky. The sun was slowly emerging but it was taking its time. 

She yawns and slides her hands in the front pocket. She can feel the glass and plastic of her cellphone there but she does not want to check it. She does not want to disturb the stillness before she is climbing flights of stairs back to her shared apartment. Jarl was still probably asleep because she heard his light snores as she padded past his door. Her crocs lightly slapped against the wooden floor. She opted for crocs because even though they weren't super fashion forward they were practical. She even had a "goth" pair she'd made with Liv and their friend Samos. They all had a pair and it was diy and it was almost completely on whim. She'd glanced at herself in her reflection on the fridge. Her hair was up in a messy bun but it was finally dry. She'd went over everything in her head while she started a large thing off coffee in their chemex. Jarl was over her buying a coffee every day and then complaining about how hungry she was later. Fresh sheets, organized her shoes, showered and cleaned. The kitchen still looked used but it was kind of organized.

She left the coffee to drip when she left but brought her wallet with so she could run to the corner store and get food. Not just for her though. She touches the bag next to her. It was still extremely warm with the sandwiches inside. The other bag is lukewarm but slightly cold. Just things she'd needed to pick up already that they were out of. She yawns again but feels her phone vibrate in her pockets. A small grin forms and she stands up. Fiddling with the strings on her hoodie she pulls the neck tighter. 

She rocks back and forth when a cold chill runs across the ground picking up some dried and dead brown leaves and scattering them in the wind. She sees a yellow cab pull up and feels her cheeks tighten. She bites her tongue seeing the door swing open and a beaten black converse step on the ground. It takes everything in her not to run and launch into the person stepping out of the car. Her brain screams it could be someone else, but then a tall head of curly hair appears and slings a bright green bag across their back. The cab door shuts and she sees the person shaking a thing of purell and rubbing their hands back and forth. She waits a few minutes longer while they adjust, giving them space to get used to it, until their eyes meet hers. 

Rue is rubbing her hands back and forth with the alcohol gel. She sighs everyone else might not be like this but she sure as hell always was. That probably had a lot to do with growing up with her dad not everything that happened a few years ago. She sighs, the city looked so cool in pictures. But once she was in it and had to jail a cab instead of a lyft, per Jules advice. The anxiety settled back in. The flight was nerve racking and she wasn't exactly allowed to take anything that would ease that. She had her meds but her therapist was adamant she was not getting anything else to help the flight. The handful of gummies she took before boarding though was a relief. 

The buildings were so tall as the taxi driver took her to her destination. He picked up on her being from the west coast the minute she started talking. Also the heavy coat she was wearing probably tipped him off too. She gave him minimal conversation but entertained it a bit. It was just so damn early. 5am or so to be exact. The interior of the cab smells like cleaner and breakfast all in one and the small screen in the back seat drones on with a news advertisement.

The cheap flights to NYC were either at the ass crack of dawn or middle of the night. She chose the latter because there was no way she was hoping on a mainly empty flight at 5am. She needed at least a bit of sleep and maybe she could do that while miles in the sky. Speaking of which was extremely pretty as they flew into New York the lights glittering from below in the darkness. Her flight was pretty empty, dark,and quiet so most of her time was spent napping or gazing out the window.

The huge buildings were a lot to take in as they staggered above while she gazed out the window. Unlike California that had buildings staggered it was a continuous barrage of glass one after another. It was intense and different but she wasn't sure if it was for her. But, as the distance of the yellow car grew away from the towers in the sky the city changed. They crossed a bridge and the buildings looked more like a neighborhood. It still had the same essence but it looked like where people should call home. Brick houses and complexes. The driver asked why she'd visit in the fall almost winter if she was so used to warmth. His accent was thick but she caught the gist and she said, "visiting a friend." 

As the GPS line grew closer and closer to the red dot on the screen her hands felt warm and clammed up. Her throat felt thick and she picked at the pilling balls on her coat. Her mom insisted she wear this one because at least she could wear a hoodie underneath and it was her dad's. Her mom also wanted to help her get the new duffel bag she'd been eyeing, but Rue said no. She could just take up some extra library shifts at school or do some odd job for Fez while home on break. She'd spent one week home to spend some time there before getting ready for the rest of winter break. She'd biked with Lexi, bugged her little sister, and acquired plenty of free slushies from Fez. Her mom even let her drive the car a few times by herself and then others with Gia.

Fez was being extra protective about her going to NYC. It was weird but not unexpected and she appreciated it. He really cared about her no matter what feelings were or weren't there. He gave her some suggestions for places should she need a reup on the gummies or anything. An actual legal hookup through a friend which was kind of funny to Rue. When she hung out with Lexi and Cassie they just didn't really talk about the elephant in the room which was her trip. Lexi seemed kind of sad about it but still told her she had to try this place called Serendipity. Cassie did help her search for a certain store she'd have to visit with Jules at some point. 

She knew her mom was really on the fence about all of this. It was mainly nerves about her traveling so far and alone. Rue had never been so far out of driving distance that her mom or Ali or Fez or even Jules's dad could not save her. Save her should she decide to fall into the deep end without knowing how to swim first. It scared her mom more than it scared her to be honest. There would always be a slight bit of nerves about Rue possibly being around new triggers for her addiction and bipolar disorder. No matter how old she was or where she went. Or just triggers that could send her spiraling back into addiction like a relationship that had been simmering for years now. 

That was an easy combination for Leslie hovering more than usual. So, Rue let her help her fold her clothes, pick up her meds, and drive her to the airport. Despite their ups and downs her mom would always be there for her. Gia was not really worried it seemed and just kept begging Rue to pick her up some souvenirs and not corny ones. They both hugged her tight and exchanged lengthy I love yous before she went through the sliding glass doors of the airport.

Here she was standing in front of her best friend's apartment building in a city across the country from home. Slathering on hand sanitizer and steadying her breath she looked up. She knew Jules would be outside and saw a familiar hoodie from the window as the cab pulled up to the curb. She couldn't help the way her cheeks felt hot all over and she slowly walked towards Jules. She wasn't sure what she was about to say and felt nervous like she'd never seen this girl before. Jules looked like she'd just started her lazy Friday but she looked super excited. Rue was pretty sure the girl would be bouncing off the walls if they weren't standing in the middle of a corridor.

Rue looked up and down at Jules lips and blushed quickly, averting the blue eyes that caught that.

"Hi Rue," Jules says, taking a step towards and into her friend's personal space.

Rue touches her nose to Jules's before wrapping her arms around her friend's waist. This is real, she is really face to face with her best friend and holding her close. It was not a dream, "Hi," she hums.She can smell the sweet shampoo that clung freshly to Jules’s hair.

Jules let's Rue hold her and presses a light kiss to the other girls cheeks and forehead. Not once, not twice, not three times, but four times. She could feel Rue soften and remembered she bought food. Slipping her hand into Rue's she pulls away and grabs the bags off the ledge. 

"You hungry?" She asks the girl behind her.

******************************************************************************

Rue taps her rings on the stolen Denny's mug in her hand. The remnants of a warm bacon egg and cheese left on the aluminum in front of her. She sighs staring at the last piece in her hand. Slowly she finishes it off and sips the hot black cup of coffee. She loved coffee but she needed rest so it mainly was there to wash anything down. 

Jules let out a quiet chuckle finishing the cup of tea she opted for instead. "There is always more babe."

Rue sighs, "I know, but nothing tops the first time you try something." 

Jules nods and gets up, she goes through the fridge and stands next to Rue. Rue raises a brow at the bottles of orange juice and banana smoothie in her face.

"You don't have to drink the coffee, also I have stuff in my room." Jules looks in the direction of the hallway. Rue made a face because she wasn't a big fan of lukewarm liquids. "Mini fridge," Jules mouths, stepping away as Rue grabs the banana smoothie. 

Rue slips off of the bar stool and throws out the foil and leaves the mug in the sink. She cracks open the smoothie and sips it as she follows Jules. Jules already took the liberty of putting her bag in the room and when she opened the door she could see it bright near a very large potted plant. 

The room wasn't too crazy but it was really big at least for a city Rue thought. It had touches of her friend all over. Paper butterflies were wedged into the fairy lights strewn up near racks of clothing. There was a table cluttered with books, colorful pieces of fabric, and a sewing machine. A half dressed beaten up mannequin was shoved into the corner. It looked like someone had dragged it out of an alley which was probably accurate. 

A glowing light shifted warm tones around the room and Rue steps further inside. There was a small tv on a small bookshelf. The shelf looked to be holding paints and pens and stacks of paper. The window had a colorful fabric partially drawn in front of it that blocked out most of the light from outside. Rue turns around and watches Jules push the door closed to expose a large mirror embedded into it. 

Rue turned away from her reflection. All of the sudden her skin felt too hot and too layered with the clothes on her body. She sees the pile of snacks in a square milk crate with a collection of Mason jars and mugs atop, next to the mini fridge. The small fridge has weird magnets and letters on it that spell out words like fucko and I'm baby. Something that looks like an extremely tiny pink microwave sits on top. It's all within slight reaching distance of the bed. The bed which Jules is now sitting on looking up at her with waiting eyes.

"Um it's nice really nice," Rue rolls her thumbs over each other.

"Thanks uh I tried to make it neater...."Jules looks away at the mess that is her sewing area and then back at Rue, "kind of."

Rue looked at the bed and then at Jules, she wanted to climb into the bed immediately. Wrap her arms around Jules and hold her like she never ever would let go. But she looked down at herself, everything just felt too tight. "Can I change first?"

"Oh shit yea, um do you want one of your shirts?" Jules hops up asking her friend quickly. Rue had been on a long ass flight she probably felt super uncomfortable. She rummaged through the tshirts she had and grabbed the extremely baggy one shed borrowed from Rue. Looking over her shoulder, she can see Rue stripping out of everything minus her boxers. Jules bites her inner lip and turns around clutching the shirt in her hands. Don't pounce on her you horny animal she says to herself.

"Here's your shirt," Jules whispers.

Rue turns around and feels her cheeks warm up slightly. She watches Jules eyes flick down her body before shooting back up and getting wide. She pulls the shirt out of Jules's reluctant hands and slowly tosses it over her head. Jules was not the only one feeling needy nor like her body was throbbing, but Rue was tired. Sex would happen but right now she was ready to pass out in the bed that was much bigger than her standard sized one. Pass out wrapped up in her bestfriends arms until she could properly satiate both of their hormones. 

That did not mean they couldn't kiss though and she nervously stepped forward and kissed Jules.

Jules felt her heart flutter as Rue kissed her and let her guide the kiss a bit deeper. Rue wrapped her arms around Jules's body and Jules felt content like this. Content back in these arms and against these lips. She felt Rue pull back and quietly groaned letting her eyes open. She pouted a bit which led to a quick peck from Rue.

"Can we go to sleep," Rue asks shyly, trying to hide a yawn. Jules nods and pulls Rue to her bed. Rue sits there while she turns off all the lights and pulls the curtain further closed. When she gets back to her bed they slip under the covers. Jules opens her arms sensing now would be a big spoon moment. Rue slips in her arms softly and nuzzles into her neck.Jules hums, she could vibrate with happiness. She kisses what bit of Rue's face she can and relaxes hearing Rue sigh relief. 

"I missed you Jules."

"I love you too Rue."

********************************************************************************

Rue woke up feeling extremely toasty. Nothing about the weight of the comforter felt familiar, the sounds in her ears unfamiliar. There was talking but it was too loud. Shhhhh she groaned stretching her limbs. There's softness rubbing against her and she nuzzles into it. But there's still too much talking so she flips over and shoves her head onto what should be her other pillow. Her head finds something soft and she mumbles nice before letting herself fall back asleep.

Jules whispers what she was saying to Jarl. He's standing in the doorway mug and iPhone in hand. He just wanted to make sure Rue got in safely. 

A twitch came from her side and Jules rubbed Rues shoulder lightly glancing at the curls peeking from under her comforter. There was a quiet hmm but then she felt her settle back into sleep. Rue was really exhausted, she wondered if Rue had been sleeping at all the way she was knocked out.

Awww she heard Jarl coo which she rolls her eyes at. He slips out the door and pulls it shut. She'd been up for a while even left Rue's side to stretch, go to the bathroom and come back. Rue was out out like lightly snoring and gone to the world asleep. But when she slid back into bed the girl snuggled right back into her. It was a small reminder that her friend knew her just by her presence or maybe she thought she was a pillow. 

Either way Jules snuggled deep into bed with her while half awake, before she was either going to sleep or scroll on her phone. Scroll while Rue was nuzzled into her the rest of the morning. Jarl came in quietly after knocking and sipped his coffee while they talked. He thanked her for breakfast and asked about their plans. Which for now was sleep, making pizza, and then probably ordering dinner before a movie. Just a lowkey first day in the city in the house with her....friend. That's what Rue asked for a few days ago when they were planning.

Jules just figured she'd sketch while Rue slept. She scribbled on her ipad and lost track of time. Shed made several weird abstract panels and small images that reminded her of how she was feeling. A cup of coffee, the striped pattern of her friends boxers, and small pink hearts. Something to get her creative juices flowing before she attempted to revise her sketches of a matching set of shorts and a vest. Her small group came up with the idea of a play on elite class with their country clubs from a less refined status quo. Getting deeply lost in the moment and letting everything slip onto the white screen.

Rue slowly started to wake up, yawning to herself, and stretching her fingers. She blinked a few times and turned herself but kept her eyes shut. She could smell Jules all around her. On the pillow, the blankets, ugh the freaking peachy but light scented air. It made her heart sing. Ahhh Jules ,she thought, Jules who reminds her of some anime character she'd be forced to watch. Watch in a show she wasn't really interested in but Jules was so that meant she was. Jules who really pissed her off sometimes so much so she'd hang up the phone and squeeze her own calves sobbing into her laugh. She could get angry but her heart wouldn't let her because Jules made her wanna float on a dang cloud.

Jules who should be....Rue stretched her leg until she felt a fuzzy leg against hers, right there. Wearing some fuzzy pjs probably colored like sprinkles. She yawns and opens her eyes to see Jules staring at her iPad a white pencil in hand moving back and forth. She grins and scans the look of concentration on her friends face. Wondering what exactly she was working on so.....early? Late? Rue was not sure exactly what time it was or if it really mattered. It was the weekend and all she really wanted was to spend it with Jules.

Rubbing her leg up against Jules she inches closer to her friend. A small smile forms and she can see Jules trying to evade the pull and keep drawing. Rue gets even closer to her and hides her face in Jules arm. 

"Why are you shy now?" Jules hums filling in the hearts pink and purple. An exhale falls behind her arm and it tickles her skin. Less ringed hands slide under her arms and around her waist lightly, they wrap and rest there. She saw Rue take off some rings before crawling into her bed but she did not ask why. Jules feels her own smile widen as she finishes the last bit of her creative dump. Rue's fingers dragged against the warm exposed bit of skin on her waist. 

"You make me nervous," Rue sighs into the warmth of Jules's back. 

"Still ?, " Jules questions looking at the arms under her elbows. They'd known each other for years. It should be normal or more comfortable. Yet somehow Rue kept blushing like the first time they woke up next to one another coming down from a high. She brushed it off as an afterglow at the time but soon as weeks passed especially after Rue kissed her by surprise she knew. 

Rue nodded her head lightly and hummed happily feeling the warmth of Jules's skin against her own. It felt good to be back near her after so long. Too many nights spent in her new but cold room wishing she had Jules next to her. Sometimes she got cold enough she'd slip into Kenna's bed at night. Jules knew and Kenna offered, Rue did have one boundary though. One that Jules thought was dumb and Kenna respected almost everytime they fell asleep. Rue had no problem sharing Kenna's bed as long as they didnt have sex.

Well almost because Kenna would tease/whisper in her ear as the girl nuzzled into her neck. "Missing your girlfriend huh" or "oh look who comes back again." Rue didn't mind it, Kenna was being funny; it wasn't like the actual jealousy she had. She was sometimes jealous but just a little bit because Rue did have her nights carved out more and more for Jules video calls. This meant their shared meals got cut short or she'd slip out of the movie everyone was watching to her room. It was shitty, but she was trying to be better after Kenna brought it up. Something about feeling pushed away, which wasn't the direction Rue expected or wanted to go after Jules went back to New York. Rue actually spent more time with Kenna and their friendship was good. She also made other friends which was weird.

She wanted that to stay good, but there were a few nights Kenna's voice would squeak just a bit and her own voice was low. They were already so close and instead of turning away Rue would slip her fingers under her friends chin and kiss her. Kiss her until Kenna was panting and Rue had her pinned against the mattress. It usually went no further than that and she told Jules everytime. Half expecting Jules to cut her eyes and hang up the call yet that was not anything like her best friend. Rue just somewhat wanted her to be upset and tell her to stop, but Jules was all for it. 

"I mean you could just have sex you know," Jules said pulling on a twizzlers through the grainy camera.

"You're not like mad?" Rue groans hiding her face in her pillow that she's hugging close to her. She's sitting on her bed that sits on a boxspring with the small tv in her room playing the latest netflix reality tv show. Jules was originally turned upside down but in the words 'we need to talk' she was more serious.

"I tell you this every time, I'm glad you are telling me but if you have a connection with someone else.....besides me. Its cool." Jules went back to snacking on her candy and Rue still felt a bit guilty. Not guilty enough not to not act on things kind of but she did feel sick to her stomach at first. When she was pulling off more than just her own shirt and Kenna's shorts under dense fluffy covers.

Rue feels fingers slide up her shoulder in her thoughts of Kenna's boobs rising and falling above her. She grits her jaw while Jules is turning in front of her. Her own arms locking tighter around Jules body. 

"What are you thinking about?" Jules wonders. Rue got really quiet out of nowhere as she put her iPad away. She halfway wondered if the woman fell back asleep. She strokes Rue's arm while a face hides more into her back than her side. Slipping her fingers onto her friend's side, she starts tickling her. She just wanted her to talk or say something. Rue started to wriggle and Jules kept pinching her friends' sides. A quiet laugh starts until she's got Rue pinned on the bed with her thigh.

"Okay okay," Rue was laughing out loud.

Jules holds Rue's hands in her own as the girl moves her arms latching their fingers. "Tell me ?"

"Uhhhh well," Rue blushes, "sex." She whispers looking up at Jules with her bottom lip tucked.

"Oh.....with?" Jules swings her other leg over to fully straddle Rue's waist. She feels the comforter behind her getting pushed back with Rue's flexing feet. Leaning back she grabs the fluffy comforter before it falls completely on the floor. Cold rings press into her back as hands keep her steady. Sitting fully into Rue's lap she pulls the comforter back onto the bed. There's nibbling on her exposed stomach and she lets out a mix of a sigh and laugh.

Rue sucks lightly on her friend's rib cage at first before placing kisses up her sternum. Her hands glided upwards pushing the tank crop top Jules had on up with them. Fingers weave into her curls as she kisses slightly hard peaks through the top and then as more skin is exposed, without. The top is pulled off completely by her friend and she drags her fingertips against the outline of a spine. She hears Jules groan and roll her hips but when she goes to cling for more is pushed back onto the bed quickly. Her wrist easily being held by the girl still sitting on her. Pressure against the crossed joints above her head on a propped pillow.

"Wait what ?" Rue asks, confused. She tries to struggle her way out of the grip but feels resistance.

"Who ?" Jules questions her ask while keeping Rue's arms above her head. It wasn't her from the way Rue looks at her but her eyes are far far away. So far they probably lingered in California which was okay. But it did make her wonder because she sometimes thought of Rue when she'd been with other people recently. Not face to face but sometimes they'd hold her in her sleep or were tucked between her thighs and she'd envision Rue here. Not instead or as a substitute just there. 

Wished she was there like she is now. 

Rue shrugs. She wasn't thinking about Jules but if she said that she had no clue what would happen. But she couldn't lie, Jules always knew when she was lying at least in person. She felt Jules loosen her grip. If only her hands were elsewhere on her body. Rue started to zone out feeling Jules grind and flex against her. Until a soft voice brought her back and one hand was sliding against her jaw.

"Who......it's okay?" Jules licks her lips staring at Rue's lips. Fuck she could just turn that girl into a puddle under her right now. She moves and slips her thumbs under the band of Rue's boxers.

Rue feels her heart skip a bit and her toes tingle. Jules hands are cold but her eyes all heat. "Kenna, I was thinking about Kenna." She clears her throat feeling uncomfortable again. She just really wanted to have sex bot with Kenna or anyone else just her girl......her friend. There's tension on the elastic while the boxers are pulled slowly. 

"Now ?" Jules pulled down her friend's boxers all the way. Cupping her thighs, brushing knee caps, and calves. She throws the boxers on the ground without looking away and swallows heavily. All of the sudden her tongue swollen with thirst and her cheeks flustered. She genuinely forgot how she had that effect on Rue. That effect that caused goosebumps on the back of her own neck and the backs of the thighs her fingers gently coasted. A ball of nerves that was uncommon for her tightening in her ears.

Rue exhales all the air in her chest, Jules looks scared. Rue wasn't sure if it was scared of what she might say or scared of what they were about to do. It'd been a while a long enough while that fall had gone and winter was settled in. They'd tried video chatting once or twice and it left Rue dizzy seeing spots. Yet it wasn't a complete scratch of the itch they both had. Jules even went out and kissed a stranger for hours at a gay club, Rue knew because Jules told her. That itch that was going to be burned away in the fires of the afternoon sunlight. 

Rue whimpers into the back of her hand as she let's her legs go slack. She watches Jules head dip to her stomach. Feels the brush of lips against her belly button to her hip bones. They did not have to do this; she didn't even get a chance to really prepare mentally for it. Suction on her lower stomach and hot air as Jules whispers is this okay faintly. She feels a gentle quiver of pressure and let's out a whispered uh huh and clenches at the sheets around her. Her eyes water as her lungs spasm Jules is so gentle it feels like shes being teased and her throat fills with letters, fuck. Rue covers her mouth, there is still a roommate to be considerate of. It's so gentle between her legs because she realizes Jules is letting herself get used to this again. Getting used to her taste, the movement, and the way she'd react. They could have just cuddled again but that was not what she really truly wanted. She much much rather this.

Jules leans back, her lips are slick and the ankle latched onto her back wobbles. She just needs to adjust her arms and her body before she slipped into bliss. Her hand somehow finds Rue's hand and she locks a finger with her friends. She looks up and sees Rue gnawing on her bottom lip eyes filled with aching. Jules whispers just let me know if you need to stop before flattening her tongue against her friend instead of tracing with the tip. This is what she was missing for so damn long. She laps and feels Rue's finger tighten around her own.

Another long stretch to savor things before she was ready to get lost in... a moan comes from the woman rising ahead of her. Jules slides her hands away from Rue's to let her writhe and rests them under her back. She had no real intentions of getting Rue to come quietly. Jarl already had a heads up wayyy before Rue showed up on their welcome mat. The heels dug further into her shoulders and she heard Rue getting more and more breathless. Breathless in a way she was not used to hearing. It felt like Rue was struggling to cling to anything and everything. Jules heard sobs but fingers tightly wrapped into her hair kept her from moving. The cries got louder and the limbs entrapping her spasmed. Her name was cascading in a way she never had any other lover express. It shook things inside her head loose. An avalanche of emotion as she kissed the thighs that tightened again when she went to move away. Resting her head on the thigh next to her head fingers lazily roamed on her scalp.

"Stay. Please." Rue hums quietly.

"I wasn't leaving Rue. I wanted to kiss you." Jules sighs closing her eyes and licking her bottom lip. Maybe she was dreaming again and she was gonna wake up at any moment. Still though she can feel Rue moving and turns.

Rue sits up and pulls Jules head up to meet hers. She didn't know how to say what she needed and all she wanted was to stay connected to this girl. She kisses her and pulls her back with her. Stay with me she whispered in her mind over and over.

******************************************************************************

They spent the afternoon eating pizza from one of Jules's favorite spots with Jarl and his new friend who stopped by. Jarl kept asking Rue if she could have brought some California sun with her. Rue wondered if Olive was going to pop up but she never did. Jules laid across her lap while texting and waving off Jarl's banter. Rue enjoyed it though he made her feel like she wasn't just attached to Jules. She was there as her own person, not just Jules's person.

**Cassie: ugh I can't wait to see you guys 🥰**

**Maddy: I'm surprised Lexi hasn't ran over there already.**

**Lexi: Rue knows we are all here early right**

**Kat: Duh it was her plan like tf**

**Jules: we are still yaknow taking our weekend to catch up and then it's winter break in an airbnb**

**Jules: at least for you guys**

**Kat: you don't know how hard I had to stop myself from kicking in your door when Jarl let me in earlier.**

**Lex: You're almost done and we are coming to the show right? *excited screaming gif***

**Jules: thanks for the fabric ❤❤❤ and yea if you guys want to**

**Cassie: Of course we wll**

**Kat: uh huh um y’all know people can hear you right?**

**Jules: hmmm**

**Kat: * side eye gif ***

**Jules: I just get carried away sometimes and i am on cloud 9 so don’t**

**Lexi: not even 24 hours**

**Maddy: listen that is longer that I have lasted**

**Cassie: I'm gonna make sure I buy earplugs then cause I can't listen to that when I'm on my own journey**

**Lexi: oh with who? And Cass it's been one week**

**Maddy: no one**

**Cassie: a loser and one week too long**

**Maddy: stfu cassie**

**Jules: its not....**

Jules saw his face again as he stared her down from the defendants side of the courtroom. The small smug fuckng grn as she gave her testimony and then looked innocent once again. innocent to the jury and his family who never believed him for one minute. Not innocent enough to not get some type of punishment from a court of law but still innocent enough that his life was not over. He could still skate his way through most of life with no one knowing what he was really like. While his lawyer painted her as a reckless person who frequently went on dates with older men. Painted her as an unreliable mentally ill screw up. Jules counts her breaths and opens her eyes when the sound of blood rushing from her heart quieted itself. 

**Maddy: oh god no. 🤮**

**Cassie: trust me I would tell you Jules if it was**

**Lexi: can you please stop dating pieces of shit?**

**Maddy: can you stop being a prude for once?**

**Kat: this is gonna be a great month and half**

**Jules: 🙃 I'm gonna be so fucking drunk**

**Kat: same**

******************************************************************************

The images on the tv reflected off of Rue's face. Changing from dark to shades of red and then to other colors. Jules watched the anger swell in the creases of Rue's face. She really really hurt her. Then the apathetic mask is back on. 

"Oh fuck off," Rue flips Jules off bunching up the sleeves of her zipped down hoodie.

"Real mature Rue fuck you too then," Jules rolls her eyes glaring at the tv screen. The movie was still playing but she made another sarcastic comment under her breath. They were watching one of Rue's favorites about some skeevy guy and girls getting revenge on him.

"No fuck you," Rue frowns and turns away from Jules back to the tv. The amount of times she'd watched countless anime movies and shows all she wanted was Jules to take one of her movies seriously. She was good for most of it because it was a Rom Com but the John Tucker Must Die was a classic. 

Jules rolls her eyes and keeps watching the movie. She actually really did love this movie but she wanted at least to curl up with Rue. Not fight with Rue while they watched it together. She tapped her friend's knee under the blanket. Rue didn't turn so she sighed heavily. 

Rue rolls her eyes and ignores her. 

Jules bites the inside of her lip lightly, "They are all too hot for him."

Rue hums in agreeance.

"I think I'm gonna recreate that look." Jules says hoping to get something more than a hmph or a shrug. She was just teasing her earlier. Poking fun at the similarities between Rue and Penn Badgley. Rue thought it was funny until she brought up the whole he plays a serial killer with OCD. She just didn't know when to really stop with the joking and where Rue stopped finding it funny because she was paying attention to the movie. Maybe I'm too much for her, Jules starts to think. 

"Jules," Rue says staring at the tv.

"Hmm," Jules hums.

"Do you think I could turn out like that because I'm like "crazy" ," Rue asks.

"A serial killer, " Jules wonders awkwardly, " are you planning on killing me?"

Rue looks at Jules wrinkling her brow and glaring. Why the fuck would she kill the person she was in love with....then again that is what Joe does. Weird TV shows, she thinks even though she is completely caught up on the series. She wasn't a "sociopath" who thought that love came in the form of closed fists and make up sessions. That was more Maddy's thing from memory. Maddy was actually really cool, she just had some edge to her. Always ready to clap back after anyone even complimented her. But, what could they expect when all of her exes consisted of guys who ended up making shitty comments about anything she did. It was a cycle that Rue was not trying to get into with anyone.

Rue knew she had some negative traits but not like that. She wasn't toxic like that. In the past few months she'd been working on thinking she was an infection to everyone around her including herself. Accepting the good things about herself was so much harder than being comfortable with the bad. Lexi would tell her when they were on facetime things she liked about Rue. Things Rue didn't really ever see herself as, but just figured were things everyone did. Lexi reminded her how she stood up for the people she loved when others would back down. Even if it meant getting herself hurt in the process.

So, why would Jules make that joke, knowing everything. Everything from shaking fist wanting to pummel into her wall to the nights Rue would wake up panicking. Panicking that everyone had seen what a shitty person she was and left. That they'd all see her how she saw herself instead of how much they all loved her. Dyd her best friend, the person she thought she was dating just not care about any of that. Not really caring about her,was she just a gyve. Rue feels her eyes burn in the corners and focuses even further on Jesse Metcalfe's face.

Jules looks from Rue to the tv back to Rue. What the fuck just happened.

****************************************************************************

A loud cart rolling by clatters along the lab floor and Jules looks up from the fabric she is cutting. Some kid tall shaggy hair and lean is pushing the empty laundry cart around the room with a person sitting in it. She shakes her head and puts her head back down. Having left Rue in her apartment without her to go help Liv was nowhere in her plans. But Liv called her and begged enough that even Rue made her go. 

Yesterday was just so magical and they still had a lot to talk about. Especially after their fight or argument or whatever that was last night. They didn't go to bed angry or anything but it was uncomfortable. Rue woke her up with coffee and actually talked to her this morning though. Explained with the smell of vanilla under her nose that it was a touchy subject for her. A trigger. Which Jules knew what that was like. People would joke about black mail or talk about their abusive relationships in a women studies course and her entire body would go numb. Thankfully that was an elective and she did not have to share about that situation at least.

Olive was sewing together the fabric pieces and bobbing her head to whatever was playing through her headphones. They had almost finished the dress that Liv was working on. It was a passion project that she was making on the side and Jules was proud of her friend. Proud that she was actually trying to make something outside of her comfort zone. Liv was great at structure and suiting but flowy things were hard for her to get. Jules snipped the fraying fabric and pushed them towards Liv. The sewing machine stopped and Liv spun around in the rotating stool, pulling an airpod out. 

"Sooo she's here, how are you feeling?" Olive smiled checking the fabric in her hands.

Jules pauses  Ultraviolence on her phone and thinks for a second, "I feel...like I'm going to completely fuck all this up."

Liv sits the fabric down and takes the other airpod out giving Jules a confused reaction. Jules did not expect to say that either but it was true. She was worried that she was going to keep saying the wrong thing and that instead of talking they'd yell. They'd fight so loudly that their concrete framework would split right down the middle. Non repairable with a long expired warranty. Jules runs her hands down the soft velvety red fabric of her pants. They were bell bottoms that hung over her platform buffalo sneakers and they matched the tight striped long sleeved polo she wore on top. She pulled away reddish fuzz caught in between the silver ring hanging on her thumb. It was Rue's but it fit on her hand. 

"What else ?, " Liv tapped her hand, pulling her eyes back to her friend's face. Liv was sporting a very shaggy almost wolf like mullet now. Everyone was changing too or more so catching up to where she'd been spending her time alone in. Freedom. 

"She was thinking about Kenna when I was right there," Jules starts.

Liv bites her lip, " and you think about other people too."

"But, we've never been together when I do," Jules sighs and looks out the dusty dirt crusted windows. The sewing room smelled like burnt rubber and paint. 

"Jules, you guys haven't been physically together in months. Things are going to be weird at first. You are going to hit some fuck ups," Liv turns back to the fabric and starts pinning with the paper guide. 

"I guess you're right," Jules plays with a stray piece of fabric.

"You guess? I'm the one who's been in an open long distance thing for over a year, don't forget." Liv rolls her eyes and smiles at Jules. "Don't sweat it, so you have had sex right ?"

Jules fixes her bangs and chuckles. Of course they've had sex. Who was she but a completionist and her sex drive was already amped up before Rue had flown in. Liv actually had walked into her room once when she was on Skype with Rue biting her pillow as her girlfriend told her exactly what she'd do if she was there. Liv screamed oh fuck and slammed the door shut which was funny to her. Not so funny to Rue.

"Yea, Jules sighs resting her head backwards, " yes we did." She hears Liv chuckle and the sewing machine start up again. 

A little more than an hour later Jules is standing next to Liv staring at their creation. It took less time than they expected with the two of them working together. Jules was taking a photo of the dress and grinning wide.

"You are a genius," she allauds Olive. Olive blushes and Jules can see the happiness in her eyes.

"Thankyou," Liv pulls her into a hug and Jules wraps her arms around her other best friend. 

"Your welcome, now can we go eat," Jules asks quietly because the hug is so tight.

Liv slowly lets go, " Yes but you are getting most of it to go because you have someone to get back to." Liv wiggles her brows and grabs her bag. Jules shakes her head and shrugs her coat on. Yes she did have someone to go back home to.

**************************************************************************

Jules kisses across the naked collarbone in front of her and lightly pecks Rue's shoulder. Rue doesn't flinch or move too sucked into the tv. The sun was no longer facing her room even though it wasn't late yet. Her led lights glowed orange over the girl under her who was watching a movie. A movie that was for her class which she was supposed to start earlier but Jules came back early from the sewing lab. Came back early and bored. Her tongue ran along the inside of her mouth.

Jules pulled her girlfriend away from a thick book, a notebook and the movie. It was pretty eazy when she started to distract her by trying to fit herself under the baggy yellow hoodie she was wearing. Rue pulled the hoodie off and wrestled her until she was laying across Rue's lap. Lips pressed deeply against hers again and again until Rue deepened the kiss. So deep Jules barely noticed the hand that was holding her by the throat was sliding down across her chest, across her hip and down her front. When she pulled back from the kiss Rue's chest rose and fell slowly. Her pupils blew wide, she pulled her girl into a warm shower and then into her bed.

Lazy fingers brush up and down Jules's back while she rests her head on her bestfriend's chest and her hands on her waist. The air under her nose smells like her body wash with hints of sex. Closing her eyes she listens to the heart beat thinking next to her ear. She feels the slight change in texture against her fingertips as they rise and fall with Rue's stomach. The imprints of Rue still warm all over her body.

Rue hears quiet breaths as the movie starts to end and glances down and can't help grinning. Fucking cute, she thinks. She grabs the controller and switches to YouTube. A quiet groan stills her movements. She slows her body while typing in the song before hitting play. Thankfully it would just auto play until she turned it off. Adjusting without disturbing her friend she grabs her phone and begins opening up her messages. She has several notifications she put off to watch the movie after already pushing it back.

**Gia: where's your copy of the bell jar**

Rue thinks about the layout of her childhood bedroom as she mouths along with Summer Walker. 

_ "I wanna leave it up. You feel the same.” _

The shelves pushed against her walls, the dust on drawer handles, the thin ass curtains that let in way too much sunlight, the mattress that had an indent in the middle. The middle where she...

_ "Wake wake waking me up wait wait wait putting me.... _

Down. The assortment of hand me down t-shirts neatly folded by her mom before she left home sitting in square boxes. An old clip fan that clicks like crazy when it's turned on. A small collection of baseball caps that her dad had before she was born that they added onto before he died. Before he left her mom alone. Before he left Gia and....her. He was tired though, her anger settled back into her head. He was sick, not her fault, and tired.

_ "Know that I'm not just like them other girls." _

Was it on the stereo? Did she even still have that book? She honestly had no memory of ever finishing anything like that. At least not in highschool....

_ "Still needed a reason why I waited so long with you." _

She glances at Jules and then back at her phone. Oh she did have that book.

**Rue: it's all the way under the Dune series on top of my dresser.**

**Gia: nerd**

**Rue: you should try them out and ignore the scratches on that book**

**Gia: do I even want to know?**

**Rue: Maybe get the book and stop asking questions**

**Gia: 😒**

Jules fidgets slightly in her arm and Rue pulls the blanket up around them even more. Rue scrolls through her school email and goes to her notes. Her thumb types out a paragraph of notes about the movie. She did have a final paper to hand in albeit late. The class she was taking during break was a film class so it was mainly just watching movies and writing reports after virtual lectures. Her professor gave her a bit of an extension on this paper but it meant she needed to write about two films her first week in New York. All while attending several video chat lectures at least twice a week. There were technically three classes a week but she worked out her skips for at least the first month of this class so she'd only pop on twice a week. 

It was all that and trying to make time for her friends they'd soon link up with and her very busy girlfriend. Girl that was her friend, not as in a girlfriend well her girlfriend because maybe Jules was someone elses girlfriend. At least she was not her girlfriend not officially on both sides yet. Jules also was still busy for the next month too but had a different level of work. It was very hands on so it meant most of the time her hands would be off Rue. 

_ "Wait for it wait for it wait for it, baby can you wait for it," _ buzzes from the tv and Rue hits skip.

_ A notification pops up above her notes about "Before The Rain." _

_ New messages in "💟🤏🧚♀️👀🙈" _

It was the mass group chat of all of Olive, Jarl, and the rest of the girls.

**Kat: okay but that skirt looks better with the other top**

**Cassie: really?**

**Jarl: oh totally it works better**

**Maddy: she isn't wrong for once**

**Kat: 😒 I'm so glad I have an apartment**

**Rue: me too**

**Jarl: Hey Rue hows that paper going?**

**Lexi: you still have papers isnt it a film class**

**Rue: yes I do and its good**

**Maddy: good movies?**

**Rue: kind of**

**Jarl: it sounded like great background noise**

**Lexi: oh...**

**Maddy: 😂**

**Rue: I hit rewind so I did not miss anything.**

**Lexi: where is she btw?**

**Cassie: I'm gonna guess from Rue's last text she's asleep.**

**Rue: correct**

**Rue takes a quick snap of the top Jules's head and hit send.**

**Rue: I promise I'm not keeping her hostage see.**

**Lexi: 🥺 shes cuddling you why she sleeps that's really cute**

**Cassie: ☺ aww yall are so cute**

**Maddy: disgusting**

Rue debates about sending the next message but does it anyway. It just might be taken the wrong way.

**Rue: these two are why I miss you Lexi**

She could see that someone was typing and then it went away.

**Maddy: you love us**

**Lexi: trust me I wish out friend group was just us all the time**

**Kat: 🥱🥱🥱**

**Olive: 🤨**

**Lexi: and Jules.**

**Cassie: awe but if it wasn't for them who would tell us the truth**

**Kat: wait yall are telling the truth?! Also can we stop this mushy stuff. I'm bored.**

**Jarl: 🤣 what are you listening to Rue, it sounds nice through my wall?**

**Rue: oh shit I'll turn it down, and well fuck me I love my.....**

Rue left the cursor blinking. What the fuck was she supposed to say. Everyone knew they were a thing but they didn't exactly have a word for that thing. Her friends at least didn't really push them on what to call their relationship but Lexi was definitely curious. Asked, "so what are the boundaries with you two" which Rue did answer and caught the touchy look on Lexi's face. Then she asked, did that mean that Jules was her girlfriend or not. Unfortunately the questions happened when Rue called her on facetime while making dinner. That last one made Rue accidentally cut her sandwich down the middle instead of triangles. Her stomach was upset from even having to settle with uneven rectangle bread let alone that question. But Rue even heard her mom on the phone a week or so before her flight telling someone, "oh yeah my daughter is visiting her girlfriend in New York for the winter." 

Rue hit the delete button to before well fuck.

**Rue: I like her a lot shut up and it's....**

Rue looks up at the tv then back at her phone.

**Rue: it's Everybody Business by Kehlani**

_ "I hear every word they talk _

_ Try not to care at all _

_ I know it's frontin', don't know me from nothin' _

_ Still learning to shake it off _

_ I know I can take it all _

_ I know it's frontin' _

_ You know they frontin.'" _

Rue typed in a different song and hit play she did not Kehlani to put her in those feels. She texted the group chat that she had to finish her paper. Jules nuzzles into her skin. The sultry deep voice of Giveon starts crooning out and Rue gets lost in her notes.

_ Ohh, look in my eyes, Can you find the lies? Do you feel alive? _

Fuck she thinks before shaking her easily distracted brain. This shit wasn't any better, but she goes back to her paper ignoring the girl that she doesn't realize is staring at her hands while she types about the intricacies of emotion and cinema.

_ I'm gettin' impatient, look at what you do to me, Our secret's safe so you're my favorite mistake. _

Jules squeezes her eyes shut tightly feeling tears brimming. Don't fall don't fall her voice trembled in her head. It wasn't cheating, Rue did not cheat, but Rue was thinking of someone else. Thinking about Kenna even though she flew across the country to see her and that fucking stung. It still wasn't cheating.

************************************************************************

Rue watches the credits fade to black and gets off of the living room floor. She was finishing another movie and writing down notes. The laughter of Jarl, Olive, and Jules was coming from the bedroom. She didn't want to intrude on their friend group so she finished classwork and bites into another piece of pizza. Laying back onto the soft dark green sofa, Rue swept along the matching color blocks with her non greasy thumb. 

She wanted that, the laughter, the quality time but with people who she knew. People like Lexi, Cassie, Kat, and Maddie. No matter how rude and messy they could get, they were her closest thing to friends. Even if they were all connected via a trail of mutual connections. A little envelope is at the top of her screen, probably a text from Gia about another boy she was going to have to strangle when she got back home. Going to tap on her message she accidentally hits the Instagram logo and gets lost in a scroll. A scroll of bread, waves, and unfamiliar sometimes familiar faces. Double tapping only on her friends photos though, like Fezco's recent outfit photo. He wore an all green outfit head to toe with a pair of matching shoes and hat. He looked happy and safe just very very green, he was kind of a hood leprechaun. It was good to see he wasn't on a headline though and was staying out of trouble. As best he could, something about mixing nike and adidas anyway. She never really got why that was a rule.

Refreshing the timeline, the white circle rotated before a photo of her was popped up on the front of her timeline. She taps the image, no tag. She swipes from the black and white picture of her smiling and laughing in a corner store. The next photo is of her asleep on a giant stuffed animal, the tv flickering on her face casting blues and purples.Reminded her of that time she got Jules high in a makeshift blanket fort with much less glitter. The last of the triptych of photos had her writing hunched over her notebook, wearing her dad's hoodie, and Jules's airpods in her ears. Probably just notes for class or the cheesy ass note she was writing her best friend.

_ Julesvaughngo Haul- got this in the mail from California.  _

_ Katthecat: a review? _

_ Julesvaughngo: Softest top I've ever had. _

_ Katthecat: 👀👀👀 _

_ Globolabar: Can I say hi _

_ Julesvaughngo: No. _

_ Fezandco: stay safe you two _

_ Julesvaughngo: You too  _

_ Yelo-sno: Dont be shy tag her. _

_ Julesvaughngo: You're funny. _

Rue double taps the post and a heart pops up and she grins. She hits the add plus button at the bottom of her screen. It has been a long time since a proper post,the last was of clouds out the plane window. She scrolls through and adds a photo of her breakfast sandwich, pasta Jarl made a few days ago, and then takes a photo of her eating the slice in hand currently. Laughter echoes out of the room loudly along with music coming from a speaker. She gnaws on the tattoo on her inner lip.

Another photo is of her posing in front of a statue and another but of her chin sitting atop a blonde head of hair. She debates on adding the last one but does it's of them together sitting in front of the camera posed. Jules's head is on her shoulder and Rue is holding back her largest smile. Both of them pull down their bottom lips exposing the matching nickname they both have there. They were taking photos for their parents to see and for Jules who wanted at least one printed picture of them for her fridge. 

Thinking of a caption she goes for simple before hitting done.

_ Rue.bennett 2 weeks not complaining. _

******************************************

Jules was hyperventilating into the satin pillowcase. Her nails dug into the skin on her palm that the pillow was blocking. She was on the verge of tears but not because she was in pain. And her words were coming out staggered because breathing and noise was all she could really express. The feeling she felt was something otherworldly like she dropped molly. She gasped and clawed at the thigh interlocking her own. She really couldn't handle the pressure of not screaming anymore. The hand around her throat slowly let go until it was back on her hip.

"Oh fuck." She heard her voice break and gripped the leg tighter. Her body shuddered and the movement of the rolling set of hips against her started to slow down. "Fuck, no don't stop I'm okay." Hips kept stroking through her just as thorough just way slower than before.

"I'm super close, but um are you sure?" Jules heard a shaky worried voice say. Despite the mild mannered nature of the half awake voice the motion of the hips changed slightly. A small change but one that had Jules digging her nails into skin and had her contemplating her life decisions and her stubborn behavior. When did the person behind her get so good with their hips. This really wasn't their first time and it showed. She started to wonder if they made everyone feel like this. Then she felt them start to pull out.

Quickly she turned as much as she could, Jules gripped Rue by the hem of the fitted Kith shirt she was still wearing. She really hoped she wasn't stretching out the shirt. But let a quiet whimper slip out feeling Rue fall into her more as she pulled her. Rue's hair was pulled back so Jules could see the shocked and playful expression on Rue's face. "Fuck me."

"You sure? You seem kind of out of breath." Rue smiled and wound her hips faster. Her eyebrow rose slightly hearing Jules sputter out parts of curse words incoherently. Jules was letting go of her shirt and she leaned forward to whisper in her ear, "should I put on music?" Hearing Jules whisper no she sat back up as best she could. It wasn't elegant but she did do it without falling out of Jules. This was supposed to be all easy and smooth compared to when they tried this a few days ago. So far it was going pretty well.

This time was supposed to be just as planned out as the last but they fell asleep angry. It was technically Rue's fault why Jules fell asleep facing away from her watching anime on her phone. She ended up forgetting the time looking at bikes in a random shop she passed while exploring the city. She even stopped for ice cream even though she could have just waited until after they'd made it to the Airbnb. Jules spent almost the entire day working on garments and not really answering her messages.

By the time she met up with Jules outside of one of the FIT buildings there was no time for them to do anything else. She just got extremely distracted by being in such a new city and being able to see stuff she'd never seen before. Jules was obviously irritated when Rue pulled up on the borrowed green city bike 45 minutes after she was supposed to meet up with her. Jules even told Rue to drop the topic and idea because it probably wasn't going to happen this weekend at least. Jules was stressed from classes and they already had to drop off their things at the airbnb and go meet up with Olive and Jarl right after. 

Dinner was fun for Rue, she got to catch up with Jarl and Olive while meeting some of their friends. She also got to joke around with Kat and Lexi. The initial reunion was the tightest hug she'd ever received from Lexi besides coming home from rehab. Despite laughing with them she could tell Jules was still a bit off the entire night. Her best friend didn't even really eat dinner, picked at a salad, and kept sipping water. Rue figured she was still slightly irritated with everything and by Rue. She was more off standish than usual and oddly quiet. Rue kept trying to lighten the mood but knew that Jules just needed her space. It didn't stop her from trying though which after just 20 minutes at the club it somewhat worked. 

Everyone was enjoying themselves and dancing. Jarl was being Maddy's hype man while she slinked to the music and yelled out lyrics. Kat was sipping her drink and twerking with Liv. Cassie was being twerked on by Maddy and Lexi was surprisingly flirting with a girl on the dance floor. She only got to take note of everything for a minute because Jules had her pushed up against a club wall. Grinding up against her until Rue gripped her by the waste and Jules kissed her until she saw stars. Then her not girlfriend left her dry for the rest of the hour until Rue was adamant that she wanted to go home, early

Home led to nothing which was disappointing for Rue. Jules acted as if she had not done what she did at the club and then in the Uber back to the Airbnb. Even though Rue had a pretty large hickey on her neck now. Which made it very uncomfortable to sleep tucked into her pillow. Jules would not face her or let her be the big spoon so the pillow would have to work.

Somehow after going to bed in Jules and her claimed room, Jules ended up waking Rue up at 2 am with lazy kisses. Lazy kisses untl they were face to face and mumbles turned to words. I'm sorry turned into i love yous and kissing turned into Rue getting dry humped. Slowly but full of anticipation for more. Jules begged more. Rue had to maneuver them both while trying to untangle herself from the sheets. She had her hands gripping the little bit of thigh Jules had exposed while her girl straddled her body and whimpered out "put it on". She said it so readily that Rue didn't have the time nor energy to be excited and wake herself or her lmbs up. Almost falling like a baby deer while Jules stripped and she hopped on one leg looking for the sparkly toy. Still, here Rue was forcing herself awake by slow stroking to the best of her newish talents. 

Newish because she had used a strap before but it was only one time. Apparently she was good at this because Jules seemed into it. Well she was more than into it and it was fucking hot watching her fall apart. Jules and her bought it from a rich feeling sex shop that exposed her to so much more first person. Choices and tools that before were outside the realm of her imagination. Rue jumped watching Jules eagerly put her hand out to be shocked by a long black wand. That was most definitely not a curling wand Rue told herself. They even bought a set of toys that the clerk promised would help them long distance. Bluetooth and internal rechargeable batteries included.

But all of those would likely not be used for a few months now. They had so much more time together that the idea of being apart was not a constant thought. Planning for the future was sometimes though. Now was both of their focus most times. And; right now, Rue was so close to her own orgasm with every thrust and she knew she was probably going to cum first. No matter what she tried to hold off. But she didn't plan on stopping even if she ended up leaving deep marks and bruises into Jules' hip. To the cramp in her leg that burned like hot coals she was not stopping. Not until Jules was fully satisfied. 

Rue watched as Jules opened her mouth to say something but gave up in favor of a loud whine. It made Rue want to be possessive like she saw in the queer porn she was watching in preparation for this. All of Jules’ suggestions. Yet, all that did was make her feel soft like she could kiss Jules until her cheeks hurt from laughing so much. A familiar feeling of the edge of her peak was hitting her. Yea she was about to cum at the sappiest thought ever. Wow, Rue was all her brain could come up with but her voice was rasping out something entirely different. Something she didn't even realize was her kind of thing and she really hoped Jules wasn't completely turned off by the filth of her words. 

"You look so pretty with me inside you." Looking down at the way Jules eyes were practically dripping with affection there was no turning whatever this was off in sight.

Jules felt tears rolling down her face because she really couldn't hold it anymore. Not the orgasm, not how much love she had, not the distance, nothing was going to hold her back from this. The quiet moan that echoed from her stomach involved some form of gibberish that had Rue's name, I love you, and I'm cumming all in one. She got louder as it all hit her and Rue was laying against her. Her girlfriend's legs twitching against her own legs that felt like rubber. A soft kiss pressed against her ear and she trembled slightly.

Rue slowly disconnected from her girlfriend and slipped out of the boxer harness combo. Fuck she had to stop thinking girlfriend over and over. She had half a mind to throw it on the floor but tossed it into the small pile of clothes on the floor. Rue searched for a stray water bottle and cracked it open handing it to Jules. Jules slowly sipped from it and then handed it back to her. Rue drank some and then watched her girlfriend sleepily pull her leg lightly. Rue pulled the comforter around the both of them tightly and pulled Jules to her and closed her eyes. Tomorrow they would figure out whatever the fuck that was and pray they hadn't woken up Jarl who was already in the Airbnb. But, from the looks he was giving his new friend at the club he was busy himself.

*********************************************************

"Rue ?," Lexi was knocking on the closed doors in the airbnb. Her Maddy and Cassie showed up with their bags and groceries 20 minutes ago. They were looking for empty rooms to claim as their own. Cassie and maddy were looking for a room with the most closet space. Lexi was just looking for the smallest room shed claimed as her own when they were planning. It had a window facing a roof so she could look out and see the sky. See some type of daylight to get her day started. It was weird, the time difference. But, she got to enjoy everything new with some of the closest people she knew. 

"Jarl ?," she knocked and whispered, turning the door knob. This room was really nice from what she could see in the door crack. Opening it wider she noticed the mens underwear dropped on the ground and the large mounds of two bodies sleeping on the bed. Two pairs of feet were entangled at the foot of the bed, lexi slowly pulls the door shut and tiptoes away from the door.

The second to last door opens as she makes her way to the one at the end of the hallway. Her hand touches the door handle while she drags the rolling suit case behind her. Lexi turns hoping to catch Jules before she was bombarded by Kat with mimosa's whenever she showed up. Hopefully the four of them wouldn't go too overboard meaning Rue and her would be sober buddies all day. Flashing her most excited smile her eyes go wide as a tall somewhat muscular but refined man exits the room. He has on a large robe and is sipping from a mug that says fish or bust. 

"Oh hi. I heard someone showing up. I'm jarl." He extends his hand to her

Lexi shakes it slowly as the gears turn in her head. "Omg Jarl I'm I'm Lexi, hi uh I thought.....never mind." She exhales nervously and Jarl keeps smiling but gives her an um okay look in the eyes. His accent isn't very strong but it's there and fits the very ikea like slippers he has on. 

"I'll go say hi to um....," he nods and takes another sip from his mug.

"Cassie and Maddy," Lexi nods slowly.

"Right yes sorry. You get settled in. We'll talk later and you'll fill me in on that girl you were talking to last night." He turns but not before gushing at the blush covering Lexi's cheeks. When he is well on his way she opens the door to the small room. It was even better than pictures. Now she just had to hope her childhood best friend and her girlfriend didn't keep her up all night. Although she had headphones and kat had given all of them earplugs just in case anyone had any loud visitors.

Wait Rue wore boxers ?

***************************

Jules laid under the heavy comforter staring at Rue while she typed in bed. She had just enjoyed the warmth of the blankets and Rue. Much different than the cold shouldered brittle hell that was school right now.

They'd been up for a while and showered but getting dressed was a chore. They both put on bumming outfits but didn't feel like greeting everyone yet. Rue had texted Jarl she had to finish a paper and Jules was still asleep. The paper wasn't a lie; she had a paper due at around 3 and it was 12 with an almost finished but not revised essay. Jules was awake but her eyes were closed as Rue turned her laptop on.

When Jules opened her eyes, hot coffee and a bagel was on her night stand. Jarl was a good host and Rue was sipping tea glaring at a screen. Headphones pressed into her ears. She snuggled back into bed half watching Rue and half the videos playing on her phone. She heard Rue yawn and checked the time 2pm. Rue pulls out an ear bud and raspy voice whispers, " Done and uploaded."

Jules grins, "yay." Rue doesn't look away and grazes Jules' features with her eyes.

"So... we should go say hi to everyone." Jules starts to move but feels a hand on her shoulder. Ugh grown up Rue was still in effect. This side of Rue was the one who made her make smart decisions and enforced healthy habits. But it also was the side that would want to ask about last night.

"Yea but what's wrong ? Last night was weird." Rue glances at Jules before quadruple checking her email.

"You didn't like it," Jules asks, sinking her teeth into Rue's exposed arm.

"Ow fuck," Rue pushed Jules's head back from her skin. Jules unclenched her jaw but pouts in response. Her bottom lip poking out slightly which Rue brushes her thumb underneath.

"No not like that I liked it. Was it okay for you? You never really act like that unless something is wrong," Rue hums.

Jules shrugs and looks at the ceiling, "I had an orgasm."

"Okayyy," Rue creaks out, " but not the point. Was it okay? You were kinda off yesterday overall."

"It was cool, I just needed a distraction. You sure said some things though." Julesfake laughs as she stuffs her head into the pillow beneath her.

"That wasn’t me, that was someone else,” Rue groans. Jules laughs for real though the pillow, of course Rue had a more naughty sde that she somehow brought out. God she was a bad influence.

“Distraction. Why." Rue says but doesn't ask. Maybe it's her but it's more likely school. Her own class had her spending most of their shared time watching movies that Jules wasn't into. Sometimes Jules would flip though her sketchbook the pencil in her hand moving with her wrist. It would prompt Rue to make a mental image of Jules in her head. Other movies actually kept Jules interested which was a bit funny to see. The blonde would shush her or lightly hold her hair to keep Rue from kissing her.

"I'm tired like really tired and nothing is going right." Jules mumbles though the pillow. It's pretty unintelligible.

"Oh. It is school, you know we can talk about it babe." Rue flattened her palm on Jules's back. She feels as Jules sighs and exhales. She didn't want to talk about it but that's exactly what she asked of Rue all those months ago. Keep talking not to shut her out and keep her in the loop so Rue was going to do the same.

"Can I help? " Rue sets her hand on to her laptop.

Jules turns her head and looks up at her not girlfriend. Her best friend who looks concerned. Yes, she was fucked not only with her project timing but her concepts. The stress made her.....hypersexual. She had a therapist here who told her it was kind of a problem but one she was at least aware of. Most people weren't always aware of the bad habits they had, or at least that's what Dr. Davis told her once a month. Sex was fine but passionate affection was a coping mechanism. Passion meant nothing else could be felt besides the passion. Affection just masked any loneliness or inadequacies she felt. Which she felt inadequate a lot of times. Not that many people knew it, she was meant for New York. Meant for fashion, even maybe meant for FIT, but so was everyone else and everyone seemed so much more evolved.

She's evolved many times but some of these people appeared to skip steps. Steps she still had to reach or jump through along with some weights in her pockets. It helped her be aware of those who had it so much worse. People who she had a certain privilege to because she was still this skinny, conventionally pretty, white girl. Those were the people who made her feel safe though. It wasn't the rich kids who were skating through the ranks here, it was the kids who had a bigger reason behind living. People like Olive who understood what being outside of the bubble felt like. She just had this half inside half outside the bubble experience.

"No. Well I don't know. Last night helped me relax though, but next time can we like….stick to a schedule when we have a big dinner or something. I know you were out having fun but not knowing where you were got me worried." Jules mutters to Rue.

"Uh yea I'm sorry. I didn't know about all of the prep work," Rue had googled a few things while Jules kept her eyes closed earlier. She just wanted to know what was wrong with the girl that her mind kept subbing the word girlfriend for. Even if it never came from her lips.

Rue watches Jules eyes squint and then open and then settle.

"I expected you to ask why. You can ask me things about sex Rue." Jules pokes the thigh under the comforter with her.

"Yea I know I just want things to go right without needing to run to you for everything. I wanna make sure you have a good time." Rue shrugs playing with the cursor on her screen avoiding Jules' eyes.

"Just ask me not someone else, Ok. Nothing goes perfect the first time." Jules sits up and grabs Rue's hand from the keyboard.

"Okay," Rue nods gnawing on her bottom lip.

"So we should probably say hi to our guests." Jules says pressing a kiss to Rue's cheek, then forehead, then her nose. Rue tilts her head up for access and Jules kisses her lightly. It feels like butter. She could spend hours kissing this girl just not right now, so she pulled away.

Rue closes her laptop slowly, "Can I just only say hi to Lexi."

"Nah come on," Jules slides out of the covers and looks for Rue's slides to put on. She grabs Rue's hand and pulls her out of the bed. They had to face the music at some point.

***************************

"Omg you’re gay no way, " Kat says fake shocked.

"Right it's crazy isn't it," Jules smirks as Kat holds out her glass to klink.

"No way I would have never guessed," Kat returns the smirk

"Exactly i have a girlfriend so i never would have thought that meant i was gay. " Jules says sipping whatever concoction Kat made.

They are sitting in the living room of the townhome scrolling through trying to find something to watch. Kat begged her not to choose anything anime or cartoon related. Jules hears Rue's laugh from the other room. It's nice because the only time she hears it is usually through a speaker. 

"Ugh, you are thinking about her aren't you," Kat takes over control of the mousepad. Jules rolls her eyes but helps search for something

Rue throws the pillow back at Lexi lightly. They'd been talking and Lexi's little thing the other night briefly and then mainly college. Just reconnecting over life. 

"So how is Kenna," Lexi asks, pulling and spinning the bracelet on her wrist.

Rue shrugs, " Uh good I guess."

"You guess ? Aren't you guys attached at the hip," Lexi rotates the gold band again.

"Ha only sometimes but we really haven't texted like that," Rue pushes her weight back and slides back across the comforter. Her shoulders touching the blank painted walls at the foot of the small bed. 

Lexi glances out the window and back at Rue. Yea maybe McKenna was busy but that girl was on break with all the freedom in the world. She just figured she'd at least hit Rue up while Rue was away. Maybe Kenna was pulling a card out of her highschool book and awkwardly avoiding being an unrequited third wheel. Unrequited wasn't really the case for Kenna though they, Rue and Ken, were still fuck buddies.

She never got that far with Rue. Although Rue did say she had some feelings for Lexi but not in the way that things would work. Just not the way Lexi had for Rue. But she was moving on from it all and she could actually stomach sneaking photos of Jules and Rue being so stupidly cute. So cute. Even though sometimes she wishes she had someone to be with.

"How does your girlfriend feel about that," Lexi felt her eyebrow raise.

"She is not my.....does it matter?" Rue shrugs the words off. Why was it so warm all of the sudden?

"No but yes. I just hope Ken's okay." Lexi pulls the band of Rue's sock.

"Ken? Ew what do you like her, " Rue gags out her words. That would be too fucking weird to see. Ugh really come on Lex could stop falling for curly haired drug addicts. Kenna was a good person but if Kenna hurt Lexi she'd shred her.

Lexi mumbles and rolls her eyes. Rues eyes widen before Lexi blurts out no.

"Don't loose your friends just because your are not "single". Lexi moves her legs from Cassie's bed.

"I haven't lost you and I am taken," Rue smiles at Lexi.

"No you haven't but just I don't know text your friends first for once.....like now." Lexi smiles back and shakes her bestfriends leg.

"Now? Now?" Rue groans.

"Yes now, before I tell your girlfriend you are skipping your lecture today. Even though I think she might not care." Lexi gets off the bed and leans down to her book bag on the floor.

"Exactly she wouldn't," Rue drags put wouldn't and rolls her eyes. Jules would but not the way Lexi would. Also, it was kind of a lie.

Kenna had texted her but Rue didn't know what to say. She watches Lexi dig through her bag and opens up her messages.

**_Unread message from 2 days ago_ **

**Kenna: Hey I know this is weird but I love you. I hope you're staying clean and busy.**

**Yesterday**

**Kenna: sooo I kinda slept with the girl from basketball.**

**Is that ok.**

**With us I mean, if I keep seeing her?**

Rue starts to type.

**Sorry i've been busy with class. Idc do you like her.**

Rue backspace was that too….baseline. Too bland with no emotion.

**Having fun and yea it's cool. Do you still want to.....yakno?**

Send.

**Kenna: Ok and yes if that is okay with you and lil ms.sailor moon.**

**Rue: Is it ok with ur girl.**

**Kenna: Not mine...yet but yea.**

Rue thinks wwjs. (What would Jules say.) Jules already told her she didn't care. She’d rather not ruin the sounds of a movie coming from the living room.

**Rue: She's cool with it**

***************************

Jules pulls away from Rue as they sit on the park bench, " You told her what? Are you FUCKING SERIOUS?" Jules swallows her anger.

Rue let's her arm go limp from the empty space that was once occupied. Fuck she had fucked up. Badly.

"Don't make choices for me," Jules huffs.

"I'm sorry." Rue says quietly. She watches Jules pinch her forehead and feels the stares from onlookers. It is getting late and the sky is turning purple-ish blue.

"I'll cut her off..." Rue pulls her curls into a messy bun.

"No I'm ok with her but let's just go back," Jules stands up stuffing the baby pink blanket into her backpack.

"NO." Rue says firmly.

Jules freezes. Fuck that was kind of scary. Hot but scary. Rue wasn't a yeller but that was a yell. A dog barks back in response from a distance away. Man oh man did she want to pull Rue into a shell. A shell away from bystanders, sounds, and everyone else. Just them. They needed to talk in private, not in the middle of Battery Park. The look on Rue's face sent tingles to her brain that made her anxiety rocket. The look in Rue's eyes. Not before she even finished school. Not here. 

Not here. Tears prick at her eyes seeing Rue's lips moving but only hears buzzing.

"What is wrong with you Jules. Please just talk to me," Rue stares up at her friend. The cold breeze blowing blonde hair in every direction.

Jules digs the heel of her boot into the concrete pavement below the step they were sitting on. She lets her tears fall and fall until she clutches her arms to her chest. She wasn't good enough for this. She wasn't good enough for any of it. 

Rue pulls Jules back down to sit next to her. She's still angry but never angry enough to not comfort her best friend. Whatever Jules was going through she could handle. But, only if she knew what the girl kept bottling up inside.

"I'm tired of other people making decisions for me. I'm tired of not having enough time with you or for my work. Nothing is going right and I just I......I need one good day Rue. I trust you." Jules huffs and let's her arms cling to Rue while her friend covers her from the cold.

"But," Jules feels Rue say through her body.

"I want you to talk to me about it especially if you are speaking for me. Not tell me randomly that you've decided something like it doesn't affect me. Doesn't affect us." Jules exhales and relaxes. Rue slipped the conversation about Kenna's texts to her like dry paint. She said it like she could just glide past it like it didn't really matter.

"Okay." Rue nods, thinking about how the entire day was spent doing whatever Jules or her friends wanted. They never really asked what she wanted to do today, just expected her to go along. It didn't occur until she saw a small bookstore and kept eyeing it before Lexi pulled her into the colorfully lit bookstore. She walked out with a new recycled tote bag that had starlight books printed on it with diamonds embroidered into the fabric. The raised star sparkles felt nice under her fingers.

Before they planned this trip Rue understood early that most days out of the trip would concede of this. Her only hope was that moments with Jules would be better. Jules would understand and would ask how she wanted to do things. Tonight was Jules' plan coming to this park and watching people and the street lights turn on. It was simple. But she didn't plan the container of fruit and the hot chocolate cart, her Rue Rue googled that was along the way home. This wasn't the way Rue expected to end the night either. So she nods because now is not the time for that conversation and at least she can relate to how her friend feels. 

Out of control.

***************************

Jules taps her screen after glancing at the sleeping girl next to her. 

**Kenna: I'm sorry**

Jules looks back at Rue turned the other way and most definitely asleep. It had been a long night but Rue did buy her hot chocolate on the way back. So that was nice.

**Jules: it's okay**

**Kenna: I should have asked you straight up**

**Jules: No. Rue is your friend you were right.**

**Kenna: Rue wasn't though, I just wanted to clear the air she told me y'all had a fight kind of.**

**Jules: Thankyou and yea, why are you up so late.**

**Kenna: wby? 🤏💨💨💨 *video attached***

Jules hit play and saw Kenna french inhaling and then passing it off frame. Oh she was not alone. Interesting Rue had mentioned one reason she did not mention the Kenna thing was because Kenna had a new boo. From what she could see after scrolling through snapchat, a tall brunette somewhat built women’s basketball player. Hot. Rue filled her in that she did not think it would matter to Jules if she did or did not end things with Kenna. Because that was her decision, right. Jules sipped her hot cocoa and before they got back to the airbnb slowly explained to Rue how that could affect her healthwise but for now it did not matter. Kenna and her weren’t having sex at the time being, but if they did again before she visited Rue or whatever, they’d have to get tested. Jules even went over that she got tested before Rue came to New York to be sure, she just only briefly mentioned it cause she and Kenna had talked. Kenna was a lot like her in that aspect. Rue asks why she didn’t ask her to get tested and when she laughed she realized she touched a nerve. She did not mean to and had to explain she knew Rue would take all the necessary precautions to keep them both safe. But, she did not know Kenna nor whom she spent her nights with.

**Jules: the girl? And can’t sleep like this.**

**Kenna: mayyyybeeee**

**Jules: 😂 for once everyone else has someone and I'm fighting with her**

**Kenna: go to sleep and cuddle you'll wake up better, she loves you.**

**Jules: I hope so and i love her too. Night McKenna 💕**

**Kenna: G'night Jules take care of our girl.**

**Kenna: *your**

**Jules: no ours.**

Jules sits her phones back down and slides into bed behind Rue. Resting her arms around her and tucking her head behind her. They would wake up better. Hopefully.

********************************************************************

"You shouldn't have done any of this. I should be getting you something." Jules held the clear bubbled case up to the light her hands trembling watching the light reflect through the clear but liquid filled case. It was a case for her switch so she could take it on the go.

"It's made out of recycled materials like those sustainable bags you always talk about. I kind of got sand all in your old one and I don't know a plain black case seems not you I don't know." Rue rubs the back of her neck and shrugs. "Not really like an everyday day thing but it's cool right," she says.

Jules leans across the bed and topples Rue over. She kisses her cheeks and all over her face multiple times before pulling back. Rue holds her cheeks between warm palms and whispers what's wrong. Jules realizes she's got tears rolling down her cheeks. Not now she thinks, not now when Rue is giving her a gift and everything. They should be exploring the city tonight, not staying in which she knows Rue will suggest. And she needed a drink or something after the meltdown in her sketchbook earlier.

"I need to use the bathroom," Jules pulls away from Rue's hands and scrambles off the bed practically running to the bathroom. She just needed to get a handle on this overwhelming pressure all around her and splash her face with water. That's all she needed she told herself while gripping the sink staring herself down in the mirror.

Rue was confused, like really confused. One minute they were okay the next they were fighting. She knew Jules was kind of stressed before she flew in but she thought her being there would her. She thought Jules would actually be happy to see her after so long. All she did was seem to add on to whatever was going on. Rue started thinking maybe it was possible to get her return flight changed. Her mom's voice scratched like a record, just talk to her first. 

It was part of some long speech Leslie gave her at 8 when she wanted to chuck Gia into a garbage bin for ruining her marker set. How was she supposed to talk to a friggin 4 year old she never understood but it worked kind of. Gia probably just wanted to spend time with her Rue thought.

Rue sat up and blew the hair out of her messy vision. She sulks over to the bathroom door but doesn't knock, she just stands there. Part of her hopes Jules comes out of the bathroom and hugs her but she knows it won't happen.

"You shouldn't have fallen in love with me Rue." Jules says pressing her lips to Rue's.

Rue leans into the kiss as much as she can. Her lips tingle from the fireball and she pulls back whispering into Jules's ear, "I don't think I have a choice."

"Baby wake up."

Rue opens her eyes from her sleep and stares awkwardly at Jules who was shaking her body awake. She groans and rolls over. "What time is it? " She asks behind her own arm.

"I don't know, you were just moving a lot in your sleep." Jules yawns out.

God did Rue want to go fucking smoke. Whether that was a cigarette or weed. She actually had been quitting the old nicotine habit in anticipation of being with Jules. Jules wasn't a fan of the taste stuck to her and noticed Rue's quitting over skype but did not mention anything about it yet. At least Rue could count on Jules having weed or she could call Olive to hook her up. She just wanted to busy her mind with something else other than this. 

Fuck it something other than dealing with Jules's disconnect.

She exhales, " Do you have any weed ?"

Jules wakes herself up, " I do, but is that a good idea like maybe you shouldn't."

Rue sighs maybe she should just go ask Kat and hope Lexi doesn't find out. "Shouldn't I decide that just like I should decide if I should love you."

Jules rubs her brows, " Can we just talk about it ?"

"Talk about what Jules? How this isn't going how either of us planned or what?" Rue can feel her aggravation growing. "I'm gonna just go ask Kat okay, you get some sleep." She moves the blanket and finds her shoes in the darkness before padding towards the door. She doesn't stop to ask Jules anything or realize that Jules is already putting on a hoodie and rifling through her bookbag.

"Babe wait. Let's go outside and put on a jacket or something." Jules stands up from leaning over the chair holding her bag. She pulls Rue's zipper hoodie out of the chair and pushes it into Rue's arms. "Come on," she whispers, stepping through the door pocketing her small orange pipe and a pill bottle.

Lonely Shade of Blue by Nick Leng plays from the speaker of her phone as Jules watches Rue exhale a cloud of smoke. She felt lonely all the time when Rue wasn't here. With Rue here though she felt things were as they were always meant to be. So maybe that's why she was being a perfectionist where she usually wasn't. Trying to make things as perfect as she could so Rue wouldn't run back to California so easily. Finding an extremely nice air bnb, planning museums to go to, and trying to fill the days. What she had lost sight of though was Rue's comfort. Her Rue wanted to go to abandoned buildings, wanted to visit the gallery at FIT, and wanted to eat shitty pizza in a living room with all of her friends while some old horror movie played. 

Jules had lost sight of the Rue that loved her. She watched the smoke leave Rue's lips and the relaxed muscles on her face. The tension slipping away and the way her curls blew in the wind. Jules feels all the regret in her body deep down to her painted blue toenails. Regret so big and deep it pours out of her in tears. Tears that won't stop and make her eyes ache. She looks away from Rue who is now staring at her. Why did she have to fuck everything up. If she had just let things be. Just let Rue be.

"Jules....Jules," Rue ghosts the smoke and then sets the pipe down on the small glass mosaic garden table. They were smoking on the patio area of the townhome they were staying in. The rules never said anything about no smoking. She moves to the side of the table Jules is on and slowly touches her shoulder.

"I'm trying to force you to be something you aren't. Force myself to be someone we both know I can't be." Jules sobs out.

Rue groans and let's her hand slip from her girlfriend's shoulder. 

"I'm not the perfect partner, I'm not getting anything right. I keep trying to make this the best time you've ever had and I can't." Jules grabs a paper towel and wipes the tears from her cheeks. She exhales and tries to stop crying. 

"Baby it's only been like two weeks and I don't want you to be perfect." Rue sits back in her chair and flicks the lighter for fun.

"I can't be perfect. All I wanted was to be yours but I don't know if I can be what you need to keep you here." Jules feels a weight lifting off her shoulders. 

Rue almost laughs. Really? Keep her here where else was she going to go. Back to California, her mom's house, Kenna? She hadn't thought about Kenna since that first day actually. She had texted her and gotten food suggestions for the future but not like that. 

"I want you to be you. Reckless, funny, and impulsive you. I don't need you to tell me what to do but I do need to know what you want to do." Rue wraps her arms around Jules shoulders. The sky is still dark and it’s chilly. Yea, the only close light is their phones, but she feels so fucking safe. Even if this were them breaking up she was going to cry in Lexi's bed but that did not mean she was going to freak out on Jules. Maybe tomorrow she'd hit a wall of anger wondering why she was stuck here with the girl who kept jerking her around like she was an emotional dildo. "Like actually do, not what you think I'll like."

"What I really wanted to do today is wayyy too loud for a house filled with people. But, maybe we can all go to this spot. I sometimes go alone and like we can take pictures or something. I don't want you to change because of me Rue." Jules leans back into Rue's arms.

Rue kisses the side of Jules's head. "I'm still me and I just want you to enjoy this," she pecks her head again, "and our break too. Us is just about me as much as it is you. Also I don't want Kenna or California right now. If I was I'd be there."

Jules closes her eyes and sinks back into her best friend's touch more. They had weeks to get it right and even if it wasn't perfect or what she thought perfect could be it'd be their version of perfect. With more talking hopefully.

************************************************************

"Baby you look so fucking cute," Jules gushes. She grins at her partner and wraps her fingers around her own ponytails.

Rue rolls her eyes behind her closed lids but smiles. She's in a pretty large vintage and streetwear clothing store with the girls and Jules. She's trying on things she picked out from the men's section. Some things she did not like, but this outfit was perfect to her. It was baggy where it mattered and fitted otherwise. Standing back she sees Jules taking a photo and poses a few times. 

"Elevated gay Seth Rogan," Jules says in her art gallery voice.

"Wow okay 70s fashion meets 90s anime," Rue points up and down and Jules's outfit. 

Jules looks down at her high waisted flared pants and the highly cropped pink hunter x hunter longsleeve that exposed the off white bodysuit underneath. Okay so Rue was right she looked almost exactly like that but she considered it fashionable.

"Bitch yall look so fucking good together." Kat says walking into the dressing room hallway. Cassie, Lexi, and Maddy follow her each of them holding their own stack of clothes to try on.

"Give me that," Kat pulls Jules phone from her hands and pushes her towards Rue. She hands the phone to Lexi who nods. Yea she was most definitely the better photographer out of all of them. Rue watched Maddy and Cassie mimic poses while Kat told them to pose. By the time they were finished Lexi was sitting in the middle of the hallway laughing holding her sides. Cassie had Jules' phone and was taking a selfie video with all of them in the background. Kat was strutting down the hallway in a ridiculous outfit that Rue shook her head at. Jules was clapping brava brava and Maddy was posing behind Cassie.

Rue sighs. Now this was perfect.

_ The next day. _

Their hands are linked by the thumb as Rue leans over the girl laying on her lap and texting at lightning speed. She leans in and kisses Jules's forehead as the breeze brushes against her coat. It makes a bit of a crinkling noise as she moves. Jules puckers her lips until Rue has kissed her 3 times. She hears giggling and looks up pushing her hair back with one hand. A flash comes from her lap and she looks down scrunching her brow. Another flash goes off as she puts up her hand and turns away.

She glares at Lexi who was taking photos and shakes her head at the sad puppy eyes she gets. Lexi can try to mask her face all she wants but her eyes never stop being expressive. Lexi walks away quickly, her camera in hand shooting a look to Jules who gives her a mouthed thankyou. Rue doesn't notice that but she does notice the sky.

The sky is a greenish shade of blue and the clouds wispy. Clouds that remind her of when you pull the cotton on a qtip for long enough. Long enough that it turns into thin wisps of white fluff. Red trees almost completely surrounding them are particularly golden in the sunlight. But it's not that cold and her legs are warm. Jules took them to Central Park so the girl's could get some nature after shopping almost all of yesterday and this morning. It gave the girl's an opportunity to have a photoshoot. They were at Glen Span Bridge which was slightly hidden. Not many people pass through. 

Rue was only planning on watching the book bag filled with quick outfit changes for everyone else. But, all of her friends yelled no and pulled two outfits for her. One matching the purple color scheme they were all going for. Kat gave her a purple tie dyed t-shirt to tuck into a pair of thrifted pants Lexi was saving to give to her or wear for herself. The pants or jeans were blue high waisted and wide but comfortable. They let Rue pick her jewelry while Cassie looked for a more casual pair of black joggers and Maddy sat on the very unmade bed. 

It looked like they could have stepped out of a catalog under their coats. And when they did shed their coats for photos people would stare or ask if they were models. It was attention Rue was not used to receiving. Some really artsy people around their age ran up and started chatting with Jules and Kat. They'd recognized Jules from a small show she'd walked in and Kat from a party. Mutual friends and circles. New York City fits the both of them very well. Not her so much.

During the time they were spending in the park Lexi was either holding one camera or setting up another one up on a timer. So it wasn't weird she was taking photos while they relaxed in the grass or on a bench or currently a stone ledge. When Jules led the group to this bridge Rue and Lexi looked at eachother eyes wide. One pulled out her digital camera and Rue pulled out her phone. While Jules was getting photos taken Rue was tasked with finishing Lexi's current film roll. She got to explore a bit more of the pathway through the bridge and ahead of it. It was a nice quiet day.

Jules found Rue circling a park light. Staring up at it, her lips moving until Jules asked if she was okay. She murmured just one more and Jules waited rocking back on her heels. Rue walked over when she was done and whispered had a bad thought. Jules slid their fingers together and walked with Rue back to the group. Cassie was mid pose but waved to them probably wondered if they ditched.

Jules took another photo silently, no flash, as Rue gazed off in the sky. Rue had been a real one for putting up with the clothes, the photos, and swapping with Kat lugging a bag around. There were things she'd planned to do with Rue and take her to. Some things had fallen through though, partially because this finals week was pulling her in every direction. Pulling her so thin that her brain was splitting most nights remedied by excedrin and tea. It would be over soon Liv kept reminding her that. Rue had also been super supportive and they'd sit side by side typing papers. It gave her a glimpse of a more college life with Rue it wasn't all parties and kissing strangers. Jules leans up and presses a kiss to Rue's neck before laying back onto her lap. 

"Hmm?" Rue asks the girl on her lap humming, being pulled from her daydreaming. She is daydreaming about food actually. It'd been that long since they last ate.

"Um do you want to be my partner," Jules runs a finger across Rue's zipper before pulling it upwards. This outfit was cute, Rue was cute, and they were already more than official. So why leave any room for doubts.

She glances at her phone and a text pops up.

**Olive Garden: I see you.**

Jules turns her head and sees a familiar frame in a long coat.

She texts back:

**Say hi to Kat first.**

Liv gives her a thumbs up and and okay as she changes direction.

Rue feels her lips go numb and her brain buzz.

"Like like your girlfriend girlfriend or....." Rue stutters her words.

Jules blushes at Rue's nervousness which has her friend faking a cough to turn away. 

"Girlfriend, Partner, whatever you want to be called. Yes that," Jules smiles pulling Rue's arm away. Rue needed more security and she was okay with that even if it was just a title to most people.

Rue looks down into the blue pearls staring up at her. Her anxiety melts away but the way her body gives way instead. Tears well a little bit and her internal monologue screams don't you fucking cry. She was emotional over something she thought she didn't care about. Jules strokes her cheek lightly brushing away a small stray tear that still rolls out. 

"Um uh yea I'd like that, a lot," Rue smiles and leans into Jules's hands that cradle her face. Jules leans in and kisses Rue lightly.

"Ahem," Olive says. 

Jules turns her face still holding Rue's face. "Can I kiss my girlfriend in peace?"

Olive grins knowingly, about time. Liv let's get Queens accent thicken, " Can we get some fuckin food?"

Rue nods her head in between Jules's palms. Food was needed.

***********************************************************

Rue sat in the large ball shaped chairs that some artist had donated to the gallery. She got the full run down on everything when Jules gave her and the girls a tour last week. Now the gallery was filled with people including her friends. Lexi was taking photos for Liv, Jarl, and Jules to post or keep in their portfolio. She checked in with Rue when she went past the giant stainless steel ball chairs.

Rue let out a quiet snort. Balls of steel. She got it now. She's already seen everything and said hi to everyone. Sent photos of Jules's co-exhibit to both her mom and Jules's dad. Jules was honestly far too swamped with socializing to really do that, so Rue took the lead. 

The past month has gotten better after they talked and after Jules tuned in with everyone else. Just so they were all on the same page, she knew Rue was not a fan of big confrontation. One on one sure, but in groups she would just sit there. Sit there and stare at Maddy and Kat hurl insults across a table or room. The group had some rifts here and there, but Cassie was actually not a terrible peace maker now. She learned this thing called communication and encouraged everyone else to use it. Rue was also no longer only stuck doing things that Jules or Kat or Maddy or anyone else wanted. She got to do things she wanted in her free time and with her girlfriend.

Jules gave her options of what they could do since she knew of possible places but ultimately let Rue choose. Which one involved scoping out a bike shop so that Rue could rent a bike instead of spending money on a day bike or borrowing Olive's. The bike was pretty new and stayed locked inside the house when she wasn't circling the brownstone blocks. It was a relief from trying to analyze foreign movies all day. Lexi got some film developed which they all passed around the photos while sitting in the living room. A few pictures involved her throwing up a double peace sign as her feet hung off either side of the metal frame. That one ended up as her new profile picture.

Other photos were of all of them visiting the ice cream museum Rue pulled them into. It produced many social media posts from Cassie and Maddy and an increase in her follower count. That was weird including the weird spam messages she all of a sudden got. Jarl had been asking her to model a little bit for his tailoring mocks he was doing for class. He even put her in a suit which made Jules tell him they had plans even though they really didn't. It even made her consider pulling out an old tux from highschool when she got back to California. Not for any special occasion but just because, even though Kenna was sure to clown her bowtie.

New York was nice. Busy, hectic, fun, but nice. It was sometimes hard to stay focused on school and weekly check-in with Ali. She missed one and her mom called her ready to beat her ass through the phone. Gia was supposed to let her mom know that she'd just been too busy to pick up Ali's 3 phone calls. She wasn't getting high, she just for once was out with her friends sober and enjoying herself. Parties still weren't fun while sober they still made her anxiety say nope really fast. But it was better with everyone there since now they understand. Now they don't question why she never gets drinks from the bar or tries to stay away from the corners of certain clubs. Liv got it too and would grab her water whenever she stopped by the bar for her third drink of the night.

Rue sticks in the borrowed airpods that were slowly becoming hers. Jules had taken her over ear headphones every day that she needed to go to the lab. Something about being tired of hearing squeaking wheels and the pompous attitudes of men. Rue pushes her hair back and tucks her phone back into the pocket of her shell grey suit jacket. She looks at the ceiling and gets lost in the colors of the windmill sculpture above her. What it was she had zero clue. There is a flash from next to her. She looks and shakes her head at Lexi who is passing by again. This time teetering a plate of food in one hand. She motions and steals a stem of grapes off of it before lightly nudging her to go away. 

Jules pulls back from the warm yet short hug, her printmaking professor gives her. " It looks great," she tells Jules.

Jules almost coughs out ," thank you." That was not expected from the professor who was a hard critic and rode her harder than ever last semester. It was hardly anything positive or positively constructive. So it was a shock.

Stepping back she looks at her drawings that extend from and into the cape. Some drawings of animals have been folded or printed into 3d models of themselves and stick out of the shoulders. Photographs of rings and legs all wearing mis-matched color socks are printed into the fabric that makes up the back of the cape with color. Distorted of course so only her and those who sat in the airbnb patio sipping wine knew. Another professor earlier pointed out the Thom Browne inspirations and she thanked them. They were right, the fun vibrantness of her own personality matched with fun different shapes. The hood of the cape looked cowl like on the painted black mannequin.

Seeing Lexi pass by she poses and gets yet another photo from her friend. Her friend who had been a life saver not only for her but Rue too. When she was busy Rue did not have to twiddle her thumbs alone. Did not have to get so used to being alone at least in an unfamiliar city and state. Lexi also helped her plan a little something for Rue's birthday in a few days. It was simple and small, just candles and dinner but it was special. That was all that would matter when the time came. Lexi was good at special which she notes as the girl hands her a cheese plate and a small thing of wine.

"Eat, you don't have to stand here all night, " Lexi says stealing a cheese cube off the plate with a fork. 

"I know but I just....I'm nervous Lex." Jules sips from the miniature flute.

"You did amazing Jules, you don't have to be. Also I think your girlfriend is feeling a bit lost in the noise." Lexi takes another cheese cube.

"Uh okay....," Jules pans the room with her eyes while nibbling on a cracker with cheese.

"Giant balls in the hallway. Also in a bored way not a left out way. I'll be with Kat, Cass, and Maddy if you need us." Lexi walks off and Jules follows her to the small crowd of her friends. They are all talking and laughing. She turns and excuses herself past onlookers admiring the cape her and Liv made. Gosh was this fun, the process was long and stressful but this payout was worth it.

She finishes the snacks on her plate and the wine in the glass before she steps into the hallway. Walking around she spots long legs attached to a familiar fresh pair of Chucks poking out from a silver ball. The legs sway a bit and are facing a wall. When she steps in front of the opening she can't help but grin. Rue is mumbling lyrics, eyes closed and bobbing her head side to side. Lost in the noise was right.

Jules takes an earpod out of Rue's ear and puts it in her own ear. Rue doesn't flinch and crinkles her face before relaxing. She tunes into the sound and the words slowly come to her,

_ “ Her hair curls in the damp of the night _

_ The scent recalls like a photograph with life.” _

She watches Rue's eyes snap open but her girlfriend doesn't stop mouthing words. Her head still moving with the slow melody,

_ “ Her woolen coat under yellow sodium lights. Records the air like a memory of night.” _

"Hi," Rue pushes herself up to get out but slides back into the metal. 

She was sitting in a position that did not really work with the shape of the chair. Dangling out her arm she stares up at Jules. Jules pokes her limp wrist while she grunts in discomfort. The look on her face says you got yourself into this one.

Jules hears a feeble cry of help and holds in a laugh. Before finally she holds onto the struggling arms and pulls her out. Rue stands up and playfully shoves Jules's stain covered shoulders. Her girlfriends very relaxed almost pajama looking and feeling outfit matched her offwhite suit very well.

"Come with me," she hears as Jules takes her phone from her pocket and switches off Curls by Bibio. 

She follows the blonde through hallways until they land outside of an art studio in front of brightly doodled lockers. It's quiet the distant classical music coming from the out of reach gallery doesn't match the silence in her ears or the new tiny alcove. 

Jules laces her fingers with her best friend and guides her closer. She was too far and too interested in the drawing of anime characters she could probably name on the wall. Jules hits the play button on the screen. She softly turns Rue and pushes her back against the locker. Her thumb runs across the metal rings that are warm to touch. Leaning in slowly she exhales all her resolve into kissing her girlfriend’s left cheek.

Quietly Rue hears a whisper, " thank you." 

_ “Is this the way that you want to pretend. _

_ Is this the way that you see me.” _

Right cheek Jules whispers," Thank You."

_ “Is this the way that you way that you are.” _

Kisses her forehead whispers thank you. Chin, thank you. Nose, thank you and pulls back from her. She can't help but laugh a little. She always wanted to kiss Rue against the lockers in high school. They just never got the chance. A hand brushes against her jaw and she looks back into eyes that remind her of a deer. Wild and calm. Never got the chance, till now. 

Rue swallows hard and matches the giant smile in front of her before leaning into her girlfriend and kissing her. She can feel Jules smiling against her lips and giggles a bit. Jules felt Rue's shoulders bobbing along to the beat and laughed directly into the kiss.This was right this was so right it gave them both.....

_ Hope when you come around. _

_ I still smile when you come around. You bring hope when you come around. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment, feedback welcome. Inserting links for both the playlists that helped me stay into each character while writing. Playlists include some songs from the story and more. Story ends on Jules' playlist.
> 
> Both are over or almost 5 hours long-  
> Rue: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2URudMdm7EXItEolLFXgSC?si=0ERa7sdYT8KnZqyexwzq-Q
> 
> Jules: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1b1bancD2gLy7vo6WlgqCx?si=12-UtvsdTRWOJFbcze9Vfw
> 
> thankyou again. (:


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